Yep, it's been four weeks since he's been gone. The weekend he left was hard, but this weekend has been harder, as I know he's leaving the country and the chance to talk to him will be fewer and farther between, due to time differences and the expense of calling. Hopefully he'll have good internet connectivity where he's going to start with, and he's been told he should have decent connectivity at his final destination in about a month.
I tend to just shut down, so to speak, when I worry about things, or get overly sad about things, and it's been a struggle the last 4 weeks to make myself go to the gym or anywhere else. I've managed to get to the gym 4 times a week so far, except maybe one week. I went to interval yesterday morning and was happy to hear they've added an interval class on Thursday afternoon. I can't make it to the Monday one anymore, because I have to pick my son up from school that one day due to his journalism club meeting, and I can't make it there by 5:30pm. But on Thursdays, he doesn't go to the gym with me, and I can head straight over there. Yay!
So yes, my moods go up and down, depending on what I'm thinking about and what is going on. Today has been a bad day, between knowing Brian is actually leaving for overseas tonight, and I've had a toothache pretty much all damn day long. I've tried to keep myself busy, sleeping and doing laundry, but it's not helping enough. I'm waiting on the dentist to receive whatever it needs from the pre-treatment stuff that the insurance companies have to give them, but I know one of the companies has already paid for a portion of the work that needs to be done, and dammit, I need to get this shit started. I absolutely cannot function like this, but I cannot stay out of work to stay drugged up.
Thankfully one of my friends had invited my son and me to dinner and out to Zombie Apocalypse last night, so that kept my mind off Brian's impending departure, at least for a little while. The ZA was so much fun! We had a great time, screaming and laughing.
I had to get a choke collar for Gabriel - he's been acting nuts with the regular collar, so I got this one in the hopes it will work better. This isn't the standard chain choker - it's a nylon collar with a small chain section that tightens up when you pull on the leash. It squeezes just enough to be uncomfortable, but not painful, and not enough to cut off their air. He's been doing better on it, but of course the real test will be a trip to the dog park. That's when he pulls the worst.
Well, I've got to get myself ready for bed....I hope you all have a great week.....
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Saturday night....great day today!
Well here it is, Saturday night. Home relaxing after going to the movies with my son and Brian's former roommate Brandon. Alica was supposed to come, too, but she ended up having to work. Oh well - she missed a great spaghetti dinner and Hershey pie dessert. And Paranormal Activity 3......
I guess I'm getting to be a wuss as I get older, but that movie was kinda scary. Brandon and I both were sitting there, covering our eyes during the lead-up to the scary parts, but of course were both laughing our asses off, as was Steven. It was kind of annoying at times, because the damn audience was so freaking loud after something would happen, they would chatter and shout for the longest damn time. Missed what I think was an important conversation in the movie that had something to do with a witch's coven because everyone was so loud. That, and a bunch of people, as it was leading up to a scary part, a few smartasses would yell "boo!" or make a quick scream. Apparently that has happened a lot with that movie, because before it started, one of the employees actually told everyone to not talk during the film, that there'd been issues with other showings where people talked and acted up too much.
We are dogsitting my mother-in-law's and sister-in-law's dogs this weekend. Sophie, the chihuahua, is my mom-in-law's dog. She has pretty much stayed with Steven all weekend. She doesn't care for Dominion or Gabriel very much at all. Can't say I blame her - Gabriel plays very rough and she's just too tiny and delicate to be rough-housed with like Gabriel does.
Pepper, the Boston terrier, has played NON-STOP with this rubber squeaker toy. On the rare occasions that she takes a nap, she sleeps with the thing right next to her mouth!
Well folks I'm about to fall asleep at the keyboard....had a great day today....fun time.....time to go night-night.....
I guess I'm getting to be a wuss as I get older, but that movie was kinda scary. Brandon and I both were sitting there, covering our eyes during the lead-up to the scary parts, but of course were both laughing our asses off, as was Steven. It was kind of annoying at times, because the damn audience was so freaking loud after something would happen, they would chatter and shout for the longest damn time. Missed what I think was an important conversation in the movie that had something to do with a witch's coven because everyone was so loud. That, and a bunch of people, as it was leading up to a scary part, a few smartasses would yell "boo!" or make a quick scream. Apparently that has happened a lot with that movie, because before it started, one of the employees actually told everyone to not talk during the film, that there'd been issues with other showings where people talked and acted up too much.
