Post Christmas 2013

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!  We had a great time - my mom and her husband are both here for the holidays, all the way from England!  Mom's been here since Thanksgiving Day - she was able to have Thanksgiving Dinner with us at our home.  Marion arrived on 12/21, just in time for Christmas.

Here are some pictures of our décor for our first Christmas in our new home:


This is the wreath that I made for our front door:

 

Here is the foyer and the garland I put up (that's Dominion hanging out at the top of the stairs):

 

 

Here's the tree from the inside of the house (we put the packages on a table so the pups wouldn't step or tinkle on them):

 

 

 

 

Here's the mug my son gave me - finally have a Carolina mug that I can drink out of and enjoyed some mango margaritas last night!  

 

 

 

Here's the view of the house from the outside, with the tree lit up and the garland on the handrails:

 

 

 

Christmas was a lot of fun with the family.  Had good eats, great gifts, and a good time.  I feel so blessed to have the family that I have, both my family, and my husband and son and my mother-in-law.  We may not always get along, but we are family and work with our conflicts. 

 

 

 

Here's the newest addition to our animal menagerie 

 

 

 

He's a dumbo rat, and has a crippled up little foot (you can see it in the photo, it's turned inward and up towards his chest).  I think he's missing a digit on the other front foot, too.  He started out as food for Prissy, but she chose not to eat him and I felt sorry for him because he looked so so pitiful in the tank with her, so we got him the hook up with a house and food.  Now, to think of a cool name for him....any ideas or suggestions????  He seems to be really sweet, lets me pet him (I haven't handled him other than petting him yet, I want him to get comfortable with being touched first).  Of course the pups are quite interested in him, and they would eat him if given half the chance. 

 

I'm making chili and cornbread, and my mom-in-law is making stuffed jalapenos for dinner today - Mom and Marion are bringing Steven back home (he's been with them since Christmas Day), and will be here for dinner.  I'm thinking of undecorating today, but that involves getting into the attic and I just don't know if I can get it done before our dinner guests arrive.  I kinda want Marion to see the house decorated, since he hasn't even seen the house yet other than photos my mom shared with him.  Guess I can put it off another day.

 

Tomorrow will be a busy day - have to go renew my gun permit (finally get my name and address changed on it), file for my homestead exemption, and take Steven by the social security office.  Might as well take him to the post office, too, to have him register for Selective Service, since he turned 18 last month.  I may end up having to go to work tomorrow afternoon - seems there's a problem with our accounting system and I wasn't able to do payroll Friday, so I may have to take care of that tomorrow so that we will all still get paid on Thursday.

 

I likely won't blog again until next year, but who knows.  If not - please don't drink and drive on New Year's Eve!  Make sure you either have a DD or will be partying somewhere that you have a place to sleep it off, if you choose to drink.  Happy New Year!

 



Bah humbug!

For some reason, I cannot access my Facebook page on either my laptop or my phone.  I just get a blank screen.  Facebook will load for other people's accounts on my laptop, just not mine - I get a blank screen when I attempt to connect.  I sent a message to the help center, and hopefully my account will be restored soon, but I just wanted to let you all know if you don't see me on Facebook this weekend, it's not for lack of trying!  LOL  Send me an email at deannabuxton@gmail.com if you wanna get in touch with me, or call or text me if you need me.

We're going Christmas shopping today to finish it up.  Of course it's raining and dreary outside, so hopefully we can wipe it out fast and get home.  At least it's not freezing cold, so that's a good thing.

Random stuff:

*I have so much to get done in the next week or so, it's ridiculous. 

*Watching GMA this morning - it's absolutely CRAZY about how people are freaking out over Beyoncé's new album release. 

*I'm laying in bed with the hubby and the pups - they're all snoozing and being lazy.  Wish I could be that way - I can't sleep like I used to, as far as laying in bed all day - makes my bones ache!

*I made a wreath last weekend - I miss being artsy-fartsy/crafty.  I need to get back into my hobbies, but I've just lacked the motivation for anything other than the necessities of life lately - eating, sleeping, going to work.  That is my life, in a nutshell.

*My mom is home for the holidays and I'm so happy!  I'm going to spend the day with her tomorrow, to try to help her finish Christmas shopping.  She hasn't done ANY yet. 

Well I suppose it's time for me to shower and get ready to go shopping. Y'all have a great weekend!

The Militant Baker: A DIAGRAM TO HELP THE NEXT TIME YOU HAVE A SHITTY ...

The Militant Baker: A DIAGRAM TO HELP THE NEXT TIME YOU HAVE A SHITTY ...: There is a chance that this post can help you go from this to this . I’m unsure if I’ve shared this with you that I spend my 40 hou...

Thankful for the Thorns - my annual Thanksgiving post

My annual Thanksgiving post......



Thankful for the Thorns

Sandra felt as low as the heels of her Birkenstocks as she pushed against a November gust and the florist shop door. Her life had been easy, like a spring breeze.  Then, in the fourth month of her second pregnancy, a minor automobile accident stole her ease. During this Thanksgiving week she would have delivered a son.  She grieved over her loss. As if that weren't enough, her husband's company threatened a transfer. Then her sister, whose holiday visit she coveted, called saying she could not come.

What's worse, Sandra's friend infuriated her by suggesting her grief was a God-given path to maturity that would allow her to empathize with others who suffer? "Had she lost a child? No - she has no idea what I'm feeling," Sandra shuddered. Thanksgiving? "Thankful for what?" she wondered. For a careless driver whose truck was hardly scratched when he rear-ended her? For an airbag that saved her life but took that of her child?

"Good afternoon, can I help you?"

The flower shop clerk's approach startled her. "Sorry," said Jenny, "I just didn't want you to think I was ignoring you."

"I . . . . I need an arrangement."

"For Thanksgiving?" Sandra nodded.  "Do you want beautiful but ordinary, or would you like to challenge the day with a customer favorite I call the "Thanksgiving Special."

Jenny saw Sandra's curiosity and continued, "I'm convinced that flowers tell stories, that each arrangement insinuates a particular feeling. Are you looking for something that conveys gratitude this Thanksgiving?"

"Not exactly!" Sandra blurted. "Sorry, but in the last five months, everything that could go wrong has."

Sandra regretted her outburst but was surprised when Jenny said, "I have the perfect arrangement for you."

The door's small bell suddenly rang. "Barbara! Hi, "Jenny said. She politely excused herself form Sandra and walked toward a small workroom. She quickly reappeared carrying a massive arrangement of green bows, and long-stemmed thorny roses. Only, the ends of the rose stems were neatly snipped, no flowers.

