Dammit, man!

The dreams I had last night were quite bizarre. I imagine it was because of the food coma that I lapsed into before 8pm. There was so much food at my uncle's house, and it was all delicious! I seriously came home from there and laid down, and of course I knew I'd be down for the count. Or at least until the dogs and/or Steven woke me up around midnight or so like the night before.

So during my first round of sleep, I had strange dreams about travel and weddings. Somehow these were mixed, yet separate. I don't know quite how to describe it, as it seemed my dreams moved back and forth from one subject to another. I do remember that I was going to travel somewhere, and I had parked my car at a McDonald's, backing it into a parking space. The land next to the parking lot was filled with kudzu and huge ant hill piles, and there was an ant hill just a few feet away from my car. I decided I needed to move my car, as those ant hills tended to grow fast and I didn't want to return from my trip and have my car engulfed inside an ant hill.

At some point during this mixture of dreams, I dreamt that I was at my mother's house - not sure if it was the one here, or the one in England. But I was getting the grand tour and was having to leave suddenly through a side exit, and we walked over a type of see through floor and venting system, and Mom said "you know, we have that swimming pool downstairs". WTH Neither of their homes has a swimming pool, either inside or out.

So another part of this dream mix had to do with weddings. Mine and Brian's, specifically. For some reason, we had decided to have 2 weddings, about 2 weeks apart. Not sure why we would have made that decision, but oh well, it was just a dream. I had a really pretty lavender dress, floor length, for one, and for the other I had this floral print dress, floor length also, that was actually made out of the same print as a skirt I currently own. Both of the dresses were like evening gowns, but not in stiff, icky material - very fluid, blows pretty in the breeze material.

I don't recall dreaming about the actual ceremonies, the only parts I remember were the dresses, and at one point kinda running down the street of what looked like Five Points in Columbia, SC, looking for either a friend or family member who was lost.

And as I figured, I woke up somewhere between 1230am and 1am, and piddled around online for a little while. Steven was still up, we chatted a while and I went back to bed.

During dreams round 2, I dreamt about my job, and that I quit suddenly. There were a lot of people there that I didn't recognize, some that I did, and the whole building and set up were quite different from what my current real job is. I left the premises my last day, but then suddenly went back to discuss my issues with the CEO. Nothing was resolved in the dream, I was left in limbo with the company.

And that was my evening of dreams. Now onto the phone call I just got from the doctor's office - sooooo not what I was expecting on Black Friday. Truly makes it a Black Friday for me though.

I have to get routine bloodwork every 3 months or so since I take a drug called maxzide for blood pressure and swelling, and it contains 2 separate meds, one for water retention and the other for the blood pressure. Apparently the bloodwork shows that the drug is taxing my kidneys and making them work too hard, so they are cutting the dose of my current drug in half, and adding a separate drug called lisonopril (sp?) to help keep the bp down. This concerns me only because I want to make sure my feet and hands don't swell on the lowered dose of maxzide.

Then they tell me my cholesterol is high - duh! It always is. Total cholesterol is 231 (shouldn't be over 199). LDL, the bad cholesterol, is 141, which is too high (I think she said they shouldn't be over 100). HDL, the "good" cholesterol, is 52, which is good, as it is supposed to be over 39. My triglycerides are 190, which is not good, since they should be below 149. And since I've had the muscle/joint pain due to lipitor, and the nightmarish hot flashes feeling like waking up in FLAMES and my skin red and blistered looking from taking niaspan, the nurse suggested I take 1,000mg of Omega 3 Fish Oil 3 times a day, and of course cut the fat from my diet. She also suggested that I make sure to get the "burpless" kind, as otherwise I may burp *fish oil* all day. That just sounds disgusting, so yes, I will make sure to spend the extra couple of dollars on the burpless kind, as God knows I don't want to taste freaking fish oil all day long.

So then I asked her about my creatinine levels, as they were elevated last blood work. She said that was why they were concerned about my kidneys, as my level is 1.13 and it shouldn't be over 1.0. After getting this news on the last set of blood work, I did a little research and found that creatinine is the waste product of muscle metabolism, and elevated levels can be considered normal in persons who work out regularly and/or have a larger muscle mass than the "normal" person has. I made a point to tell the nurse what my research found last time, and that perhaps this was the case for me, as I do work out regularly, and I've always had a larger muscle mass than the average woman (and no guys, titties don't count! LOL) She said she would mention that to the doctor, but in the meantime to still follow the prescription changes that were ordered, which I will gladly do.