We are dogsitting my mother-in-law's and sister-in-law's dogs this weekend. Sophie, the chihuahua, is my mom-in-law's dog. She has pretty much stayed with Steven all weekend. She doesn't care for Dominion or Gabriel very much at all. Can't say I blame her - Gabriel plays very rough and she's just too tiny and delicate to be rough-housed with like Gabriel does.
Pepper, the Boston terrier, has played NON-STOP with this rubber squeaker toy. On the rare occasions that she takes a nap, she sleeps with the thing right next to her mouth!
Well folks I'm about to fall asleep at the keyboard....had a great day today....fun time.....time to go night-night.....
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Tuesday......not sure what to think about it......
Have had a lot on my mind today. Got up in a lousy mood, dreading work, but of course I gotta go regardless. I have just been so moody all day long. I know why for the most part, but don't know why what is bothering me, is causing me problems. No, I'm not going into details on exactly what's going on, but it's making me nuts!
It's stuff that is is really irrelevant today, and there's nothing to worry about, but dammit, it was just weighing heavily on me today. Don't worry - it's not health related, or anything serious, just some personal stuff that I don't want to go into that is all going to be just fine.
I finally got motivated to go to the gym tonight - I was in one of those moods where I didn't want to go anywhere, I just wanted to stay home in bed, pouting and sulking. Of course that's just not productive and doesn't make me feel better, but when I get in moods like this, I just don't feel I can function other than the absolute bare minimum like going to work.
It's been a long time since I've had one of these full-blown moods, and I just have to pull myself out of it. Sometimes it's easier than others to get out of that mood, and I'm hoping this will be one of the easier times. I just don't get it, why this mood has hit now - I'm past the PMS, hell I'm past the period even. This usually hits before and/or during the curse, not after. Oh well, times are a changing I suppose.
Tomorrow is hump day - maybe it will be a better day. I sure hope so!
It's stuff that is is really irrelevant today, and there's nothing to worry about, but dammit, it was just weighing heavily on me today. Don't worry - it's not health related, or anything serious, just some personal stuff that I don't want to go into that is all going to be just fine.
I finally got motivated to go to the gym tonight - I was in one of those moods where I didn't want to go anywhere, I just wanted to stay home in bed, pouting and sulking. Of course that's just not productive and doesn't make me feel better, but when I get in moods like this, I just don't feel I can function other than the absolute bare minimum like going to work.
It's been a long time since I've had one of these full-blown moods, and I just have to pull myself out of it. Sometimes it's easier than others to get out of that mood, and I'm hoping this will be one of the easier times. I just don't get it, why this mood has hit now - I'm past the PMS, hell I'm past the period even. This usually hits before and/or during the curse, not after. Oh well, times are a changing I suppose.
Tomorrow is hump day - maybe it will be a better day. I sure hope so!
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Another weekend.....
Gabriel actually let me sleep til around 7:30am today. I suppose I should be thankful for that, but I sure miss the days of being able to just sleep til I woke up on my own, without a 'chirping dog' for an alarm. But I'll take 7:30am over 4:45am like yesterday!
Dominion and Gabriel were so cute playing last night. Dominion gets after Gabriel, growling at him and chasing him, and Gabriel tries to jump on Dominion, paws up in the air, pouncing and making devilish faces. I took a video on my phone, but it's too large to email or post to Facebook, unless I do it with the cable and download it that way. But alas, I cannot find a cable in the house that has the USB connection - mine is at work, where I keep it to charge my phone if necessary, and I don't think there are any others here at the house. Oh well, I will post the video Monday night I suppose.
Went to Meme's today, but didn't accomplish much. I asked her if she had any tylenol or advil, as my hips were aching (thanks, Aunt Flo) and as soon as she figured out what was "wrong" with me, she didn't want to do anything. We did manage to lay the rugs out and remove the old ones, I temporarily fixed her rocking chair but am going to have to figure out a permanent fix for it, and that was about it. She wasn't very happy that I didn't bring the steam cleaner, but oh well, I just didn't think we'd need to lug that thing over there. She has no idea how annoying it is to lug that thing around! She's supposed to call me in the morning and let me know if she wants us to come back over to finish what we started, or if she's going shopping.
