Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Things to Know....

Okay, so I'm a little late posting this - you don't have much time to review and do these things.  But it's never too late to learn these things, is it?  Happy New Year my friends and family!


Wednesday, December 3, 2014


I can tell you from personal experience - this is a really damn good feeling to have!  Whether it's in a relationship, or in a job - if you told you are appreciated in your current situation, when your old situation made you feel undervalued and worthless - it's really just an awesome feeling to have!

I have worked jobs in the past where I gave it my all, and it just wasn't good enough for one reason or another.  I've been in relationships in the past where I gave it my all, and it just wasn't good enough, or the person made me feel totally worthless.  Mainly my ex-husband.  But I'm not going to dwell on that tonight.

Brian makes me feel so appreciated - and he tells me he appreciates me!  Of course words don't always mean a lot, actions speak pretty loud.  But the words are important, too, as they are reinforced by the actions.

Appreciating someone also means you don't take them for granted.  You can rely on them for things on a regular basis, but don't just assume anything, and always let the person know you appreciate them.  Life would be so much smoother if people would tell others that they appreciate them, and mean it.

Saturday, November 22, 2014

Time is Just Flying By.....

I can't believe it's already November 22.  Where the hell does the time go?  My son turned 19 yesterday - 19!!!  I just can't believe he's 19 already.  Damn it makes me feel OLD!!!  It doesn't seem like it's been 19 years since I birthed that child.

I had to work on his birthday, but when I got home we went to eat at Moe's.  That was his pick for dinner on his birthday.  Then we went and picked up a cake - he wasn't expecting a special decorated cake, and was kinda surprised I took him to pick out a cake.  I know, it makes me feel like I'm a bad mother for not having a cake pre-arranged, but I've been pre-occupied with some stuff lately, and at least he got to choose exactly what he wanted out of the large selection available. 

It looks like it's just going to be the 4 of us on Thanksgiving this year - I invited my uncle and grandmother, but after talking to Michael today, he said that Meme told him she didn't want to come out here, we were eating too late and she wanted to get home before dark.  For Pete's sake, I moved dinner time to 3 freaking PM.  Which would put them getting home just before dark, as long as they didn't dilly dally for too long after dinner and dessert.  I guess she doesn't know that when I say we're eating at a certain time, I mean we're eating at the time I told you.  I apparently have a natural ability to have all dishes ready at the same time, so when I plan a meal, there's not much waiting around to eat.  If you want to visit and chit-chat before we eat, then I suggest you arrive early!  LOL

Speaking of Thanksgiving - I'm not going to repost my annual blog, I'm just putting the link here - Thankful for the Thorns.  If you haven't read it before, please click the link and go read it.  If for some reason the link doesn't work, then click on a previous year of my blog, look at the month of November, and find Thankful for the Thorns.  I think I have reposted it every year on this blog, since I received it in my email.  I'm not going to elaborate, everything that needs to be said about it is included in the link.

I'm thankful for a lot of things, but am especially thankful for some of the changes that have occurred in my life recently.  I don't want to share what those changes are, and if you know what they are - please don't post about them here or on Facebook.  Some of the news I just don't want to share or make public at this time.  (no, I'm not pregnant, sick, getting divorced, or anything else dramatic like that)  You can, however, send me a private message if you want to know what's up. ;-)

I decided the other night to go through my friends list on Facebook, and I removed about 150 people from my list.  A good many of them I didn't know personally, as they were friends of friends, mainly added due to games I used to play on Facebook.  I also deleted a lot of folks that I went to high school or college with, that I never interact with, or that don't appear to be posting anything on their pages anymore.  No offense meant to anyone that I deleted, I just didn't see the need to keep 150 folks on my list that I don't communicate with at least a little.

Also - my mind has absolutely been in the gutter lately!  Worse than usual!  I don't know what it is, why I'm like that lately, but sometimes it's really funny.  I guess you gotta be there.

Saturday, October 18, 2014

12 Things Marriage Is and 12 Things Marriage Isn't

So, I borrowed this from 12 Things Marriage Is and 12 Things Marriage Isn't.  I found it informative and pretty accurate.  I added my comments in italics where I had something to add.  And I realize this article was written by someone who has been married 24+ years.  We haven't been married or even together nearly that long, but I see the wisdom the author's writing.

12 Things That Marriage Is Not:
1. Marriage is not for sissies. It's hard work.  Yes, it is.  Granted, we haven't encountered some of the really really hard things some couples go through, but it ain't always easy, either.
2. Marriage is not about getting what you want all the time. It's not a dictatorship. It's not wanting to win all the time because that would mean the other person would lose all the time. May be OK for you. Not good for the marriage.  I hate losing, or being wrong, but that's life.  We have to support each other, and work together.
3. Marriage is not rocket science. The principles it's based on are really pretty simple. Kindness. Respect. Loyalty. That kind of thing.  And without those, a marriage is bound to fail.  I learned this the hard way in my first rodeo.
4. Marriage is not unfashionable. It stays vital. Even Brangelina must think so.  Absolutely!
5. Marriage is not in and of itself stimulating. Since you are with the same person over a long time, the two of you can get in a rut. You have to keep things fresh.  Oh yeah, very true.
6. Marriage is not about collecting things. The joys of marriage aren't tangible. You live them. That's what makes them so very special.  Nope, no collecting things.  Except my spoons.  I love my spoon collection.  And yes, I know, not anything to do with marriage.  LOL
7. Marriage is not for the impatient. Some of the best stuff takes a while to develop. You have to stick around to find that out.  You must have the patience of Job to make it in a marriage!
8. Marriage is not the place for criticism. For abuse. If it is found there, it will ruin any chance of true intimacy or trust and dissolve the hope that once might have existed.  I believe in constructive criticism - if something isn't going right, or if you're doing something that is hurting your partner, you have to be open and discuss the issues.  But keep it kind - no need for hurtful words.  Anger is okay, but it must be tempered with love and kindness.
9. Marriage is not a 24-hour repair shop. Your marital partner is not supposed to meet your every need. Some of those needs you may have to take care of yourself. Through your friendships or other activities.  Amen!  Brian and I have our own outlets for separate activities.  We enjoy hunting together, for example, but I can't always go with him and that's okay.  He enjoys his online gaming, and I am content to read or surf the net. 
10. Marriage is not self-sustaining. It does not thrive on its own. If all you focus on is the kids, you are making a mistake.  That's what date nights or date times are for!
11. Marriage is not boring. Two lives woven together can be quite exciting! There's just something about watching someone very different from you, living their life in an extremely different way. Up close and personal. You learn from that.  There is definitely never a dull moment in our home!
12. Marriage is not without conflict. Knowing how to disagree and work through anger and disappointment is probably the key to lots of stuff going well. Getting to that cooperating, mentioned in #2.  Very true.  You just have to work through it.  Kindly.

12 Things That Marriage Is:
1. Marriage is the potential for an intense, deep and diverse intimacy. Sexual. Emotional. Relational.  I've never known the intimacy I've experienced with my husband.  And no, it's not all about the dirty stuff - very raw, emotional intimacy can be difficult, but oh, so worth it.
2. Marriage is knowing someone has your back. Always. You have theirs. It's about interdependence.  Thank goodness for this!
3. Marriage is realizing that you have been seen in your worst times, and that you are still loved. There's an overriding sense of gratitude and security.  It's amazing to be seen at your worst and know you're still loved.  No matter what.
4. Marriage is sharing old jokes. Or some story that may be told over and over but it still makes you laugh 'til you are left gasping for breath.  Yep, it's always good to laugh over old funnies.
5. Marriage is getting teary-eyed together.  I'm the teary eyed one most of the time, but hubby gets that way sometimes, too.  We're there for each other through the teary-eyed times.
6. Marriage is thinking about the other one not being there anymore. And not being able to think about it.  Can't even fathom it.
7. Marriage is getting irritated by the things that always irritate you. Have irritated you for 24 years. Will irritate you for 24 more. And tolerating it because it is way overbalanced by the good stuff.  There are things about him that irritate me, just as I know there are things about me that irritate him, but yes, the good far outweighs the small irritations.
8. Marriage is not being able to wait to get home to share some little something.  My son wonders why we spend so much time on the phone when we're away from each other - because we love to share our lives with each other!
9. Marriage is wishing you were the one having the operation. Or the illness. Not him.  So true.  Except that nasty elbow injury last  year.  No one should have to deal with that kind of madness!
10. Marriage is sometimes fighting. Trying to slowly learn to fight more fairly. To apologize. To listen. To learn. To find resolution.  Thankfully we don't fight often, in fact it's extremely rare.  But when we do, I think we fight fairly - no name calling, no belittling, none of those horrible hurtful things that unfair fights entail.
11. Marriage is about vulnerability. Giving someone the right to hurt or disappoint you. While simultaneously giving that someone the opportunity to bring you tremendous joy and laughter.  The saying is true - the ones you love the most have the most power to hurt you, but you trust them not to.
12. Marriage is a promise. A vow. To try the hardest you have ever tried in your life. Marriage is a place for the achievement of a personal integrity like no other.  Amen.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