I also mentioned to her my concerns that cutting the maxzide may not eliminate enough of the fluid and asked her what to do if my feet and hands were swelling again. Of course I got the "make an appointment to come in an be evaluated further" advice, which is what I figured.

It looks like I get to really start watching the diet and continue with the exercising so that I can try to get the cholesterol within acceptable levels, and all of this will also help me reach my goal of being in the shape that I want to be in, by the time I see my husband again! Time to get serious with this shit and just do it. Now, where's my measuring tape????? Gotta keep up with the progress!

Have a great weekend y'all - don't go nuts with the shopping!!!

Thankful for the Thorns.....

My annual Thanksgiving post......

Let me start by saying that no, I didn't write this. Someone sent it to me a few years ago and I like to post it and pass it around during the holidays, to remind people to be thankful not only for the good things that God has given them, but also the "bad" things, for they too, serve a purpose in our lives.

Thankful for the Thorns

Sandra felt as low as the heels of her Birkenstocks as she pushed against aNovember gust and the florist shop door. Her life had been easy, like a spring breeze.Then, in the fourth month of her second pregnancy, a minor automobile accident stole her ease. During this Thanksgiving week she would have delivered a son.She grieved over her loss. As if that weren't enough, her husband's company threatened a transfer. Then her sister, whose holiday visit she coveted, called saying she could not come.

What's worse, Sandra's friend infuriated her by suggesting her grief was a God-given path to maturity that would allow her to empathize with others who suffer? "Had she lost a child? No - she has no idea what I'm feeling," Sandra shuddered. Thanksgiving? "Thankful for what?" she wondered. For a careless driver whose truck was hardly scratched when he rear-ended her? For an airbag that saved her life but took that of her child?

"Good afternoon, can I help you?"

The flower shop clerk's approach startled her. "Sorry," said Jenny, "I just didn't want you to think I was ignoring you."

"I . . . . I need an arrangement."

"For Thanksgiving?" Sandra nodded."Do you want beautiful but ordinary, or would you like to challenge the day with a customer favorite I call the "Thanksgiving Special."

Jenny saw Sandra's curiosity and continued, "I'm convinced that flowers tell stories, that each arrangement insinuates a particular feeling. Are you looking for something that conveys gratitude this Thanksgiving?"

"Not exactly!" Sandra blurted. "Sorry, but in the last five months, everything that could go wrong has."

Sandra regretted her outburst but was surprised when Jenny said, "I have the perfect arrangement for you."

The door's small bell suddenly rang. "Barbara! Hi, "Jenny said. She politely excused herself form Sandra and walked toward a small workroom. She quickly reappeared carrying a massive arrangement of green bows, and long-stemmed thorny roses. Only, the ends of the rose stems were neatly snipped, no flowers.

"Want this in a box?" Jenny asked.

Sandra watched for Barbara's response. Was this a joke? Who would want rose stems and no flowers! She waited for laughter, for someone to notice the absence of flowers atop the thorny stems, but neither woman did.

"Yes, please. It's exquisite," said Barbara. "You'd think after three years of getting the special, I'd not be so moved by its significance, but it's happening again. My family will love this one. Thanks."

Sandra stared. "Why so normal a conversation about so strange an arrangement?" she wondered.

"Ah, said Sandra, pointing. "That lady just left with, ah . . . ."

"Yes?"

"Well, she had no flowers!"

"Off?"

"Off. Yep. That's the Special. I call it the "Thanksgiving Thorns Bouquet."

"But, why do people pay for that?" In spite of herself she chuckled.

"Do you rally want to know?"

"I couldn't leave this shop without knowing. I'd think about nothing else!"

"That might be good," said Jenny.

"Well," she continued, "Barbara came into the shop three years ago feeling very much like you feel today. She thought she had very little to be thankful for. She had lost her father to cancer, the family business was failing, her son was into drugs, and she faced major surgery."

"Ouch!" said Sandra.

"That same year, I lost my husband. I assumed complete responsibility for the shop and for the first time, spent the holidays alone. I had no children, no husband, no family nearby, and too great a debt to allow any travel."

"What did you do?"

"I learned to be thankful for thorns.

"Sandra's eyebrows lifted. "Thorns?"