So, tomorrow is 2 weeks down. Dominion is still missing Brian - he just acts so sad and needy sometimes. Gabriel doesn't seem to notice. Of course Steven and I miss him terribly - Steven more so than I imagined that he would. I am so thankful that Steven and Brian get along so well!
I think we're having Chinese take out tonight - sounds good to me, anyways. Keeps me from cooking, and we both love Chinese food. Guess I should go pull the menu and place the order so we can eat soon, it's getting to be that time.
Sorry I haven't posted since last weekend, but I just haven't been motivated and haven't had much to say. I'm still processing the loneliness that I'm experiencing, and being that this is Aunt Flo week, I'm honestly surprised I'm holding it together as well as I am.
I hope everyone has a nice Saturday evening and a great Sunday tomorrow.
Dominion and Gabriel were so cute playing last night. Dominion gets after Gabriel, growling at him and chasing him, and Gabriel tries to jump on Dominion, paws up in the air, pouncing and making devilish faces. I took a video on my phone, but it's too large to email or post to Facebook, unless I do it with the cable and download it that way. But alas, I cannot find a cable in the house that has the USB connection - mine is at work, where I keep it to charge my phone if necessary, and I don't think there are any others here at the house. Oh well, I will post the video Monday night I suppose.
Went to Meme's today, but didn't accomplish much. I asked her if she had any tylenol or advil, as my hips were aching (thanks, Aunt Flo) and as soon as she figured out what was "wrong" with me, she didn't want to do anything. We did manage to lay the rugs out and remove the old ones, I temporarily fixed her rocking chair but am going to have to figure out a permanent fix for it, and that was about it. She wasn't very happy that I didn't bring the steam cleaner, but oh well, I just didn't think we'd need to lug that thing over there. She has no idea how annoying it is to lug that thing around! She's supposed to call me in the morning and let me know if she wants us to come back over to finish what we started, or if she's going shopping.
So, tomorrow is 2 weeks down. Dominion is still missing Brian - he just acts so sad and needy sometimes. Gabriel doesn't seem to notice. Of course Steven and I miss him terribly - Steven more so than I imagined that he would. I am so thankful that Steven and Brian get along so well!
I think we're having Chinese take out tonight - sounds good to me, anyways. Keeps me from cooking, and we both love Chinese food. Guess I should go pull the menu and place the order so we can eat soon, it's getting to be that time.
Sorry I haven't posted since last weekend, but I just haven't been motivated and haven't had much to say. I'm still processing the loneliness that I'm experiencing, and being that this is Aunt Flo week, I'm honestly surprised I'm holding it together as well as I am.
I hope everyone has a nice Saturday evening and a great Sunday tomorrow.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
It's been a week....already?????
Well, the first week of Brian's deployment has passed by relatively quickly, although it sure didn't feel like it as I was living it. Looking back, now that he's been gone a week, it does feel like it's been pretty quick. I know people keep telling me "oh that year will pass by so fast you won't even realize it!" and I'm just not buying it. Even feeling the way I feel today, that the last week went by quick, I only feel that way looking back on it.
It was a hellacious week to start with - the water heater, my grandmother's cat, dealing with dental insurance issues, and Dominion is really missing his "daddy". He's so pitiful - he normally follows me around if Brian isn't home for short periods of time, but he's almost underneath me, the whole time I'm home. This morning, he crawled up in the bed and buried his face into my chest and shoulder, like someone who is really upset would do for you to comfort them. I've held myself together pretty damn good this week, all things considered, but that just got to me. At least with kids, you can explain where a deployed soldier is, and that he will return. You can't do that with pets and have them comprehend what you're saying.
So, I took Dominion and Gabriel to the dog park to have some fun. They always enjoy going there, and of course they've suddenly forgotten how to walk properly on the leash, without half-dragging my ass through the grass to get to the park. I almost got pulled down the steps the other night! But they had a great time.
Here they are, after we got home.......
So this morning, I decided I wanted to make another pan of dressing for dinner. I love some good homemade dressing, and I believe that mine is pretty darn good. I've got some fresh (well, frozen fresh) green beans cooking, and am frying up some chicken legs. I can't wait til the chicken is done!
