Lot's of stuff going on in the news - the biggest thing is the "protests" (which have turned into riots in some instances) in Baltimore over a suspect dying in custody. I'm not going to get into the circumstances of everything, as I'm sure my opinion of things are likely very different than some of my readers, not saying my readers are wrong by any means, I just don't see the need. If you really don't know the Baltimore deal, Google "Freddie Gray". (I'm not sure of the correct spelling of his name, I've seen Freddy, and I've seen Grey. I'm sure it will pull up regardless of how you spell his name).
During these protests that turned violent, a mother saw her 16 year old son in the middle of throwing rocks and bricks at police, and she proceeded to snatch his ass home, after whooping up on him for the world to see. Some people think she was too violent with him - that mother did what she felt she had to do to get him home and get him safe. She didn't want him to become another statistic. Good for her.!
There's a stupid woman that decided, hours before she was to report to her new job at a daycare, that she would post publicly on Facebook that she hated working at daycares, and hated being around kids - and the daycare called her and rescinded the job offer! She's a single parent - WTF was she thinking to post something like that publicly? I totally understand that she may have taken the job because that's what she has experience in, and perhaps it's all she's qualified for. But really? Not real smart of her to post something like that publicly. And honestly, there's been plenty of times in the past that I've wanted to vent publicly about my previous job, but I never did, at least not where folks who didn't have direct knowledge of the situations would be able to figure out who or what I was talking about. I made some cryptic posts on Facebook about some people and/or situations there, and now when my Timehop comes up, I can't for the life of me remember most of the shit that I was bitching about! LOL Oh but I have fantasies about running into a certain someone and giving him a piece of my mind! (I would likely never do it, although it sure is fun fantasizing about it!)
My mom is back home! She got home Saturday, and Steven and I went with Michael to pick her up at the airport and spent the night with her. It was so good to see her! Hopefully she'll get to spend a weekend with us at the house before she goes back to England in June.
Time to watch Supernatural, then go to bed. Have a good one!
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
Monday, April 13, 2015
Spring has Sprung!
Saw my first hummingbird of the spring Sunday morning - it was trapped on our screened-in back porch, and I had to catch it to release it back outside. This one wasn't as difficult to catch as the one last year - I threw a pillow case over it and it got its beak stuck in the screen, and I was afraid to pull him off, that I'd squeeze his delicate little body too hard, so I got an empty flower pot and put over him and waited for him to get himself loose. Didn't take too long, either. I covered the open end of the pot with the pillow case, and he squeaked and squawked until I let him go outside the porch.
I caught a titmouse bird Saturday morning on the porch - Gabriel wanted that bird, BAD. I put the dogs outside but didn't latch the door, and Gabriel forced his way back in, so I made both the boys go inside the house with Clydie until I could catch the little bird. He was a little more difficult than the hummingbird, but I got him in the pillowcase and out the porch he went.
Clydie and I "ran the roads" Saturday, as she calls it. :-) We had things to do in town, and then more stuff to do when we got home. I am a weekend warrior - no rest for me, always something to do!
One of the things we did Saturday was put up a fence around our garden area to keep the pups out, and Clydie and I planted the garden on Sunday. Apparently our yard fence is not made in exact 8 foot sections, and I almost didn't have enough of the fencing to do it. We had tilled a spot in the back corner of the yard that was 3 fence sections by 2 fence sections. If it was 8 ft sections, it would have been 24' x 16', which would be 40 ft total. I bought 50' of fencing (this was the somewhat rigid plastic stuff, square grid pattern with the holes about 1/2" or so), and only had about 6" left over on one end, which I wrapped around a picket to make a door to hook to the fence so we will have access to inside the garden. But the important thing is the fence is up, and I don't think the boys will try to bust in for anything.
Clydie and I also got our rebar tower of flowers reassembled and planted Saturday:
Here's a pic of our garden we finished planting on Sunday:
When I got out of the shower Saturday night, Gabriel was sitting there and farted this really loud fart. I looked at him and said "Gabriel, you farted!" and I swear if he could talk, based on the look he gave me he said "yeah, I farted - so?" He's such a character sometimes!
I think I had a bunch more to add, but I'm stopping here. My brain is tired!