My Horoscope for Monday, September 29, 2014

It's nearly impossible to let go of your unexpressed feelings that still linger beneath the surface. Although you think everything is settled, a personal drama arises. Just when you are ready to move on, a reminder dredges up a wave of powerful emotions. Don't waste energy on fighting against the prevailing currents; instead navigate with your heart to work with the natural tides and not against them. Channel your intensity into your creativity and see what happens.

Such is my life.  Every time I think I'm moving past some things that bother me, something happens that rips those wounds open again.  No, I'm not going into details here, nor elsewhere, so no, don't bother asking.  None of you.  I'm just going to brood on my own and fret and be pissy.  What's that definition of insanity - doing the same thing over and over yet expecting a different result.  Yeah, that's my life.

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Yeah, I'm Over It. Really I am.

Over what, you might ask?  Having periods.  I am SICK TO DEATH OF HAVING PERIODS!!!!  I just don't believe I'll miss them at all once my body decides not to have them anymore.  I mean, I'm apparently infertile now so lack of periods won't really mean anything except I won't be making Kotex or Playtex rich every month with my plethora of supplies that I have to keep on hand.

One thing I need to know, though - do women still have the monthly hormonal swings and moods, even when they no longer have periods?  Man I hope not!  Currently I'm like:

Once the period arrives, I'm like:
I was up at 4:30am this morning due to period issues, and had to drag out the heating pad.  Hubby was so sweet to me, but he said he really hates my periods because I'm a whiny, moody cry-baby.  Well, he only used the word "whiny", I added "moody" and "cry-baby" because I'm sure that's what he was thinking and I know that's what I am every month.  I was just kinda sad last night, for no reason in particular, I just know it's the hormones doing it.  I wanted to just cry, but for whatever reason I couldn't.  Tonight I'm moody and irritated and kinda want to cry, but I'm not gonna do it.

And this is a first for me **TMI warning** - just went through an ultra tampon in 45 minutes.  Normally on a bad day like today it takes about 90 minutes.  But tonight - just 45 minutes.  Fuck.

Gonna lay here with my heating pad and fight the urge to be a whiny cry-baby.........

Monday, October 6, 2014

Wonderful Weekend!

My mom came to stay with us this weekend - I picked her up after work Friday and took her home today.  Clydie cooked us a good dinner Friday night, and on Saturday, Mom, Clydie, Steven and I went into Carrollton where Steven treated us to lunch, and we did some shopping.  Mom picked up a couple of plant stands for me, as we needed to get our plants brought in from the back porch (the temp was supposed to be as low as 36 this morning), and she got me a couple more blouses from Ross.  (I really have come to love that store!)  We also checked out a couple book stores on the square, and had coffee at the coffee shop.  Man, the walking we did!

I cooked those damn enchiladas for dinner last night, and they were yummy! 

I've escaped injury this weekend from 2 different incidents.  Yesterday I was throwing a dead wasp (spawn of Satan, as Steven called it) out the back porch door and I got my sock covered foot a little too close to the edge of the steps.  My foot started sliding off the step and I almost went with it - I screamed and grabbed the door with one hand and the railing with the other hand and caught myself.  Had I fallen, I probably would have ended up with an injury like Brian got last year - broken and dislocated arm/elbow, or worse.

Today when I was driving Mom home, this idiot in a Mercedes with a handicapped license plate proceeded to pull from the side of the road, over lane by lane, going approximately 20mph, without looking, not bothering to speed up to the speed limit, and of course I was just in the 2nd lane from where he was coming into the road.  My mother was panicking, as she had looked in the rear view side mirror and saw a car flying up behind us.  I had already hit the brakes pretty hard to keep from smashing into the rear of this moron in the Mercedes, and the speeding car behind me suddenly swerved to the lane to my left, and of course Mercedes Moron proceeded to slowly pull over in front of the speeding idiot, which caused the speeding idiot to have to move over suddenly again.  The speeder got away safely, and the Mercedes Moron continued to drive very slowly (there's no way he was doing the mandatory minimum of 40/45), and he ended up in the lane next to the farthest to the left, swerving while he was there.  I was too focused on keeping control of my car and keeping us safe to bother with getting that moron's license plate number, but had I been continuing in his direction and not exiting at that point, I would have followed him and gotten his plate #.  Perhaps I should have taken the detour for a few minutes to get the plate # and report him, but Mom was pretty upset and I wanted to get her home.

So other than my 2 near accidents, I had a great weekend!

Sunday, September 28, 2014

Last Weekend in September!

I cannot believe it is already the last weekend in September!  Where has this year gone?!?!?  Time just seems to be flying by so quickly at times, and in some ways that's okay (the work week going by fast to get to the weekends, I don't mind so much).  I just wish the weekends would seem like they lasted longer.

We went to the hunting property yesterday to do a couple things, and that pretty much was our Saturday.  Today I needed to find a blouse that will go with a new blazer I recently obtained, and managed to find not only that, but picked up 3 new blouses in addition to the one I was looking for, and a new pair of pants.  I bought all the clothes at Ross - I had never shopped there before and I really liked my experience there today - I saved about 65% off the suggested retail prices.  Now, I wasn't buying clothes just for the fun of it, I needed some new things as I've put on some weight over the past year and my current wardrobe is just not working for me as well as it was.  :-(

I found a recipe on Facebook for oven baked fajitas, and I made them for dinner tonight - they were awesome!  (If you want the recipe and aren't on my Facebook, message me and I'll get it to you).  We (well, Brian and I) also tried out a ghost pepper.  For those of you that don't know, ghost peppers are one of the top 5 hottest peppers in the world.  We've been growing them the last couple years, and in the past, we didn't know that they are supposed to turn red when they are mature, so we'd been picking them green and eating them that way.  I was able to eat them green and immature, and while yes they were hot, they weren't much worse than a jalapeno.

We've picked about half a dozen red ones this year, and tonight Brian got out the rubber gloves and sliced one up for us to try.  I wanted to video him trying it, as he cut it up in tiny pieces and sprinkled several of them into his fajita.  He wouldn't let me do the video, even though I promised I wouldn't post it without his permission.  After he ate that fajita with all those pieces of ghost pepper, I got brave and tried some too.  Turns out this particular pepper was no hotter than any of the jalapenos I've had.  It was kinda disappointing, as it would have been fun blogging about Brian having a funny reaction to the pepper.  But, the pepper had a nice flavor and only a little sting to it.

Besides going clothes shopping today, I've been doing laundry and did my nails tonight.  I know, an exciting life.  It's my life, and I love it!

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Family Discord - The Truth Comes Out

Okay, before I get into all this, I am writing this with the permission of my mother-in-law, Clydie.  I talked to her about it because I didn't want to share family drama without getting her take on things first, and her okay on it.  Secondly, I realize that this is just our side of the story, and there are always at least 2 sides to any story.  Third, I will not be using the real names of anyone involved in this story, other than the members of my household.  This is not to protect anyone by any means - but in case someone gets stupid and tries to sue me for slander or libel, and I just don't want that hassle. And lastly - I have all the emails and Facebook messages that prove 99% of what's coming in this blog. 

