Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Getting my groove back......sorta....

Well, at least I'm trying to get my groove back. The mood is improving, although it's still not where it needs to be. I still have some stuff to work out within my own mind about various things, but the darkness is starting to lift. Just in time for another round of PMS in about a week or so! Yay me! LOL

So I went to Interval class yesterday - lifting the weights and doing the stretchy band really fatigued my muscles, and this was after trying N.O.Xplode (a drink that's supposed to help you last longer and have more stamina during your workouts). I'm thinking maybe I need to start the glucosamine supplements to help my muscles and joints repair themselves easier, but who knows.

I did a double dose of the N.O.Xplode today (canister says to do that, to assess your tolerance for it), and still didn't really feel much from it. I walked a mile in 19 minutes (I know, not real fast but I didn't want to wear myself out before the Power class), then I did the Power class. My muscles didn't seem to fatigue as quickly tonight as they did last night, although they were getting tired more quickly than they were oh say, a month ago. Not sure what's up with that but am gonna keep pushing through it. I definitely feel the workout tonight - the shower will be most welcome to relax my muscles and I'm sure it won't take long to be out like a light when I hit the bed (as if that's ever a problem!)

I also got me some niacin, 500mg tablets. It's supposed to help with lowering cholesterol. I'm already taking the fish oil pills which is supposed to help, so maybe between the 2, and watching what I eat, it will come down to an acceptable level. I was worried the niacin will give me those damn inferno hot flashes (I had previously taken Niaspan, which is the presciption form of the niacin 500mg and OMFG I thought I was gonna die one night from the heat that my body experienced), but the ones I got are supposed to be "non-flush" tablets, which won't cause hot flashes.

I bought myself some kickass boots for Christmas. Not sure if I wanna post the pictures of them or not, but they are HOT!!! I can't wait to wear them!!!

And I bought myself a new vacuum with some of the Christmas money that my family sent me. It's one of those that's supposed to work really well to get up pet hair and dander, so if it works as well as it says on the box, it will come in handy with the pups. I tested it out in the computer room - there's plenty of dog hair in there, and it seems to have worked pretty well. It's a bagless vacuum, and after vacuuming just half the room, I've had to empty the canister twice! And the carpet looks GREAT!

I thought of an ingenious way to clean the snake tank out, without having to try to move it, lift it, etc. - SHOP VAC!!! I can scoop out the stuff the vac won't get, then suck out the bedding material with the shop vac. Technically, I could do this with the snake still in the tank, but I think I will try my hand at actually taking her out and putting her in the tub for a swim.

The drama is continuing with my grandmother. Not sharing more details, but please, if you're the praying kind - please pray for her, and for the family. Today was a rough day for the family, with a situation she created, and I'm not sure how we are going to resolve this. I had a mini-meltdown at work today because of what was going on, and I just can't be doing that.

Never have I had as many meltdowns at work, as I have had in the past 6 months! Between drama with Michael, Meme, the deployment, and other situations, I just don't know how much more I can take! I had a warm, feel-good meltdown last week when I got the flowers that Brian had delivered to the office. They were so beautiful - 2 dozen red roses, with Lindt truffles and a teddy bear. I wish they would last forever.....

Other than missing my husband and my mother something terrible at Christmas, it was a pretty good weekend. I wish they both could have been there with us, I know Brian would have really enjoyed the dinner my grandmother cooked.

Steven and I are supposed to go to the lake this weekend for new year's, but after today's events with Meme, I just don't know if I'm up for going and dealing with more possible drama if she goes as well. I guess I'll have to wait and see if she still goes, and make a decision from there.

Well, folks, it's 11pm, or very close to it, and I hear the shower calling my name! I hope you all had a fantastically merry Christmas, and are having a stellar week so far.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

I can't believe tomorrow's Christmas!

It just doesn't seem like it, doesn't feel like it. I've been in a real funk the last few weeks for several different reasons. One being that my family is not complete at what is supposed to be a joyous time of year - my mother and her husband are in England, and my husband is deployed in a far away land overseas. Another being the drama with my grandmother. A third being that my best friend and I are still not back to where we used to be. And lastly, something that I found out about a few weeks ago that really didn't set well with me, for which I will not go into details about.

Of course there's nothing I can do about my mom, her husband, or Brian being here. They are where they are, and that's it.

As for my grandmother - this is going to be a family affair, which I imagine we will have to start dealing with sooner rather than later. Again, I don't want to go into a lot of details about it, but it's really, really hard. Today made me realize just how hard this is going to be. I had no idea what to expect, but fortunately I know a few people that have experienced what we will be going through, so at least I will have some folks I can go to for advice.

My best friend - still don't know what I'm going to do about that one. We have talked some on and off since November, but the more I think about what all caused our falling out back in June, and the fact that he STILL hasn't apologized, makes me very angry. I imagine I should forgive and move on, but that's just it - I've forgiven, but I'm having a hard time moving on without some sort of resolution. Even when I've mentioned similar situations to him and how important I feel apologies are necessary, he doesn't take the hint. And no, I haven't come right out and told him that I feel he still owes me an apology - I feel like I have to tell him, that any apology he gives would just be out of obligation to make me happy, not because he truly means it.

The last situation - while I won't be giving details, I can say that it's been resolved. It took some talking through, which has made me feel 100% better about the whole deal. I've been in a true, deep funk over this situation, but after finishing the conversation about it yesterday, it was like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders.

Oh, and there's one more thing that's had me down - I always get the blues during the holidays. I don't know what it is, I've heard it's fairly common though. It's never mattered what was going on at the holidays, whether life was good, boring, exciting, happy, or whatever - Christmas-time has just always been hard for me. I know in years past, I couldn't wait to get home after celebrating with family, or be alone when I lived with family, to mope, sulk and sometimes even cry. It's never had anything to do with gifts, spats, or anything that I can even put my finger on. I just get incredibly sad at times after celebrating with family.

And now that I don't have my husband here to keep me happy in person, I have to rely on him to do it via Skype or messenger.

One last reason that it doesn't seem like Christmas - the WEATHER!!!! No, I don't ever expect a white Christmas (although we did get one last year!), I do expect it to be at least somewhat cold. And it's not cold this year. Today was probably in the high 50's somewhere, I don't know exactly I just know that I was quite comfortable in a long sleeve tshirt and jeans.

Anyway, folks, I hope you all are enjoying your Christmas Eve, and that each and every one of you has a wonderful, joyous, and Merry Christmas!!!

Thursday, December 22, 2011

About at my wits' end......

No, I'm not going into much details, other than to say my grandmother is at it again. I don't know how much more of this I can take before I snap at her about this silliness. I know she can't help it, it's part of the aging process and she's obviously going down the road with dementia, but OMG this is just insane.

I have been trying to move myself away from drama queens over the past year, and unfortunately drama still seems to find me. I honestly have made an effort to mind my own business for the most part, as much as I possibly can, but some people just want to keep trying to draw me into their own drama-filled lives and situations. From people reading things I write online and taking them out of context and/or interpreting them totally whack compared to how what I've written is meant, to people trying to draw me into situations that I don't want, need, or belong in, to people just over-reacting to things in their own lives because they can't see that they need to makes changes within themselves.

These situations sometimes just make me want to close everyone out of my life, except for my husband and my son. I'm just so tired of dealing with everyone else that I deal with on a regular basis - it really is a drag having to listen to the latest "guess what's missing from my place" story, or hearing the same historical recollection over and over ad nauseum.

I value my friends and family, and love them all, but dammit I think I need a break sometimes. I emailed my mom this morning, telling her I'm feeling pretty down lately, because she and Brian aren't here for Christmas, and because I just always seem to get the "Christmas blues". It's not something I can explain - regardless of how great my life may be going around the holidays, I always start sinking into a funk. Of course when there's a lot of bullshit drama around the holidays, the funk goes even deeper. Her solution? "just pull yourself out of it" As if it was that easy.

I know I've posted before that happiness is a choice, and to a great extent it is. It's just so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when people are constantly doind stupid shit to dim the bulb! But seriously, it's hard to choose to be happy when so many things are in limbo, without a satisfactory resolution, or still in the process of being resolved.

Going to the gym is the one thing I have to look forward to right now, even though I really kind of hate it. Oh, who am I kidding - I despise exercise with a deep passion. But, I know it makes me feel better once I get started with it. I usually have to concentrate when I'm in class, especially the interval and step classes, so it doesn't give me the opportunity to dwell on the things that are bothering me. I hate that I missed the gym tonight - I'd been planning on the double classes that I did last Thursday, but the weather was really bad and I didn't want Steven home alone in case we got tornados - I wanted to be there in case we needed to get out and go to Mom's house to weather the storm. Luckily that wasn't necessary, but I missed class. :(

I've got to get myself back on a normal sleep schedule, too. I'm sure cheating myself out of a full night's sleep doesn't do my mental and emotional state any good either. I'm already tired all the time under normal circumstances, I don't need to make it worse by cheating myself out of sleep.

Okay folks, I need to shower and make myself go to bed. Just needed to vent tonight, and thanks for reading. And thanks for going back and reading the old shit, back to the beginning, as some of you have done recently.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Not getting anywhere....

Thought I was digging my way out of this darkness, but alas I am not. Just when I think I'm starting to climb out of it, I get sucked back down into it. Some of my issues were partially resolved today, but there's still a ways to go with it, and honestly it's just not an easy journey but I will get there.

