Wednesday, April 25, 2012


I know, I know, it's been a while since I've posted anything meaningful, entertaining, or useful.  There's a lot of reasons for that - exhaustion, lack of motivation, busy, and I just don't plain feel like it.  I've had a lot of things to say and to share, but for one reason or another, I just haven't bothered sharing.  I don't even know that I can remember it all now in order to be able to share it.  So tonight's entry will likely be random and all over the place.

Had my first nightmare about my trip to England Monday night.  Dreamed that I left our tickets at home, and Delta couldn't find our names on any flights.  We were traveling with a man, I don't recall who, seemed like maybe my dad or my brother Robert, I honestly have no idea.  I was frustrated, and trying to think of everything to tell them how to find us, so that we wouldn't miss our flight.  I do remember going through part of the airport afterwards, hoping they'd let us on a flight, and this airport was quite interesting.  Seems like I've had dreams about this particular airport before, but it's been a while and I don't remember much about the previous dreams.  I woke up before we got anywhere. :-(

One of my OCD quirks is kicking in pretty hard right now.  I feel silly sharing it but I've heard of other people having the same quirk - obsessing about getting papercuts on my eyeballs and/or eyelids - and this feeling is quite intense this week.  Go ahead, I figure some of you will make fun of me but I don't care - this is what it is.  Too bad my OCD doesn't have to do with something useful like housekeeping!  LOL  I know it's stress related - there's a lot going on in my life right now - and these weird feelings won't stop until the stress is relieved, one way or another.  A lot of my stress is work related - I'm not going to go into details, but there's a lot of stuff happening at work that is stressing me out. 

Other stressors - trip to England - I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited to be going, but there's so much I want to do and get done before I leave, both personally and work-related, and it's stressful.  I need to sit down and plan out the next 26 days.  OMG only 26 days!!!!

I am house-hunting.  That is stressful in and of itself.   I've put an offer in on a house and am waiting to hear if it was accepted by the seller.  Might know something tomorrow some time.  Regardless of how it turns out, th gym will be a great outlet for the stress tomorrow afternoon - work off the disappointment if we don't get it, or the excitement if we do.  I'm resolved to accept either outcome - what is meant to be, will be.  I really like this one - it's in a nice neighborhood, in a good area, and Steven would be going to a school that is ranked much higher in the state than where he currently goes.

My puppies got out Monday morning - they were gone from the house for over an hour.  Ms Clydie called me to come help her, that she'd driven the neighborhood and looked everywhere she knew to look, and didn't see them.  I raced out of the office, called Michael and asked him to come help, and when I got home we went out searching in different directions.  I rode through the older part of the trailer park, then I rode over to the dump, thinking maybe the boys had gone through the hole in the fence to track or chase some deer or other wildlife that pass through there.  I stopped at the dump office and asked them to call me if they saw them at the dump, and their security guard said he'd seen them about an hour earlier at a neighborhood down the street. 

I rode to the neighborhood next to the one he mentioned, and asked a man that was working out by the street if he'd seen them.  He'd also seen them in that neighborhood, but he said he saw 2 men in a white truck stopped by them, and assumed they'd picked them up.  My heart sank - deep and fast - as I drove to that neighborhood.  I started weeping as I drove through there, thinking about where they could be, if those men had picked them up, if they'd run further, if they were hurt......truly depressed, I drove towards my house, and my phone rang as I drove through my neighborhood - it was the lady at the dump - the boys were running down the railroad tracks across from the dump entrance!  I floored it out of the trailer park, down the road, passing Ms Clydie  like she was standing still - I flew over to the railroad tracks by the dump - about a mile away from the house - and got out of the car.

The dump lady called me again to tell me that the pups were on the tracks when she'd seen them  a minute earlier, and they were running towards Hampton.  I walked over to the tracks and could see them about 200 yards down from me.  I started calling their names, running towards them, and they turned around to look at me.  They hesitated for a minute, then they came running to me.  I grabbed Gabriel's collar, but Dominion wouldn't let me get his, he just ran back towards where I had parked.  Gabriel struggled so much that I picked him up and toted him for a bit, then had to put him down.  Dominion had disappeared between the semi-trucks that were parked near my car, and I hoped and prayed that he was waiting by my car - and he was!  I was so happy to have found my babies!