Let's rewind to 2011 - Brian and I are newlyweds, and Brian is headed out for a deployment the first weekend in October.  As a last family gathering with his side of the family, we all loaded up and went down to Lake Blackshear for Labor Day weekend.  All 3 of Brian's sisters, 1 of his brothers, his mother, one sister's boyfriend, another sister's husband, 2 grandkids, and my son were all there.  We were all gathered at my uncle's house, having a cookout by the pool, and Brian's oldest sister (I will call her Jeri) said some stuff to another sister, got mad, and wanted to walk all the way back to Carrollton with her grandson, who I believe was just 7 at the time.  We wouldn't let her go with him as it was extremely hot and would have been very dangerous to hitchhike all the way from Cordele to Carrollton, another sister offered the use of her vehicle and gas money to use to get back home, which Jeri refused, and Jeri left the house on her own.  She called the cops and they threatened all of us with interference with child custody, and Jeri decided to stay, holed up in the bedroom, the rest of the time we were there.

Jeri never apologized for her unreasonable behavior during that weekend, and Brian and I have never heard anything from her in the past 3 years.  Not a word. 

Until last Saturday - she called Brian (he didn't answer the call), wanting to know something about breeding her dog.  Not one word for 3 years, and she calls him wanting to know about breeding her dog?!?!  What the hell kind of crazy shit is that?!?!?!

Also in 2011 - Brian's mother, Clydie, was diagnosed with Stage 3 lung cancer.  She had surgery in July, and started her chemo in late August (the week before the trip to the lake on Labor Day weekend).  She was living with her youngest daughter and son-in-law.  I'll call this daughter Mary.

In early December, I started getting messages from Mary and also the middle sister, whom I'll call Linda.  There was talk in the messages of Clydie's desire to move out from Mary's house into a place in Bremen, and they wanted all the siblings to chip in and help with the bills.  I don't know why I was included on these messages, as Brian and I had not been married a year at this point and I just didn't feel it was proper for me to be included in all this. 

The little bit of information I was able to ascertain from Clydie at this point was that it was not her desire to move, but she was pretty much being told she had to move out.  The persistence of the 2 sisters with the messages to me and to Brian greatly angered Brian - he was deployed overseas, and there was nothing he could do about the situation.  There was at least one hateful, ugly message that Mary sent to Brian, and he responded back in kind, telling her that she and Linda no longer had a brother, that he wouldn't be having anything else to do with either of them.

In early January, Clydie called me and said that Mary had kicked her out, and she had nowhere to go.  She was headed to her friend's house in Alabama temporarily, and Brian and I let her know that she was welcome to move in with us.  I cleared out the spare bedroom in the trailer, rented a U-Haul and moved her in a week or 2 later. 

I am so thankful to have Clydie in our lives!  Is everything perfect?  No.  No relationship, friendship or family is perfect.  But we work through the problems, forgive the transgressions and hurts, grow stronger from it all and move on.  Clydie has tried to move on from all the hurt that Mary and Linda have caused her, but every time someone reaches out, something happens to cause Clydie to pull back again.

At some point in 2012 or 2013, Brian received an email from Mary that was an apology of sorts, and an explanation as to her behavior regarding Clydie's moving out.  Other than that email, he has never heard from Mary or Linda since the whole ordeal with Clydie began in December 2011.  Neither sister bothered to call him, or message him or even inquire about him when he returned from deployment in September 2012.  Not a word.

Oh I take that back.  Brian arrived home from his deployment around 3am on the last Saturday morning in September 2012.  Clydie and I had already made plans to go to Linda's house to pick up a few things that were in storage.  I don't recall whether Linda knew that Brian had gotten home or that something was said that morning at her house that he was home, but she seemed quite irritated that he had not come with us.  Really?  He had just gotten home from deployment, flew from Indiana to Charlotte, and drove 5 hours to get home, at 3am, with no sleep since the night before?  And you expected him to be sociable not just after that, but after knowing how you participated in the ugly situation that involved your mother being kicked out of her home, and you had never bothered trying to explain yourself or apologize for that?

One of the many sad things about this situation is that the brother who lives in Florida has yet to hear his own mother's version of events.  She has told me that any time she even tries to broach the subject, he waves her off.  He just wants everyone to forgive and forget and get along.  He has no idea of Clydie's version of events, of her reasons for feeling the way she does - he just wants bygones to be bygones so that we can all be one big happy family again.  And I say really?  You expect her to just forget all the ugly things that have been said and done, with no real apologies or discussions about it with those that caused all the hurt and pain?  I know I've only gotten her side of things, but I've seen no real efforts from her daughters to make any amends. 

Some of you may think this is none of my business to write about, but it affects me and those I love.  It angers me to know what has happened and all the hurt and anger it has caused.  Clydie is slowly moving past all of it, and Brian just gets so angry whenever something comes up with one of his sisters and the whole situation.  Just tonight, we ran into Linda's daughter at the grocery store - she was so damn rude to us, as if it was truly a bother for her to speak to us.  No one has done anything to her, so we don't know what her problem is.  We can only assume it has something to do with the discord between Brian and his sisters.

Family discord really sucks.  And it's not just happening in my in-laws' family, there's some in my family, too.  I may touch on some of my family's discord at some point, just not tonight (oh is there a lot!).  But rest easy folks, it's not in my household!

What a Blessed Sunday!

Today my mom, my grandmother Meme, and my best friend from college, Michael came to eat dinner with us.  Meme has not been to see my new home yet, for a multitude of reasons - she missed Thanksgiving dinner last fall because she was sick, and there just never seemed like a good time to ask her to come out, as it would involve someone else having to drive her over and we just didn't do it.

Then came May 12, 2014, the day we thought was the beginning of the end for Meme.  I've not talked much about it online, as I'd just been so unsure about her prognosis and well, it's just been hard to talk about.

May 12 - the day after Mother's Day - Meme drove herself to Wendy's in Lovejoy for a frosty (yes, she was still driving at that point - 2 weeks from turning 90 - it was also the last time she would ever drive a car).  She had an "episode" inside, some sort of seizure and fainting spell, and she lost consciousness.  When she fell, she cracked her skull.  The doctors said she had a brain bleed that caused the loss of consciousness, and apparently the first week she was in the hospital she had several more.  The doctors also said that they wouldn't operate on her because of her age, and that not much could be done other than keep her comfortable.

They also discovered an issue with her thyroid, and as they began treating that and trying to take care of her, she just decided she'd had enough and stopped eating, was barely drinking, and was beginning to refuse her medication.  She was also talking some really weird shit - paranoid delusional stuff that according to the doctors is consistent and to be expected with dementia.

She was discharged from the hospital and sent to Westbury Rehabilitation & Nursing Home on Friday, May 23, for physical therapy and care.  At first while she was there, she was refusing to eat, drink or take medication, and was having some hella hallucinations due to extreme dehydration.  The doctors recommended calling in hospice but she was not moved to hospice care.  After 2 weeks, she was sent to the hospital for some chronic kidney issues that were flaring up, and it was absolutely amazing to see the difference in her from May 24 until 2 weeks later, the first weekend in June, when she was in the hospital.  I mean - she was a completely different woman!  She still had some of her crazy talk, but she was actually eating and drinking and talking mostly sensible and back to her old ornery self!

After being in the hospital about a week, she went back to Westbury for more physical therapy, and she was released to go home around July 22.  I spent a Saturday night with her shortly after her return home, and she was back to her old self, other than still a little weak and tiring very easily.

Now, her being home is not to say that she's 100% - the dementia has become more obvious since this all started on May 12.  The signs were there before, but it hit her like a freight train after the brain injury.  She's even more ornery than she was before!  She tires very easily, has the shakes a lot, walks like a drunk at times, and is painfully thin.  She has gained 9 lbs since she hit her lowest weight in the hospital, and she eats like you wouldn't believe.  We're thinking the thyroid issue is making it very difficult for her to put on any weight at this point, and yes, the doctors are aware of everything going on with her.