I caught a titmouse bird Saturday morning on the porch - Gabriel wanted that bird, BAD. I put the dogs outside but didn't latch the door, and Gabriel forced his way back in, so I made both the boys go inside the house with Clydie until I could catch the little bird. He was a little more difficult than the hummingbird, but I got him in the pillowcase and out the porch he went.
Clydie and I "ran the roads" Saturday, as she calls it. :-) We had things to do in town, and then more stuff to do when we got home. I am a weekend warrior - no rest for me, always something to do!
One of the things we did Saturday was put up a fence around our garden area to keep the pups out, and Clydie and I planted the garden on Sunday. Apparently our yard fence is not made in exact 8 foot sections, and I almost didn't have enough of the fencing to do it. We had tilled a spot in the back corner of the yard that was 3 fence sections by 2 fence sections. If it was 8 ft sections, it would have been 24' x 16', which would be 40 ft total. I bought 50' of fencing (this was the somewhat rigid plastic stuff, square grid pattern with the holes about 1/2" or so), and only had about 6" left over on one end, which I wrapped around a picket to make a door to hook to the fence so we will have access to inside the garden. But the important thing is the fence is up, and I don't think the boys will try to bust in for anything.
Clydie and I also got our rebar tower of flowers reassembled and planted Saturday:
Here's a pic of our garden we finished planting on Sunday:
And here's my dirty hands from digging in the dirt on Sunday:
When I got out of the shower Saturday night, Gabriel was sitting there and farted this really loud fart. I looked at him and said "Gabriel, you farted!" and I swear if he could talk, based on the look he gave me he said "yeah, I farted - so?" He's such a character sometimes!
I think I had a bunch more to add, but I'm stopping here. My brain is tired!
Sunday, April 12, 2015
Love Me When It's Hard
**I did not write this - I found this on another website**
Loving me is easy when life is good. When I'm cartwheeling through tulip fields, twirling in the sun, arms out, embracing the world, voice soaring in song. When I'm smiling a Cheshire cat smile, pulling you by the hand as we go down the rabbit hole on a madcap adventure Kerouac would have approved of. When I'm gazing at you in the moonlight, memorizing your face by the shadows it holds as the cicadas sing in the hot summer night. When I lean close to you and whisper my secrets into your ear unbidden, reading you the secret diary of my heart.
I love your love then, bask in it, relish it, but that's not when I need your love the most. I need it the most when my insecurities build a wall around me constructed of bricks of past hurts, disappointments and betrayals held together with mortar made of lies. When the world is too much for even me to bear, strong as I am, and I lie curled in your bed, a silent, shuddering mess of sobs, refusing to be soothed by anything except the dawn of a new day. When I lash out, cutting you with a tongue dripping in acid, not honey, punishing you for daring to love me, not in spite of my faults but because of them, because you recognize that they work in tandem with my loveliness to form the imperfect to the world but perfect for you person that is me.
When loving me is hard, that's when I need you to do it the most.
Loving me is easy when life is good. When I'm cartwheeling through tulip fields, twirling in the sun, arms out, embracing the world, voice soaring in song. When I'm smiling a Cheshire cat smile, pulling you by the hand as we go down the rabbit hole on a madcap adventure Kerouac would have approved of. When I'm gazing at you in the moonlight, memorizing your face by the shadows it holds as the cicadas sing in the hot summer night. When I lean close to you and whisper my secrets into your ear unbidden, reading you the secret diary of my heart.
I love your love then, bask in it, relish it, but that's not when I need your love the most. I need it the most when my insecurities build a wall around me constructed of bricks of past hurts, disappointments and betrayals held together with mortar made of lies. When the world is too much for even me to bear, strong as I am, and I lie curled in your bed, a silent, shuddering mess of sobs, refusing to be soothed by anything except the dawn of a new day. When I lash out, cutting you with a tongue dripping in acid, not honey, punishing you for daring to love me, not in spite of my faults but because of them, because you recognize that they work in tandem with my loveliness to form the imperfect to the world but perfect for you person that is me.
When loving me is hard, that's when I need you to do it the most.
