Wednesday, February 25, 2015

The Latest.....

So yet another winter weather advisory has come upon us, this one promising a little more oomph than the last few.  (the last few didn't really do anything - we got 10 minutes of snow on the last one and nothing stuck)  Today it started raining, then it snowed for all of about 15 minutes, and sleet has been mixed in throughout.  It's sleeting right now.  I have a feeling the roads will be iced over in the morning and I won't be going to work, at least not until maybe noon or so.

I had a dentist appointment yesterday - unfortunately I put off getting a molar fixed last fall, and now I have to have it removed.  I see the oral surgeon Monday, and they will either remove it that afternoon, or will schedule the appointment for the removal on another day.  I'm not looking forward to this, other than getting relief from the pain and swelling it is causing. 

Steven and I are watching the first episode of Star Trek: Next Generation.  I don't remember much of it at all, but it's funny watching how different special effects are from back then from today!  LOL  Of course this one has Q in it, and he's such an ass.

Because of the weather today, I missed the gym.  :-(  I'd been doing so well in getting my steps in and going to the gym, but safety had to come first today.  Maybe I'll be able to get back at it tomorrow afternoon, if I'm able to get to work.

I am so tired all of the time.  A person really shouldn't be this tired.  I'm tired of asking doctors why I'm so tired - I've been asking for answers for over 20 years.  I've heard all my life that exercise will energize you, help you not be so exhausted all of the time.  I've had my thyroid checked, my liver, my sugar, my cholesterol, everything that doctors normally check when they're looking for sources of exhaustion.  I don't know what I'd do if I woke up one day and had energy to do things, and didn't have to force myself to function.  Some days it's all I can do to stay awake through dinner - there are days I just want to come home and go straight to bed.  Sadly, there are many days that I come home, eat dinner, get on the couch, and practically pass out from exhaustion (this is whether or not I go to the gym). 

I thought I had a lot more to say tonight, and I'm pretty sure I'll think of it all as soon as I hit the publish button, but I'm done for now.  Y'all stay safe, and have a great evening.

Friday, February 13, 2015


Determination is sometimes hard to come by.  I've pledged to lose weight, to work out, to watch my diet many times over the years, and I've always failed.  Yeah, I'd stick with it for a while, but I always gave up eventually, or just got lazy and didn't continue doing what I needed to do to keep losing, or to maintain my weight loss.  More than once.  Like, maybe....3-4 times I've lost a bunch of weight, once even getting down to a place where I should have been very happy with my results, but alas, I didn't think I was thin enough.

I realize that no matter what I weigh, I will likely never be happy with my body.  Some of you  may think that I can, and maybe, perhaps one day, I will come to accept my body, scars, stretch marks, flaws and all, and be happy with it regardless of what size I am.  I really cannot recall a time in my life when I was happy with my body, not since I became aware that I was larger than the average girl.  That would have been around 5th grade or so, when I became aware that I was different than most of the other girls, and it really started bothering me in junior high.  I go back and look at those photos from junior high and think "damn, I thought I was fat?!"  Makes me think of that body dismorphic disorder, or whatever it's called. 

Maybe others feel that way - seeing themselves as larger than they are.  I've seen myself that way since then.  And it also works in the other direction for me - there are many times when I'm on the heavier side that I actually think I'm smaller than I am.  How the hell that happens, I have not a clue.

Now, it's not so much about my looks or my weight, other than how it relates to my health.  Too much weight increases your risk for heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, and so many other things. The one positive in being heavier is that it strengthens your bones, and makes your risk of osteoporosis lower somewhat.  With my family history on both sides, I have to worry about the heart disease, high blood pressure, and diabetes.  I already have the high blood pressure (thankfully controlled with meds, and while unmedicated, would be considered as borderline), and now I'm worried that I'm even closer to the diabetes diagnosis due to my recent sugar test that put me just ever so slightly above the high end of normal, and a yeast infection that I've recently acquired on my skin - yes, my SKIN.  I know our skin is covered with assorted bacteria and yeast, I just never dreamed I'd get a yeast infection on my skin.  A week of antifugal cream and all should be well with that.

Anyways - I'm pledging to keep up the workouts.  I've averaged 4 days a week at the gym, walking on the treadmill, and I've walked a minimum of 3 miles each of the days I've gone to the gym for the last 2 weeks.  It's so hard sometimes, to be motivated to go.  Today, I really wanted to come home after work and take a nap and just skip the gym, but I've made this promise to myself that I will go to the gym every day that I can. And I've promised myself that I will walk a minimum of 3 miles each time I get on the treadmill.  Some days, like today, it's hard not to quit after 2 miles, or after I've hit the 10k steps mark.  My foot that was operated on 5 years ago was bothering me - felt like it needed to pop, but wouldn't.  I tried shaking it out while I was walking, and that didn't really work, but I just focused and kept going.  My legs were so tired when I got started, and were really tired when I was done, but I'm pleased that I made it 3 miles today.

So to restate it - I pledge to myself to keep up the workouts, to walk a minimum of 3 miles each time I get on the treadmill, to keep up the 10k steps per day - to do the best I can to be active every single day that I'm physically able to be.  This is for me, and for me only.  My life may very well depend on it.