I'm just so amazed that she was able to make the trip out to see the house today, and that she enjoyed herself so much.  She ate some of everything we had today - pork chops, potato salad, deviled eggs, collards, butterbeans, fried okra, sweet wheat rolls, grilled stuffed jalapenos, and she also had a small slice of chocolate pie and a scoop of banana pudding.  Yesterday she requested that we make her some pickled jalapenos, so Clydie made some half-pints of pickled peppers today and she took some of those home and a jar of salsa we had made earlier this summer. 

Meme missed so much this year in just a few months - Steven's baccalaureate & graduation services, honors night, and other opportunities to visit here and elsewhere.  I'm just so glad she's gotten better to the point of being able to get out and about.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014


I had to rescue a hummingbird from the back porch this afternoon.  Little sucker flew in through the open door and kept knocking into the screens, and couldn't figure out how to fly back out from where he came.  We had to do this last week, as one got caught in there (the one today looked hauntingly familiar), so I did what Brian did before - got a pillowcase and caught him up in it and released him outside the porch.  He cheeped and fussed the whole time I was holding him, but he hauled ass over the roof towards the woods once he was free.

There's a new baby horse on the horse farm on Bowdon Junction Road - we love love love to see the various baby animals on that road, it seems there's always a new baby cow, or donkey, and now there's a new baby horse (and some not so new baby chickens).  He's a chestnut brown, with 4 white socks and a white splotch down the front of his face.  I first saw him when he was probably only a day or 2 old - he looked shell-shocked, almost like a WTF is going on and why am I out here instead of inside my mommy?!?

Dominion is snoozing on the couch - he is waiting for me to let him in our bedroom so he can hop on the bed and doze off for the night.  For some reason he was up last night - first it was Gabriel.  He was restless, and I heard his tummy making noises, and he practically laid up on top of me, and this all usually  means he has a sick stomach and is either going to barf or he needs to go outside and have a diarrhea explosion, but he settled down and went to sleep.  About the time Gabriel settled down, Dominion hopped out of bed and walked from Brian's side to my side - repeatedly - with those toenails clicking on the Pergo.  He finally settled back down, and everyone slept until my alarm went off. 

My mom is back in the states for a bit.  I wish she was back for good! 

Saturday, August 30, 2014

30 questions

Okay, so I stole this list of questions from my son's Tumblr page and just thought I'd post it and share. 

1:Where do you want to live when you're older if you get the chance?  I'd love to live on a lake somewhere, on a huge chunk of acreage, so we could fish and hunt on our own land.
2:Who do you miss right now?   my mom!  (she'll be home in a couple of weeks for a month, and I can't wait!)
3:What's the best pet you have ever had?  my cat, Katey
4:Have you ever been in love? If yes describe  Yes I have.  I've thought I've been in love a couple of times, and I know I've been in love once before, but the love that I have with my husband is the deepest, truest love I have ever experienced in my life. 
5:If you could do anything good for someone what would it be and for who? Anything that I could do would require money that I don't have, but if I were in a financial position to do so, I would love to help some folks out.
6:Where would your dream home be located and how would it be like?  I would love a ranch-style home on a lake, in the woods.  It would need a basement for storage, a bad weather retreat area, and a man-cave for Brian and his toys.
7:If you could spend the rest of your life with someone starting from now who would it be?  My husband!
8:If you had a baby what would you name it?   For a girl - Emery LuMyra.  For a boy - Harley Alexander
9:Winter or summer and favorite things in that season. Winter - good snuggling weather!  Summer - swimming time
10:What would your perfect trip be like and where would it be?  For a perfect trip, money would have to be no object.  I would love to take a cruise to the Caribbean, and do an excursion on every stop.  Mayan ruins, time in Jamaica, Grand Caymans, a lot of different things.
11:Favorite book?  most anything Stephen King (except Dolores Claiborn)
12:If you had 1 wish what would you wish for?  I would wish for unlimited wishes.  If that wish wasn't permitted, I would wish for an unlimited supply of tax-free money.
13:Rainy days indoors with a cup of hot chocolate in your hand or hot summer days at the beach? Both types of days have their benefits.  Some days I just don't feel like battling the heat and sand.
14:What is the most lucky thing that has ever happened to you? I don't believe in luck.  It's hard work, or just plain old destiny.
15:Favorite ice cream flavor/combo?  I love a good chocolate chip ice cream with a scoop of chocolate along with it.
16:Do you workout? If yes do you have a routine? Describe   Damn I haven't "worked out" in a while.  A year, as a matter of fact.  I try to walk 2-3 times a week, 2-3 miles each time, but I haven't done that in a while because of the heat.
17:What was the first thought when you arrived at school the day you went back? (or what will it be when you do)  I haven't been to school in a long time.  If I were to return to further my education, I would probably have nightmares about skipping class all semester and showing up to take the final, for a class like calculus or statistics.
18:Books or movies? books
19:Best movie you have ever watched?  too many to list
20:What's the motto(s) you live by?   Live and let live.
21:Favorite item in the whole world?  my phone
22:If you could buy one thing right now, no matter the price, what would it be?  an all expenses paid vacation
23:Do you like art?  it's okay
24:Girls: How would you like to be proposed by the man of your dreams?  not something I've ever thought about and it doesn't matter anyway because I'm married!  LOL
     Boys:How would you propose the woman of your dreams? 
25:Long or short hair?  for me - long hair.  Sometimes I wish I had shorter hair, but I love having the long hair.
26:Favorite singer/band?  Journey
27:Who's your role model?  I don't really have one
28:Do you like Nicholas Sparks' movies?   I don't watch them
29:Describe how school makes you feel in a GIF   not even going there!
30:If you could meet any famous person in the world (1) who would it be and why?  I don't really care to meet anyone famous.

Can you believe it's been one year already????

Yes, today is the one year anniversary for when we had the closing on our home!  It's so hard to believe that it's already been a whole year.  Home ownership is one of the most rewarding things - it's great to be able to come home to something that belongs to you.

Our home has come a long way since we bought it - here's some photos from last year, before we did anything inside or out with the house:

You can sort of see the trees to the left of the house, and all the greenery on the right side of the house.

This is the view from the back of the yard, with all the overgrown bushes there to the left and that clump of trees, bushes and "stuff" in the middle of the yard.
And this is what our yard looks like now, from the same vantage points:
 All the stuff gone from the left side of the house!
And all of the stuff gone to the side of the house and the center of the yard!
We did some stuff to pretty up the yard, and added this sitting garden to the side:

Here's some nice things that were already there, some we knew about, some that just showed up:
 We knew the azalea was there, and it bloomed so fully this past season!
 This crocus was a big surprise, it grew up next to the steps.
 And this hyacinth was quite the surprise, too.
We added the pansies last fall/winter, and now they've been replaced by begonias.  (I didn't take pics of those).
There's so much to do with the house still, as far as more planting in the yard, and finding more places to hang up more photos and stuff, but we're just taking our time with it.  No hurry, with me working full time and Brian and Steven in school full time.
We received a "happy anniversary" card from the original mortgage company today.  I thought it was pretty interesting that they go to that trouble, to still thank the customer at the 1 year anniversary.  It's even funnier to me since the mortgage company sold the mortgage after closing, before our first payment was due!

Saturday, August 16, 2014

Blah. Just. Blah.

I decided I'd get up this morning and do the weed-eating in the yard, front AND back.  Yay me.  We have this wonderful electric weed-eater, so I had to drag out 2 sets of super long extension cords so I could reach the mailbox and all the way on every side of the house.

I managed to get the front yard mostly done before it was time to refill the string.  Break time for breakfast!  Cheese grits are just the freaking bomb, I tell you.  Finished eating, got the thing refilled with the string, and got back to weed eating.  I had on long knit yoga pants and flip flops.  Yes, I know, I should have been wearing sneakers.  Believe me, after getting the sensation that my pinky toe on my right foot had been impaled, 3 different times, I wish I had put on the sneakers (it was fine, sore now, but fine). 