I really wanted to get my house cleaned today and all my laundry done, but here it is, 11:39pm, and I've still got at least 4 loads of laundry to finish and I didn't even get the floors vacuumed. I know, I know, I have a 16 year old that is perfectly capable of assisting me, and I think I will pawn the vacuuming off on him tomorrow. (I don't trust him with laundry just yet, at least not on anything that can shrink or color-fade). But I'm determined to run the steam cleaner tonight before I go to bed. Guess I should get on it.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

So tired of this.....

Yep, the sinus/cold/bronchitis/wtf ever it is, is back. With a vengeance. I got up with a touch of sore throat Wednesday, horrible sneezing fits, stuffy sinuses, and it just seems to be getting worse. Been self-medicating with the sudafed day and the maximum strength sudafed at night, plus mucinex, neti pot, zyrtec and ibuprofen. All that in conjunction with the 2 blood pressure pills, 3 fish oil pills, 1 acidophillis/lactobacillus, and a multi-vitamin.

I managed to have a good day earlier today - took my dear sweet mother-in-law to lunch at Longhorn in Carrollton. Great food, and even better company! I had a great visit with her - she is a sweet woman.

I'm finished Christmas shopping! Yay!!!

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Digging my way out.....

Very slowly, digging my way out of this funk I've been in the past week. The hormones are slowly easing up, making it a little easier for this mood to lift. So many things have transpired recently, so many hurt feelings, such tension and anxiety.

I've been trying to wokr off some of the anxiety and stress at the gym. I think that I'm going to start going every day, even if it's just to walk on the treadmill for a bit. Getting out, moving around, makes me feel a little better, plus it helps me to keep my mind off the things that are weighing it down so much.

Tonight I worked legs after the treadmill - I'm afraid of how they will feel when I get up tomorrow, as I worked them pretty hard, with heavier weight than I remember using before. When I was finished, my legs felt like they were filled with cement. I sat down at the smoothie bar with Steven, and as I was stretching my legs out, Les, the instructor for Power class, approached and asked if we were staying. I told him no, I'd done enough to my legs, that I'd never get through the lunge and squat tracks tonight, and he laughed and said well there's 9 tracks in the class and only 2 are for legs. I'm like - yeah, but they're the longest 2 tracks and I don't even trust my legs to get me to my car tonight, neverthelss to actually do an hour of power class! LOL

The legs have loosened up some, and I'm gonna hit the ibuprofen tonight after my shower, so that I have a little preventive measure going into the night and hopefully will wake up with minimal soreness. I'm glad that interval class isn't tomorrow, as I feel pretty sure that my legs wouldn't be able to handle the step. I'm hoping I'll be good to go on Thursday for the interval class - I love that class, as it combines the cardio with some strength training.

Well folks, it's shower time, then bedtime. I'm already up too late as it is. I managed to nap a little bit earlier, but that's not good for my sleep habits. I've been so very tired lately - that's what happens when I'm stressed and upset about things. I sleep - a LOT - when I'm going through emotional turmoil. I basically just shut down, and only function at the absolute bare minimum I have to just to get by.

It's a mircale I'm finding it in me to go to the gym, but I suppose I'm sticking with it because I have certain goals to reach by the spring, and sitting on my ass at home, pouting and sleeping all the time, is not going to get me there.

Happy hump day people - I hope you all have a good one.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Lazy weekend.......

Didn't get much done this weekend. Got a little tiny bit of Christmas shopping finished, but hopefully will get it finished this week.

I've just not been feeling like doing much of anything for the past week or so. My hormones are wreaking havoc on me, and there's been some stuff going on in my personal life that is just making life hell lately.

I managed to enjoy Friday night's game, other than Steven's school lost the game. That, and someone I'm no longer friends with decided to cop an attitude with me via text. Whatever - I have my own shit to deal with, without trying to help him fix his problems or even bother listening to them.

Today has been a lay around the house and do absolutely nothing day. Well, that's not entirely true - I did managed to do a couple of loads of laundry, and do my nails.

Here's to another week of life. I hope everyone has a great one.

Friday, December 9, 2011


Sinking slowly into the depths,
the deep, dark depths of depression.
It's a place I'm all too familiar with,
a place I loathe to visit.

It seems that it comes every year,
during the cold, dark months of winter.
It doesn't matter what's going on in my life at the time,
whether things are going badly, or are going well,
I still manage to sink into the hell of depression.

I wrote that on my old Myspace blog back in January 2010. Still applies today. Doesn't help that not only are the seasons against me, but so are my hormones and some personal issues that I won't go into.

Just having a rough week, and today isn't any better, other than I'm relieved it's Friday, and will try to perk up for my son's high school state championship football game tonight. I guess I'll just throw myself into the spirit of the game and try to enjoy the game as well as the band's performance - it will be my son's first marching band performance that he's participated in, so it will be interesting. I will try to take pictures and maybe a little video and post it later.

I have a lot I want to accomplish this weekend, I hope I find the motivation within to get it done. Sinking into the abyss tends to suck all of my motivation away, so I'm going to have to work extra hard to get it back.

May you all enjoy your weekend.....I'll try to enjoy mine......

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Been a rough week.....

Yep, PMS week. And it's a BAD one, hormonally speaking. Got a recommendation from a friend to try valerian, so I need to go by the Vitamin Shoppe tomorrow and pick some up. Supposed to be the root of valium, but is herbal and all natural and very mild in comparison to the prescription.

I think, for the most part, I have managed quite nicely to not be a total bitch so far. There have been times I have wanted to lash out for various reasons, but I didn't. Wanted to toss the check printer in the parking lot and set it afire, but didn't. Would have been nice, too, for the warmth that would have provided. LOL

All I want for Christmas at work is equipment that works. EVERY DAY!!!

Having a hard time dealing with things with Brian not here. Got a lot going on, and this doing shit by myself is getting old. I can't wait to see him on his leave next year, and when he comes home.

Anyway, enough of the pity party for myself. Gonna quit, before I wallow in sorrow.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Bah Hum Bug

I was so resolved to NOT decorate for Christmas. I've just not been feeling "in the spirit" lately. And I hate having to drag all that crap out of the shed, into the house, go through it and decorate, only to have to undecorate after Christmas and drag all the crap back outside. Plus, I have no idea how Gabriel will react to the tree. Dominion didn't bother it last year, but Gabriel is a puppy and bothers EVERYTHING. Steven started out having the same reservations about decorating that I've had, but after shopping together yesterday, I think we've both changed our minds. I imagine I will find out just how much he wants to decorate when he gets up and I ask him to help me drag everything in from the shed. LOL

I was awakened this morning by Gabriel jumping on and off the bed, and each time he would do it, he would straddle his body over mine sideways, and rest there for a minute, with his full weight (44lbs when we weighed him last week) resting on top of me. He is so loving, just like Dominion - he would lay right up next to me, his head on my shoulder, and snuggle up, and if Dominion tried to get close, he'd get jealous and bite at my hand and paw at me to try to make sure I was only petting him.

Then he decided to treat my belly like a trampoline, jumping directly on my stomach when he would jump on or off the bed. A 44 pound dog is pretty heavy, to have jumping on your stomach. Now he's already worn out, napping on the floor behind me.

I got started on my Christmas shopping yesterday - still have a long way to go to get everyone's done. I don't always have an easy time buying gifts for people, unless I have a list, then it's easy. Steven has posted his list on Facebook, which only a couple of family members are on his friends list, and would be able to see it. I've got a few ideas on what to get for him, but have no clue what to get for other family members.

The dentist appointment on Friday was uneventful, except for the fact that I was there from 8:45am until almost 2pm. She had an emergency appointment come in that she had to deal with before me (my appointment was at 9am), so she didn't get started with me until 10am. No pain from the procedures, and now I have my temporary crowns and am awaiting the permanent ones to be made and arrive at her office.

Steven actually asked me yesterday to make some fudge for him for Christmas, since his New-nee (my mom) isn't here to make it. She made some when she was home for Thanksgiving, but of course that's long gone by now. I bought what I needed yesterday to make some for him, but I may wait til next weekend to make it, so that it's a little closer to Christmas.

OMG I am so SICK of the "Trojan Vibrations" commercial! It has to be one of the most idiotic commercials EVER. Loving it! NOT!!!!!! lol

Just checked out the movie listings for our local theatres - not a thing I'd be interested in sitting through today.

Wow, I wish there was a house cleaning fairy! I am really not looking forward to cleaning house today. It's amazing how cluttered things get in a week (and Brian - don't you say a word about that!!!) Oh well, guess I should get off my butt and get started. Have a great Sunday!

Friday, December 2, 2011

Another Friday.....

....and another visit to the dentist. Today is crown prep and impressions to get the crowns made. I have no idea how long this visit will last, and I didn't take the valium this time. I'm supposed to be going to work, then the gym and shopping afterwards tonight, and valium makes me sleepier as the day drags on, so I skipped it this time. I can tell. Not a good feeling to have, 30 minutes before a dentist appointment.

I haven't written this week because I just haven't felt like it. I don't feel bad physically, and not in a bad place emotionally, just haven't felt like concentrating enough to type out a coherent blog entry.