Thursday, March 26, 2015
Aggravations and Enlightenments
I wrote the title of the blog the other day, and I'm sure I had a ton of stuff I wanted to write that had to do with the title, but I just didn't feel like putting the thoughts together and expending the energy to write it out. I'm leaving the title as is, maybe some of this will fit in one way or another. Here's some of the latest goings on at our household:
*I had that pesky tooth pulled the first week in March. I was too chicken to let them do it with Novocain alone, so they prescribed Ativan for me to take a couple hours before the appointment to help me relax. It was a higher dose of Ativan than I got several years ago for a different procedure - I got 2mg then, and I felt *great* and managed to embarrass the hell outta Michael a couple of times. I don't remember feeling bad later from it, I just got sleepy after I got home.
This time, I was prescribed 3mg. I didn't feel bad, but I didn't have the euphoric feeling that I had gotten before. And I got whiny when I got to the oral surgeon's office because they would not let Brian come back with me for the Novocain injections. All I wanted was to hold (well, squeeze the ever-loving Hell out of) his hand, then they could send him back to the waiting room while they pulled the tooth. They said the room was too small for him. They were LIARS, but I just didn't have it in me to call them on it. I got numbed up, and the tooth was out in about 5 minutes. They wheeled me out the back door and loaded me into the truck. I wanted a milk shake, and got my pain meds filled.
I finished the milk shake before we got home (having to eat it with a spoon instead of through a straw - no sucking after a tooth extraction lol), and went to bed. I woke up at some point and Clydie brought me a glass of water because I thought it would be a good idea to take a pain pill before my mouth finished "waking up". But, I didn't have the energy to get it, so I slept til around 10pm and then took a pill. And ate ramen for dinner. Shower time came around, and that probably wasn't a good idea. Before I finished my shower, I had to get out and lay on the cold tile floor. I came pretty damn close to passing out while I was in the shower - not a good feeling. I crawled into bed and crashed for the night. Back to work the next day and no problems since.
*I had other dental work done this week - and it was a very pleasant experience, at least as pleasant as dental work can be. The dentist is very skilled in giving Novocain injections that don't hurt much at all, and very quick with the drill. She also gives as little Novocain as possible so that you don't stay numb for hours. That's a little scary for me, as some of my teeth in the past have refused to get numb until I get home, after I've suffered through a procedure, but this week it worked out very well. I'm sure I was a funny sight eating zuppa Toscana (or whatever it's called - the potato/kale soup like Olive Garden makes) soup for dinner last night, trying to keep my lips closed so I didn't dribble soup everywhere. Brian laughed at me for trying to pucker up for a kiss. I'm sure my lips didn't pucker properly, and I'm honestly surprised someone didn't try to take photos of anything last night related to my numb face and lips.
*My blood pressure at the dentist office (yes they checked it before they started) was high - 144/90. Not good. I honestly didn't feel nervous, but apparently I was nervous enough for my blood pressure to be high. I checked it last night, once on the right and once on the left, and it wasn't any better - 140/89 & 139/89. And I checked it at the gym tonight, before I got on the treadmill - 138/78. My hands and feet have been swelling more in the last week or so as well. I guess I need to start checking it and logging it daily, and report it to the doctor when I go for my physical in a few weeks. I'm hoping this is a temporary thing due to stress from the dentist and PMS.
*The weather has been nice enough where we've started going to Hobbs on some evenings. It's a nice place to walk, and I can get in a little over 2 miles on the long trail we walk. I think next time we go, we're going to do the loop twice, and the strip to the lake and back once. That will give us about 3 miles. All I know is when we walked last night after dinner, I got the balance of my 10k steps in on my Fitbit.
*We are going to have one hell of a pepper patch this year - jalapenos, ghost, Carolina Reaper, tobacco, and I don't know what else. Carolina Reapers are hotter than ghost peppers - I can't wait to see Brian try them! I was brave enough to try the ghost peppers the last 2 years - the first year we grew them they weren't mature. Last year we had some of them mature, and I tried them. One that I tried was actually milder than some of the jalapenos we had grown. I was quite surprised, and somewhat disappointed (although I was glad my mouth wasn't on fire, although I can't say the same about my poor tummy at the time! LOL)
Well that's about all I got for tonight. Not so much about the blog title, but that's ok.
have a great evening, and a great weekend!