With the period here, it really took a LOT out of me to work in the yard that little bit.  Normally physical activity helps the cramps and pain, but not today.  I was in agony, just absolute agony, after I got finished in the yard.  I took a shower, had a cry and pity party, then popped an ibuprofen and laid down with not one, but TWO, heating pads (one for the front, one for the back).  Steven came in and joined me for a bit, I guess he wanted company and he didn't want me to be alone with me being all whiny and in pain.

At dinner, Clydie and I discussed that we were going to remove our "boulder holders" after dinner.  Steven had to say "oh no, we're gonna have a rock slide!"  It was pretty funny, guess you had to be there.

I stuck a hair clip/claw in Gabriel's neck fur.  He freaked out and ran to Clydie's room and jumped on her bed.  She had to remove it.  Then I stuck it on Dominion, and he just shook his head and it flipped off of him quickly.  So I stuck it on Gabriel's neck again, and he tucked tail and ran to the landing, cowering.  Gabriel is such a chicken!  He gets scared over NOTHING sometimes!  And of course, it's kinda funny most of the time. 

And no, I don't torture the dogs all the time.  Sometimes things happen that make the dogs have funny reactions, but we don't typically do things that would terrorize them.  Even the simple act of Brian and Steven rough-housing will terrify Gabriel.  Loud laughter and noises scare him, as so sticking things in his fur.  Thunder doesn't phase him.  Dominion, on the other hand, is absolutely terrified of thunder, but the loud laughter and horse play doesn't bother him.  Hell, half the time on the horse play, he wants to join in!

It's 10:15pm, and I'm ready for bed.  Past ready for bed.  I've been watching ghost shows on LMN and the Travel Channel.  Actually, I had to change off the Travel Channel for 2 reasons - I'm getting a little tired of Ghost Adventures, and second - I am sick to damn death of that damn "Big Time RV" commercial with the little girl that practically sings the word "whaaattttt??????"  That is the one commercial that I fucking despise.  I mean, seriously - they are advertising a show, why are they using the SAME clip(s) EVERY DAMN DAY?!?!?!?!?  Aaarrrrgggghhhhh!!!!!

Okay, I'm packing it in for tonight - y'all have a great evening and a wonderful Sunday!

Thursday, August 14, 2014

The Latest News

Here's the standard TMI warning - gonna talk about my personal lady-bits issues, and if you're too squeamish or don't care to know such intimate medical details about me, then please stop here.

So those of you that are regular readers, and who know me personally, know that I have period issues.  Since I went off the pill in 2012, my periods have been almost like clockwork, every 28 days, give or take a day or 2.  But, they've gotten increasingly heavier, more disgusting, and more painful.  I was told last year that this was most likely due to a condition called adenomyosis, which is like having endometriosis within the uterine wall itself.  This will cause all the period issues, as well as some other issues like abdominal pain, pain when using the bathroom, and pain during certain extracurricular activities.

Over the past few months, the pain level and nausea I experience has increased significantly - I actually had pains that felt like ice picks, stabbing me in my ovaries.  As I mentioned in a previous post, I tried numbing the pain with Tramadol and while it helped a little, the nasty drug hangover was not worth the minute amount of relief obtained.  So when my period started last month, I called my doctor's office to ask them to prescribe something stronger than 800mg ibuprofen.  Unfortunately, they would not do anything stronger without me being seen, so I had them call it in and scheduled an appointment to talk to the doctor about what we can do.  (and fortunately I ended up not even needing the ibuprofen for that cycle!)

This past Sunday, I was laying on the couch and talking on the phone, and I got the ice pick sensation in my left ovary.  This was weird, as my period wasn't due for another 10 days or so.  Tuesday and Wednesday I had spotting, which many times is a direct beginning to my period, but it was way too early for that, right?  I mean, my freaking period is almost like clockwork, and I'm not due until the 21st!!!

My doctor's appointment was yesterday afternoon, and I didn't know if I was gonna make it to then, as I got some kind of nasty sick while I was at work and started up on a puke-fest.  I left work, went and crashed at my mom's house until my appointment time, and then went to the doctor.  The nurse said I was the 3rd person that came in telling of having the throw-ups all morning, and there was some kind of bug going around.  Great.

I see the doctor, and we discuss all the continuing period issues, and I give her my recent symptoms, and she said it was some sort of ovulation malfunction disorder (I cannot for the life of me remember the actual name she called it dammit), that apparently my eggs are become cysts before they release and as they pop free of the cyst, that's giving me the ice pick pains.  And the only thing she could do at this point to help would be to put me back on birth control pills, which I don't want to do, and she doesn't really want to do that either.

She said most like I am in peri-menopause at this point, given the changes in my periods, although she was thinking that the spotting I had up until the appointment was related to the ovulation thing and not an actual period.  Well, after getting up this morning and checking things out, I'm pretty confident that this IS my period, 8 days early.  Aaaarrrggghhhhh!!!!!

She ran some hormonal blood tests, and also checked my thyroid, and they told me today that everything was normal.  Nothing out of whack when it comes to my hormones or thyroid.  Good right?  Yes, but no, as it doesn't give us a reason for what's going on.  I would think the hormonal test would have definitively indicated that I was in peri-menopause, but it doesn't.  Oh well. 

So now, if I experience this horrific ice-pick pain again, hopefully they'll be willing to prescribe something stronger than 800mg ibuprofen!  I don't know how much longer I can deal with the pain, nausea, and gross stuff.  Ewwww.

And okay, I'm going to say this - I know of some women that are able to look at their periods in a positive light (other than those who are happy to get a period as their sign of not being pregnant) - they are happy to have periods, they embrace their monthlies, and how it makes them more womanly or something.  I don't mean to sound like I'm criticizing them, I just don't understand the joy and wonderment of having periods.  Yes, I understand their function, and why we have them, but it doesn't mean I have to like them or embrace them.  I honestly don't understand how embracing my womanliness is going to make my periods a pleasant experience.  If you are one of these women that finds a true joy or ability to embrace having periods, please let me in on your secret.  Thanks!

Monday, August 11, 2014

That Bitch

Borrowed from another writer.......

I walked into the restroom at a local casino after dinner. A barely 21 year old was at the counter, using the mirror to finish off her outfit.

A quick glance at her too tight dress told me she was a go go dancer at the club. I hurried past her, feeling frumpier than before. She gave a side long look and went back to perfecting her make up.

Washing my hands, I looked in the mirror and caught her glare. Yeah yeah, I know, you're younger and hotter and sexier. Go ahead, feel superior, you are.

I struggled with the automated faucet and soap dispenser, and felt my face get more red the longer I stood at the sink.

That bitch, does she really need to keep looking over here?

I started to feel angry. Who did she think she was? Judging me, in the ladies bathroom, on a Thursday night. I wasn't trying to impress anyone. I couldn't look like her, so why was she rubbing it in?!

I glanced up at the mirror, and the harsh light revealed every imperfection I had. Finally, I returned her sneering gaze in my reflection and stood up straight to dry my hands.

She quickly looked down, "I'm sorry," she blurted out "I was just thinking I wish I had tits like those!"

I opened my mouth to retaliate -wait, what?! She wasn't looking down on me, she was envying me? I realized we had both stood there in silence, letting our looks intimidate each other.

When I finally came out of shock, I complimented her lovely skin, amazing legs and slim figure. She blushed back, saying five layers of make up kept her decent, and I looked naturally pretty in my bare face.

She looked back into the mirror and I thought she was going to cry. I knew that look. It was one I had given myself so many times over so many years. My heart broke a little. Somewhere in life, she had heard she wasn't good enough. And she believed it.

The exchange ended with a hug, my assuring her she was "absolutely beautiful" in full sincerity. I thought she was beautiful when I walked in, but I thought it angrily. I walked away realizing she was just as fragile, insecure and emotional as the rest of us. That she needed to hear she was OK just the way she was.

On my way out the main entrance, I took a moment to tell a young woman she looked really pretty in her dress. She was a little surprised at first, then smiled and thanked me.

I think women need to take more moments like that for each other. We shouldn't be going through our lives being angry at the beauty we see in each other, but letting each other know that we see that beauty in them.