There's been a lot of fun stuff this week - Gabriel has run from his own butt one morning (upset tummy and apparently it must have hurt him to go potty). I discovered last night that Gabriel gags after a barking jag which I find hysterically funny. I also discovered last night that Dominion has a few cracked nails, one of which apparently bled a little. Steven swears he knows nothing about what happened to him, and I have no idea either, so maybe it's just some kind of freak accident. His nails are getting a little long, so I suppose I should try to clip them and maybe that will help keep him from breaking any more.

I clipped the fur from both of the dogs' toe pads - they go skidding through the kitchen so badly when they run through there, and Dominion doesn't even like walking in the kitchen when the hair on his feet gets so long and thick. Gabriel acted like I was trying to cut his feet off, Dominion just laid there and let me do it, but did try to half-heartedly hide his feet.

I made it to the gym on Tuesday (power class), Wednesday was a freebie day that we spent on treadmills and machines, and I went to interval yesterday. I'm planning on going to the step class today, and interval again in the morning. I took my measurements the other night - holy hell I was not pleased. Although I do know I've come a long way, and I'd hate to see what the measurements were even a year ago. But at least now I know what I'm dealing with, as measurements are more important than the #'s on the scale.

Gonna do some Christmas shopping tonight after the gym, and have dinner with Missy tomorrow night and maybe do a little more shopping after dinner.

Well that's all that's been going on in my exciting life - other than I've gotten to skype with my husband some over the last week! Yay!!!! Seeing him just made me miss him even more, but I know this won't last forever and he'll be home before I know it. At least, I keep telling myself that because that's what everyone else says about deployment. A bunch of bullshit if you ask me - my days seem to drag on and on and on sometimes, but I know, eventually, he will be home from this and life will go on.

Anyways - happy Friday to you all! And have a great weekend!!!!!

Friday, November 25, 2011

Dammit, man!

The dreams I had last night were quite bizarre. I imagine it was because of the food coma that I lapsed into before 8pm. There was so much food at my uncle's house, and it was all delicious! I seriously came home from there and laid down, and of course I knew I'd be down for the count. Or at least until the dogs and/or Steven woke me up around midnight or so like the night before.

So during my first round of sleep, I had strange dreams about travel and weddings. Somehow these were mixed, yet separate. I don't know quite how to describe it, as it seemed my dreams moved back and forth from one subject to another. I do remember that I was going to travel somewhere, and I had parked my car at a McDonald's, backing it into a parking space. The land next to the parking lot was filled with kudzu and huge ant hill piles, and there was an ant hill just a few feet away from my car. I decided I needed to move my car, as those ant hills tended to grow fast and I didn't want to return from my trip and have my car engulfed inside an ant hill.

At some point during this mixture of dreams, I dreamt that I was at my mother's house - not sure if it was the one here, or the one in England. But I was getting the grand tour and was having to leave suddenly through a side exit, and we walked over a type of see through floor and venting system, and Mom said "you know, we have that swimming pool downstairs". WTH Neither of their homes has a swimming pool, either inside or out.

So another part of this dream mix had to do with weddings. Mine and Brian's, specifically. For some reason, we had decided to have 2 weddings, about 2 weeks apart. Not sure why we would have made that decision, but oh well, it was just a dream. I had a really pretty lavender dress, floor length, for one, and for the other I had this floral print dress, floor length also, that was actually made out of the same print as a skirt I currently own. Both of the dresses were like evening gowns, but not in stiff, icky material - very fluid, blows pretty in the breeze material.

I don't recall dreaming about the actual ceremonies, the only parts I remember were the dresses, and at one point kinda running down the street of what looked like Five Points in Columbia, SC, looking for either a friend or family member who was lost.

And as I figured, I woke up somewhere between 1230am and 1am, and piddled around online for a little while. Steven was still up, we chatted a while and I went back to bed.

During dreams round 2, I dreamt about my job, and that I quit suddenly. There were a lot of people there that I didn't recognize, some that I did, and the whole building and set up were quite different from what my current real job is. I left the premises my last day, but then suddenly went back to discuss my issues with the CEO. Nothing was resolved in the dream, I was left in limbo with the company.

And that was my evening of dreams. Now onto the phone call I just got from the doctor's office - sooooo not what I was expecting on Black Friday. Truly makes it a Black Friday for me though.

I have to get routine bloodwork every 3 months or so since I take a drug called maxzide for blood pressure and swelling, and it contains 2 separate meds, one for water retention and the other for the blood pressure. Apparently the bloodwork shows that the drug is taxing my kidneys and making them work too hard, so they are cutting the dose of my current drug in half, and adding a separate drug called lisonopril (sp?) to help keep the bp down. This concerns me only because I want to make sure my feet and hands don't swell on the lowered dose of maxzide.

Then they tell me my cholesterol is high - duh! It always is. Total cholesterol is 231 (shouldn't be over 199). LDL, the bad cholesterol, is 141, which is too high (I think she said they shouldn't be over 100). HDL, the "good" cholesterol, is 52, which is good, as it is supposed to be over 39. My triglycerides are 190, which is not good, since they should be below 149. And since I've had the muscle/joint pain due to lipitor, and the nightmarish hot flashes feeling like waking up in FLAMES and my skin red and blistered looking from taking niaspan, the nurse suggested I take 1,000mg of Omega 3 Fish Oil 3 times a day, and of course cut the fat from my diet. She also suggested that I make sure to get the "burpless" kind, as otherwise I may burp *fish oil* all day. That just sounds disgusting, so yes, I will make sure to spend the extra couple of dollars on the burpless kind, as God knows I don't want to taste freaking fish oil all day long.

So then I asked her about my creatinine levels, as they were elevated last blood work. She said that was why they were concerned about my kidneys, as my level is 1.13 and it shouldn't be over 1.0. After getting this news on the last set of blood work, I did a little research and found that creatinine is the waste product of muscle metabolism, and elevated levels can be considered normal in persons who work out regularly and/or have a larger muscle mass than the "normal" person has. I made a point to tell the nurse what my research found last time, and that perhaps this was the case for me, as I do work out regularly, and I've always had a larger muscle mass than the average woman (and no guys, titties don't count! LOL) She said she would mention that to the doctor, but in the meantime to still follow the prescription changes that were ordered, which I will gladly do.

I also mentioned to her my concerns that cutting the maxzide may not eliminate enough of the fluid and asked her what to do if my feet and hands were swelling again. Of course I got the "make an appointment to come in an be evaluated further" advice, which is what I figured.

It looks like I get to really start watching the diet and continue with the exercising so that I can try to get the cholesterol within acceptable levels, and all of this will also help me reach my goal of being in the shape that I want to be in, by the time I see my husband again! Time to get serious with this shit and just do it. Now, where's my measuring tape????? Gotta keep up with the progress!

Have a great weekend y'all - don't go nuts with the shopping!!!

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Thankful for the Thorns.....

My annual Thanksgiving post......

Let me start by saying that no, I didn't write this. Someone sent it to me a few years ago and I like to post it and pass it around during the holidays, to remind people to be thankful not only for the good things that God has given them, but also the "bad" things, for they too, serve a purpose in our lives.

Thankful for the Thorns

Sandra felt as low as the heels of her Birkenstocks as she pushed against aNovember gust and the florist shop door. Her life had been easy, like a spring breeze.Then, in the fourth month of her second pregnancy, a minor automobile accident stole her ease. During this Thanksgiving week she would have delivered a son.She grieved over her loss. As if that weren't enough, her husband's company threatened a transfer. Then her sister, whose holiday visit she coveted, called saying she could not come.

What's worse, Sandra's friend infuriated her by suggesting her grief was a God-given path to maturity that would allow her to empathize with others who suffer? "Had she lost a child? No - she has no idea what I'm feeling," Sandra shuddered. Thanksgiving? "Thankful for what?" she wondered. For a careless driver whose truck was hardly scratched when he rear-ended her? For an airbag that saved her life but took that of her child?

"Good afternoon, can I help you?"

The flower shop clerk's approach startled her. "Sorry," said Jenny, "I just didn't want you to think I was ignoring you."

"I . . . . I need an arrangement."

"For Thanksgiving?" Sandra nodded."Do you want beautiful but ordinary, or would you like to challenge the day with a customer favorite I call the "Thanksgiving Special."

Jenny saw Sandra's curiosity and continued, "I'm convinced that flowers tell stories, that each arrangement insinuates a particular feeling. Are you looking for something that conveys gratitude this Thanksgiving?"

"Not exactly!" Sandra blurted. "Sorry, but in the last five months, everything that could go wrong has."

Sandra regretted her outburst but was surprised when Jenny said, "I have the perfect arrangement for you."

The door's small bell suddenly rang. "Barbara! Hi, "Jenny said. She politely excused herself form Sandra and walked toward a small workroom. She quickly reappeared carrying a massive arrangement of green bows, and long-stemmed thorny roses. Only, the ends of the rose stems were neatly snipped, no flowers.

"Want this in a box?" Jenny asked.

Sandra watched for Barbara's response. Was this a joke? Who would want rose stems and no flowers! She waited for laughter, for someone to notice the absence of flowers atop the thorny stems, but neither woman did.

"Yes, please. It's exquisite," said Barbara. "You'd think after three years of getting the special, I'd not be so moved by its significance, but it's happening again. My family will love this one. Thanks."

Sandra stared. "Why so normal a conversation about so strange an arrangement?" she wondered.

"Ah, said Sandra, pointing. "That lady just left with, ah . . . ."


"Well, she had no flowers!"


"Off. Yep. That's the Special. I call it the "Thanksgiving Thorns Bouquet."