*I had that pesky tooth pulled the first week in March. I was too chicken to let them do it with Novocain alone, so they prescribed Ativan for me to take a couple hours before the appointment to help me relax. It was a higher dose of Ativan than I got several years ago for a different procedure - I got 2mg then, and I felt *great* and managed to embarrass the hell outta Michael a couple of times. I don't remember feeling bad later from it, I just got sleepy after I got home.
This time, I was prescribed 3mg. I didn't feel bad, but I didn't have the euphoric feeling that I had gotten before. And I got whiny when I got to the oral surgeon's office because they would not let Brian come back with me for the Novocain injections. All I wanted was to hold (well, squeeze the ever-loving Hell out of) his hand, then they could send him back to the waiting room while they pulled the tooth. They said the room was too small for him. They were LIARS, but I just didn't have it in me to call them on it. I got numbed up, and the tooth was out in about 5 minutes. They wheeled me out the back door and loaded me into the truck. I wanted a milk shake, and got my pain meds filled.
I finished the milk shake before we got home (having to eat it with a spoon instead of through a straw - no sucking after a tooth extraction lol), and went to bed. I woke up at some point and Clydie brought me a glass of water because I thought it would be a good idea to take a pain pill before my mouth finished "waking up". But, I didn't have the energy to get it, so I slept til around 10pm and then took a pill. And ate ramen for dinner. Shower time came around, and that probably wasn't a good idea. Before I finished my shower, I had to get out and lay on the cold tile floor. I came pretty damn close to passing out while I was in the shower - not a good feeling. I crawled into bed and crashed for the night. Back to work the next day and no problems since.
*I had other dental work done this week - and it was a very pleasant experience, at least as pleasant as dental work can be. The dentist is very skilled in giving Novocain injections that don't hurt much at all, and very quick with the drill. She also gives as little Novocain as possible so that you don't stay numb for hours. That's a little scary for me, as some of my teeth in the past have refused to get numb until I get home, after I've suffered through a procedure, but this week it worked out very well. I'm sure I was a funny sight eating zuppa Toscana (or whatever it's called - the potato/kale soup like Olive Garden makes) soup for dinner last night, trying to keep my lips closed so I didn't dribble soup everywhere. Brian laughed at me for trying to pucker up for a kiss. I'm sure my lips didn't pucker properly, and I'm honestly surprised someone didn't try to take photos of anything last night related to my numb face and lips.
*My blood pressure at the dentist office (yes they checked it before they started) was high - 144/90. Not good. I honestly didn't feel nervous, but apparently I was nervous enough for my blood pressure to be high. I checked it last night, once on the right and once on the left, and it wasn't any better - 140/89 & 139/89. And I checked it at the gym tonight, before I got on the treadmill - 138/78. My hands and feet have been swelling more in the last week or so as well. I guess I need to start checking it and logging it daily, and report it to the doctor when I go for my physical in a few weeks. I'm hoping this is a temporary thing due to stress from the dentist and PMS.
*The weather has been nice enough where we've started going to Hobbs on some evenings. It's a nice place to walk, and I can get in a little over 2 miles on the long trail we walk. I think next time we go, we're going to do the loop twice, and the strip to the lake and back once. That will give us about 3 miles. All I know is when we walked last night after dinner, I got the balance of my 10k steps in on my Fitbit.
*We are going to have one hell of a pepper patch this year - jalapenos, ghost, Carolina Reaper, tobacco, and I don't know what else. Carolina Reapers are hotter than ghost peppers - I can't wait to see Brian try them! I was brave enough to try the ghost peppers the last 2 years - the first year we grew them they weren't mature. Last year we had some of them mature, and I tried them. One that I tried was actually milder than some of the jalapenos we had grown. I was quite surprised, and somewhat disappointed (although I was glad my mouth wasn't on fire, although I can't say the same about my poor tummy at the time! LOL)
Well that's about all I got for tonight. Not so much about the blog title, but that's ok.
have a great evening, and a great weekend!
Sunday, March 1, 2015
A Day In My Life.....
Well, this stuff has happened over several days, actually.