"Want this in a box?" Jenny asked.

Sandra watched for Barbara's response. Was this a joke? Who would want rose stems and no flowers! She waited for laughter, for someone to notice the absence of flowers atop the thorny stems, but neither woman did.

"Yes, please. It's exquisite," said Barbara. "You'd think after three years of getting the special, I'd not be so moved by its significance, but it's happening again. My family will love this one. Thanks."

Sandra stared. "Why so normal a conversation about so strange an arrangement?" she wondered.

"Ah, said Sandra, pointing. "That lady just left with, ah . . . ."

"Yes?"

"Well, she had no flowers!"

"Off?"

"Off. Yep. That's the Special. I call it the "Thanksgiving Thorns Bouquet."

"But, why do people pay for that?" In spite of herself she chuckled.

"Do you really want to know?"

"I couldn't leave this shop without knowing. I'd think about nothing else!"

"That might be good," said Jenny.

"Well," she continued, "Barbara came into the shop three years ago feeling very much like you feel today. She thought she had very little to be thankful for. She had lost her father to cancer, the family business was failing, her son was into drugs, and she faced major surgery."

"Ouch!" said Sandra.

"That same year, I lost my husband. I assumed complete responsibility for the shop and for the first time, spent the holidays alone. I had no children, no husband, no family nearby, and too great a debt to allow any travel."

"What did you do?"

"I learned to be thankful for thorns.

"Sandra's eyebrows lifted. "Thorns?"

"I'm a Christian, Sandra. I've always thanked God for good things in life and I never thought to ask Him why good things happened to me. But, when bad stuff hit. Did I ever ask! It took time to learn that dark times are important. I always enjoyed the flowers' of life but it took thorns to show me the beauty of God's comfort. You know, the Bible says that God comforts us when we're afflicted and from His consolation we learn to comfort others."

Sandra gasped. "A friend read that passage to me and I was furious! I guess the truth is, I don't want comfort. I've lost a baby and I'm angry with God." She started to ask Jenny to "go on" when the door's bell diverted their attention.

"Hey, Phil!" shouted Jenny as a balding, rotund man entered the shop. She softly touched Sandra's arm and moved to welcome him. He tucked her under his side for a warm hug. "I'm here for twelve thorny long-stemmed stems!" Phil laughed, heartily.

"I figured as much," said Jenny. "I've got them ready." She lifted a tissue-wrapped arrangement form the refrigerated cabinet.

"Beautiful," said Phil. "My wife will love them."

Sandra could not resist asking, "These are for your wife?"

Phil saw that Sandra's curiosity matched his when he first heard of a Thorn Bouquet. "Do you mind me asking, 'Why thorns?"

"In fact, I'm glad you asked, "He said. "Four years ago my wife and I nearly divorced. After forty years, we were in a real mess, but we slogged through, problem by rotten problem. We rescued our marriage - our love, really. Last year, at Thanksgiving, I stopped in here for flowers. I must have mentioned surviving a tough process because Jenny told me that for a long time she kept a vase of rose stems --- stems! --- As a reminder of what she learned from 'thorny' times. That was good enough for me. I took home stems, My wife and I decided to label each one for a specific thorny situation and give thanks for what the problem taught us. I'm pretty sure this stem review is becoming a tradition."

Phil paid Jenny, thanked her again and as he left, said to Sandra, "I highly recommend the Special!"

"I don't know if I can be thankful for the thorns in my life, "Sandra said to Jenny.

"Well, my experience says that thorns make roses more precious. We treasure God's providential care more during trouble than at any other time. Remember, Sandra, Jesus wore a crown of thorns so that we might know His love. Do not resent thorns."

Tears rolled down Sandra's cheeks. For the first time since the accident she loosened her grip on resentment. "I'll take twelve long-stemmed thorns, please."

"I hoped you would, " Jenny said. "I'll have them ready in a minute. Then, every time you see them, remember to appreciate both good and hard times. We grow through both."

"Thank you. What do I owe you?"

"Nothing. Nothing but a pledge to work toward healing your heart. The first year's arrangement is always on me." Jenny handed a card to Sandra. "I'll attach a card like this to your arrangement but maybe you'd like to read it first. Go ahead, read it."

My God, I have never thanked Thee for my thorns! I have thanked Thee a thousand times for my roses, but never once for my thorns. Teach me the glory of the cross I bear, teach me the value of my thorns. Show me that I have climbed to Thee by the path of pain. Show me that my tears have made my rainbow. George Matheson



I have reposted this every year since I received it a few years back. It's not something I ever thought of before - why in the world would I want to thank God for all the "thorns" in my life that have caused me so much grief, pain, aggravation and disappointments?  I have learned a lot over the last decade or two, and it has taken great pain, suffering, aggravation and disappointment for me to reach the point in my life where I am now.  We don't truly learn about life and about ourselves until we have suffered in some fashion - God gives us the opportunity to learn and grow through the trials and tribulations that we experience.  Many times, we can't make sense of it or find a purpose in it as we are experiencing the difficult times, but eventually, through God's grace, we figure it out and find meaning in it.  Maybe not today, maybe not next week or even next year - but He always guides us through and shows us the way.

I'm not a particularly religious person, I find myself questioning some things at times and I just kinda work things out with what makes the most sense to me.  But - I do believe we are given the "thorns" in our lives for a reason.  So - remember to be thankful for not only the good things in life, but also for those "thorns" that you are pricked with on occasion, for they do serve a purpose in our lives.

Epic Randomness!

My rainbow Ninja Unicorn said to tell your Purple Orangutan that the evil villain sock monkeys are coming for you tonight.. oh yeah, don't use your shampoo!

Okay, so not really - I borrowed that from Status Shuffle on Facebook.  I was just looking for something to either base my blog on tonight, or to get it started with a bang.  So, we're going for some super random stuff tonight.

Gabriel chased his first squirrel yesterday - across the street to the neighbor's house.  Brian said it was like he was deaf once he perked up and saw the squirrel - Brian yelling at him, Gabriel just hauling ass, standing at the bottom of the tree.  He was so cute - he would look up at the squirrel, then he'd look at us like "I did good, didn't I?!"  But he was in soooo much trouble with his daddy!

The house is coming along, slowly but surely.  Today was supposed to be a work in the yard most of the day kind of day, but being that the section of the landfill that accepts yard refuse such as tree limbs, cut bushes, etc., closes at 11:30am on Saturday, we got one load of stuff dumped and left the dump at 11:28am.  Stopped by Home Depot (Dem Heppo as Steven used to call it), and make a run to Wally World for a few things.