"I'm a Christian, Sandra. I've always thanked God for good things in life and I never thought to ask Him why good things happened to me. But, when bad stuff hit. Did I ever ask! It took time to learn that dark times are important. I always enjoyed the flowers' of life but it took thorns to show me the beauty of God's comfort. You know, the Bible says that God comforts us when we're afflicted and from His consolation we learn to comfort others."

Sandra gasped. "A friend read that passage to me and I was furious! I guess the truth is, I don't want comfort. I've lost a baby and I'm angry with God." She started to ask Jenny to "go on" when the door's bell diverted their attention.

"Hey, Phil!" shouted Jenny as a balding, rotund man entered the shop. She softly touched Sandra's arm and moved to welcome him. He tucked her under his side for a warm hug. "I'm here for twelve thorny long-stemmed stems!" Phil laughed, heartily.

"I figured as much," said Jenny. "I've got them ready." She lifted a tissue-wrapped arrangement form the refrigerated cabinet.

"Beautiful," said Phil. "My wife will love them."

Sandra could not resist asking, "These are for your wife?"

Phil saw that Sandra's curiosity matched his when he first heard of a Thorn Bouquet. "Do you mind me asking, 'Why thorns?"

"IN fact, I'm glad you asked, "He said. "Four years ago my wife and I nearly divorced. After forty years, we were in a real mess, but we slogged through, problem by rotten problem. We rescued our marriage - our love, really. Last year, at Thanksgiving, I stopped in here for flowers. I must have mentioned surviving a tough process because Jenny told me that for a long time she kept a vase of rose stems --- stems! --- As a reminder of what she learned from 'thorny' times. That was good enough for me. I took home stems, My wife and I decided to label each one for a specific thorny situation and give thanks for what the problem taught us. I'm pretty sure this stem review is becoming a tradition."

Phil paid Jenny, thanked her again and as he left, said to Sandra, "I highly recommend the Special!"

"I don't know if I can be thankful for the thorns in my life, "Sandra said to Jenny.

"Well, my experience says that thorns make roses more precious. We treasure God's providential care more during trouble than at any other time. Remember, Sandra, Jesus wore a crown of thorns so that we might know His love. Do not resent thorns."

Tears rolled down Sandra's cheeks. For the first time since the accident she loosened her grip on resentment. "I'll take twelve long-stemmed thorns, please."

"I hoped you would, " Jenny said. "I'll have them ready in a minute. Then, every time you see them, remember to appreciate both good and hard times. We grow through both."

"Thank you. What do I owe you?"

"Nothing. Nothing but a pledge to work toward healing your heart. The first year's arrangement is always on me." Jenny handed a card to Sandra. "I'll attach a card like this to your arrangement but maybe you'd like to read it first. Go ahead, read it."

My God, I have never thanked Thee for my thorns! I have thanked Thee a thousand times for my roses, but never once for my thorns. Teach me the glory of the cross I bear, teach me the value of my thorns. Show me that I have climbed to Thee by the path of pain. Show me that my tears have made my rainbow. George Matheson

Insecurities.....and some randomness.....

Insecurity causes people to make assumptions about other people's motives.

When you're insecure about something, you do tend to make assumptions when you see or hear what other people are saying and/or doing that to you may somehow be related to that something that you're insecure about. Funny thing is, your assumptions may be totally off base and wrong. What's that old saying - making assumptions makes an ass out of you and me.

Sort of related to insecurities - have you seen the video of Christina Aguilera at the awards show the other night? Such mean criticisms of her body! I mean - no doubt about it - the dress she chose to wear was not flattering to her current figure/size, but damn. In looking at her - I don't think she and I are that far apart in size - and to see the comments that some people that I know personally think about what she looks like in that "condition" or "size" or "shape" - I can't help but wonder if they think the same things about me since our figures are somewhat similar.

But then - that's one of my insecurities. While I do sometimes wonder what people think, I honestly don't much care about what other people think about my size and/or figure. As long as my husband likes the way I look, should be the only thing that matters. For the most part, it is. The part that also matters to me is how I feel about how I look. I've always had issues with that, regardless of my size. I'm not sure that I'll ever be completely comfortable in my own "skin", but I'm working on it. That's part of why I go to the gym - the other part is to get in shape and lose weight so that I will be healthier.

I know I'll never be skinny. I'm more than okay with that, because I don't want to be skinny. Skinny is not an attractive look for me - I almost got there one time about 18 years ago, and had I lost any more weight, I would have been borderline skeletal. I'm not going there again, nor do I think I'm physically capable of doing that to myself unless I become ill with some horrific disease.