I'm thinking of making some more of the Christmas ornaments that I made several years ago, picture below:
Those aren't that difficult to make, and it would be another project I can work on to pass the time. Not to mention, I may be able to sell a few sets. I've been thinking of getting all the excess stuff we have around here and taking it to the local flea market to sell, and may be able to sell these Christmas ornaments while I'm there as well. If any of you reading this would like a set of the ornaments, let me know. I'm going to make the new ones with a better ribbon to hang them with, and am considering doing some in different colors, such as that pink/mauve color that some people use, and blues, as well. If you are interested in a set with a particular color scheme, let me know!
Had a great dinner last night with Brian's family - it was Ricky D's birthday and we had dinner at a Mexican restaurant in Douglasville. I even got to sing some karaoke - first time I've ever done that stone cold sober, with zero liquid courage in me!
I got the news that a guy I was in band with for years in school, has colon cancer. 43 years old. It's been so shocking to hear this news. Based on his PET scan, it hasn't spread anywhere yet, so that's a good sign. He's either stage 2 or 3, it will depend on what they find when they operate on Wednesday. If you are the praying type, please pray for my friend Jon.
And please keep praying for my dear sweet mother-in-law....3 chemos down, 1 to go, then the radiation starts.
Well, it's about dinner time, so that's it for me tonight. I've had a great weekend, and survived my first week of my husband's deployment. If I made it through this first week, as rough as it was, then I can make it through the rest of the year that he'll be gone. I just gotta keep telling myself that!
I hope everyone has a great week!
It was a hellacious week to start with - the water heater, my grandmother's cat, dealing with dental insurance issues, and Dominion is really missing his "daddy". He's so pitiful - he normally follows me around if Brian isn't home for short periods of time, but he's almost underneath me, the whole time I'm home. This morning, he crawled up in the bed and buried his face into my chest and shoulder, like someone who is really upset would do for you to comfort them. I've held myself together pretty damn good this week, all things considered, but that just got to me. At least with kids, you can explain where a deployed soldier is, and that he will return. You can't do that with pets and have them comprehend what you're saying.
So, I took Dominion and Gabriel to the dog park to have some fun. They always enjoy going there, and of course they've suddenly forgotten how to walk properly on the leash, without half-dragging my ass through the grass to get to the park. I almost got pulled down the steps the other night! But they had a great time.
Here they are, after we got home.......
So this morning, I decided I wanted to make another pan of dressing for dinner. I love some good homemade dressing, and I believe that mine is pretty darn good. I've got some fresh (well, frozen fresh) green beans cooking, and am frying up some chicken legs. I can't wait til the chicken is done!
I'm thinking of making some more of the Christmas ornaments that I made several years ago, picture below:
Those aren't that difficult to make, and it would be another project I can work on to pass the time. Not to mention, I may be able to sell a few sets. I've been thinking of getting all the excess stuff we have around here and taking it to the local flea market to sell, and may be able to sell these Christmas ornaments while I'm there as well. If any of you reading this would like a set of the ornaments, let me know. I'm going to make the new ones with a better ribbon to hang them with, and am considering doing some in different colors, such as that pink/mauve color that some people use, and blues, as well. If you are interested in a set with a particular color scheme, let me know!
Had a great dinner last night with Brian's family - it was Ricky D's birthday and we had dinner at a Mexican restaurant in Douglasville. I even got to sing some karaoke - first time I've ever done that stone cold sober, with zero liquid courage in me!
I got the news that a guy I was in band with for years in school, has colon cancer. 43 years old. It's been so shocking to hear this news. Based on his PET scan, it hasn't spread anywhere yet, so that's a good sign. He's either stage 2 or 3, it will depend on what they find when they operate on Wednesday. If you are the praying type, please pray for my friend Jon.
And please keep praying for my dear sweet mother-in-law....3 chemos down, 1 to go, then the radiation starts.
Well, it's about dinner time, so that's it for me tonight. I've had a great weekend, and survived my first week of my husband's deployment. If I made it through this first week, as rough as it was, then I can make it through the rest of the year that he'll be gone. I just gotta keep telling myself that!