Made my hubby some sammiches today.  So many memes about women making sammiches for their men, I think it's kinda funny.  He would make me a sammich if I asked him to, but I prefer to make my own.  :-)

Steven is really enjoying his new school.  I was so glad that the kids he remembered from elementary school out here remembered him as well.  Made for a few instant friends, and he's already made several new friends.  And I can tell you this - he seems to be MUCH happier than he ever was in Hampton, going to Lovejoy.

I don't know what I'm going to do about my knee - since about 2 weeks before we moved, it's been feeling pretty stiff and "tight" inside, and with the stiffness comes some pain and discomfort.  Nothing bad enough to want to take anything stronger than an ibuprofen or acetaminophen occasionally, but still enough to be bothered and concerned about.  I think the fact that I used to sit on the couch with that leg curled up under me, coupled with the fact that I have gained a few pounds over the last couple of months, have both contributed to this.  That, and the fact that I have been bothered with arthritis at various times in my life, it's really no surprise. 

I know I need to drop the extra pounds I've gained, plus some.  Since I no longer belong to a gym, my exercise options are limited to walking and/or running, and of course I don't think running would be prudent with my knee already bothering me.  Not to mention that I just haven't felt like doing much extra with all the stress and business of the whole moving process.

The dogs are so funny in the house - we have Pergo flooring, and even though I shaved their feet and trimmed their nails the other night, they still slip and slide and click their nails on the floors when they walk and run through the house.  And they are so funny when they try to get on the bed - sometimes they slip as they jump, and end up with their heads and front legs on the bed, and are hanging there like they're stuck and need help to get up the rest of the way.  I need to video them before we end up putting rugs around the bed to make their lives easier.

Have I mentioned previously how much fun it was to move 3 aquariums over here?  A 55 gallon, and 2-29 gallon tanks.  The big tank has an assortment of tetras, an Australian rainbowfish, and 2 giant angelfish - Blondie and Willie.  Blondie was given to me by Brian 3-4 years ago (Blondie is not really a blond color, but is solid silvery white with dark fins), and Willie was gotten from my stepdad, Marion (Willie is black, and has HUGE lips).  While Marion had Willie, Willie would occasionally get some kind of illness and Marion was constantly having to treat the tank to get him well and keep the other fish from getting sick.  I've experienced the same issue with him, but on rarer occasions.  However, I think I am fighting a losing battle this time with Willie.  I have treated the tank with something called Quick Cure, which contains malachite green, and now I've purchased a different product to use that is supposed to cure both fungal and bacterial infections.  I picked it because I wanted something that took care of a multitude of conditions, and I can't really diagnose what is wrong with Willie.  No other fish in the tank is affected, it's just Willie.  Willie is over 5 years old, I don't know exactly how old (Mom, if you're reading this - put a comment on the blog with how old Willie is please), so maybe his body is just too weak to fight his illness, even with the meds.  His age along with the stress of moving I fear will be the end of dear Willie.

Anyways, the 2-29 tanks contain angelfish - one tank has the very prolific mom and pop angelfish, the other one has their offspring that survived the hatching that took place around July 1st.  The babies, even though they are from the same batch, are of varying sizes.  The smallest ones are about the size of a small English pea, the larger ones have bodies that are almost the size of a dime.  Best we can tell, they all look just like mom and pop - the silver and black stripes.  I was hoping their genetics were more diverse, so that we would end up with some differing colors and patterns, but apparently not. 

And so far, mom and pop have not laid any more eggs since we moved.  I usually can't tell which is mom and which is pop (It's hard to do with angelfish) unless the mom is getting ready to lay eggs, as her belly gets kinda fat, and it seems that one of them has a tiny bit of a belly bulge, so perhaps we will have more eggs soon.  I was kinda hoping the stress of the move would change them somehow so they'd stop breeding, but who knows.  I have no idea why they suddenly started laying eggs earlier this year - I had not done anything different that may have made conditions more favorable for breeding, but whatever.  The pair is about 3 years old, so maybe they hit their prime breeding age and decided they really liked each other?  Who knows.  LOL

We got our new range delivered last week (it's an LG smooth top, with a beautiful bright blue interior), and I cooked my first meal on it today - Hamburger Helper (Steven's request - I usually fulfill a meal request around here if at all possible, and it's been a long time since we've had HH).  Why was today the first time I've cooked on it?  Because my dear mother-in-law does the cooking during the week, so that dinner will be ready when I get home from work - it's a wonderful thing to not have to worry about cooking dinner after working all day, and having the commute that I now have!  I get to cook on the weekend (sometimes Brian will cook on the weekends but it's usually me).

It took a lot for me to finally sit down and write something tonight.  I know you've all missed me but hey, I've just lost my desire to write like I used to - I used to blog all the time on MySpace and when I first started this blog, but I have such a lack of motivation to do a lot of things.  I'd rather sit here or lay here and piddle around online, playing games, reading the news, and just not put forth the effort to think and come up with some sense of intelligence (yeah I know, sometimes I don't seem so intelligent, but it is what it is :-] ) 

Speaking of MySpace - I recently discovered that MySpace decided to get rid of blogs.  I never saved mine elsewhere, and I was kinda pissed.  Apparently a lot of MySpace users are quite upset, so MySpace is supposedly doing something where we will be able to download our blogs at some point in the next several months.  They claim they have not been deleted, just put into "safekeeping".  I would love to have mine to go back and look at, and if they are able to provide them to me for downloading, I will certainly take advantage of that.  I may even share some of the old blogs with you here.  Some I won't share, as I'm just not going to dredge up some of the events of the past - I vented a LOT about certain situations and people and today so many things are so different in my life and the lives of some of those I wrote about, it just wouldn't make sense to most of you if I shared some of those blogs without telling the whole story, which I'm just not gonna do.  The past is the past, and it's best to leave those particular stories there.

Okay folks, I've bored you all enough for tonight - sorry this one is so long (although not my longest blog I'm sure), but there was a lot of random stuff to talk about.  (my brain just jumps from one random thing to another).  Have a great rest of the weekend!

Someone pinch me!

Wow, I cannot believe that I'm a homeowner now!  It's official!  Papers were signed on Friday afternoon.  It still does not feel real to me.  We went by the house after signing the papers and Brian changed out the locks and deadbolts, and we looked around at the paint and some other things, to be thinking about any changes we may want to make before we move in.  Right now the move-in date is the 14th, and we are going to out there this weekend to work on painting and a few other things that need to be done.

Saturday was spent emptying out our U-Haul storage unit and moving all that stuff to the new house to store in the garage.  We had originally planned to come back to Hampton and empty out the shed and take that stuff out to the house, but alas, the one trip from U-Haul was enough to do us all in and we put that off until Sunday. 