One thing I'm not insecure about is how I look for my age. I am constantly told by people that I don't look 43 - that I look no older than mid-30's. It feels really good to hear that, and I am thankful that I took after Mom and Meme when it comes to looking younger than my actual age.

Anyways - the boys were happy to see me yesterday when I picked them up from the boarding office. I was told Dominion did a little better and wasn't overly aggressive this time, which is a great thing. I got the total tongue bath on the way home from the vet, and Dominion and Gabriel were running around the car, taking turns on the center console, going from window to window, and were just so excited to be going home.

Yesterday was Steven's 16th birthday. I can't believe he is already 16! We had a quiet dinner at the Golden Corral - his choice - mostly family members and 1 friend of his came. Of course the money that he got was burning a hole in his pocket and he had to go spend some of it tonight at Gamestop and online at Barnes & Noble. The rest he is saving for when we go see BOTDF in December.

I can't wait for that concert - Steven insists that I must be in the mosh pit with him and his friends. That will be interesting!

Oh - by the way - if you are planning on sending packages, letters, cards, etc., to Brian during his deployment - a couple of pointers:

*cards and letters can be mailed for the normal postage that you'd normally send something in the US
*for packages - priority mail packages generally take 10-12 days to arrive, and parcel post may takes 4 or more weeks to arrive
*check size restrictions for priority mail - if the package is over a certain size, not only will you HAVE to send it parcel post, they will charge you an insanely high fee on top of postage charges (yeah, I discovered this the hard way when I sent him a package Friday)
*send your mail and packages through the US post office - those places such as Postnet and other places that offer mailing services will tack on a fee - that's how they make their money

I know Brian would love to hear from as many people as possible - feel free to have your kids send cards and letters to him, I know the soldiers enjoy those as well - if you don't have his address, please let me know and I'll be glad to forward it to you privately.

Also - I may have posted or emailed this previously but it bears repeating:

TF TALON (Aviation) reports that one of their soldiers’ grandparents was contacted by phone yesterday and informed that their soldier was hurt while working here in Germany. The caller implored the grandparent to send funds by wire to help cover the soldier’s medical expenses and get them back to the unit.

This is a very common scam, but what makes this situation unique is that the scammer connected to soldier to the deployment to the family and then targeted them quite convincingly. Not sure where this species gets its intel, but the fact remains that this report is an initial indication that we are in their sights. Recommend we warn the FRGs and spread the word as best we can: the military has very effective channels for communicating casualty information that DO NOT include cold-calling less-informed relatives. Our only defense for this op is better information; let’s not allow our friends & families fall prey to this ass-clownery. Read the ones you care about into our program ASAP.

If any of you are contacted by anyone regarding anything going on with Brian's safety or well-being, please contact me immediately. I don't care what time of the day or night it is, please contact me. Make sure if you are contacted, DO NOT SEND ANY MONEY TO ANYONE, and please make sure you get as much detail as possible so that we can pass it along to the proper authorities. If, God forbid, anything did happen to Brian, the military would contact me first, and I would pass along any information to you all as needed.


Thanks everyone, I hope you're having a great week so far, and that you all have a blessed and happy Thanksgiving!

Time to play catch up.....

Well let's see....last Wednesday I had my gum surgery - "crown lengthening" as the dentist called it. NOT fun - I didn't know I was getting stitches, for one thing. Second, I thought I'd be completely numb throughout the procedure, since it was just gum tissue she was messing with - wrong. I was numb for approximately 85% of the procedures (she did it for both teeth I had root canals on) - the pain I did experience was almost as bad as the actual root canals, but fortunately was very brief. Third - once I figured out about the stitches, I assumed they would either dissolve or be absorbed - unfortunately not - I have to go back Wednesday morning to have them removed. My gums still are sore, and the stitches are aggravating. I can't wait to get them out!

Thursday I spent running errands after work - doing what I don't even remember now. I do remember forgetting that interval class was that afternoon, but it didn't dawn on me until I had left the office and of course didn't have any gym clothes in the car with me. I hate that I can't remember what I did do - oh now I remember - I tried to make it to the McDonough post office so that I could ship Brian's first care package to his deployment location. That location closes at 6pm, so of course being that I get off work at 4:30pm, I incorrectly assumed that an hour and a half was more than enough time to get there. What a freaking joke! So I went by one of those Postnet places that does postal service and either UPS or FedEx services, but they couldn't process it because the package was "oversized". Plus I didn't think about the fact that they charge a fee for processing mail, so it would have been less expensive to go to the post office. I took a half day off work on Friday for my trip, so I went by the post office near the office and got the package shipped.