"But, why do people pay for that?" In spite of herself she chuckled.

"Do you rally want to know?"

"I couldn't leave this shop without knowing. I'd think about nothing else!"

"That might be good," said Jenny.

"Well," she continued, "Barbara came into the shop three years ago feeling very much like you feel today. She thought she had very little to be thankful for. She had lost her father to cancer, the family business was failing, her son was into drugs, and she faced major surgery."

"Ouch!" said Sandra.

"That same year, I lost my husband. I assumed complete responsibility for the shop and for the first time, spent the holidays alone. I had no children, no husband, no family nearby, and too great a debt to allow any travel."

"What did you do?"

"I learned to be thankful for thorns.

"Sandra's eyebrows lifted. "Thorns?"

"I'm a Christian, Sandra. I've always thanked God for good things in life and I never thought to ask Him why good things happened to me. But, when bad stuff hit. Did I ever ask! It took time to learn that dark times are important. I always enjoyed the flowers' of life but it took thorns to show me the beauty of God's comfort. You know, the Bible says that God comforts us when we're afflicted and from His consolation we learn to comfort others."

Sandra gasped. "A friend read that passage to me and I was furious! I guess the truth is, I don't want comfort. I've lost a baby and I'm angry with God." She started to ask Jenny to "go on" when the door's bell diverted their attention.

"Hey, Phil!" shouted Jenny as a balding, rotund man entered the shop. She softly touched Sandra's arm and moved to welcome him. He tucked her under his side for a warm hug. "I'm here for twelve thorny long-stemmed stems!" Phil laughed, heartily.

"I figured as much," said Jenny. "I've got them ready." She lifted a tissue-wrapped arrangement form the refrigerated cabinet.

"Beautiful," said Phil. "My wife will love them."

Sandra could not resist asking, "These are for your wife?"

Phil saw that Sandra's curiosity matched his when he first heard of a Thorn Bouquet. "Do you mind me asking, 'Why thorns?"

"IN fact, I'm glad you asked, "He said. "Four years ago my wife and I nearly divorced. After forty years, we were in a real mess, but we slogged through, problem by rotten problem. We rescued our marriage - our love, really. Last year, at Thanksgiving, I stopped in here for flowers. I must have mentioned surviving a tough process because Jenny told me that for a long time she kept a vase of rose stems --- stems! --- As a reminder of what she learned from 'thorny' times. That was good enough for me. I took home stems, My wife and I decided to label each one for a specific thorny situation and give thanks for what the problem taught us. I'm pretty sure this stem review is becoming a tradition."

Phil paid Jenny, thanked her again and as he left, said to Sandra, "I highly recommend the Special!"

"I don't know if I can be thankful for the thorns in my life, "Sandra said to Jenny.

"Well, my experience says that thorns make roses more precious. We treasure God's providential care more during trouble than at any other time. Remember, Sandra, Jesus wore a crown of thorns so that we might know His love. Do not resent thorns."

Tears rolled down Sandra's cheeks. For the first time since the accident she loosened her grip on resentment. "I'll take twelve long-stemmed thorns, please."

"I hoped you would, " Jenny said. "I'll have them ready in a minute. Then, every time you see them, remember to appreciate both good and hard times. We grow through both."

"Thank you. What do I owe you?"

"Nothing. Nothing but a pledge to work toward healing your heart. The first year's arrangement is always on me." Jenny handed a card to Sandra. "I'll attach a card like this to your arrangement but maybe you'd like to read it first. Go ahead, read it."

My God, I have never thanked Thee for my thorns! I have thanked Thee a thousand times for my roses, but never once for my thorns. Teach me the glory of the cross I bear, teach me the value of my thorns. Show me that I have climbed to Thee by the path of pain. Show me that my tears have made my rainbow. George Matheson

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Insecurities.....and some randomness.....

Insecurity causes people to make assumptions about other people's motives.

When you're insecure about something, you do tend to make assumptions when you see or hear what other people are saying and/or doing that to you may somehow be related to that something that you're insecure about. Funny thing is, your assumptions may be totally off base and wrong. What's that old saying - making assumptions makes an ass out of you and me.

Sort of related to insecurities - have you seen the video of Christina Aguilera at the awards show the other night? Such mean criticisms of her body! I mean - no doubt about it - the dress she chose to wear was not flattering to her current figure/size, but damn. In looking at her - I don't think she and I are that far apart in size - and to see the comments that some people that I know personally think about what she looks like in that "condition" or "size" or "shape" - I can't help but wonder if they think the same things about me since our figures are somewhat similar.

But then - that's one of my insecurities. While I do sometimes wonder what people think, I honestly don't much care about what other people think about my size and/or figure. As long as my husband likes the way I look, should be the only thing that matters. For the most part, it is. The part that also matters to me is how I feel about how I look. I've always had issues with that, regardless of my size. I'm not sure that I'll ever be completely comfortable in my own "skin", but I'm working on it. That's part of why I go to the gym - the other part is to get in shape and lose weight so that I will be healthier.

I know I'll never be skinny. I'm more than okay with that, because I don't want to be skinny. Skinny is not an attractive look for me - I almost got there one time about 18 years ago, and had I lost any more weight, I would have been borderline skeletal. I'm not going there again, nor do I think I'm physically capable of doing that to myself unless I become ill with some horrific disease.

One thing I'm not insecure about is how I look for my age. I am constantly told by people that I don't look 43 - that I look no older than mid-30's. It feels really good to hear that, and I am thankful that I took after Mom and Meme when it comes to looking younger than my actual age.

Anyways - the boys were happy to see me yesterday when I picked them up from the boarding office. I was told Dominion did a little better and wasn't overly aggressive this time, which is a great thing. I got the total tongue bath on the way home from the vet, and Dominion and Gabriel were running around the car, taking turns on the center console, going from window to window, and were just so excited to be going home.

Yesterday was Steven's 16th birthday. I can't believe he is already 16! We had a quiet dinner at the Golden Corral - his choice - mostly family members and 1 friend of his came. Of course the money that he got was burning a hole in his pocket and he had to go spend some of it tonight at Gamestop and online at Barnes & Noble. The rest he is saving for when we go see BOTDF in December.

I can't wait for that concert - Steven insists that I must be in the mosh pit with him and his friends. That will be interesting!

Oh - by the way - if you are planning on sending packages, letters, cards, etc., to Brian during his deployment - a couple of pointers:

*cards and letters can be mailed for the normal postage that you'd normally send something in the US
*for packages - priority mail packages generally take 10-12 days to arrive, and parcel post may takes 4 or more weeks to arrive
*check size restrictions for priority mail - if the package is over a certain size, not only will you HAVE to send it parcel post, they will charge you an insanely high fee on top of postage charges (yeah, I discovered this the hard way when I sent him a package Friday)
*send your mail and packages through the US post office - those places such as Postnet and other places that offer mailing services will tack on a fee - that's how they make their money

I know Brian would love to hear from as many people as possible - feel free to have your kids send cards and letters to him, I know the soldiers enjoy those as well - if you don't have his address, please let me know and I'll be glad to forward it to you privately.

Also - I may have posted or emailed this previously but it bears repeating:

TF TALON (Aviation) reports that one of their soldiers’ grandparents was contacted by phone yesterday and informed that their soldier was hurt while working here in Germany. The caller implored the grandparent to send funds by wire to help cover the soldier’s medical expenses and get them back to the unit.

This is a very common scam, but what makes this situation unique is that the scammer connected to soldier to the deployment to the family and then targeted them quite convincingly. Not sure where this species gets its intel, but the fact remains that this report is an initial indication that we are in their sights. Recommend we warn the FRGs and spread the word as best we can: the military has very effective channels for communicating casualty information that DO NOT include cold-calling less-informed relatives. Our only defense for this op is better information; let’s not allow our friends & families fall prey to this ass-clownery. Read the ones you care about into our program ASAP.

If any of you are contacted by anyone regarding anything going on with Brian's safety or well-being, please contact me immediately. I don't care what time of the day or night it is, please contact me. Make sure if you are contacted, DO NOT SEND ANY MONEY TO ANYONE, and please make sure you get as much detail as possible so that we can pass it along to the proper authorities. If, God forbid, anything did happen to Brian, the military would contact me first, and I would pass along any information to you all as needed.

Thanks everyone, I hope you're having a great week so far, and that you all have a blessed and happy Thanksgiving!

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Time to play catch up.....

Well let's see....last Wednesday I had my gum surgery - "crown lengthening" as the dentist called it. NOT fun - I didn't know I was getting stitches, for one thing. Second, I thought I'd be completely numb throughout the procedure, since it was just gum tissue she was messing with - wrong. I was numb for approximately 85% of the procedures (she did it for both teeth I had root canals on) - the pain I did experience was almost as bad as the actual root canals, but fortunately was very brief. Third - once I figured out about the stitches, I assumed they would either dissolve or be absorbed - unfortunately not - I have to go back Wednesday morning to have them removed. My gums still are sore, and the stitches are aggravating. I can't wait to get them out!