I cooked breakfast for us Sunday morning - scrambled eggs, grits, bacon, and Bisquick biscuits.  I think we ended up with 15 biscuits, so there was about half a dozen left over when we finished.  They were on a platter on the counter, and we all went out to work on emptying the shed out.  After a little while, Clydie comes outside, and she was fussing about Dominion.  Turns out that little sucker stole every last biscuit off the platter!  Ate every last one of them!  Sneaky little bastard!

I've had a rough week or two physically - seem to be having trouble after I eat.  It's like I'm on carb overload, regardless of what I eat, and I feel totally exhausted and have a strong need to sleep.  I don't know what it is, have had my sugar checked regularly by the doctor and they are not concerned about my sugar, so they won't order a glucose tolerance test.  It's almost like I'm having low blood sugar issues, but I just don't know.  Today after eating lunch, I had the shakes really bad and had to fight the desire to sleep.  There was just too much I wanted to get done and sleeping could not be part of the plan. 

Brian has been in rare form yesterday and today - crazy, aggravating, annoying, and fun as hell.  Except for the tickling.  I could live my life without ever having my feet tickled again.  And because he's still not 100% from his arm/elbow ordeal, I don't fight back as hard as I normally would.  Thank goodness I had that little surgery I had last year in August, or we would have had a major issue this afternoon because of the tickling. 

I got a few boxes packed today, and still have a ways to go.  I have less than 2 weeks to get it all ready to go now, and a lot of stuff to do in between.  It'll get done, one way or another. :-)

Where is the time going??!?!?!?!

Time is flying by so fast, and so much is happening!  So, here goes!

We found a house the last week in July, and we are scheduled to close this coming Friday, August 30th.  Steven will be changing schools, but I think he will be in a better school district.  Plus - he will likely know some of the kids at the new school, as he went to the feeder elementary school for pre-k through 4th grade.  Hopefully he will remember some of them, and they will remember him, and he will be able to make some friends quickly. 

We have a few cosmetic and technical things to do to the new house before we move in, so we don't have a firm move-in date yet, but I'm thinking the middle of September.  I dread the move, but will be happy to be in our own home, with our own yard, and no landlord or property manager to make happy or deal with.

My birthday back on the 1st was a good one.  Other than some bullshit that happened at work, it was great.  (if you wanna know about the BS at work, private message me)  In the grand scheme of things, what happened was pretty stupid and petty, but it really pissed me off at the time.  We went to dinner at Ranchero, our favorite Mexican restaurant, and I had my fill of margarita and tequila shots.   I received some nice gifts for my bday - stuff for our new home, a charm and spacer for my Brighton bracelet, some gift cards, and money.  :-)

As you can imagine, due to Brian's arm injury, we haven't been to the lake all summer.  We did go a few weeks ago, and had a good time.  We took Steven's brother, CJ, with us, and he made the mistake of biting off half of a ghost pepper before we could warn him that it gets hotter as more time passes after you eat it.  He also learned that while Oakheart rum is tasty, that too much of it, especially after drinking beer, is a very bad thing.  It was pretty damn funny afterwards, and thankfully Steven cleaned up pretty well after him, and that's all I will say about it.  (don't worry, Mom - the lake house is very clean and nothing was stained or ruined!)

Hopefully, after we get moved and settled, we will be able to go down to the lake some.  It will be cooler, which hopefully will mean less bugs.  I enjoy fishing, it is relaxing, but only if you catch one every once in a while.  This last time we went it was just so freaking hot and the gnats were totally out of control - the worst I think I have ever seen it!  Even in the pool, they were horrible.

Steven and I watched "Ghost Shark" the other day - it was hysterically horrific.  Bad - as in awful.  We laughed through the entire movie. 

Ok folks, time for me to go.  I have a lot to do before bed tonight.  I hope you all have a great week.

Been on my mind lately......

I have a vent about churches.  This is something that has been on my mind for several years now.

But before you read any further, please understand - I KNOW that not all churches are like this.  I'm sure there are wonderful churches out there, with wonderful people in the congregation.  But also please know this - I am NOT interested in going to church, so PLEASE do not send me info with your church name and location. 

When I was younger, I was not taken to church, most likely for a number of reasons, and that's besides the point.  I had a negative view of churches, mostly because the few I had been to in college seemed to be all about who wore what, and what clique you belonged to, and things that I knew didn't matter in the grand scheme of what should have been important in a church.

When my first husband, James, and I moved back to Georgia, we checked out a few churches in the area we had moved to.  We tried out a church near where we lived, and the pastor seemed to have an issue with racism and politics - he made it quite clear that he wouldn't support any organization that supported the NAACP, and he used to regularly call our president at the time (Clinton) "that lesbian loving president of ours".  I'm all for folks having the right to have their own opinions about race, homosexuality, politics, etc., but I didn't feel that the pulpit was a place for any of that.  (Yes I know that in many Christian churches, homosexuality is an issue, but the way this preacher talked of it was shameful in my opinion, and quite judgemental).

Anyways, we tried a couple of other churches, spent quite a bit of time at one that is now called something other than what it was named when we attended, and while I didn't realize it at the time, James always found something "wrong" with the churches we went to (they didn't preach the message enough, they were too money hungry - always something), so we were always searching for another one.  I hated changing churches - the kids needed stability in their lives, and I absolutely hated change and having to adjust to new people. 

So we finally found a church where I felt welcome, wanted, and where I thought we fit in pretty well.  As I stated in the beginning of this blog - I will NOT be naming this church, the pastor, or any of the members.  We attended this church on and off for a few years, and got to know a lot of the members there.  I noticed that if we were attending regularly, and missed a couple of Sundays, we sometimes got a phone call from someone in Sunday school to check on us.  Folks at this church knew things weren't perfect in our household, and that we - mainly me - needed all the love and support we could get - I was working full time in Atlanta near Smyrna, we lived all the way out in Mount Zion (the one in Carroll county, not Clayton county), having to deal with both kids pretty much by myself when I got home, and that James was a prescription drug addict that was in and out of the hospital due to chronic bronchitis and pneumonia from his nasty smoking habit.

I didn't dare share the abuse that the kids and I suffered at his hands, but I'm sure it was written all over my face, and some of them knew from things that were said (or not said) that things were pretty crappy in our relationship.  But I digress.....

The church was gracious enough to offer their assistance in getting James some rehab help, in a Christian program, but he ended up refusing help.  I was about to share his excuses for not accepting the help, but I caught myself - they weren't really excuses - he was determined to stay on the drugs and cigarettes, and had no interest in getting help.  Dang, I keep with the digression.....