Amen - please people - it's kinda like trying to find the positives even in a negative situation - always look for the positive, the pretties, the good in others.  Stop focusing on the negatives, especially in your own self.

Don't Get Me Wrong.....

I've posted a few things recently regarding what it's like to have low self-esteem, and the things that go through one's head who suffers from low self-esteem.  See these posts:  Self Esteem, or the lack thereof...... and For When You Think Nobody Will Love You.  Yes, I suffer from this.  I have as long as I remember, or at least as long as I remember the fact that I was larger than other girls my age was talked about openly among my classmates. 

I remember having to wear "plus sized" girls clothes.  A size 16.  And how difficult it was to find clothes in my size that were cute and that I liked.  At some point, probably in 5th or 6th grade, I transitioned to adult sized clothes.  I wore a freaking size 10 women's shoe by 6th grade!  Of course, I was probably one of the tallest girls in school by that point as well, or at least in the top 5 tallest, if I recall correctly.  But I was also a larger body frame, too.

Words that kids say to other kids that aren't like everyone else can be really damaging.  I remember some of the things that were said to me, many in fact, but the words that stung me the most came from my own grandmother.  I'm not even going to repeat them here, and if you ask me privately, it's likely that I won't repeat it privately, either, so please just don't ask (that goes for you too, Mom....and Clydie.....and Brian....Don.....Contanya....yep, just no one ask me!).  In fact, I shared the words she spoke to me when I was in junior high school to one of my good friends just the other day.  I don't know that I have EVER shared the words with anyone else before that, and I don't want to give the words any more power in my life than they already have taken from me. 

But don't get me wrong - no one criticizes me today, at least not publicly or where I see it or hear it.  My husband is the most supportive person - he has NEVER said a negative word about me that would further damage my delicate self-esteem.  In fact, he does everything he can to build me up, to help me overcome my self-esteem issues, to encourage me to change what I want to about myself, but only if I am truly the one that wants to make the change.  He loves me just like I am.  I know my family and true friends are the same as well.

Anyways, my point in this post is just to say that I am okay, I am not having a self-esteem crisis or pity party, and please don't feel the need to post comments or send messages - seriously.  I am not fishing for comments (good, bad or indifferent) or compliments.  Those recent posts were because I ran across writings that just spoke to me and thought I'd share in case others have the same feelings at times. 

There's one more writing I found recently I want to share, and I will post it here shortly.  It's about how women should support each other, finding the positives in each other, rather than tearing each other down or being jealous about something that another woman has as far as her appearance goes.  And here's one more link to a blog that I like, that frequently talks about body love and self-esteem:  Expose....Shedding Light on Collective Beauty.  The Militant Baker is AWESOME!!!  If only I could have her mindset about body love and acceptance.

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Self Esteem....or the lack thereof

Self esteem is a funny thing.  Those that you would think have a lot of it, sometimes have very little to none.  And those very people sometimes put on the biggest fronts that they have self-esteem out the ass, yet on the inside, they have none.

Ok, I've borrowed a writing from someone from another site, and this really does hit home for me:
What it's like inside the brain of someone who's not body confident

There are days when I'm good, and days when I'm not so good. These below are the not so good (sometimes irrational) days.

A compliment must be turned into a self deprecating joke, because anything else makes you uncomfortable.

Reading something written with you in mind, you will automatically pick and obsess on the one thing that in your mind they've highlighted as a flaw, even when their intention was the exact opposite.
The hands of loved ones on you in the wrong place can make you want to flinch away. Not because they're touching you, but because they're touching a part of you that you view as flawed and if they're touching it it'll bring attention to it, and then they'll notice (since the only way they're still there is because they haven't noticed yet, and bless their blindness).

You are legitimately worried that by sitting in someone's lap you're going to cut off circulation to their legs or squash them. You say this in jest, but it eats at the back of your mind.

Similarly, if someone picks you up, you worry about their back and generally request to be put down immediately. You don't want to hurt them because they've underestimated your size/weight.

You've learnt not to say most of the things you think about yourself, unless they can be phrased in such a way that people think you're joking.

You don't want pity, and compliments always feel like the token "make the awkward one feel pretty" gesture, even when you know the person is sincere.

You learnt very early on that resting bitch face and false bravado will get you through most uncomfortable situations. You're probably a little too good at them now, since it's hard to do anything else.

Your level of comfort isn't always a direct relationship to your state of dress. You can be just as uncomfortable covered neck to ankle as you can be completely naked (though completely naked is generally worse).

Sometimes it's good to know what's going inside the brains of people, and body image is one of those things I think everyone struggles with at some point. I thought it'd be good to see it from the inside.

Okay - who else has these same feelings some times?  How do you deal with it?

Sunday, August 3, 2014

Time for Some Fun!

I just remembered a really funny exchange we had in the car recently - this really should be in another installment of "Funny Shit My Family Says" but I'm going to put it here anyway.  **Mild language warning**  So Brian and Steven have taken to telling each other (and me and Clydie - lord knows they wouldn't want to leave us out) to "shut your whore mouth".  We're in the car and they are starting up with this, and Brian says it to his mother, so she says "shut up you whore lover" to him, and Steven immediately jumps in with "what you tryna say about my momma?!?!?"  That stopped the shenanigans because it cracked us all up!

I know we're not couth and polite at times, but we have fun.  I don't care if people think we're crude, our lives together are about loving one another and having fun, and if we have fun in a crude fashion, then so be it.  We are having fun! 

I grew up in a fun-loving household, although we generally weren't crude or loud about it (well, except for farts - farts are ALWAYS funny, and usually call for some really loud laughter).  In fact, my  mother would probably have a heart attack if she went out in public and secretly viewed how we are at times.  She should NEVER go shopping with us at Sam's Club, by the way.  (I am VERY thankful for a successful bladder surgery after those trips!)  Sure, we get some annoyed looks at times, but most of the time the people around us are laughing with us, and even join in on the funny comments. 

Steven's favorite thing to joke about is Brian's height.  He's always making short jokes (for those of you who don't know, Brian is about 5'6", I'm 5'8", and Steven is around 6' - he's not the shortest in the household, that would be Clydie, at around 5'2" or so).  Steven LOVES cracking on Brian about his height - it's usually pretty damn funny, too.  And Brian and Steven both crack on Clydie for being the oldest in the bunch.  I get picked on for being the natural "blond" in the family (yes, I'm a natural ditz, haven't been naturally blond since I was about 3 years old), and for taking after Meme in some ways (repeating stories, forgetting things, you know - the getting OLD shit that happens to us all eventually).

I had a great birthday Friday - we had originally planned to go to Kennesaw Mountain to walk some trails, but there was a 40% chance of rain and thunderstorms and we decided not to go, we didn't want to get caught out in thunderstorms on a mountain.  We had some other errands to run and just spent some good family time together.  Ran a few more errands yesterday and cleaned house. 

Today we're having some friends over for a cookout - can't wait to see them and spend time with them!  Momma Clydie is making stuffed mushrooms and jalapeno poppers to go with the burgers and brats we're gonna be grilling later.  It's about time for me to go start prep work so that all I have to do later is pop everything on the grill and then it's eating time!

I hope you all had a great weekend!

Friday, August 1, 2014

For when you think nobody will love you....

This is borrowed from someone at another website, but damn I have felt this way at times in my life.  It's a constant struggle for someone who has battled self-esteem issues for most of their life.

You can never quite remember the actual moments when someone says that they love you for the first time. You wait for it so long, practice how you will respond, prevent yourself from saying it before them (you wouldn’t want to look desperate), and then it happens, and it’s like you go temporarily deaf. There is a ringing, like a TV show that has cut off to go to an emergency announcement. This is an emergency announcement. And you can’t even hear it. It’s almost like your brain doesn’t want to process these words, because then you’d have to acknowledge them, and not just in your imagination.
Besides, everyone who has ever said that to you before has left, so you might as well not even listen.