I saw this on Facebook recently:
I saw this on Facebook recently:
I had to Google who Anita Blake is, and she is a vampire hunter or something (I didn't read a lot of the Wiki article). Doesn't matter, I don't really think of things like this when I work out, but I am constantly bargaining with myself just to get through it. I am inherently, unapologetically lazy, but I'm doing what I must to try to fight the battle of the bulge and the possible beginnings of diabetes and other health issues.
The bargaining that I do - do I want to stop when I hit 10k steps, or keep going until I hit 3 miles? Thursday was funny - I was really doing some bargaining then. I had to stop after a mile and stretch my leg and foot some more, as I was starting to cramp up. Then after 35 minutes, I had to go to the freaking bathroom. I get back on and realize that I have 25 more minutes to go to hit 3 miles, and then I start talking to myself that "well I'll hit 10k steps well before I'll hit 3 miles, so maybe I'll just stop there". Then it was "oh shit I've got 20 more freakin' minutes to walk before I hit 3 miles". Yes, I was constantly doing the count down until I finally hit the 1 hour mark and 3 miles. Brian got quite the kick out of me when I shared with him the mental conversations that I have just to make it through my walk.
Now onto some funny shit. So by now I'm sure you've all seen the "tongue punch her fart box" jokes on Facebook and elsewhere. Yes, I know, that's gross and crude, but still kinda funny. A few weeks ago we're at the frozen yogurt shop and Steven's chowing down on some chocolate concoction that he's created, and his whole mouth is outlined in chocolate. I told him he needed to wipe his mouth off, that it looked gross, and he said "I tongue punched her fart box". Clydie and I about fell out laughing at that. Fast forward to this past Friday night - the four of us are there, and of course Steven has created another chocolate masterpiece, and we are teasing him about his chocolate mouth. I notice that Brian's lips and mouth have turned orange, and Steven promptly says "Oompa Loompa dipity doo..." and the hysterical laughter begins!
Yesterday, I reorganized the linen closet. Such an exciting life right? It needed it, as it was starting to look like it was about to explode with stuff. I have boxed up the extra linens and towels, and they will go into storage in the attic. I rearranged what was left, and it is much more manageable now. I know it doesn't sound like much, but I really feel like I accomplished something. I didn't realize how many blankets and towels I had until I emptied everything out on the bed. Some of the extra towels will go into the man cave bathroom, others will just go into storage.
Speaking of the man cave - last Sunday I went downstairs to feed the fish and stepped in water. I start looking around and discover a real mess in the bathroom. Apparently we had a massive clog in the pipe leading to the septic tank, and everything that was getting put down the kitchen sink (including food that went into the disposal) as well as everything that was getting flushed, had decided to erupt from the toilet and the shower down there. It was disgusting. We had to wait until Monday morning for a plumber to come out and fix the problem, so there was no flushing of toilets or washing of dishes or clothing or showering until that was taken care of. I told Steven he wouldn't be able to shower before going to class Monday, and the look of horror on his face was priceless! Thankfully it got fixed Monday morning and we were able to commence with laundry and showering and all the other fun stuff you need clean drain pipes for.
Speaking of laundry - it's time for me to get started with it for this week. I hope you all had a great weekend, and here's to another great week of rain. Blech!
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
The Latest.....
So yet another winter weather advisory has come upon us, this one promising a little more oomph than the last few. (the last few didn't really do anything - we got 10 minutes of snow on the last one and nothing stuck) Today it started raining, then it snowed for all of about 15 minutes, and sleet has been mixed in throughout. It's sleeting right now. I have a feeling the roads will be iced over in the morning and I won't be going to work, at least not until maybe noon or so.
I had a dentist appointment yesterday - unfortunately I put off getting a molar fixed last fall, and now I have to have it removed. I see the oral surgeon Monday, and they will either remove it that afternoon, or will schedule the appointment for the removal on another day. I'm not looking forward to this, other than getting relief from the pain and swelling it is causing.
Steven and I are watching the first episode of Star Trek: Next Generation. I don't remember much of it at all, but it's funny watching how different special effects are from back then from today! LOL Of course this one has Q in it, and he's such an ass.