Friday didn't go the way I'd planned - I of course had put off packing anything for the trip until Friday - started with the toiletries that morning as I was getting ready for work and finished when I got home from the post office. I had planned on having the dogs dropped off at the boarding place in time to pick Steven up from school, but because of the post office trip taking a lot longer than I expected, I was running behind. I went ahead and dropped the dogs off, came home, packed, and then we were on our way.

First stop in Columbia - Jillian's. It's a restaurant/bar place where the band always has a drop-in the night before the game. They have lots of memorabilia, play old marching band videos, and it's the first chance everyone has to say hi and reconnect. I saw a few folks I remembered, but unfortunately there were lots of faces I didn't recognize, and a few whose names escaped me. My friend and old college roomie, Amy, met us there and we hung out for a while.

Saturday, we had to be at the band hall at an unGodly hour - registration started at 6:15am, with practice starting at 7am. It was fun, and being that I haven't played in a while, it came back to me fairly easily. We had enough people in the alumni band where they put us on the field - not like the old days, where we actually got to march with the marching band. We got to march onto the field into a block formation, to the side of where the Carolina Band would be, and play from there. We got to do both pregame and halftime.

The halftime show was awesome - it was Veteran's Appreciation weekend, and the show was all patriotic music. Now, I'm the kind that is deeply moved by patriotic music, and it can sometimes even be something as simple as hearing the national anthem. I have great pride in our country, and great appreciation for our military, and not just because my husband is in the army and is deployed. I've always been like that (although honestly with his being gone, I'm even more emotional when it comes to patriotic stuff). During the halftime show, there was a presentation given to some of the graduates of USC that were honored military members, and there was another presentation given to the family members of some graduates that were killed in action. This was complete with a 21 gun salute, and the missing man formation flyover. It was a very moving, emotional experience, and was definitely one that I wished my husband had been able to attend.

Anyways, after the game, Steven wanted to ride out to where we used to live, and by the hospital where he was born, and go to Columbiana Centre mall, and get some gelato. We did all those things, and had dinner at Fuddrucker's. I crashed out around 9pm or so last night - very early night for me!

We got up today and stopped by Sandy's Famous Hot Dogs & Ice Cream on the way out of town. Things were different there, but still good. No more "gourmet" ice cream. :-( I'm kinda wishing I had another one of those slaw dogs - it was good! We got home a little after 3pm, and stopped by Publix to order Steven's birthday cake for tomorrow.

I cannot believe my child will be 16 years old tomorrow!!! Where has the time gone?????

Found something perfect today....

It was a quote "you can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one". This couldn't have come at a more perfect time for me.

See, last night I was searching for something for Brian, and as I was going through a box of papers and other items that need to be filed, I came across some emails that I had printed out from very early in 2009. Of course, reminiscing, I took the time to read the emails, and wow, they were painful to read. No, I'm not going to share the specific details of what was contained in them, but suffice it to say it brought back some very painful memories for me.

But the thing is, those emails are from the past - a past that is very different from what my present life is. Based on those emails, I would never have dreamed at the time that my life would be like it is today.

Anyways, my point in this is to say that we can't live our lives today, if we keep dwelling in the past. We do need to pay attention to our pasts and learn from them - learn what worked, and what didn't, regardless of the situations we've been through, whether it's relationships, jobs, friendships, etc.

We go through life, hopefully learning from our experiences, so that we may grow and become better people. If you stay stuck on the past, whether it's the pain of a failed relationship, the frustration of being wronged in some way by a friend or partner or even if it's to bask in the glory of past accomplishments - you're still living in the past and it's getting you nowhere for the future. Find the appropriate place for those memories and experiences, learn from them, and leave them. Don't dwell on them.

I know it's hard to move on - I have a very hard time forgiving people and forgetting the wrongs that have been committed against me. I also have a hard time moving on from the good things that have happened, and expect things to be as easy as they were in the past. I realistically know that life is different now, for better or for worse, but it's difficult at times to move on. It's hard to leave the past in the past, but it's something we all must do.

Focus on the present and look to the future!

Another Saturday......

So I had the first root canal finished yesterday, and we did all of the 2nd one immediately afterwards. I had a small amount of pain when she was finishing up the first tooth, but had absolutely zero pain on the second one. Had one moment where I thought I was gonna have some pain, but it was a momentary twinge, almost like a very small electric shock, and I felt some heat during one part of the procedure, but that was it!

