Saturday, October 18, 2014

12 Things Marriage Is and 12 Things Marriage Isn't

So, I borrowed this from 12 Things Marriage Is and 12 Things Marriage Isn't.  I found it informative and pretty accurate.  I added my comments in italics where I had something to add.  And I realize this article was written by someone who has been married 24+ years.  We haven't been married or even together nearly that long, but I see the wisdom the author's writing.

12 Things That Marriage Is Not:
1. Marriage is not for sissies. It's hard work.  Yes, it is.  Granted, we haven't encountered some of the really really hard things some couples go through, but it ain't always easy, either.
2. Marriage is not about getting what you want all the time. It's not a dictatorship. It's not wanting to win all the time because that would mean the other person would lose all the time. May be OK for you. Not good for the marriage.  I hate losing, or being wrong, but that's life.  We have to support each other, and work together.
3. Marriage is not rocket science. The principles it's based on are really pretty simple. Kindness. Respect. Loyalty. That kind of thing.  And without those, a marriage is bound to fail.  I learned this the hard way in my first rodeo.
4. Marriage is not unfashionable. It stays vital. Even Brangelina must think so.  Absolutely!
5. Marriage is not in and of itself stimulating. Since you are with the same person over a long time, the two of you can get in a rut. You have to keep things fresh.  Oh yeah, very true.
6. Marriage is not about collecting things. The joys of marriage aren't tangible. You live them. That's what makes them so very special.  Nope, no collecting things.  Except my spoons.  I love my spoon collection.  And yes, I know, not anything to do with marriage.  LOL
7. Marriage is not for the impatient. Some of the best stuff takes a while to develop. You have to stick around to find that out.  You must have the patience of Job to make it in a marriage!
8. Marriage is not the place for criticism. For abuse. If it is found there, it will ruin any chance of true intimacy or trust and dissolve the hope that once might have existed.  I believe in constructive criticism - if something isn't going right, or if you're doing something that is hurting your partner, you have to be open and discuss the issues.  But keep it kind - no need for hurtful words.  Anger is okay, but it must be tempered with love and kindness.
9. Marriage is not a 24-hour repair shop. Your marital partner is not supposed to meet your every need. Some of those needs you may have to take care of yourself. Through your friendships or other activities.  Amen!  Brian and I have our own outlets for separate activities.  We enjoy hunting together, for example, but I can't always go with him and that's okay.  He enjoys his online gaming, and I am content to read or surf the net. 
10. Marriage is not self-sustaining. It does not thrive on its own. If all you focus on is the kids, you are making a mistake.  That's what date nights or date times are for!
11. Marriage is not boring. Two lives woven together can be quite exciting! There's just something about watching someone very different from you, living their life in an extremely different way. Up close and personal. You learn from that.  There is definitely never a dull moment in our home!
12. Marriage is not without conflict. Knowing how to disagree and work through anger and disappointment is probably the key to lots of stuff going well. Getting to that cooperating, mentioned in #2.  Very true.  You just have to work through it.  Kindly.

12 Things That Marriage Is:
1. Marriage is the potential for an intense, deep and diverse intimacy. Sexual. Emotional. Relational.  I've never known the intimacy I've experienced with my husband.  And no, it's not all about the dirty stuff - very raw, emotional intimacy can be difficult, but oh, so worth it.
2. Marriage is knowing someone has your back. Always. You have theirs. It's about interdependence.  Thank goodness for this!
3. Marriage is realizing that you have been seen in your worst times, and that you are still loved. There's an overriding sense of gratitude and security.  It's amazing to be seen at your worst and know you're still loved.  No matter what.
4. Marriage is sharing old jokes. Or some story that may be told over and over but it still makes you laugh 'til you are left gasping for breath.  Yep, it's always good to laugh over old funnies.
5. Marriage is getting teary-eyed together.  I'm the teary eyed one most of the time, but hubby gets that way sometimes, too.  We're there for each other through the teary-eyed times.
6. Marriage is thinking about the other one not being there anymore. And not being able to think about it.  Can't even fathom it.
7. Marriage is getting irritated by the things that always irritate you. Have irritated you for 24 years. Will irritate you for 24 more. And tolerating it because it is way overbalanced by the good stuff.  There are things about him that irritate me, just as I know there are things about me that irritate him, but yes, the good far outweighs the small irritations.
8. Marriage is not being able to wait to get home to share some little something.  My son wonders why we spend so much time on the phone when we're away from each other - because we love to share our lives with each other!
9. Marriage is wishing you were the one having the operation. Or the illness. Not him.  So true.  Except that nasty elbow injury last  year.  No one should have to deal with that kind of madness!
10. Marriage is sometimes fighting. Trying to slowly learn to fight more fairly. To apologize. To listen. To learn. To find resolution.  Thankfully we don't fight often, in fact it's extremely rare.  But when we do, I think we fight fairly - no name calling, no belittling, none of those horrible hurtful things that unfair fights entail.
11. Marriage is about vulnerability. Giving someone the right to hurt or disappoint you. While simultaneously giving that someone the opportunity to bring you tremendous joy and laughter.  The saying is true - the ones you love the most have the most power to hurt you, but you trust them not to.
12. Marriage is a promise. A vow. To try the hardest you have ever tried in your life. Marriage is a place for the achievement of a personal integrity like no other.  Amen.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