Thursday I spent running errands after work - doing what I don't even remember now. I do remember forgetting that interval class was that afternoon, but it didn't dawn on me until I had left the office and of course didn't have any gym clothes in the car with me. I hate that I can't remember what I did do - oh now I remember - I tried to make it to the McDonough post office so that I could ship Brian's first care package to his deployment location. That location closes at 6pm, so of course being that I get off work at 4:30pm, I incorrectly assumed that an hour and a half was more than enough time to get there. What a freaking joke! So I went by one of those Postnet places that does postal service and either UPS or FedEx services, but they couldn't process it because the package was "oversized". Plus I didn't think about the fact that they charge a fee for processing mail, so it would have been less expensive to go to the post office. I took a half day off work on Friday for my trip, so I went by the post office near the office and got the package shipped.

Friday didn't go the way I'd planned - I of course had put off packing anything for the trip until Friday - started with the toiletries that morning as I was getting ready for work and finished when I got home from the post office. I had planned on having the dogs dropped off at the boarding place in time to pick Steven up from school, but because of the post office trip taking a lot longer than I expected, I was running behind. I went ahead and dropped the dogs off, came home, packed, and then we were on our way.

First stop in Columbia - Jillian's. It's a restaurant/bar place where the band always has a drop-in the night before the game. They have lots of memorabilia, play old marching band videos, and it's the first chance everyone has to say hi and reconnect. I saw a few folks I remembered, but unfortunately there were lots of faces I didn't recognize, and a few whose names escaped me. My friend and old college roomie, Amy, met us there and we hung out for a while.

Saturday, we had to be at the band hall at an unGodly hour - registration started at 6:15am, with practice starting at 7am. It was fun, and being that I haven't played in a while, it came back to me fairly easily. We had enough people in the alumni band where they put us on the field - not like the old days, where we actually got to march with the marching band. We got to march onto the field into a block formation, to the side of where the Carolina Band would be, and play from there. We got to do both pregame and halftime.

The halftime show was awesome - it was Veteran's Appreciation weekend, and the show was all patriotic music. Now, I'm the kind that is deeply moved by patriotic music, and it can sometimes even be something as simple as hearing the national anthem. I have great pride in our country, and great appreciation for our military, and not just because my husband is in the army and is deployed. I've always been like that (although honestly with his being gone, I'm even more emotional when it comes to patriotic stuff). During the halftime show, there was a presentation given to some of the graduates of USC that were honored military members, and there was another presentation given to the family members of some graduates that were killed in action. This was complete with a 21 gun salute, and the missing man formation flyover. It was a very moving, emotional experience, and was definitely one that I wished my husband had been able to attend.

Anyways, after the game, Steven wanted to ride out to where we used to live, and by the hospital where he was born, and go to Columbiana Centre mall, and get some gelato. We did all those things, and had dinner at Fuddrucker's. I crashed out around 9pm or so last night - very early night for me!

We got up today and stopped by Sandy's Famous Hot Dogs & Ice Cream on the way out of town. Things were different there, but still good. No more "gourmet" ice cream. :-( I'm kinda wishing I had another one of those slaw dogs - it was good! We got home a little after 3pm, and stopped by Publix to order Steven's birthday cake for tomorrow.

I cannot believe my child will be 16 years old tomorrow!!! Where has the time gone?????

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Found something perfect today....

It was a quote "you can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one". This couldn't have come at a more perfect time for me.

See, last night I was searching for something for Brian, and as I was going through a box of papers and other items that need to be filed, I came across some emails that I had printed out from very early in 2009. Of course, reminiscing, I took the time to read the emails, and wow, they were painful to read. No, I'm not going to share the specific details of what was contained in them, but suffice it to say it brought back some very painful memories for me.

But the thing is, those emails are from the past - a past that is very different from what my present life is. Based on those emails, I would never have dreamed at the time that my life would be like it is today.

Anyways, my point in this is to say that we can't live our lives today, if we keep dwelling in the past. We do need to pay attention to our pasts and learn from them - learn what worked, and what didn't, regardless of the situations we've been through, whether it's relationships, jobs, friendships, etc.

We go through life, hopefully learning from our experiences, so that we may grow and become better people. If you stay stuck on the past, whether it's the pain of a failed relationship, the frustration of being wronged in some way by a friend or partner or even if it's to bask in the glory of past accomplishments - you're still living in the past and it's getting you nowhere for the future. Find the appropriate place for those memories and experiences, learn from them, and leave them. Don't dwell on them.

I know it's hard to move on - I have a very hard time forgiving people and forgetting the wrongs that have been committed against me. I also have a hard time moving on from the good things that have happened, and expect things to be as easy as they were in the past. I realistically know that life is different now, for better or for worse, but it's difficult at times to move on. It's hard to leave the past in the past, but it's something we all must do.

Focus on the present and look to the future!

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Another Saturday......

So I had the first root canal finished yesterday, and we did all of the 2nd one immediately afterwards. I had a small amount of pain when she was finishing up the first tooth, but had absolutely zero pain on the second one. Had one moment where I thought I was gonna have some pain, but it was a momentary twinge, almost like a very small electric shock, and I felt some heat during one part of the procedure, but that was it!

Of course, we're talking a totally different scenario when the meds wore off last night. The molar had a small amount of soreness like on Monday, but the bicuspid? OMG the tenderness was almost unbearable. After I picked Steven up from his party, I came home, medicated myself thoroughly, and went straight to bed. Yep, in bed by 11pm on a Friday night, how sad it is, I know. But I wasn't going to sit around and possibly suffer through even more pain, so I nipped that shit in the bud.

This morning, the molar is a little sore, but the other tooth is just fine. Gonna have me some coffee and biscuits, lounge around the house a bit, and head out to hang with Brian's family today. Have a great weekend!

Friday, November 11, 2011

Meltdown in three....two.............

Yep, I've had a meltdown tonight. It's been a few weeks in the making.....and I don't think I'm done with the meltdown yet. I know I'm still adjusting to Brian being deployed, but damn I don't like handling all this shit by myself.

Steven says I'm jinxed when it comes to water stuff. First, the water heater crapped out. Second, the 50 gallon aquarium sprung a leak and had to be replaced. Now, Steven's managed to stop up his toilet with Dominion poop and I can't get it unclogged. Dammit!!!!

So, having to deal with all these water issues, the dentist ordeal on Monday and what I'm dreading having done tomorrow, and doggie issues, and I just can't stand it anymore!!! I feel like I'm going to lose my damn mind.

I went back to the gym last night but didn't stay long, as the cramps (thanks Aunt Flo) were pure-T hell. I did go tonight and did the interval class, but got way too hot and almost gave up. It was really too warm in there, and it wasn't just me. But I did get overheated and had to rest for a few minutes during one segment. We were almost finished, so I didn't miss a whole lot. Got to feeling sorry for myself for a bit there, too. Very frustrating to have the feelings going through my mind......gotta learn to stop it. I'm human, I have issues, I'm definitely not perfect, and I'm making progress. Albeit slow, but I'm starting to see it.

For example - I'm really impressed with how my shoulders and arms are starting to look. They are getting more and more toned, and I'm starting to see some definition. My legs are also toning up - granted, they are shaped mostly like weight-lifter legs, but hey, that's not necessarily a bad thing.

Then I'm leaving the store and come home to the freaking clogged up toilet. what a pisser. or a shitter, as the case may be.

Speaking of doggie issues - Gabriel has successfully slept in my room the past 3 or 4 nights. The success I'm speaking of is no potty accidents. However, I don't sleep very well with him in the room, because I'm worried about him peeing on the bed, or destroying something while I sleep. I don't sleep as soundly, for listening out for him, PLUS he and Dominion have played chase in the middle of the night, or they get restless at 2am and want to walk all over the bed or around the room. Tonight I'm going to sleep without worry - Gabriel is back in the crate. I hate it, because he likes to snuggle even closer than Dominion does, but being that I'm on edge, I need my rest.

Well folks, I need to shower and take my meds so I can hit the sack. I hope you all have a great Friday and weekend, and wish me luck at the dentist!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Terrific Tuesday......

I'm absolutely amazed at how good I felt today. I was totally expecting to feel like complete shit after having the first of the two root canals yesterday afternoon. That was a painfully brutal experience, indeed. We had planned on doing both of them, but it just took too long, and the dentist felt like I had suffered enough for one afternoon, so we just did the one on the tooth that's been bothering me the most.

I had a couple of things going against me when it comes to having dental work - first, the tooth she had to work on, tends to NOT get numb, even with an extraordinary amount of numbing meds. Secondly, there was still infection present in the nerve canals, which I was told could cause the meds to not work as effectively in providing pain relief. Wow, was she not kidding when she said the meds may not reach all the areas to prevent pain! I damn near came out of the chair several times, and of course ended up with tears streaming a couple of times.

I even commented on Facebook that I would rather have the tops of both feet, both ankles, and both collar bones, tattooed all at the same time, than to experience the pain I felt during that root canal. I'm not kidding! Tattoo pain, at least what I've experienced with the 3 that I have, is not nearly as bad as the pain in that one tooth was during the procedure. But - thankfully - when she was finished, the only pain I've had is soreness of the gum where she had that contraption hooked on there that isolates the tooth being worked on. I was able to eat Mexican food for dinner last night, and we ate at Golden Corral tonight. There's just a temporary filling there, that's not nearly as durable as a perment filling or crown will be, so I've been eating very carefully to make sure I don't break the temporary yet.

I go back to the dentist on Friday afternoon so that she can finish the one we started yesterday, and she can do the second root canal. Not really looking forward to that, but she says the #12 shouldn't be as painful as #30 was, and there should only be one nerve in it, instead of 3 like yesterday. God I hope that's it, and I hope that it's not as painful as yesterday.