Because of the weather today, I missed the gym. :-( I'd been doing so well in getting my steps in and going to the gym, but safety had to come first today. Maybe I'll be able to get back at it tomorrow afternoon, if I'm able to get to work.
I am so tired all of the time. A person really shouldn't be this tired. I'm tired of asking doctors why I'm so tired - I've been asking for answers for over 20 years. I've heard all my life that exercise will energize you, help you not be so exhausted all of the time. I've had my thyroid checked, my liver, my sugar, my cholesterol, everything that doctors normally check when they're looking for sources of exhaustion. I don't know what I'd do if I woke up one day and had energy to do things, and didn't have to force myself to function. Some days it's all I can do to stay awake through dinner - there are days I just want to come home and go straight to bed. Sadly, there are many days that I come home, eat dinner, get on the couch, and practically pass out from exhaustion (this is whether or not I go to the gym).
I thought I had a lot more to say tonight, and I'm pretty sure I'll think of it all as soon as I hit the publish button, but I'm done for now. Y'all stay safe, and have a great evening.
I had a dentist appointment yesterday - unfortunately I put off getting a molar fixed last fall, and now I have to have it removed. I see the oral surgeon Monday, and they will either remove it that afternoon, or will schedule the appointment for the removal on another day. I'm not looking forward to this, other than getting relief from the pain and swelling it is causing.
Steven and I are watching the first episode of Star Trek: Next Generation. I don't remember much of it at all, but it's funny watching how different special effects are from back then from today! LOL Of course this one has Q in it, and he's such an ass.
Because of the weather today, I missed the gym. :-( I'd been doing so well in getting my steps in and going to the gym, but safety had to come first today. Maybe I'll be able to get back at it tomorrow afternoon, if I'm able to get to work.
I am so tired all of the time. A person really shouldn't be this tired. I'm tired of asking doctors why I'm so tired - I've been asking for answers for over 20 years. I've heard all my life that exercise will energize you, help you not be so exhausted all of the time. I've had my thyroid checked, my liver, my sugar, my cholesterol, everything that doctors normally check when they're looking for sources of exhaustion. I don't know what I'd do if I woke up one day and had energy to do things, and didn't have to force myself to function. Some days it's all I can do to stay awake through dinner - there are days I just want to come home and go straight to bed. Sadly, there are many days that I come home, eat dinner, get on the couch, and practically pass out from exhaustion (this is whether or not I go to the gym).
I thought I had a lot more to say tonight, and I'm pretty sure I'll think of it all as soon as I hit the publish button, but I'm done for now. Y'all stay safe, and have a great evening.
Friday, February 13, 2015
Determination
Determination is sometimes hard to come by. I've pledged to lose weight, to work out, to watch my diet many times over the years, and I've always failed. Yeah, I'd stick with it for a while, but I always gave up eventually, or just got lazy and didn't continue doing what I needed to do to keep losing, or to maintain my weight loss. More than once. Like, maybe....3-4 times I've lost a bunch of weight, once even getting down to a place where I should have been very happy with my results, but alas, I didn't think I was thin enough.
I realize that no matter what I weigh, I will likely never be happy with my body. Some of you may think that I can, and maybe, perhaps one day, I will come to accept my body, scars, stretch marks, flaws and all, and be happy with it regardless of what size I am. I really cannot recall a time in my life when I was happy with my body, not since I became aware that I was larger than the average girl. That would have been around 5th grade or so, when I became aware that I was different than most of the other girls, and it really started bothering me in junior high. I go back and look at those photos from junior high and think "damn, I thought I was fat?!" Makes me think of that body dismorphic disorder, or whatever it's called.
Maybe others feel that way - seeing themselves as larger than they are. I've seen myself that way since then. And it also works in the other direction for me - there are many times when I'm on the heavier side that I actually think I'm smaller than I am. How the hell that happens, I have not a clue.