Friday, February 6, 2015

That magical weekend

Military ball 2011. It was such a magical weekend. We'd talked about getting married since he'd moved in during the summer of 2010, but there was no talk of when.
He had a meeting that Friday night and when it was over, he said he had someone he wanted me to meet. I figured it was one of his soldiers, and followed him through the hotel as he looked for this person.
Finally, we find him in one of the meeting rooms. He was on the phone, and while we waited for him to finish, I started to wonder who this man was, and why we had to meet. When he introduced himself, it suddenly dawned on me why we were meeting - this was Chaplain Nick, the man Brian had picked to be the officiant for our wedding ceremony! 
I suddenly realized that this was it, Brian was ready to set a date and make plans!  I was so excited that evening I was about to explode!  I couldn't wait to tell my mom and all my friends! 
I was on cloud 9 all weekend long. The wheels started turning in my head regarding wedding plans. We had about 3 1/2 months to plan, as we set our date for May 28, Memorial Day weekend.
These photos popped up on my Timehop, and I just wanted to share a little of the story behind it.
BTW - these photos are why my mother tried to talk me out of wearing heels at the wedding!

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Really Great News!

I got some really awesome news today!  I had a "wellness check" today, to include cholesterol, sugar, blood pressure, and weight.

I failed the weight/BMI portion, which I knew I would.  That's a battle I'm fighting now, and am making slow progress at it.

The nurse had the glucose monitor upside down and it looked like it said 211 - I freaked out!  But, it was only 112.  Should be 110 or less, so I've got to really watch my sugar closely while I'm going through this weight loss and exercise process.  (I was fasting, so the sugar shouldn't have been over the 110)

Because of the scare with the glucose monitor, my blood pressure shot up.  I believe it was 121/90 when she checked it the first time.  Because that bottom # was so high, she checked it manually on the other arm, and it was 117/78.  Much better!  (Of course I consciously made the effort to relax and take deep breaths, and I think that helped)

But here's the great news - my cholesterol is down to 179!  (it was 247 last year)  The "bad" cholesterol (LDL) is 55 (I think that's the lowest mine has EVER been!), and my "good" cholesterol (HDL)is a big old 72!  I had a doctor once tell me if I could get my HDL to 75, regardless of the other #'s, I would be "bulletproof" against heart disease.  Of course I'd like the LDL and the triglycerides to be within appropriate limits, but I'll take this as a great bit of news today. 

The one bummer in the cholesterol figure is that my triglycerides was 262.  Yeah, those aren't supposed to be greater than 150, so I've still got some work to do.  But I'm on the right track.  I've been going to the gym pretty regularly since I started back a few weeks ago, only missing twice last week for date night and family night, and I missed tonight because I got delayed at work and wouldn't have had time to walk my 3 miles before time to go home for dinner.  I took a 1.5 mile walk Saturday morning, and again after dinner tonight, hills and all, to try to make up for missing the gym time.

So, while my overall health grade is a C+, I'll take it!

The Dumb is Taking Over

I have witnessed so much STUPID over the past several days, I don't even know where to begin.  PMS makes it more frustrating, and some of it would be amusing if it just wasn't so damn DUMB.

Here's some examples.

I love the show The Blacklist.  I belong to several fan pages on Facebook.  Tonight, some silly ass starts spouting a bunch of religious stuff about sinners, and Jesus, etc., on a thread on one of the fan pages.  Just out of the blue, and it had absolutely nothing to do with the thread she was posting on.  Someone called her on it, then it just went downhill from there.  No one had a problem with this individual's beliefs, they just didn't belong on the thread - there were even a few comments asking the person if perhaps she was posting on the wrong thread or page.  The one that called her on it went to her profile and found LOTS of photos of scantily clad women, and other stuff that you'd think a "good religious person" would not be posting on their page.  It was just really aggravating to get bombarded with all the ignorant comments that were made by this individual who started out sounding like a super-religious person, and ended up sounding like a true troublemaker.

Sunday, I was in Wal-Mart with Clydie.  We were walking by the cheese aisle, selecting some cheese and talking.  This little old lady comes right up behind me, so close I could feel her breath on my back, and for every step I took to try to move out of her way, she was taking 3 to keep up with me!  She finally said "excuse me" and I hurried up to get out of her way.  Clydie and I continued walking through the store, and I was walking between her and the endcaps.  Suddenly I notice that I have someone following VERY closely behind me with their shopping cart. I glance behind me and it's the damn woman from the cheese section!  I told Clydie I had to hurry up and get on her other side, that I was about to cuss a bitch out, and that damn woman better hope she doesn't run that buggy up on my heels before I can get out of her way.  Thankfully, I escaped being assaulted by a shopping cart and avoided having to cuss someone out.

I have to work really, really hard to not comment on some of the posts that I see on Facebook and the news.  Many times I don't bother commenting at all, as I just don't want to get sucked into an internet argument about things.  That, and I have friends on both sides of the fence on a lot of topics, from gun ownership/control, vaccinations, politics, etc., and it's just not worth hurting anyone's feelings or pissing them off, especially if I find their comments especially ignorant.  I have great respect for several people with whom I don't agree, and I just leave things alone.  :-)

I'm sure there was a lot more "dumb" out there, but that's all I can think of at the moment.

Be smart y'all!

For me to keep in mind........

I really need to remember this.  I have a hard time letting go, ignoring what I perceive to be my flaws, when he doesn't see them, or sees them as part of what makes me the beautiful woman that he fell in love with.

I just don't understand how all the flaws I perceive either don't exist to him, or he somehow doesn't see them or is able to look past them.  I guess the same way I don't see his flaws, and am able to look beyond the flaws and see the person and all the beauty I see in him.

I just feel overwhelmed at times with my flaws, real or in my head. I am so thankful for Brian - he can't fix what is broken in me, but he does a pretty damn good job of holding the pieces together while I work on fixing what only I can fix.