Could I have prevented my tooth from getting to this point? Probably so. The issues I'm having now are not from lack of hygiene on my part - I'm meticulous about brushing my teeth, and while I don't floss like I should, these problems come from old fillings that were ready to be replaced, and I didn't take care of them as soon as I should have. I didn't get the molar dealt with sooner, mainly because of my fear of the pain I knew I'd have. It hurt really bad the last time it was worked on, and I have a delayed response to a lot of meds these days.

I don't recall if I mentioned here before regarding my delayed response to meds but here goes, and bear with me if I've already discussed this. When I had my foot surgery last year, they gave me a pre-op shot into my IV - it was a "triple cocktail", and contained fentanyl, verced, and propofol (yes, the stuff that killed Michael Jackson). I was told prior to getting the shot that it would either knock me out, or make me so loopy that I wouldn't remember the pain from getting the nerve block.

Guess what - I got absolutely ZERO effect from that shot, and felt every last damn bit of that nerve block being set up. I had to lay on my stomach, and the needle went into the back of my thigh, a few inches above the knee. Dammit that hurt, and because they were having to inject it into the nerve, my foot was hopping around and twitching. And although my foot got all tingly feeling prior to surgery, when I woke from surgery, I was surprisingly in pain in my ankle (it should have been completely numb by the time surgery was done - which if I recall the surgery lasted a couple of hours).

And I was given a 10mg valium prior to another procedure I had done last year, and that did nothing for me at all. So now I have to warn doctors and dentists of my delayed reactions to meds, especially when they are prescribed for pain relief/prevention.

The dentist prescribed 5mg valium, for me to take one at night before my appointment, one an hour before the appointment, and to bring the rest to the appointment in case it lasts longer than expected so I can take another if necessary. The valium is supposed to aid the numbing meds in being more effective, and to also take the edge off my nerves. I can't speak for it helping the numbing meds to work better, but it did help take the edge off my nerves.

Anyways folks, just venting about my stuff yesterday, and worrying about Friday a little. Got a busy couple of days at work this week before I get another day of torture from the sadist oops I mean dentist. Truly they are sadists, they have to be. I can't see inflicting that kind of pain on someone without being at least a tad bit sadist.

Okay folks, time to hit the sack - have a great night and a happy hump day!

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Sunday, funday.......

So Mom was due in from across the pond this afternoon, but for some reason her flight didn't happen. We were gonna pick her up and go eat at our favorite little Mexican restaurant. She's due in tomorrow instead, and wants to go eat afterwards, but I won't be able to pick her up OR eat since I have those root canals scheduled for tomorrow at 1pm. :-( Maybe I can show up and slurp down a margarita for dinner instead of chips and salsa! NOT (yeah, no more margaritas for me - remember my 40th bday???? LOL)

Anyways, at least that gives me all day to clean house, do my nails and wash that ever-increasing gray right outta my hair. I know, I said I was going to stop coloring my hair, but I just can't stand the roots I've developed since the last color faded, and the damn grays are freaking breeding like damn rabbits! LOL When I colored it last time, it was supposed to match my roots, and it did. However, as time went on, and I got more and more exposure to the sun, the ends faded back to a nice shade of reddish golden light brown, or something similar. I love that color, and I like my natural color, so I've chosen medium golden brown - that's sort of in between the two. It should take out a good bit of the red, but still have those golden highlights.

Anyways, I hope to get busy here in a few minutes and get all my stuff done that I want. I hope you all have a great Sunday! And don't forget - clocks rolled back an hour last night!

Saturday, November 5, 2011

FYI - Internet Trolls

Just wanted to clarify something from my last blog - when I referred to "trolls" causing drama, I was NOT referring to anyone that I know or have met personally, or that may have been involved in any internet drama that I was a victim to or in some way a part of in the past. It was a general statement in talking about the online bullshit my son is experiencing online.

Have a great day!

Friday, November 4, 2011


A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road.

I saw that quote above on a page on Facebook, and thought "damn, that's ME today". Yes, the PMS symptoms that didn't strike last time around, have hit me with a vengeance today. HARD. Like they haven't in a few months. It was just a rough day today, and by the time my son and I ate dinner, my nerves were raw and every word and sound grated on me something fierce.

I am so sick of hearing of the online drama bullshit on various pages that my son frequents. Trolls leaving messages, to intentionally aggravate him and other members. He just doesn't get it that those trolls say what they do because it bothers him and he lets it be known that it bothers him. I've tried to explain to him that he needs to ignore the online drama, and I know this from personal experience. I've shared with him some of the drama that I've experienced online, and know that the more you feed it, the worse it gets.

But of course, I'm a parent and he's a teenager, and parents just don't know anything and can't possibly understand teenage angst, hormones, and whatever the hell else you want to call it. So I give up. He can have his drama, I just don't want to hear about it anymore. As long as the drama doesn't come to our house, or school, or any other place we may go to, and that it stays online only, who cares.

I experienced my own drama of sorts today - the dentist office called me today, telling me I have to pay them $3900 on Monday when I come in for the root canals. This would be AFTER the 2 insurance plans I have pay their part. I called bullshit, and won - they called back with a MUCH more reasonable figure to pay, and so I'm getting TWO root canals on Monday. Yes, TWO. I figured what the hell, if I'm gonna possibly be miserable from each of them, I may as well get the misery over all at once. No need in being miserable twice, at separate times. Of course when all is said and done, I could possibly regret that decision, but you live and learn, right? Besides, I have happy pills (valium that the dentist prescribed to take beforehand), and percocet and ibuprofen for afterwards. Yay me!

I also fought my temper at work today, due to those lovely PMS hormones. I don't think I did a great job at hiding it, though. Oh well, such as life. We're all entitled to the occasional rough day at work, in my opinion. I had already made my mind up before I got to the office how I was going to respond to a particular individual if a certain situation arose, and fortunately for him , he didn't behave in the way I thought he would, so he didn't have to face my wrath.

Dammit, I need to win the lottery!!!!!

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Out of commission.......

Wow, I woke up this morning, a little after 5am, so damn sick to my stomach. As I lay there, fighting off the nausea, I was trying to figure out what did it. I assumed it was the new antibiotic the dentist put me on, that I only took half of last night because when I opened the bottle, I realized it's the one that gives me a major rash on my bottom. (TMI I know, but hey, it's my blog)

When I finally had no choice but to get up and go start hurling, I realized that no, I don't think it was the antibiotic, I think it's all the congestion I've had over the last couple of weeks, that I haven't really paid much attention to. And with the way my chest feels, I either have a really bad case of bronchitis, without the excessive coughing, or it may have evolved into pneumonia.

This has hit me suddenly - I mean, I keep that deep cough year round, but it's not a constant thing - just a couple of times a day, mostly to clear my throat. I normally take an allergy pill of some sort daily, but haven't in a few weeks. I also was taking mucinex a few times a day, but once I ran out of those a few weeks ago, I stopped taking them. I guess this has just built up in me until it has gotten to that point.

I was totally miserable until I fell asleep again around 7:30am, then was awakened by a text message from my son around 8:30am. I have been a whiny, miserable crybaby this morning. I am not a good patient, and unfortunately there is no one here to take care of me.

I'm sliding back into misery again, as I start to realize how my chest feels, and how it's affecting my breathing. It doesn't hurt; it feels tight and somewhat achy, and I'm sure that's a sign that there's infection in there. I can still breathe okay, but I am getting short of breath pretty quick just walking through the house. I foresee going to the doctor some time today - luckily my doctor's office takes walk-in patients, so I don't have to worry with an appointment, or being able to summon the strength and wherewithall to pull my shit together and make it there by a certain time.

Going to try to nap again for a little while, then I guess I'll try to shower and head to the doctor's office. I hope everyone else is having a better hump day than I am.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

At a loss.......

Not sure what to write about. My mind is all ajumble with a million different thoughts.....so much going on......so much to be happy about, so much to worry about, so much to do, so many things changing. Things going so right, and yet so many going so wrong. Not sure how to deal with some of it, knowing how I want to handle it, but wondering if it's the right thing to do.

Some things have made me exceedingly joyful, others have depressed me and dragged me down. Some of the good - the most wonderful love letter from my dear husband.....my son's good grades.....changes in my body due to my work in the gym.....The depressing things - my husband is deployed and across the world from me for what now seems like forever, but for what I know will pass quickly, troubles with things happening at my son's school, losing my motivation for things important to me......

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Four weeks......

Yep, it's been four weeks since he's been gone. The weekend he left was hard, but this weekend has been harder, as I know he's leaving the country and the chance to talk to him will be fewer and farther between, due to time differences and the expense of calling. Hopefully he'll have good internet connectivity where he's going to start with, and he's been told he should have decent connectivity at his final destination in about a month.

I tend to just shut down, so to speak, when I worry about things, or get overly sad about things, and it's been a struggle the last 4 weeks to make myself go to the gym or anywhere else. I've managed to get to the gym 4 times a week so far, except maybe one week. I went to interval yesterday morning and was happy to hear they've added an interval class on Thursday afternoon. I can't make it to the Monday one anymore, because I have to pick my son up from school that one day due to his journalism club meeting, and I can't make it there by 5:30pm. But on Thursdays, he doesn't go to the gym with me, and I can head straight over there. Yay!