Now, it's not so much about my looks or my weight, other than how it relates to my health. Too much weight increases your risk for heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, and so many other things. The one positive in being heavier is that it strengthens your bones, and makes your risk of osteoporosis lower somewhat. With my family history on both sides, I have to worry about the heart disease, high blood pressure, and diabetes. I already have the high blood pressure (thankfully controlled with meds, and while unmedicated, would be considered as borderline), and now I'm worried that I'm even closer to the diabetes diagnosis due to my recent sugar test that put me just ever so slightly above the high end of normal, and a yeast infection that I've recently acquired on my skin - yes, my SKIN. I know our skin is covered with assorted bacteria and yeast, I just never dreamed I'd get a yeast infection on my skin. A week of antifugal cream and all should be well with that.
Anyways - I'm pledging to keep up the workouts. I've averaged 4 days a week at the gym, walking on the treadmill, and I've walked a minimum of 3 miles each of the days I've gone to the gym for the last 2 weeks. It's so hard sometimes, to be motivated to go. Today, I really wanted to come home after work and take a nap and just skip the gym, but I've made this promise to myself that I will go to the gym every day that I can. And I've promised myself that I will walk a minimum of 3 miles each time I get on the treadmill. Some days, like today, it's hard not to quit after 2 miles, or after I've hit the 10k steps mark. My foot that was operated on 5 years ago was bothering me - felt like it needed to pop, but wouldn't. I tried shaking it out while I was walking, and that didn't really work, but I just focused and kept going. My legs were so tired when I got started, and were really tired when I was done, but I'm pleased that I made it 3 miles today.
So to restate it - I pledge to myself to keep up the workouts, to walk a minimum of 3 miles each time I get on the treadmill, to keep up the 10k steps per day - to do the best I can to be active every single day that I'm physically able to be. This is for me, and for me only. My life may very well depend on it.
I realize that no matter what I weigh, I will likely never be happy with my body. Some of you may think that I can, and maybe, perhaps one day, I will come to accept my body, scars, stretch marks, flaws and all, and be happy with it regardless of what size I am. I really cannot recall a time in my life when I was happy with my body, not since I became aware that I was larger than the average girl. That would have been around 5th grade or so, when I became aware that I was different than most of the other girls, and it really started bothering me in junior high. I go back and look at those photos from junior high and think "damn, I thought I was fat?!" Makes me think of that body dismorphic disorder, or whatever it's called.
Maybe others feel that way - seeing themselves as larger than they are. I've seen myself that way since then. And it also works in the other direction for me - there are many times when I'm on the heavier side that I actually think I'm smaller than I am. How the hell that happens, I have not a clue.
Now, it's not so much about my looks or my weight, other than how it relates to my health. Too much weight increases your risk for heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, and so many other things. The one positive in being heavier is that it strengthens your bones, and makes your risk of osteoporosis lower somewhat. With my family history on both sides, I have to worry about the heart disease, high blood pressure, and diabetes. I already have the high blood pressure (thankfully controlled with meds, and while unmedicated, would be considered as borderline), and now I'm worried that I'm even closer to the diabetes diagnosis due to my recent sugar test that put me just ever so slightly above the high end of normal, and a yeast infection that I've recently acquired on my skin - yes, my SKIN. I know our skin is covered with assorted bacteria and yeast, I just never dreamed I'd get a yeast infection on my skin. A week of antifugal cream and all should be well with that.
Anyways - I'm pledging to keep up the workouts. I've averaged 4 days a week at the gym, walking on the treadmill, and I've walked a minimum of 3 miles each of the days I've gone to the gym for the last 2 weeks. It's so hard sometimes, to be motivated to go. Today, I really wanted to come home after work and take a nap and just skip the gym, but I've made this promise to myself that I will go to the gym every day that I can. And I've promised myself that I will walk a minimum of 3 miles each time I get on the treadmill. Some days, like today, it's hard not to quit after 2 miles, or after I've hit the 10k steps mark. My foot that was operated on 5 years ago was bothering me - felt like it needed to pop, but wouldn't. I tried shaking it out while I was walking, and that didn't really work, but I just focused and kept going. My legs were so tired when I got started, and were really tired when I was done, but I'm pleased that I made it 3 miles today.
So to restate it - I pledge to myself to keep up the workouts, to walk a minimum of 3 miles each time I get on the treadmill, to keep up the 10k steps per day - to do the best I can to be active every single day that I'm physically able to be. This is for me, and for me only. My life may very well depend on it.
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