I hope everyone has a great week!
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Damn........
Been a rough week, and was so looking forward to a peaceful night of sleep last night, as I was exhausted. Alas, it was not meant to be - Steven came and woke me up after I'd been asleep about half an hour, then the puppy whined.....all......night.....long.......
I'm missing my husband.....he deployed last Sunday.....had to deal with a busted water heater Monday and Tuesday....
Thursday - had to deal with taking my grandmother's cat to the vet to have him euthanized. I knew this was coming, I was just hoping that I wouldn't have to be the one to do it. But she couldn't physically carry him herself, and I knew she couldn't emotionally handle it. While it was emotionally painful to me, I knew it was definitely the right decision for the cat. He is no longer suffering (he had bladder cancer). And while it's not something I care to experience again, I'm glad I could do this for her.
I was there with him when the vet did it, and it was quite peaceful. I was afraid the cat would struggle and fight against it, but he was quite calm and just laid there, letting me love on him, and as the medicine started taking effect, he raised his head and looked me in the eyes, with such a sweet, peaceful look, almost as if to say "I understand, thank you"....then he was gone. Yes, I know that may sound bizarre, but that's honestly what I felt his eyes were saying to me.
I was so exhausted last night after dinner, I just wanted to come home and go to bed. I tried to stay up a little while, because I knew putting the puppy to bed early meant having to get up early to take him out. But I was out by 10pm. And the puppy whined....all....night.....long..... I've been out of bed for about an hour now, and am contemplating going back to sleep for a while. But, I can get so much done if I just get up....and if I don't at least nap, I will be exhausted again tonight on the drive home from Jan & Ricky's. Plus - I'm supposed to go help Meme with God only knows what today. Well, I do know what - she wants me to help her rearrange her clothing closets. Ugh.......
I hope you all have a great weekend - I'm going to put on my happy face and fake my way through it if I have to. Think I'm gonna go make a pot of coffee and get started with laundry here, and call Meme shortly to see what's up with her plans.
TTFN
I'm missing my husband.....he deployed last Sunday.....had to deal with a busted water heater Monday and Tuesday....
Thursday - had to deal with taking my grandmother's cat to the vet to have him euthanized. I knew this was coming, I was just hoping that I wouldn't have to be the one to do it. But she couldn't physically carry him herself, and I knew she couldn't emotionally handle it. While it was emotionally painful to me, I knew it was definitely the right decision for the cat. He is no longer suffering (he had bladder cancer). And while it's not something I care to experience again, I'm glad I could do this for her.
I was there with him when the vet did it, and it was quite peaceful. I was afraid the cat would struggle and fight against it, but he was quite calm and just laid there, letting me love on him, and as the medicine started taking effect, he raised his head and looked me in the eyes, with such a sweet, peaceful look, almost as if to say "I understand, thank you"....then he was gone. Yes, I know that may sound bizarre, but that's honestly what I felt his eyes were saying to me.
I was so exhausted last night after dinner, I just wanted to come home and go to bed. I tried to stay up a little while, because I knew putting the puppy to bed early meant having to get up early to take him out. But I was out by 10pm. And the puppy whined....all....night.....long..... I've been out of bed for about an hour now, and am contemplating going back to sleep for a while. But, I can get so much done if I just get up....and if I don't at least nap, I will be exhausted again tonight on the drive home from Jan & Ricky's. Plus - I'm supposed to go help Meme with God only knows what today. Well, I do know what - she wants me to help her rearrange her clothing closets. Ugh.......
I hope you all have a great weekend - I'm going to put on my happy face and fake my way through it if I have to. Think I'm gonna go make a pot of coffee and get started with laundry here, and call Meme shortly to see what's up with her plans.
TTFN
Monday, October 3, 2011
Monday....what a day.....
So, I wake up this morning, the first morning of my husband's deployment, to a wet kitchen floor. The hot water heater is leaking. Great. Just what I wanted to deal with. I called my uncle, who recommended that I shut the water off to it and the breakers in the power box - no problem on the power, but to cut the water off, I just shut the water off to the whole house, as cutting it to just the water heater would have involved a crawl under the house for about 30 feet to get to it. I knew Steven wouldn't do that at 7am, and I sure as hell wasn't going to. LOL Had a friend's husband, who is a contractor, come look at it this afternoon - replacement time.