And of course all the stress I've had lately, combined with the fact that it's about PMS time, means my acne is flaring pretty badly.  I'm almost 44 freaking years old, yet I still get acne.  You'd think the tanning bed would dry that shit up, but nope, it doesn't.  I started using a new lotion, and I'm wondering it that might be what's contributing to the acne I'm getting on my chest.  It doesn't explain what I'm getting on my back or my face and neck, but who knows.  Guess I need to check and see if it's one of those that's not supposed to cause acne, or not, and perhaps stop using it on my chest. 

Anyways  it's only 10pm and I'm already showered and ready for bed.  Call Ripley's!

Monday, April 23, 2012


Patience is a virtue that some of us don't have.  I have tons of it at times, but at others, I have zilch.  Like now.  It's Monday morning, and I am still half asleep, not wanting to go to work, but knowing that I must.

Anyways, just stopping in for a brief moment to drop a line or 2 in the good old blog, since I haven't written anything new in at least a week or so.  I'm still alive and kicking, raising hell and having fun.  And I can't wait to go to England next month.  I leave 4 weeks from TODAY!!!!!  Woot woot!!!!!

I will try to sit down tonight or soon and write something more meaningful and detailed, but this is it for the moment.  As much as Mondays SUCK - I hope y'all have a great one - we are here, on this side of th dirt, so it can't be all that bad.

Monday, April 16, 2012


Had a really weird dream last night - dreamt I was in South Carolina, driving at night, and couldn't stay awake.  I was driving down Two Notch Road, towards the mall (I think it was called Columbia Mall?), but the road looked more like Freeman Road over here between Hampton and Jonesboro.  I remember I kept closing my eyes, relying on my memory to guide me on the road, peeking every once in a while to make sure I wasn't going to hit anyone or anything.

I remember struggling with trying to open my eyes to see where I was going, and just having a hard time in general with driving.  I was so very sleepy.  Then I realized that I was dreaming, and forced myself to wake up and make a conscious effort to stop that dream.  And apparently it worked, as it didn't continue.

I went to a dream interpretation website to see if I could get any insight on what this dream might mean, and some of what I found makes sense, and some of it didn't.  Oh well.  I really hate some of the dreams I've been having lately, but of course I can't seem to remember any of them.  This one last night, I was so profoundly sleepy, it was amazing.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Not a surprise.....

The one I blogged about on the 10th, that met a wonderful guy on the 9th and couldn't wait to change her relationship status online?  Yeah, that's already over.  And she's mad at him, for not being everything he seemed and claimed to be.  I suppose that's fair to be angry at him if he misrepresented himself or lied to her.  But damn - how many guys will lie to a girl if they think they can get a quick piece of ass?

My own worst enemy.....

When someone is full of self doubt is hard for them to believe that someone else can believe in them....

Saw that a few nights ago on Facebook.  So very true!  And this so perfectly describes me at times.  Like the night I saw this.  I was so angry when I left work, and was hoping the gym would help with the anger, but the anger turned into self-doubt and self-loathing.  I can't say I don't know why the gym turns my feelings that way, I know exactly why it does. 

I'm not making the progress I want to be making, and it's no one's fault but my own.  Others are seeing the results, but I just don't see them sometimes.  Or more accurately, I'm not seeing enough results, fast enough.  And I know, I didn't gain the weight overnight, and it won't come off overnight, either.  Dammit! 

I know that we are our own worst enemy - we are our harshest critic.  I don't need anyone's help in making me feel bad about myself, I do enough of that all on my own.  Of course when it's a pile-on by others, that just exacerbates the feelings I have towards myself, and who needs that?  It's a choice to let others bother you, regardless of the circumstances, and it's a lot easier to deal with the comments of others, than about your own thoughts in your head.

Just to be clear - I am not looking for confidence boosting from anyone today - I'm in a great mood and a great frame of mind, and I am certainly not fishing for compliments from anyone.  I was having a bad day on Thursday when I saw that post on Facebook, and started this entry.  I just chose to stop where I was at, because I was headed downhill on the self-doubt train and knew I needed to stop and get my perspective back.  All is well in my world!