So, throughout all the time we were members at this church, they would occasionally call on us to see how we were doing, asking if there was anything they could do for us or help us with, and telling us that they missed seeing us in church.  As time went on, I opened up more and more with certain members, letting them get a glimpse of some of the things I had to deal with, but obviously not telling them everything for fear of how I might be judged for staying in what was a loveless marriage that was filled with abuse and sadness.

When I finally decided to divorce James, I didn't dare call anyone or tell anyone, other than family, what I was planning to do.  I was terrified someone would slip up and say something to James, and it would have made my life hell until I got out.  James had even mentioned in the month before I had him served, that some of the deacons and perhaps even the preacher had come by the house to check on us and ask us to come to church (it's been a while, so I'm not sure who all may or may not have stopped by).  I remember looking forward to having some emotional support from some of the church folks once the day came that the news got out we were getting divorced.

On the day of our first hearing at court, there was a lady from church in the courtroom, I assume she worked there.  She walked down the aisle and I swear she looked me right in the eyes and just kept on walking.  I don't know if she knew what I was there for or not.  I don't blame her for not speaking to me that day, she was likely working, and probably didn't want to get involved in whatever was going on in the courtroom. 

The reason for my vent?  Not a single person from that church has EVER called me to check on me or the kids.  Not one single phone call, in 7 years.  I chose to divorce a drug-addicted man that was beating me and the kids, not just physically, but emotionally and psychologically, and not a single person at that church reached out to me to check on me or the kids.  Perhaps I can thank my ex-husband for making the folks at that church distance themselves from me and the kids?  I really can't say I blame them for not wanting to get involved - I almost lost a very good friend over my marriage to James, due to my self-absorption of all my woes when I was with him, and it has taken time to get my family relationships back in line with where they need to be, all due to that man. 

If you know which church I am speaking of, whether from anything I've said to you previously, or you know you are part of the church I am talking about - please DO NOT call the church out, or any of the members or staff.  I don't want to call attention to them, I just want to unload my thoughts about my experience.  If you are a member of the church I'm talking about - just an FYI - I will be moving back into the area in the near future at some point - if you see me around - feel free to say hello, just please don't invite me back to church.  I'm not angry at anyone, just a little disappointed and perhaps disillusioned.  And by the way - my last name is no longer Wilkins, it's Buxton.  I'm happily married, and Steven is quite well adjusted for all that he went through.

Experience.....

From personal experience, I can tell you - this is so true.  When you've been abused for so long, you just don't know how to take it when someone actually treats you the way that you deserve to be treated.  You're always looking for the other shoe to drop, the demeanor to change, the lies to be discovered, for everything to fall apart.

You get to where you are so afraid of being hurt, you just close yourself off and don't let anyone get too close, and you certainly don't let anyone "in".  It really takes a special, very patient, true love to get through - to help you tear down the walls, one brick at a time, until they are able to get close to you and for you to let them "in".

I usually wear my feelings on my sleeve, so to speak, so it's pretty easy to see when I'm not really okay.  Although, I do try to hide my feelings at times, and I don't like to open up to just anyone.  Hiding bad feelings is exhausting.  Maybe that's part of why I'm so tired every night and tend to go to sleep after dinner.  I have a lot of bad feelings, about a lot of different things.  No, I don't want to talk about them.  Please, don't ask me about them - not even to let me know that you are there for me.  I just don't want it mentioned and don't want to talk about it.  When I want to talk about it, I will.  Until then - I'm okay.  Really.

Things I'm tired of.....

Okay, here's a negative post if there ever was one.  I'm in one of those moods where I'm frustrated about a lot of things, and let me preface this by saying that I know I am blessed, lucky, fortunate, privileged, or whatever other adjective that you want to use to describe me and my life.  I know that there are people that have life much, much more difficult than I do, and I am appreciative of my life and all the positives that are there.  I just wanna vent!  So here goes:

*I'm tired of the rain.  We usually end up with a rain deficit by the end of the year, but with as much rain as we've gotten the past week, I don't think we're in danger of that this year.

*I'm sick of seeing the same old commercials, over and over and over.  For example - the repeat commercial for "Pawn Stars" where the chick that got the guitar from the Playboy Mansion, and the NASA toilet seat.  Those commercials, and the ones where the kids talk about "back in my day". Dammit man, I am sick of that!

*I'm sick again - that damn cough. It looks like I will have to go to the doctor tomorrow (yes, they have Sunday hours thank goodness) so I can get a handle on it before it gets too bad.

*I'm done with the hormonal roller coaster that I'm on!  It sucks!  And no, it's not menopause, just normal monthly fluctuations.

*I am so ready to buy a house and move, but we just can't seem to find one suitable.  Ugh!

*I am beyond frustrated for my husband and the recovery on his arm.  We don't expect him to get well overnight by any means, but he has had a very rough time since the 2nd surgery on June 14.  He's at the point where he has to sleep when he can, regardless of what time of day it is, so right now, he pretty much has his days and nights a little on the mixed up side.  For example - he was up til 4am this morning, went to bed and slept til around 1pm.  I tried from 10am until 1pm to get him up - he was that tired!  Besides the fatigue from not being able to sleep due to the pain meds just not working, it appears that he may have an infection in the elbow, as it has been red, swollen and warm to the touch on and off for the past week or so.  We did call the surgeon so he could call in an antibiotic, and it does seem to be improving, ever so slowly.  He has a routine appointment for it on Monday, so we'll see what the doctor says about it then.

*I am really disgusted with people that think they can just dump an animal off somewhere to fend for itself.  That has apparently happened on Freeman Rd this past week - this beautiful dog, I have no idea what he is but I would guesstimate him to weigh around 60lbs or so, reddish brown/brindle color, built kind of like a german shepherd, has been running around on Freeman Rd, looking totally bewildered, and he will trot after cars like he's hoping they will stop and pick him up.  I can't pick him up because I don't know how my boys will react to him, being that they aren't neutered and I don't know if this dog is, and other than possible territorial-aggression issues, it would be a total piss-fest at the house to try to mark territory everywhere.  I just can't have that.  If I was in a home with a fenced in yard, I would get him in a heartbeat.  He is really beautiful, and he looks so sweet and lovable.  If I continue to see him, I will try to get him to a shelter or rescue.

Well folks, that's all I can write tonight, there's just so much more but I just can't put forth the effort at this time.  I'm gonna lay down and rest and hope and pray this cough will ease up - might have to break out the big guns with the Tussion Ex.