Of course, we're talking a totally different scenario when the meds wore off last night. The molar had a small amount of soreness like on Monday, but the bicuspid? OMG the tenderness was almost unbearable. After I picked Steven up from his party, I came home, medicated myself thoroughly, and went straight to bed. Yep, in bed by 11pm on a Friday night, how sad it is, I know. But I wasn't going to sit around and possibly suffer through even more pain, so I nipped that shit in the bud.

This morning, the molar is a little sore, but the other tooth is just fine. Gonna have me some coffee and biscuits, lounge around the house a bit, and head out to hang with Brian's family today. Have a great weekend!

Meltdown in three....two.............

Yep, I've had a meltdown tonight. It's been a few weeks in the making.....and I don't think I'm done with the meltdown yet. I know I'm still adjusting to Brian being deployed, but damn I don't like handling all this shit by myself.

Steven says I'm jinxed when it comes to water stuff. First, the water heater crapped out. Second, the 50 gallon aquarium sprung a leak and had to be replaced. Now, Steven's managed to stop up his toilet with Dominion poop and I can't get it unclogged. Dammit!!!!

So, having to deal with all these water issues, the dentist ordeal on Monday and what I'm dreading having done tomorrow, and doggie issues, and I just can't stand it anymore!!! I feel like I'm going to lose my damn mind.

I went back to the gym last night but didn't stay long, as the cramps (thanks Aunt Flo) were pure-T hell. I did go tonight and did the interval class, but got way too hot and almost gave up. It was really too warm in there, and it wasn't just me. But I did get overheated and had to rest for a few minutes during one segment. We were almost finished, so I didn't miss a whole lot. Got to feeling sorry for myself for a bit there, too. Very frustrating to have the feelings going through my mind......gotta learn to stop it. I'm human, I have issues, I'm definitely not perfect, and I'm making progress. Albeit slow, but I'm starting to see it.

For example - I'm really impressed with how my shoulders and arms are starting to look. They are getting more and more toned, and I'm starting to see some definition. My legs are also toning up - granted, they are shaped mostly like weight-lifter legs, but hey, that's not necessarily a bad thing.

Then I'm leaving the store and come home to the freaking clogged up toilet. what a pisser. or a shitter, as the case may be.

Speaking of doggie issues - Gabriel has successfully slept in my room the past 3 or 4 nights. The success I'm speaking of is no potty accidents. However, I don't sleep very well with him in the room, because I'm worried about him peeing on the bed, or destroying something while I sleep. I don't sleep as soundly, for listening out for him, PLUS he and Dominion have played chase in the middle of the night, or they get restless at 2am and want to walk all over the bed or around the room. Tonight I'm going to sleep without worry - Gabriel is back in the crate. I hate it, because he likes to snuggle even closer than Dominion does, but being that I'm on edge, I need my rest.

Well folks, I need to shower and take my meds so I can hit the sack. I hope you all have a great Friday and weekend, and wish me luck at the dentist!

Terrific Tuesday......

I'm absolutely amazed at how good I felt today. I was totally expecting to feel like complete shit after having the first of the two root canals yesterday afternoon. That was a painfully brutal experience, indeed. We had planned on doing both of them, but it just took too long, and the dentist felt like I had suffered enough for one afternoon, so we just did the one on the tooth that's been bothering me the most.

I had a couple of things going against me when it comes to having dental work - first, the tooth she had to work on, tends to NOT get numb, even with an extraordinary amount of numbing meds. Secondly, there was still infection present in the nerve canals, which I was told could cause the meds to not work as effectively in providing pain relief. Wow, was she not kidding when she said the meds may not reach all the areas to prevent pain! I damn near came out of the chair several times, and of course ended up with tears streaming a couple of times.

I even commented on Facebook that I would rather have the tops of both feet, both ankles, and both collar bones, tattooed all at the same time, than to experience the pain I felt during that root canal. I'm not kidding! Tattoo pain, at least what I've experienced with the 3 that I have, is not nearly as bad as the pain in that one tooth was during the procedure. But - thankfully - when she was finished, the only pain I've had is soreness of the gum where she had that contraption hooked on there that isolates the tooth being worked on. I was able to eat Mexican food for dinner last night, and we ate at Golden Corral tonight. There's just a temporary filling there, that's not nearly as durable as a perment filling or crown will be, so I've been eating very carefully to make sure I don't break the temporary yet.