Had an awesome last weekend with Brian before his deployment yesterday. We went to Netherworld Friday night - Steven was sooooo scared during some of it! He ran out screaming at the end when the guy with the chainsaw got after him! I damn near peed my pants, laughing at it!!! But, he says he enjoyed himself, and made sure he took plenty of pictures with all the monsters that were roaming the grounds, and he's willing to try the one out in Griffin one weekend soon.
We had family dinner on Saturday - baked ham & turkey breast, dressing, fresh collards and butterbeans, sweet potatoes, tater salad....having some great leftovers now! Steven also had a first "date" on Saturday night - went to the homecoming football game with a sweet girl that lives on the other side of our park.
Yesterday was tough. I'd been dreading yesterday for a few weeks now, well hell, a few months actually, but I held up a lot better than I thought I would. Here's some pictures:
Yesterday was pretty hard on Brian's mom, too. She's a tough lady, and has a tough fight with her cancer going on.
Anyway, I made a point of trying to be positive today, and go into work with a positive attitude, even though I had a nightmare about work over the weekend, in anticipation of what I was going to find when I returned this morning. (yes I took all of last week off so I'd be available to spend time with Brian whenever he wasn't with his army unit) It actually wasn't too bad today, just some of the usual frustrations but nothing major. Thank GOD!!!!
I even managed to listen to some of the CD we had burned for our wedding on the ride in to work this morning. I'm such a sentimental, emotional sap, at times, and listening to certain songs just make me all mushy and teary-eyed, but surprisingly it didn't have that effect this morning. I figure it was because I was determined to make it through my day, emotionally intact, and yay! I succeeded!
So folks, prayer for the safety of my husband and all of the soldiers that are deployed in various areas of the world. Pray for their safety while in training, while on their various assignments, safe travels, and safe return to their families. And please pray for the family members that are missing them - their spouses, children, parents, siblings, etc.
We all deal with our emotions differently, some are more transparent than others with their feelings. If you know someone who has a loved one that's deployed - check in on them occasionally. Offer to be there for them, and then actually....be....there....for....them.....
Had an awesome last weekend with Brian before his deployment yesterday. We went to Netherworld Friday night - Steven was sooooo scared during some of it! He ran out screaming at the end when the guy with the chainsaw got after him! I damn near peed my pants, laughing at it!!! But, he says he enjoyed himself, and made sure he took plenty of pictures with all the monsters that were roaming the grounds, and he's willing to try the one out in Griffin one weekend soon.
We had family dinner on Saturday - baked ham & turkey breast, dressing, fresh collards and butterbeans, sweet potatoes, tater salad....having some great leftovers now! Steven also had a first "date" on Saturday night - went to the homecoming football game with a sweet girl that lives on the other side of our park.
Yesterday was tough. I'd been dreading yesterday for a few weeks now, well hell, a few months actually, but I held up a lot better than I thought I would. Here's some pictures:
Yesterday was pretty hard on Brian's mom, too. She's a tough lady, and has a tough fight with her cancer going on.
Anyway, I made a point of trying to be positive today, and go into work with a positive attitude, even though I had a nightmare about work over the weekend, in anticipation of what I was going to find when I returned this morning. (yes I took all of last week off so I'd be available to spend time with Brian whenever he wasn't with his army unit) It actually wasn't too bad today, just some of the usual frustrations but nothing major. Thank GOD!!!!
I even managed to listen to some of the CD we had burned for our wedding on the ride in to work this morning. I'm such a sentimental, emotional sap, at times, and listening to certain songs just make me all mushy and teary-eyed, but surprisingly it didn't have that effect this morning. I figure it was because I was determined to make it through my day, emotionally intact, and yay! I succeeded!
So folks, prayer for the safety of my husband and all of the soldiers that are deployed in various areas of the world. Pray for their safety while in training, while on their various assignments, safe travels, and safe return to their families. And please pray for the family members that are missing them - their spouses, children, parents, siblings, etc.
We all deal with our emotions differently, some are more transparent than others with their feelings. If you know someone who has a loved one that's deployed - check in on them occasionally. Offer to be there for them, and then actually....be....there....for....them.....
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