So yes, my moods go up and down, depending on what I'm thinking about and what is going on. Today has been a bad day, between knowing Brian is actually leaving for overseas tonight, and I've had a toothache pretty much all damn day long. I've tried to keep myself busy, sleeping and doing laundry, but it's not helping enough. I'm waiting on the dentist to receive whatever it needs from the pre-treatment stuff that the insurance companies have to give them, but I know one of the companies has already paid for a portion of the work that needs to be done, and dammit, I need to get this shit started. I absolutely cannot function like this, but I cannot stay out of work to stay drugged up.

Thankfully one of my friends had invited my son and me to dinner and out to Zombie Apocalypse last night, so that kept my mind off Brian's impending departure, at least for a little while. The ZA was so much fun! We had a great time, screaming and laughing.

I had to get a choke collar for Gabriel - he's been acting nuts with the regular collar, so I got this one in the hopes it will work better. This isn't the standard chain choker - it's a nylon collar with a small chain section that tightens up when you pull on the leash. It squeezes just enough to be uncomfortable, but not painful, and not enough to cut off their air. He's been doing better on it, but of course the real test will be a trip to the dog park. That's when he pulls the worst.

Well, I've got to get myself ready for bed....I hope you all have a great week.....

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Saturday night....great day today!

Well here it is, Saturday night. Home relaxing after going to the movies with my son and Brian's former roommate Brandon. Alica was supposed to come, too, but she ended up having to work. Oh well - she missed a great spaghetti dinner and Hershey pie dessert. And Paranormal Activity 3......

I guess I'm getting to be a wuss as I get older, but that movie was kinda scary. Brandon and I both were sitting there, covering our eyes during the lead-up to the scary parts, but of course were both laughing our asses off, as was Steven. It was kind of annoying at times, because the damn audience was so freaking loud after something would happen, they would chatter and shout for the longest damn time. Missed what I think was an important conversation in the movie that had something to do with a witch's coven because everyone was so loud. That, and a bunch of people, as it was leading up to a scary part, a few smartasses would yell "boo!" or make a quick scream. Apparently that has happened a lot with that movie, because before it started, one of the employees actually told everyone to not talk during the film, that there'd been issues with other showings where people talked and acted up too much.

We are dogsitting my mother-in-law's and sister-in-law's dogs this weekend. Sophie, the chihuahua, is my mom-in-law's dog. She has pretty much stayed with Steven all weekend. She doesn't care for Dominion or Gabriel very much at all. Can't say I blame her - Gabriel plays very rough and she's just too tiny and delicate to be rough-housed with like Gabriel does.

Pepper, the Boston terrier, has played NON-STOP with this rubber squeaker toy. On the rare occasions that she takes a nap, she sleeps with the thing right next to her mouth!

Well folks I'm about to fall asleep at the keyboard....had a great day today....fun time.....time to go night-night.....

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Tuesday......not sure what to think about it......

Have had a lot on my mind today. Got up in a lousy mood, dreading work, but of course I gotta go regardless. I have just been so moody all day long. I know why for the most part, but don't know why what is bothering me, is causing me problems. No, I'm not going into details on exactly what's going on, but it's making me nuts!

It's stuff that is is really irrelevant today, and there's nothing to worry about, but dammit, it was just weighing heavily on me today. Don't worry - it's not health related, or anything serious, just some personal stuff that I don't want to go into that is all going to be just fine.

I finally got motivated to go to the gym tonight - I was in one of those moods where I didn't want to go anywhere, I just wanted to stay home in bed, pouting and sulking. Of course that's just not productive and doesn't make me feel better, but when I get in moods like this, I just don't feel I can function other than the absolute bare minimum like going to work.

It's been a long time since I've had one of these full-blown moods, and I just have to pull myself out of it. Sometimes it's easier than others to get out of that mood, and I'm hoping this will be one of the easier times. I just don't get it, why this mood has hit now - I'm past the PMS, hell I'm past the period even. This usually hits before and/or during the curse, not after. Oh well, times are a changing I suppose.

Tomorrow is hump day - maybe it will be a better day. I sure hope so!

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Another weekend.....

Gabriel actually let me sleep til around 7:30am today. I suppose I should be thankful for that, but I sure miss the days of being able to just sleep til I woke up on my own, without a 'chirping dog' for an alarm. But I'll take 7:30am over 4:45am like yesterday!

Dominion and Gabriel were so cute playing last night. Dominion gets after Gabriel, growling at him and chasing him, and Gabriel tries to jump on Dominion, paws up in the air, pouncing and making devilish faces. I took a video on my phone, but it's too large to email or post to Facebook, unless I do it with the cable and download it that way. But alas, I cannot find a cable in the house that has the USB connection - mine is at work, where I keep it to charge my phone if necessary, and I don't think there are any others here at the house. Oh well, I will post the video Monday night I suppose.

Went to Meme's today, but didn't accomplish much. I asked her if she had any tylenol or advil, as my hips were aching (thanks, Aunt Flo) and as soon as she figured out what was "wrong" with me, she didn't want to do anything. We did manage to lay the rugs out and remove the old ones, I temporarily fixed her rocking chair but am going to have to figure out a permanent fix for it, and that was about it. She wasn't very happy that I didn't bring the steam cleaner, but oh well, I just didn't think we'd need to lug that thing over there. She has no idea how annoying it is to lug that thing around! She's supposed to call me in the morning and let me know if she wants us to come back over to finish what we started, or if she's going shopping.

So, tomorrow is 2 weeks down. Dominion is still missing Brian - he just acts so sad and needy sometimes. Gabriel doesn't seem to notice. Of course Steven and I miss him terribly - Steven more so than I imagined that he would. I am so thankful that Steven and Brian get along so well!

I think we're having Chinese take out tonight - sounds good to me, anyways. Keeps me from cooking, and we both love Chinese food. Guess I should go pull the menu and place the order so we can eat soon, it's getting to be that time.

Sorry I haven't posted since last weekend, but I just haven't been motivated and haven't had much to say. I'm still processing the loneliness that I'm experiencing, and being that this is Aunt Flo week, I'm honestly surprised I'm holding it together as well as I am.

I hope everyone has a nice Saturday evening and a great Sunday tomorrow.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

It's been a week....already?????

Well, the first week of Brian's deployment has passed by relatively quickly, although it sure didn't feel like it as I was living it. Looking back, now that he's been gone a week, it does feel like it's been pretty quick. I know people keep telling me "oh that year will pass by so fast you won't even realize it!" and I'm just not buying it. Even feeling the way I feel today, that the last week went by quick, I only feel that way looking back on it.

It was a hellacious week to start with - the water heater, my grandmother's cat, dealing with dental insurance issues, and Dominion is really missing his "daddy". He's so pitiful - he normally follows me around if Brian isn't home for short periods of time, but he's almost underneath me, the whole time I'm home. This morning, he crawled up in the bed and buried his face into my chest and shoulder, like someone who is really upset would do for you to comfort them. I've held myself together pretty damn good this week, all things considered, but that just got to me. At least with kids, you can explain where a deployed soldier is, and that he will return. You can't do that with pets and have them comprehend what you're saying.

So, I took Dominion and Gabriel to the dog park to have some fun. They always enjoy going there, and of course they've suddenly forgotten how to walk properly on the leash, without half-dragging my ass through the grass to get to the park. I almost got pulled down the steps the other night! But they had a great time.

Here they are, after we got home.......


So this morning, I decided I wanted to make another pan of dressing for dinner. I love some good homemade dressing, and I believe that mine is pretty darn good. I've got some fresh (well, frozen fresh) green beans cooking, and am frying up some chicken legs. I can't wait til the chicken is done!

I'm thinking of making some more of the Christmas ornaments that I made several years ago, picture below:


Those aren't that difficult to make, and it would be another project I can work on to pass the time. Not to mention, I may be able to sell a few sets. I've been thinking of getting all the excess stuff we have around here and taking it to the local flea market to sell, and may be able to sell these Christmas ornaments while I'm there as well. If any of you reading this would like a set of the ornaments, let me know. I'm going to make the new ones with a better ribbon to hang them with, and am considering doing some in different colors, such as that pink/mauve color that some people use, and blues, as well. If you are interested in a set with a particular color scheme, let me know!

Had a great dinner last night with Brian's family - it was Ricky D's birthday and we had dinner at a Mexican restaurant in Douglasville. I even got to sing some karaoke - first time I've ever done that stone cold sober, with zero liquid courage in me!

I got the news that a guy I was in band with for years in school, has colon cancer. 43 years old. It's been so shocking to hear this news. Based on his PET scan, it hasn't spread anywhere yet, so that's a good sign. He's either stage 2 or 3, it will depend on what they find when they operate on Wednesday. If you are the praying type, please pray for my friend Jon.

And please keep praying for my dear sweet mother-in-law....3 chemos down, 1 to go, then the radiation starts.

Well, it's about dinner time, so that's it for me tonight. I've had a great weekend, and survived my first week of my husband's deployment. If I made it through this first week, as rough as it was, then I can make it through the rest of the year that he'll be gone. I just gotta keep telling myself that!

I hope everyone has a great week!

Saturday, October 8, 2011


Been a rough week, and was so looking forward to a peaceful night of sleep last night, as I was exhausted. Alas, it was not meant to be - Steven came and woke me up after I'd been asleep about half an hour, then the puppy whined.....all......night.....long.......