I Just Don't Get It. Really, I Don't.

Why, after umpteen # of years of doing things a certain way, does one individual (or maybe 2) seem to have difficulty understanding the reasoning behind it, and that it doesn't have anything at all to do with their processes?  Aaarrrggghhhh!!!!

Yes, I was in a really pissy mood the other day when I started this - I was at work and someone had to be ignorant about something we've been doing a very long time, like it was a big surprise and they didn't know what it was all about, and that it was irrelevant to their work processes.  Doh!

So there's some more catching up to do, the main thing being Brian's "incident" this past weekend.   On Saturday, Brian was redoing the screening on the porch, and was coming down the ladder.  Somehow he lost his balance or missed a step, and fell backwards.  He put his left arm down to break his fall, and Steven said he heard it snap pretty loud.  I was inside, and I think Clydie was too, and he started yelling and screaming.  She made it to him before I did - when I got to the porch he was laying on the ground, with his arm kinda underneath him and I could see the elbow sticking out from under him and it didn't look right.  He screamed "I broke my fucking arm!" and I swear to God I damn near threw up.  I was afraid to get a closer look at it but I got down there with Clydie and Steven.  We got him sat up on the ground, then he said he would rather me drive him than have the ambulance take him (I had called 911 because I didn't know if we could get him off the ground).

I got him to the hospital and they whizzed us through registration, triage and got him in an exam room (amazingly this took less than 10 minutes total), then took him back to X-ray as soon as he sat on the bed.  When he came back he looked at me and said "you know when I do something, I always try to do it up right, right? well.....I not only dislocated my elbow but I broke it".  The doctor came in and explained that Brian broke the ulna, which is the bone they normally pull on to put a dislocated elbow back into place, so they wouldn't be able to adjust it, it would take surgery to fix the break and to get the bones back into the joint properly. 

Here is the side view of the break and dislocation - that bone that is sticking out to the right, doesn't belong out there.  The break is on the bottom bone:

This is a view from the bottom - you can clearly see the broken ulna here:

Here's the view of the fix - the plate and screws, with the joint back in place like it's supposed to be:

Long story short, Brian had surgery on Sunday around 11:30am, and the surgeon put in a 4-6" plate that has 6 screws in it, and had to make a 2nd incision to remove bone fragments from the joint (Brian apparently chipped the bone in at least 2 places and the fragments ended up in the joint).  He was released Sunday evening, and he's been home since.  No driving until he sees the surgeon on Monday, so he's going nuts being stuck at home and having to rely on me or his mom to drive him around.  So, he and Steven and sometimes Brianna are working on finishing the porch work.  It's hard to keep a good man down!  Even from a broken ulna and dislocated elbow!

Steven leaves for England for the summer this Saturday - I know he will enjoy himself, but I will miss him! :-(

I've gotten back into reading the Stephen King Dark Tower series - I'm almost finished with book 6, Song of Susannah.  It's getting GOOD!

Guess it's time for me to pick the book back up, I should be close to finishing it about now.

Have a great rest of week!

Well.....damn.....just - damn......

Saturday sure has started off with a bang -  I get up to an email from my mom about some nonsense posted on my son's Facebook page.  I go to his page, and apparently one of his friends that spent the night last night, got onto Steven's page and posted something about Steven that not only isn't true, but could be very upsetting to different people for various reasons.  Of course, his friends were already up and out of the house (they leave really early, like around 7am, after sleepovers and we got up around 8:30am).

Brian had a discussion with Steven, and Steven is pretty upset with his friends for posting what they did.  I think Steven has learned his lesson about leaving his stuff logged in where his friends can get to it.  Posting something innocent on someone else's page is funny sometimes, but this could have caused a lot of issues for him.

The other bang to my morning - I go to my blog page and none of the blogs I'm following are showing up.  Not sure what's up with that, I tinkered around with it and finally got them all to show up, but I don't know how long that will last.  I apparently have to eventually switch my blog over to Google+, but I don't feel like messing with a transition right now.

Anyways.....it's raining today.  Steven is supposed to be having a band competition tonight that was postponed from last weekend due to rain.  Part of me hopes it's cancelled again, but part of me (the band geek in me) hopes that it still goes on because I want to see some bands play!

Headed to the mall here in a few - got to exchange a shirt from Hot Topic that Steven bought for me on his spring break last month.  I tried exchanging it last weekend and was told that I couldn't because it was purchased more than 30 days prior.  I didn't even think to look at the receipt until Monday - the 30th day had been FRIDAY, the day BEFORE I tried to exchange it.  Seriously?!!?  I was ONE day past the allowable exchange period.

I worked retail long enough to know how to play the game.  I mean, I could totally understand if the shirt was on clearance now, that the store would be out of something because they'd have to give me receipt price and then immediately mark down the shirt to clearance.  But it wasn't clearance, and the shirt I was going to get was going to cost a little more, so I'd be paying money into the store plus I was considering purchasing another item or 2.  Of course I called their corporate office, was given and apology and told they would contact the store manager to let her know that I would be in this weekend for an exchange. 

After the mall, I'm headed to PetCo - gotta pick up some anxiety drops for the boys so that they will travel to the lake nicely next weekend.  We've used all their drops up we got from the vet last year, and Petsmart doesn't carry these.  They have chewables and paste you can give the dogs, and you are limited to how many you can give per day.  These drops are 10 drops per dog, 3 times a day, or more if needed.  If Gabriel would travel as calmly as Dominion does, we wouldn't need these!

Oh and yesterday was sweet Gabriel's 2nd birthday! 

Okay, I'm outa here.  Gotta get my shopping on!  Have a great weekend!

Things Learned from Dear Abby

Here are a few things that have been learned from Dear Abby (I copied this from a letter that was written to the column, and added my two cents to some of them)

1. Don't blame your server for bad food. Always be polite and send compliments to the chef when applicable.   (after having waited tables myself, I learned this first hand.  Of course customers sometimes take their frustrations out on the waitstaff, but please folks - most of the time issues with your experience are not related to the server)

2. It's your wedding; you don't have to invite drama mama and long-gone dads unless you want to. And do not ignore Stepmom.

3. It's never too late to change bad habits. Today is a good time to begin making healthy new ones.  (this is always a work in progress!)

4. Kindness is always important. Do it randomly if you must, but do it often. Pennies are a gentle reminder of heaven.   (don't let yourself get caught up in the craziness of your every day life, and let those that annoy the piss out of you, take the joy and kindness out of your life!)