“I love you” will mean nights staying up watching someone sleep next to you, wondering why they haven’t left you already, wondering when they will. It means having to be naked with them with the lights all the way up, stinging every dimpled plane of your body with unforgiving clarity. It means having to take the risk that, as has happened so many times before, you will be disappointed. You will be proven wrong. You will live the reality of that fear you always have, the fear where they wake up one day and look in the mirror and say “What was I doing here? I could do so, so much better than this.”

So you have chosen aloneness. You have chosen the security and the relative freedom of solitude, because there is no risk involved. You can stay up every night and watch your TV shows and eat ice cream out of the box and scroll through your Tumblr and never let your brain sit still, not even for a moment. You can fill your days up with books and coffees and trips to the store where you forget what you wanted the second you walk in the automatic sliding door. You can do so many little, pointless things throughout the day that all you can think of is how badly you want to sleep, how heavy your whole body is, how much your feet hurt. You can wear yourself out again and again on the pavement, and you do, and it feels good.

And if you need to get laid, you can. You can go on a website and order a date night like you would a value menu at Burger King and have them in your bed before you can even refuse the dessert menu at the restaurant. You don’t have to turn the lights on, because they don’t know you. You don’t have to worry about whether or not they will leave in the morning, because you know that they will. Everything is up-front, so nothing has to be a disappointment. Not like “I love you.”

Sometimes, you think that no one has ever loved you. You have almost flippantly doubted it, even when someone was saying it to you. Even if they are saying it to you today. Because, though you wouldn’t like to admit it, you’re not terribly sure that you love yourself. You reject all of the simpering notions in beauty magazines and you learn to say nice things about yourself when you look in the mirror. If someone asked, you could provide an objective list of your qualities. But you’re not sure that “loving yourself” is something you ever really learned how to do.

Sometimes, you wonder if everyone is faking it, even the people who seem to have it all down to a science.  Because you’ve never looked at yourself and felt blown away by the privilege of being in your own body, of having your own mind, of living your own life. You’ve never felt that thrilling infatuation, that deep connection, that shit-eating grin kind of pride. Not about yourself. And maybe someone else did, but every time they told you that they loved you, it was as though the words had gone through several translating programs before they came back to your ears. You kind of knew what they were trying to say, but it was an expression whose meaning you didn’t really recognize. They said, “I love you,” and you said “You too.”

You think that no one ever will, because how could they? No one will ever bridge that gap and point to your stomach or your hair or your eyes in the mirror and magically make you see the wonderful things about getting to be next to you. And maybe that’s it, after all, this fear that no one will ever truly feel about you the way you want to be felt about. Maybe what you want is someone to make you love yourself, to put sense into all that positive rhetoric, to make it so the aloneness of TV and blasting music in your ears at all times isn’t the most happy place you can think of. Maybe you want someone who makes you so sure of how wonderful things are that you cannot help but to tell them your feelings first, even at the risk of being humiliated. Because you will know that, when you’re telling them you love them, what you’re really saying is “I love who I become when I am with you.”

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Why are weekends so damn short????

Damn, here it is, early Sunday evening!  Why are weekends only 2 days, and why do they always fly by when the week days drag on forever?!?!

Had a good weekend though, after a hellish Friday.  I had a leaky tire on Friday and ended up spending about an hour and a half at Tires Plus, waiting my turn and then getting the tire replaced. 

PMS if off the chain though, and I was in a rage on the way home.  I was ready to just put my fist through something!  It seems to have chilled out now, but I still have my moments.  And I get really annoyed at things that normally make me laugh.

Our pups always sit by the kitchen table when we eat, hoping we'll drop something or offer them a bite.  Dominion was being pretty annoying, so Brian decided to trick him with a jalapeno - he pulled off the stem and threw it up in the air.  Dominion grabbed it, took about 3 chomps on it, then promptly spit it out.  He licked his lips for a bit, and we gave him some biscuit to help with the bite of the pepper.

I took Steven to see Meme yesterday.  I haven't shared a lot about her circumstances, but the short story is that doctors had written her off as dead just before her 90th birthday May 31, and were ready to send her to hospice.    She is doing very well now and will be leaving the rehab facility Tuesday.  I cried absolute tears of joy when I left her yesterday, just so thankful for the amazing difference in what she was like in May and what she is like now.  I'm not going to say much more publicly about her - if you don't know the story, feel free to private message me and I'll share the details with you.

Brian loves picking on Steven - they call each other names, smack each other, chase each other around, etc.  Today was really funny - Brian smacked Steven with the fly flap and then took off running.  Steven went to get him back and they went racing down the hallway.  I guess you had to be here.

While I was cooking dinner tonight, I had this stinging itch around my neckline and shoulder.  I ended up having Clydie put some witch hazel on it, as it was really bothering me.  I kept getting these feelings going down my back and down on my butt.  I asked her to watch the hash browns while I checked the grill, then had to get Brian to check my backside to see what the hell was going on.  I HAD AN ANT IN MY UNDERWEAR!!!!  WTF?!?!?!  I have no idea where it came from or how I got it on me.  But it made a feast on my neck, shoulders and ass.  Not fun.

We made salsa today - it had a nice bite to it.  I added extra jalapenos to 2 of the jars, and I didn't taste those.  Hopefully they will be hot enough for Brian!

More funny shit my family says.....

"Will it go all the way in?" (me, asking if Steven's albums will go all the way to the back of the new cabinet that Brian built for him)

"That's what she said" (Steven's response to my comment above)

"Do you want me to toss your salad Clydie?" (we were cleaning out the refrigerator and Clydie had a leftover Zaxby's salad, and I needed to know if she wanted me to throw it away or keep it and this is how I phrased my question - Steven & Brian immediately picked up on my faux pas)

Steven was trying to say window - he was pointing out the window, and the word "window" just would not come to him - he ended up saying "magical portal thing" instead of window

Brian tells us that he's going to put something in a hat, and wants me, Steven & Clydie to each draw one out, and that it's about him - as Brian runs downstairs to get his hat and put the papers in it, Steven says "what if the 3 papers say "Rogaine, toupee & wig?"

We were discussing boarding our dogs for our recent trip to Missouri, and Brian said "I won't board our dogs anywhere that we haven't been to before, I'm putting my foot down on this one".  Steven responded with "are you sure it will reach?" (Steven loves teasing Brian about his height)

Sunday, June 29, 2014

Sunday, Funday - maybe?

So today I began cleaning and reorganizing my bedroom closet.  It all started when I was looking for a wireless adapter to put on Momma Clydie's computer, and it turned into an all out organization/cleaning-fest.  I cleared out several things to be stored in the attic, got Brian to go through a few boxes of his stuff, and am rearranging the stuff on the closet shelves and floor.

I know, I live such an exciting life, right?!  LOL

Remind me to never take Tramadol again.  I took a second one Thursday night right before bed, as the pain was returning and I didn't want to be up all night in pain.  Woke up when Brian came to bed around 2 and was kinda swimmy-headed feeling, and the heating pad just wasn't cutting the discomfort.  I wasn't in complete agony, in fact it was more of a nuisance pain (maybe a 5 on a 1-10 scale), and I just couldn't get comfortable. 

The reason to never take Tramadol again?  I was DRUNK from it when I first woke up Friday morning.  And talk about nauseated!!!  It was TERRIBLE!!!  I seriously considered not going to work, but I had things to do and I sucked it up and went on in.  Almost had to make an emergency stop on the side of the road to barf, but worked my way through it.  I never did get sick, but damn, I wish I had to just get that poison out of my system. 

Most of the weekend, I've had that mild discomfort, on the left side this time.  I think I'm going to call my doctor tomorrow and see if they want to see me, or what.  I can't go through another period like this, as it has made me absolutely miserable.  I have been so whiny all weekend, but have kept busy through a good bit of it.  Went to see Meme yesterday, bought some veggies at the farmer's market, cooked dinner last night, and today the closet. 

I guess my call to the doctor will start the ball rolling for those tough decisions I'll be having to make.  I hope that whatever decision I come to, I will not come to regret.

Thursday, June 26, 2014

It's Almost the Weekend!