I'm missing my husband.....he deployed last Sunday.....had to deal with a busted water heater Monday and Tuesday....

Thursday - had to deal with taking my grandmother's cat to the vet to have him euthanized. I knew this was coming, I was just hoping that I wouldn't have to be the one to do it. But she couldn't physically carry him herself, and I knew she couldn't emotionally handle it. While it was emotionally painful to me, I knew it was definitely the right decision for the cat. He is no longer suffering (he had bladder cancer). And while it's not something I care to experience again, I'm glad I could do this for her.

I was there with him when the vet did it, and it was quite peaceful. I was afraid the cat would struggle and fight against it, but he was quite calm and just laid there, letting me love on him, and as the medicine started taking effect, he raised his head and looked me in the eyes, with such a sweet, peaceful look, almost as if to say "I understand, thank you"....then he was gone. Yes, I know that may sound bizarre, but that's honestly what I felt his eyes were saying to me.

I was so exhausted last night after dinner, I just wanted to come home and go to bed. I tried to stay up a little while, because I knew putting the puppy to bed early meant having to get up early to take him out. But I was out by 10pm. And the puppy whined....all....night.....long..... I've been out of bed for about an hour now, and am contemplating going back to sleep for a while. But, I can get so much done if I just get up....and if I don't at least nap, I will be exhausted again tonight on the drive home from Jan & Ricky's. Plus - I'm supposed to go help Meme with God only knows what today. Well, I do know what - she wants me to help her rearrange her clothing closets. Ugh.......

I hope you all have a great weekend - I'm going to put on my happy face and fake my way through it if I have to. Think I'm gonna go make a pot of coffee and get started with laundry here, and call Meme shortly to see what's up with her plans.


Monday, October 3, 2011

Monday....what a day.....

So, I wake up this morning, the first morning of my husband's deployment, to a wet kitchen floor. The hot water heater is leaking. Great. Just what I wanted to deal with. I called my uncle, who recommended that I shut the water off to it and the breakers in the power box - no problem on the power, but to cut the water off, I just shut the water off to the whole house, as cutting it to just the water heater would have involved a crawl under the house for about 30 feet to get to it. I knew Steven wouldn't do that at 7am, and I sure as hell wasn't going to. LOL Had a friend's husband, who is a contractor, come look at it this afternoon - replacement time.

Had an awesome last weekend with Brian before his deployment yesterday. We went to Netherworld Friday night - Steven was sooooo scared during some of it! He ran out screaming at the end when the guy with the chainsaw got after him! I damn near peed my pants, laughing at it!!! But, he says he enjoyed himself, and made sure he took plenty of pictures with all the monsters that were roaming the grounds, and he's willing to try the one out in Griffin one weekend soon.

We had family dinner on Saturday - baked ham & turkey breast, dressing, fresh collards and butterbeans, sweet potatoes, tater salad....having some great leftovers now! Steven also had a first "date" on Saturday night - went to the homecoming football game with a sweet girl that lives on the other side of our park.

Yesterday was tough. I'd been dreading yesterday for a few weeks now, well hell, a few months actually, but I held up a lot better than I thought I would. Here's some pictures:





Yesterday was pretty hard on Brian's mom, too. She's a tough lady, and has a tough fight with her cancer going on.

Anyway, I made a point of trying to be positive today, and go into work with a positive attitude, even though I had a nightmare about work over the weekend, in anticipation of what I was going to find when I returned this morning. (yes I took all of last week off so I'd be available to spend time with Brian whenever he wasn't with his army unit) It actually wasn't too bad today, just some of the usual frustrations but nothing major. Thank GOD!!!!

I even managed to listen to some of the CD we had burned for our wedding on the ride in to work this morning. I'm such a sentimental, emotional sap, at times, and listening to certain songs just make me all mushy and teary-eyed, but surprisingly it didn't have that effect this morning. I figure it was because I was determined to make it through my day, emotionally intact, and yay! I succeeded!

So folks, prayer for the safety of my husband and all of the soldiers that are deployed in various areas of the world. Pray for their safety while in training, while on their various assignments, safe travels, and safe return to their families. And please pray for the family members that are missing them - their spouses, children, parents, siblings, etc.

We all deal with our emotions differently, some are more transparent than others with their feelings. If you know someone who has a loved one that's deployed - check in on them occasionally. Offer to be there for them, and then actually....be....there....for....them.....

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Seriously, people........perspective.....

I just saw a photo that puts things in perspective - I won't share the actual photo  because honestly it is just so shocking, but it was a picture of some starving children somewhere in Africa, with a caption saying something about "how can you complain about famine and starvation when other children have to deal with all the layout changes of Facebook".  Seriously people - we have all griped and complained about the changes on Facebook, and other things that quite honestly are trivial compared to some of the real challenges that people face in this world - like getting enough to eat, medical care, war, etc. 
Many of us don't see these things going on in the world, only see fleeting images in the news and online, and it doesn't touch our lives on a daily basis.  I know life isn't perfect here in America, but most of us (at least the ones of you able to read this) have it pretty damn good compared to others in the world.  Most of us have plenty to eat, or have friends, family and other resources to be able to get food from.  Many of us have access to medical care, in some fashion, to at least handle our basic needs. 

We don't worry so much about an actual war taking place here in the US, although we have been attacked here before, and there is always the worry of our armed forces being sent into war zones in far away countries.

My whole point in this today is to just remind everyone that we have so much to be thankful for in our lives, I know I do.  I am thankful for having the resources to afford to feed my family, to have medical care for them, and to feel safe in my own home thanks to the 2nd amendment and some mad shootin' skills.  I worry about various things, I gripe about shit online, I am not happy that my husband is deploying in the next week, but I am thankful for so much. 

Just keep it in perspective........

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Damn, Hump Day already????

This last week with Brian here is flying by way too fast.  So much to do while he's home, and just not enough time to do it.

One thing we discovered on our weekend trip to Missouri - my car gets waaaaaaayyyy better gas mileage when you use the midgrade gas rather than the regular unleaded.  Only took a tank and a half each way - I think last time we went it took over 2 tanks each way.  Of course we had an extra person with us and a dog, had to stop 3 times as many times, and packed more things in the car.  I suppose all that could have made some of the difference. 

Another thing we learned after returning home - Dominion absolutely hates being boarded.  It was a first for him, and he apparently did not have a good time.  The vet tech said Dominion exhibited those signs that dogs do when they are distrusting of people, and where you just wonder if they're gonna rip your hand off at a moment's notice.  Not her words, but I knew that's what she meant.  Gabriel, on the other hand, appears to have weathered the experience with no ill effects.  He was happy to see me! 

They made me go back and get Dominion myself - he was barking viciously and growling, but the moment he saw me, his face softened and he didn't make another sound.  He was very well behaved for me, other than almost dragging me out on my ass (he needed to tinkle really really bad).  And he was extremely happy to see me!  I took them straight to the dog park and let them run around, but Dominion was ready to get home after a very short while.  He cuddled with me, in such a pitiful manner - it will be very hard to board him again if we go anywhere and can't take him with us!

I made the enchiladas last night that Brian loves so much.  I think we're gonna go out to eat the next few nights, at some of his favorite places, and we're having the family over on Saturday.  Gonna have a nice big meal Saturday afternoon - looking forward to some fresh collard greens!  Yummy!

And Sunday is the day we say our "goodbyes".  But, it's not really a good bye, more like a "ta ta for now", but dammit I am not looking forward to this.  I know I'll still be able to talk to him, and email him, and I know he's coming back home when this assignment is over, but this is going to be hard.  I've just got to suck it up and keep on keeping on. 

I have a few goals to accomplish while he is gone, and sitting around on my ass, moping around, isn't going to make them happen.  I've got to get busy with my plans and just get on them.  I'm not going to discuss the goals or plans here, for the most part, until later. 

Anyways, I have stuff to get done today, and sitting here blogging ain't getting it finished any faster.  I hope you all have a wonderful Wednesday.  Until next time......

Friday, September 23, 2011

Military vs Civilian Friends

 CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Tell u not to do anything stupid when drunk
 MILITARY FRIENDS: Will post 360 security so u don't get caught

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Call ur parents Mr. and Mrs. ...
MILITARY FRIENDS: call ur parents mom and dad

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Hope the night of drinking goes smoothly, and nobody misses the late ride home
MILITARY FRIENDS: Know that shit will go down, set up rally points and an E & E route

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will bail u out of jail and tell u what u did wrong
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will be sitting next to u saying "damn... we fucked up.. but man that was fun!"

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Borrow stuff and return it within days
MILITARY FRIENDS: borrow ur shit so often, they don't remember who bought it in the first place

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will listen to ur relationship problems and hope it works out
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will listen to u over a long hard road march, and will help u straighten it out better than dr. phil

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Know a few things about u
MILITARY FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from u

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Might try and hit on ur girl from behind
MILITARY FRIENDS: Have spooned with u more often than ur girl has, and would never even think of doing that

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: will knock on ur door first
MILITARY FRIENDS: walks right in and says i'm home

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will wish that u had the money to go out that night, and r sorry u couldn't come
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will share their last dollar with u, drag u along, and work free drinks all night

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Want the money they loaned u back next week
MILITARY FRIENDS: Have looked out for u for so long, they can't even begin to remember who owes what

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will tell u they'll take a bullet for u
MILITARY FRIENDS: WILL take a bullet for u

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will ignore this
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will repost this