5. Being the other woman is a dead-end job. No matter what he says, the odds are he is never going to leave his wife.

6. Workplace romances are usually doomed. Don't risk it unless you want to find a new job.  (this was one that I always knew and never crossed that line - I've seen the consequences of work relationships by seeing what others went through and it's just not a good thing)

7. Counseling is a good thing. Don't suffer for years or in silence. Get some help today.  (and don't be ashamed to do it!  Of course you don't have to broadcast it to the world if you get help, but if you need help, by all means please get it!)

8. Reconcile and forgive estranged parents if you can. You don't have to be dysfunctional because they are.

9. Pursue that thing you dream of now. You're going to get older anyway. Which would you regret more, doing something or not doing it?

10. You deserve to be loved. Start with yourself, become the best that you can be and live until you die.  (this is a hard one for me - and no, I don't want to elaborate on this right now.  Another blog for another day)

P.S. I just thought of one more: Send thank-you notes, and no, it's never too late to do it.

Anthony Hammond's Page

Anthony Hammond's Page

Come on folks, he's almost at his goal - won't you help out and donate to a good cause - St Jude's?  Donations need to be made tonight so it counts for his event tomorrow!  Thanks for your support!

Ho hum.....another Monday night......

Momma Clydie made some bacon wrapped, cheese and cilantro stuffed jalapenos tonight - yummy!  They were meant to be grilled, but she baked them, and they were good.  :-)  I'm taking some to work tomorrow and will be dipping them in blue cheese dressing - out of ranch :-( - but blue cheese is my second favorite for dipping stuff like this. 

Remember me mentioning the fall on my ass last month at the lake?  Well, my ass still bothers me when I sit in certain positions.  At the gym 2 weeks ago I sat on the step during interval class and had to flop over to the floor because it was just too painful to sit on the step.  I've been thinking the ass must be better because it hasn't bothered me lately, but tonight, I went to sit in front of my aquarium to look for babies (I'll get to that in a minute) and owie!  My butt still aches!!!

So last Wednesday we get home from the tax lady, and I notice something unusual looking in my aquarium.  I go to investigate, and holy moly there are EGGS attached to a leaf.  A LOT of them!  Turns out 2 of my angelfish decided to breed and lay eggs.  After consulting with a friend of mine that has more fish experience than me, he suggested we leave them there, that the angelfish will parent the eggs and babies, and keep the other fish away from them.  All of the eggs were hatched by Thursday night, and we had a small patch full of tiny wittle fishie babies that looked like a pile of dirt!  They fluttered and moved like a little wave, staying in the spot their parents put them.

The parents moved the babies Friday, to another leaf, and off we went to the lake for the weekend.  We got home yesterday afternoon, and we were not able to find any babies.  Either they got eaten, or got hidden somewhere we couldn't see.  I found 4 babies this morning when I got up, but alas, they are missing again.  I don't know if all the babies are just gone, or are just in hiding.  I hope some of them survived and are just in hiding - I was really looking forward to seeing the babies grow up into adults to see how they transform.  Oh well, next time they breed, I'm removing the eggs and putting them in their own tank to hatch and grow. 

I'm still coughing some, mostly just to clear some congestion, not because I have a constant need to cough.  Still - the congestion and coughing are getting pretty damn old.  I'm just glad that I'm feeling a lot better than I was even a week ago.

I had some weird dreams this weekend - dreamed about Steven, that he was around 4 or 5 years old.  He wanted to fight me regarding what he was wearing - a too-small shirt that his New-nee had bought him, and I had to find a shirt that would fit, that his New-nee got him, as for whatever reason he only wanted to wear clothes that she had bought him!  LOL

Last night, I dreamed that I signed up with a personal trainer.  I have no idea who this person was in my dream, I checked his credentials and saw that he went to USC, and apparently he was someone I knew back then and he had completely transformed his body over the years.  It was just weird, to see this person, as I had actually perused his Facebook page last night and wondered how he was doing (he doesn't post a lot online). 

I've been super emotional lately, and I'm not even PMSing.  I've just been in a total funk and can't seem to pull out of it.  I'm wound pretty tight, and have to fight the urges I get to just bluntly say what I'm thinking during certain situations.  There are times, almost daily, where I have to bite my tongue or else I will say something that will really hurt someone's feelings, or could even make someone hate me.  I don't really care if someone hates me, at least maybe they'd leave me alone.  But I don't like to hurt people's feelings - even the feelings of those people that get on my last damn nerve!

And as if I'm not emotional enough - Boston happens.  This afternoon and evening have been heavy and sad.  People who commit such violent acts disgust me.  It's too early to know whether it was foreigners, domestic terrorism, or who is responsible for these terroristic acts.  And that's exactly what they are - for whatever reason, some asshat(s) wanted to strike terror and fear into the hearts of Americans, and I think they have succeeded.  It just makes me so sad.........my thoughts and prayers are with the families and friends of those who are suffering from the attacks in Boston.

Time for a little catch up

Yeah, I'm way behind in blogging.  I come up with some great ideas, but then I'm just not motivated enough to sit and write.  So here goes!

We went to the lake last weekend, with the intention of doing some work on the deck ceiling and some other stuff.  Unfortunately, it rained on and off throughout the weekend which made it difficult to try to do any work.  We fished some during the non-rain spells, but nothing was biting - caught a grand total of 4 fish, only 3 would have been keepers, so they all went back in the lake.

The most entertaining parts of the weekend were when I fell and busted my ass on the dock ramp - Brian scored the fall an 8 because I lacked finesse (he said he would have given me a 10 had I lost a shoe) and the conversation we had with Steven regarding multi-tasking.  When he was putting away the sofa bed, he was moving 1 pillow at a time, instead of picking up an armload of them to distribute on the couch.  Brian made a crack about his multi-tasking skills, and Steven said "oh I take after my mother, I can't multi-task and neither can she". I took offense to this, as I CAN multi-task, and Steven then asked Brian for an example.  I looked at him and said "do you REALLY want Brian to answer that?!!" and he suddenly yelled "NO!  Please don't respond to that!  Nevermind!" (because we all know Brian's mind would have gone straight to the gutter!)

I had my annual physical on March 21, and while there the doctor decided to do an ultrasound due to some concerns I had brought up to her that I thought maybe had to do with the mini-arc I had done last year (bladder sling).  Nope, that's just fine, but it appears that I have adenomyosis.  The way she explained that to me is that the uterine muscle is a lot thicker than normal - mine was 3x the thickness of a normal one - and while it is not life-threatening, won't lead to cancer, it is most likely the cause of my horrendous monthlies and some of the other issues I've been having.  Nothing needs to be done about it, as there are limited treatments available that would be beneficial to me at this time, but if the pain I'm having and monthly issues I'm having continue to get worse, then it may be time to consider some options, such as ablation or even hysterectomy.