Woot woot tomorrow's Friday!  I live for my weekends, although I don't usually do much worth writing about.  It's still nice to have 2 days to fiddle fart around and not have to work.  This weekend's plans include possibly going to the Farmer's Market to see what veggies are available, and perhaps dropping by to see Meme for a short visit.  And maybe, just maybe, if I feel okay, I may work on clearing out my junk that's still in the garage.  (don't hold me to it, though Brian!  LOL)

**TMI warning**

Plus, I will be recovering from the experience known not-so-affectionately as "Aunt Flo", "Mother Nature", "the Curse", or whatever else you want to call it.  You know, if it's not meant to be for me to get pregnant, then will menopause just please hurry the fuck up and come?  If I'm infertile, then there's just no damn reason for me to go through the agony, pain, and absolutely disgusting stuff I have to deal with every 28 days.  This cycle, as well as the last 2, I've had the joy of experiencing pains that would be akin to an ice pick, repeatedly stabbing me in the low groin, mostly on the right side. 

I don't like to take medicine, but have taken Tylenol or Naproxen a few times the last 2 cycles, and just tonight I've taken a Tramadol.  I figured the Tramadol would knock me out (especially since Brian says they lay him out and he seems to have a higher tolerance than I do for pain meds), but no such luck.  I'm a little tired, but not much more than usual.  Yes, I could lay down and go right to sleep, but that's nothing different than me without medication on any given night.

It kinda sucks, too, not being able to get pregnant.  I know I discussed this in a blog a couple months ago, so I'm not going to rehash it all.  If you want to know the deal with that, refer back to
This is Hard But Here We Go

I think I'm getting close to a point where I have a decision to make - live with the issues in the hopes of getting pregnant one day, or talk to my doctor about options to make the periods better (or stop, depending on the options).  I can't keep going through this garbage each month, but I hesitate to take any drastic actions that would remove any possibility for the pitter patter of little feet one day in our home.  Decisions, decisions.......

Friday, May 23, 2014

20 Things (plus one) a Mom Should Tell Her Son

Okay, I took this list from an article I'd read earlier in the year, and being that Steven graduates today, I've taken the list and embellished it with some personal notes.  I'm pretty sure he never reads my blogs, so I'm going to go ahead and post it here and print it out to give to him tonight.  But if he reads it here, that's okay, too.

1. Play a sport.  It will teach you how to win honorably, lose gracefully, respect authority, work with others, manage your time... and stay out of trouble.  And maybe even throw or catch. 
Well, son, as you know, we didn’t do a lot of sports, and for that, I am sorry.  I just wasn’t athletically inclined, and by the time I married a good man that would have played sports with you, you were more interested in your technology and stuff.  And that’s okay.  You chose the debate team as you got older, and that taught you many of the things that sports would have taught you.  And man, can you debate a subject you believe in!

2. You will set the tone for the sexual relationship, so don't take something away from her that you can't give back. 
Please remember this!  Once you go there in a relationship, it is very VERY difficult (if not all but impossible) to go back.  Sex changes things, and it’s something both partners need to be 100% sure they are ready to do, and ready to handle any consequences of their actions.

3. Use careful aim when you pee. Somebody's got to clean that up, you know. 
I don’t know that this has ever been an issue for you, but just remember to aim carefully!  LOL

4. Save money when you're young because you're going to need it someday.  You and I both know that saving money is hard to do!  Unfortunately it’s not something I insisted you do growing up, and it’s going to be something you’re going to have to work on as an adult now.

5. Allow me to introduce you to the dishwasher, oven, washing machine, iron, vacuum, mop and broom.
Now please go use them. 
You’ve met all these things, except for the iron.  Well, you met the iron once when you were 2, to devastating results.  I remember that day like it was yesterday, I hope that you don’t have any recollection of it other than to remember to pick the iron up by the handle, not the hot plate side.

6. Pray and be a spiritual leader. 
This is something you have to figure out for yourself.  I took you to church (some), let you be educated in a Christian church, but we all have to decide our personal beliefs for ourselves when we are old enough to think about things and what we feel we can believe in.  Just know that I will never criticize you for whatever you choose to believe in.  Unless it’s that church about the spaghetti monster and flying colander (whatever it is called).  I will tease you ENDLESSLY if you go there.

7. Don't ever be a bully and don't ever start a fight, but if some idiot clocks you, please defend yourself. 
Thank you for never getting into a fight all the times you got picked on in school.  I am very proud of you for how you handled yourself with all those situations.  Plus I think it helped telling the principal that you had a temper that we had yet to see the full extent of yet, nor did we want to see if because if you had unleashed your fury on a bully, it definitely would NOT have been pretty.

8. Your knowledge and education is something that nobody can take away from you.  
Always remember that.  Even in your moments of gullibility and faux blondness, you are still a very intelligent, knowledgeable and smart young man, and no one can take that away from you. 

9. Treat women kindly. Forever is a long time to live alone and it's even longer to live with somebody
who hates your guts. 
I hope the only lessons that remain from you watching how your father treated me, are that you learned how NOT to treat a woman.  Once a woman is treated badly by someone, she eventually loses the desire to make things work and be nice.  Just remember - women can make your life hell if you treat them bad. 

10. Take pride in your appearance. 
I think you’ve got this one already.  No more having to beg, plead, or threaten you to shower and wash your hair.  Thank goodness!  I like that you are particular about being clean before leaving the house for school or to go shopping or something.  Now, to work on your fashion sense a little…..plaid and stripes really don’t go together, son.

11. Be strong and tender at the same time. 
This you are most definitely!  You have held yourself together very well during some trying times, yet been very tender and compassionate as well.  You have ALWAYS had a compassionate side, and have always treated others with respect.

12. A woman can do everything that you can do. This includes her having a successful career
and you changing diapers at 3 A.M. Mutual respect is the key to a good relationship. 
Remember that!  Just because something is traditionally a “woman’s job”, doesn’t mean the man can’t do it too.  A couple should always work together to accomplish things, and divide and conquer when necessary.  Cleaning house?  Decide together who’s doing what.  You can make it where you always do XYZ and she does ABC, or you can change it up if you want.  Whatever works for you and your partner, just don’t expect things to be a certain way that’s how it was when you were growing up. 

13. "Yes ma'am" and "yes sir" still go a long way.  I don’t think I was consistent in making you do this, but you do it now (for the most part, and at the very least with other folks outside the home).

14. The reason that they're called "private parts" is because they're "private". Please do not scratch them in public. 
I don’t know that I’ve ever seen you do this in public.  Nor do I want to.  Apparently you just knew not to do that in public.

15. Peer pressure is a scary thing. Be a good leader and others will follow. 
Yes, peer pressure is hard.  Just set the good example, stick to your convictions, and you’ll gain some followers.

16. Bringing her flowers for no reason is always a good idea. 
Or chocolates, or jewelry, or a mushy or funny card.  Figure out the little things you can do to show your appreciation.  You know, this works for your mother, too.

17. It is better to be kind than to be right. 
And if you can be kind WHILE you’re being right, then it’s even better.  But seriously, sometimes you have to decide if it’s more important to be right, or to be nice and not damage a friendship or relationship with a family member.  Or to not appear crazy like I have before.  (Short story – when you’re on the phone with someone who  knows how to push your buttons and you know you’re right and they just want to argue, don’t scream at them like a lunatic for the neighbors to hear – just hang up.  Better for everyone.)

18. A sense of humor goes a long way in the healing process. 
And we’re learning this right now, as we start trying to deal with the inevitable.  If you can’t laugh at yourself, or find the humor in a bad situation, life is so much more difficult.

19. Please choose your spouse wisely. My daughter-in-law will be the gatekeeper for me spending time with you and my grandchildren. 
Oh yes, please choose her carefully!  I will try to never stick my nose in your personal business, but if you ask for my opinion about someone you’re dating, please know that any response I give will be based on a mother’s intuition and 45+ years of life experience.    

20. Remember to call your mother because I might be missing you. 
I miss you when you travel somewhere, and at least for now you’ll be schooling locally, so I won’t have to deal with the long-term separation that so many families have, at least not for a while.  Hallelujah for that!

21.  Always remember that I love you and am proud of you!