Titty sprinkles.


Tuesday, April 10, 2012

I just don't get it........

Facebook status update seen this morning: 

I met a wonderful guy tonight that just blew my mind!!! He is sweet, funny, caring, thoughtful, and just as playful in every way that I am. I will change my relationship status as soon as i can get to a computer!!! He is a wonderful single father of two beautiful girls!!!

Seriously?!?  She just met him last night, and she's already going to change her relationship status?   Ever hear of actually getting to know someone before jumping into a relationship?

Not to mention - every time she meets someone, she jumps into a relationship without really getting to know them, then gets all upset and bent out of shape when they don't live up to her unrealistic expectations.

She's not over the one she was supposed to marry - she still carries on about him, and about how he lied to her, and how he's lying to the one he cheated on her with, that he is currently partnered up with.

Don't get me wrong - it's a great feeling, thinking you've found "the one" - but you don't just fly off the handle, all willy nilly, thinking you should go ahead and broadcast that shit to the world.  I mean, hell - don't you think that will absolutely scare the living the daylights out of the guy, declaring you are "in a relationship" the very day after meeting him?  If it doesn't scare him to death, that's a major warning sign, for many things, and you should run like hell away from him.

I've seen a saying "I'm crazy, not stupid" - actions like this person's may make one think she's both. 

Monday, April 9, 2012

Easter Weekend

Had a great weekend down in Florida at Brian's brother's house.  Steven, Mama Clydie and I got there Friday afternoon, hit the beach before dinner, and damn was it windy!  The wind made it quite cold, I don't know how Steven stood the water, although I was told it was warm.  And the wind was so brutal, it was pelting our legs with the sand, and that was quite painful.

Saturday we got up and went to Sebastian Inlet - there's a body of water there, and on the other side is the ocean.  Steven preferred the ocean, as it had waves.  More of the big, rough waves he got Friday night, but fortunately it wasn't cold.  It was still very windy, but with the sun out, it was quite warm.  We all got sunburned to some extent, but of course Steven will turn brown in a day or two.

Made it home safe and sound tonight, and now I'm tired.  Time to head to bed.  I hope everyone had a happy Easter.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Ho hum......

It's Monday night, after midnight (so technically it's Tuesday), and I'm just not feeling going to bed. I find it funny that I wanted to spend the entire weekend in bed, sleeping, yet when I NEED to be sleeping, so I can be rested for work, I'm not that sleepy. The snakes sure are out this year. When I was walking the boys one day last week, I found a very small dead one, less than a foot long, on the sidewalk. Gabriel tried to eat it, so we threw it into the woods. The next night, there was a flattened one in the road where we cross - a little bigger than the one on the sidewalk. Neither dog paid any attention to it. Last night, as we crossed the street, there was a slightly larger snake crossing the damn road towards our house. When I say slightly larger, this thing was maybe a foot long, and it was black and white striped. It was actually kinda pretty. But, I am not a fan of wild snakes, especially when I've seen 3 in as many days. Both pups have upset tummies - Steven woke me up at 2am because he smelled the stink of sick dog poop coming from underneath my bedroom door. I got up and cleaned the mess, and have no idea which one did it, as both were laying in my bed, acting all innocent. This morning, at some point before the alarm went off, I heard a somewhat unfamiliar noise, and then one of the dogs got back on the bed, and came and stood on my hair and tried to get me up. I told them it wasn't time to get up yet, and rolled over. A few minutes after my alarm went off, I heard that same noise, then realized it was a dog having a sick poop again. About that time, poor little Dominion comes over towards me with this sad look on his face, and out the front door we all went, Gabriel on the runner, Dominion loose (on purpose), and me in my pj's (no time for clothes). After Dominion finished, we came in so I could change and take them on a proper walk, and Gabriel starts having sick poop, so out he goes again on the runner while I changed clothes. Yuck, what a shitty way to start a Monday! Both boys got the pleasure of having chicken and rice tonight for dinner, and their tummies seemed to have calmed down. I'm hoping for a peaceful, full night of sleep tonight, with no poopie accidents. Okay, well the sleepy bug is starting to hit, of course, now that I'm doing something, so I'm gonna take advantage and go to bed. Have a great week.