I go back to the dentist on Friday afternoon so that she can finish the one we started yesterday, and she can do the second root canal. Not really looking forward to that, but she says the #12 shouldn't be as painful as #30 was, and there should only be one nerve in it, instead of 3 like yesterday. God I hope that's it, and I hope that it's not as painful as yesterday.

Could I have prevented my tooth from getting to this point? Probably so. The issues I'm having now are not from lack of hygiene on my part - I'm meticulous about brushing my teeth, and while I don't floss like I should, these problems come from old fillings that were ready to be replaced, and I didn't take care of them as soon as I should have. I didn't get the molar dealt with sooner, mainly because of my fear of the pain I knew I'd have. It hurt really bad the last time it was worked on, and I have a delayed response to a lot of meds these days.

I don't recall if I mentioned here before regarding my delayed response to meds but here goes, and bear with me if I've already discussed this. When I had my foot surgery last year, they gave me a pre-op shot into my IV - it was a "triple cocktail", and contained fentanyl, verced, and propofol (yes, the stuff that killed Michael Jackson). I was told prior to getting the shot that it would either knock me out, or make me so loopy that I wouldn't remember the pain from getting the nerve block.

Guess what - I got absolutely ZERO effect from that shot, and felt every last damn bit of that nerve block being set up. I had to lay on my stomach, and the needle went into the back of my thigh, a few inches above the knee. Dammit that hurt, and because they were having to inject it into the nerve, my foot was hopping around and twitching. And although my foot got all tingly feeling prior to surgery, when I woke from surgery, I was surprisingly in pain in my ankle (it should have been completely numb by the time surgery was done - which if I recall the surgery lasted a couple of hours).

And I was given a 10mg valium prior to another procedure I had done last year, and that did nothing for me at all. So now I have to warn doctors and dentists of my delayed reactions to meds, especially when they are prescribed for pain relief/prevention.

The dentist prescribed 5mg valium, for me to take one at night before my appointment, one an hour before the appointment, and to bring the rest to the appointment in case it lasts longer than expected so I can take another if necessary. The valium is supposed to aid the numbing meds in being more effective, and to also take the edge off my nerves. I can't speak for it helping the numbing meds to work better, but it did help take the edge off my nerves.

Anyways folks, just venting about my stuff yesterday, and worrying about Friday a little. Got a busy couple of days at work this week before I get another day of torture from the sadist oops I mean dentist. Truly they are sadists, they have to be. I can't see inflicting that kind of pain on someone without being at least a tad bit sadist.

Okay folks, time to hit the sack - have a great night and a happy hump day!

Sunday, funday.......

So Mom was due in from across the pond this afternoon, but for some reason her flight didn't happen. We were gonna pick her up and go eat at our favorite little Mexican restaurant. She's due in tomorrow instead, and wants to go eat afterwards, but I won't be able to pick her up OR eat since I have those root canals scheduled for tomorrow at 1pm. :-( Maybe I can show up and slurp down a margarita for dinner instead of chips and salsa! NOT (yeah, no more margaritas for me - remember my 40th bday???? LOL)

Anyways, at least that gives me all day to clean house, do my nails and wash that ever-increasing gray right outta my hair. I know, I said I was going to stop coloring my hair, but I just can't stand the roots I've developed since the last color faded, and the damn grays are freaking breeding like damn rabbits! LOL When I colored it last time, it was supposed to match my roots, and it did. However, as time went on, and I got more and more exposure to the sun, the ends faded back to a nice shade of reddish golden light brown, or something similar. I love that color, and I like my natural color, so I've chosen medium golden brown - that's sort of in between the two. It should take out a good bit of the red, but still have those golden highlights.

Anyways, I hope to get busy here in a few minutes and get all my stuff done that I want. I hope you all have a great Sunday! And don't forget - clocks rolled back an hour last night!

FYI - Internet Trolls

Just wanted to clarify something from my last blog - when I referred to "trolls" causing drama, I was NOT referring to anyone that I know or have met personally, or that may have been involved in any internet drama that I was a victim to or in some way a part of in the past. It was a general statement in talking about the online bullshit my son is experiencing online.

Have a great day!

Humor

A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road.


I saw that quote above on a page on Facebook, and thought "damn, that's ME today". Yes, the PMS symptoms that didn't strike last time around, have hit me with a vengeance today. HARD. Like they haven't in a few months. It was just a rough day today, and by the time my son and I ate dinner, my nerves were raw and every word and sound grated on me something fierce.