My Horoscope for Monday, September 29, 2014

It's nearly impossible to let go of your unexpressed feelings that still linger beneath the surface. Although you think everything is settled, a personal drama arises. Just when you are ready to move on, a reminder dredges up a wave of powerful emotions. Don't waste energy on fighting against the prevailing currents; instead navigate with your heart to work with the natural tides and not against them. Channel your intensity into your creativity and see what happens.

Such is my life.  Every time I think I'm moving past some things that bother me, something happens that rips those wounds open again.  No, I'm not going into details here, nor elsewhere, so no, don't bother asking.  None of you.  I'm just going to brood on my own and fret and be pissy.  What's that definition of insanity - doing the same thing over and over yet expecting a different result.  Yeah, that's my life.

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Yeah, I'm Over It. Really I am.

Over what, you might ask?  Having periods.  I am SICK TO DEATH OF HAVING PERIODS!!!!  I just don't believe I'll miss them at all once my body decides not to have them anymore.  I mean, I'm apparently infertile now so lack of periods won't really mean anything except I won't be making Kotex or Playtex rich every month with my plethora of supplies that I have to keep on hand.

One thing I need to know, though - do women still have the monthly hormonal swings and moods, even when they no longer have periods?  Man I hope not!  Currently I'm like:

Once the period arrives, I'm like:
I was up at 4:30am this morning due to period issues, and had to drag out the heating pad.  Hubby was so sweet to me, but he said he really hates my periods because I'm a whiny, moody cry-baby.  Well, he only used the word "whiny", I added "moody" and "cry-baby" because I'm sure that's what he was thinking and I know that's what I am every month.  I was just kinda sad last night, for no reason in particular, I just know it's the hormones doing it.  I wanted to just cry, but for whatever reason I couldn't.  Tonight I'm moody and irritated and kinda want to cry, but I'm not gonna do it.

And this is a first for me **TMI warning** - just went through an ultra tampon in 45 minutes.  Normally on a bad day like today it takes about 90 minutes.  But tonight - just 45 minutes.  Fuck.

Gonna lay here with my heating pad and fight the urge to be a whiny cry-baby.........

Monday, October 6, 2014

Wonderful Weekend!

My mom came to stay with us this weekend - I picked her up after work Friday and took her home today.  Clydie cooked us a good dinner Friday night, and on Saturday, Mom, Clydie, Steven and I went into Carrollton where Steven treated us to lunch, and we did some shopping.  Mom picked up a couple of plant stands for me, as we needed to get our plants brought in from the back porch (the temp was supposed to be as low as 36 this morning), and she got me a couple more blouses from Ross.  (I really have come to love that store!)  We also checked out a couple book stores on the square, and had coffee at the coffee shop.  Man, the walking we did!

I cooked those damn enchiladas for dinner last night, and they were yummy! 

I've escaped injury this weekend from 2 different incidents.  Yesterday I was throwing a dead wasp (spawn of Satan, as Steven called it) out the back porch door and I got my sock covered foot a little too close to the edge of the steps.  My foot started sliding off the step and I almost went with it - I screamed and grabbed the door with one hand and the railing with the other hand and caught myself.  Had I fallen, I probably would have ended up with an injury like Brian got last year - broken and dislocated arm/elbow, or worse.

Today when I was driving Mom home, this idiot in a Mercedes with a handicapped license plate proceeded to pull from the side of the road, over lane by lane, going approximately 20mph, without looking, not bothering to speed up to the speed limit, and of course I was just in the 2nd lane from where he was coming into the road.  My mother was panicking, as she had looked in the rear view side mirror and saw a car flying up behind us.  I had already hit the brakes pretty hard to keep from smashing into the rear of this moron in the Mercedes, and the speeding car behind me suddenly swerved to the lane to my left, and of course Mercedes Moron proceeded to slowly pull over in front of the speeding idiot, which caused the speeding idiot to have to move over suddenly again.  The speeder got away safely, and the Mercedes Moron continued to drive very slowly (there's no way he was doing the mandatory minimum of 40/45), and he ended up in the lane next to the farthest to the left, swerving while he was there.  I was too focused on keeping control of my car and keeping us safe to bother with getting that moron's license plate number, but had I been continuing in his direction and not exiting at that point, I would have followed him and gotten his plate #.  Perhaps I should have taken the detour for a few minutes to get the plate # and report him, but Mom was pretty upset and I wanted to get her home.

So other than my 2 near accidents, I had a great weekend!