I am so sick of hearing of the online drama bullshit on various pages that my son frequents. Trolls leaving messages, to intentionally aggravate him and other members. He just doesn't get it that those trolls say what they do because it bothers him and he lets it be known that it bothers him. I've tried to explain to him that he needs to ignore the online drama, and I know this from personal experience. I've shared with him some of the drama that I've experienced online, and know that the more you feed it, the worse it gets.

But of course, I'm a parent and he's a teenager, and parents just don't know anything and can't possibly understand teenage angst, hormones, and whatever the hell else you want to call it. So I give up. He can have his drama, I just don't want to hear about it anymore. As long as the drama doesn't come to our house, or school, or any other place we may go to, and that it stays online only, who cares.

I experienced my own drama of sorts today - the dentist office called me today, telling me I have to pay them $3900 on Monday when I come in for the root canals. This would be AFTER the 2 insurance plans I have pay their part. I called bullshit, and won - they called back with a MUCH more reasonable figure to pay, and so I'm getting TWO root canals on Monday. Yes, TWO. I figured what the hell, if I'm gonna possibly be miserable from each of them, I may as well get the misery over all at once. No need in being miserable twice, at separate times. Of course when all is said and done, I could possibly regret that decision, but you live and learn, right? Besides, I have happy pills (valium that the dentist prescribed to take beforehand), and percocet and ibuprofen for afterwards. Yay me!

I also fought my temper at work today, due to those lovely PMS hormones. I don't think I did a great job at hiding it, though. Oh well, such as life. We're all entitled to the occasional rough day at work, in my opinion. I had already made my mind up before I got to the office how I was going to respond to a particular individual if a certain situation arose, and fortunately for him , he didn't behave in the way I thought he would, so he didn't have to face my wrath.

Dammit, I need to win the lottery!!!!!

Out of commission.......

Wow, I woke up this morning, a little after 5am, so damn sick to my stomach. As I lay there, fighting off the nausea, I was trying to figure out what did it. I assumed it was the new antibiotic the dentist put me on, that I only took half of last night because when I opened the bottle, I realized it's the one that gives me a major rash on my bottom. (TMI I know, but hey, it's my blog)

When I finally had no choice but to get up and go start hurling, I realized that no, I don't think it was the antibiotic, I think it's all the congestion I've had over the last couple of weeks, that I haven't really paid much attention to. And with the way my chest feels, I either have a really bad case of bronchitis, without the excessive coughing, or it may have evolved into pneumonia.

This has hit me suddenly - I mean, I keep that deep cough year round, but it's not a constant thing - just a couple of times a day, mostly to clear my throat. I normally take an allergy pill of some sort daily, but haven't in a few weeks. I also was taking mucinex a few times a day, but once I ran out of those a few weeks ago, I stopped taking them. I guess this has just built up in me until it has gotten to that point.

I was totally miserable until I fell asleep again around 7:30am, then was awakened by a text message from my son around 8:30am. I have been a whiny, miserable crybaby this morning. I am not a good patient, and unfortunately there is no one here to take care of me.

I'm sliding back into misery again, as I start to realize how my chest feels, and how it's affecting my breathing. It doesn't hurt; it feels tight and somewhat achy, and I'm sure that's a sign that there's infection in there. I can still breathe okay, but I am getting short of breath pretty quick just walking through the house. I foresee going to the doctor some time today - luckily my doctor's office takes walk-in patients, so I don't have to worry with an appointment, or being able to summon the strength and wherewithall to pull my shit together and make it there by a certain time.

Going to try to nap again for a little while, then I guess I'll try to shower and head to the doctor's office. I hope everyone else is having a better hump day than I am.

At a loss.......

Not sure what to write about. My mind is all ajumble with a million different thoughts.....so much going on......so much to be happy about, so much to worry about, so much to do, so many things changing. Things going so right, and yet so many going so wrong. Not sure how to deal with some of it, knowing how I want to handle it, but wondering if it's the right thing to do.

Some things have made me exceedingly joyful, others have depressed me and dragged me down. Some of the good - the most wonderful love letter from my dear husband.....my son's good grades.....changes in my body due to my work in the gym.....The depressing things - my husband is deployed and across the world from me for what now seems like forever, but for what I know will pass quickly, troubles with things happening at my son's school, losing my motivation for things important to me......