I also had my routine bloodwork ran on the 21st, and the nurse called me I think it was Tuesday, and they seemed to be quite concerned about my cholesterol and my sugar.  My sugar was 97, which based on their range of normal, was only 2 points away from being overlimit for fasting bloodwork.  My cholesterol was 239, with the LDL (bad) being 151 and the HDL (good) being 64.  My triglycerides were 122.  I did some thinking about these things, knowing the family history of diabetes and heart issues, and decided to make an appointment with my new primary care doctor.

I went to see him this past Thursday, and was relieved after talking with him at length over everything.  He assured me that even with the family diabetes history, that as long as my sugar stayed below the maximum for normal, there was nothing to worry about.  Also, when looking at my cholesterol, because my good cholesterol was so high, he wasn't all that concerned about the bad cholesterol, although he feels I need to bring the bad below 130.  Because I'm already taking fish oil, niacin, and red yeast rice, he didn't want to add any prescription medications unless I just absolutely insisted on it, as he said the red yeast rice was like a natural form of Lipitor.  He felt the best option for me now is to increase my physical activity, cardio work in particular, and to watch my diet.

Funny thing is, Brian and I have been contemplating the Couch to 5k, or something similar, to get ready to run a 5k in June.  And, Momma Clydie has been downloading vegetarian and heart healthy recipes and cookbooks to her Kindle, so we are already in the process of doing things that will help all of us in the long run.  The doctor also mentioned that by increasing the exercise and improving the diet, of course I would lose weight and overall it would improve the sugar levels even more.

It was pretty convenient to have that appointment Thursday morning, as I'd starting having cold symptoms on Tuesday and I wanted to get something to knock it out pretty quick.  The doctor said it was just a viral cold, so he prescribed Bromfed (has a cough suppressant, antihistamine and decongestant in it), and said I should be good to go. Unfortunately, I woke up a LOT worse yesterday - even had congestion coming from my eyes and the coughing was a lot worse, not to mention that I had pretty much lost my voice, so Brian drove me back to the doctor.  I got a steroid injection and she also wrote me a prescription for the steroid dose pack if the shot didn't clear me up within 2 days.

I've been dragging around pretty much all day today, feeling like shit, because not only is this allergy/cold kicking my ass, but that bitch Aunt Flo just about had me down for the count this morning.  The coughing led me to take a breathing treatment, then I took a hot shower, and then I fell asleep on the couch on top of the heating pad for a few hours.  I felt a little better at that point, but it was almost 11am by then.  I'm kind of nauseated from the congestion now, so I'm sending Brian to the pharmacy tomorrow to get my steroids filled.

I have been a whiny, hormonal, steroid-filled, sick hot mess all weekend.  Every little thing has set me off on a crying jag, either from it hurting my overly sensitive feelings, or some nice things Brian has said to try to make me feel better that did and still made me cry.

I hope my voice is strong tomorrow so I can answer phones at work.  It's been back today, but I can't talk loud.  I'm sure the folks here at the house are kind of glad about it, but I don't like having to repeat myself like I've been having to do yesterday and today.

I hope you all had a great Easter Sunday.  I've just been bah-humbugging it with all this sickness and discomfort I've been experiencing.  I'll be good as new in a few days, thankfully!

Knots and Nots

There's my thoughts for today.  I've really been feeling down in the dumps the last few weeks, at least this week I have the stupid monthly hormones as an excuse.  I have no excuse for the rest of the time.

Not going to elaborate about the rest of my feelings on this right now.  Perhaps I will revisit this posting later and will post more. 

This is one of those posts that I share personal stuff, but would rather folks not say anything to me about it.  Comment if you wish, either here or if this gets shared on Facebook, but please know I am not seeking comments, nor encouragement or compliments.  I'm just sharing a small piece of me and it is what it is.

Ho Hum Hump Day.....

Yep, it's another Hump Day, and it's just ho hum so far.  Not sure how much longer I'll be vertical and conscious, these last few days have been hell on me physically.  Aunt Flo is here, and she is a complete and total bitch - Sunday I was hurting on the way to the family dinner (my mom and her husband got back in the USA on Saturday and it was the first time I was gonna see her).  3 margaritas later and I'm feeling decent and a little tipsy, so we get home, I lay on the bed (it's like 6pm), and I'm out til 10:30pm.  Got up and farted around on the computer for 2 hours, then tried to go back to bed.  Pain had returned, I was hot as hell, and I was miserable.  Took an 800mg motrin and tossed and turned til around 3am.  Then of course around 3:30pm the pups had us awake, and then it seemed like it was time for the alarm to go off.  I think I got maybe 2 hours of scattered sleep throughout the night.

Monday was a little better - took me a Lortab to ward off any possible pain that would keep me up.  Last night - I fell asleep after dinner, on the couch - I think I was out by 7pm!  Brian woke me up around 10:45, I showered, took a Lortab and went to bed. 

Today hasn't been too bad, other than I'm tired.  Why the hell am I tired, considering with my nap, and my sleep last night, I got at least 9 hours of  sleep!?!?!?

I've started a couple other blog entries over the past 2 weeks or so, but I didn't get very far with them.  They would have been too revealing of things I've been feeling lately, of things I just don't want to share.  I don't like sharing some things when I know I will get feedback from various sources, and even if I post a blog and ask folks not to comment to me about what I've written, inevitably someone does and it just makes me uncomfortable.  So, for now, those entries will wait.  Hell, I didn't even finish them anyway so I suppose it doesn't really matter now, does it?

Dammit I want to find a house to buy and get moved out before summer!!!!  I really want to plant a good garden this year!

Speaking of gardens - I can't wait til crops start coming in at the farmer's market - I'm looking forward to freezing veggies again this year!!!

Okay folks, I think I've stayed vertical about as long as I can.  That, and I've got this stabbing pain in my lower ribcage that I want to see if changing positions will help it go away.  I hope you're all having a better week than I am, and have a great rest of the week.  Adios!

Another weekend gone.....

Another weekend in the wind and gone.  They just go by too damn fast!

Stayed busy most of the weekend - took my mom-in-law for a tattoo yesterday - it's beautiful, a very colorful hummingbird.  I want another one but am not 100% on what I want, so I will wait.  I came up with an idea yesterday but it involved a butterfly, and I'm not keen on butterfly tattoos so much.  This butterfly was very pretty, but I just don't think it's for me.

Brian is still hurting.  I hate seeing him in pain and I can't do anything to make it better. 

We had Chinese food yesterday, and I had major tummy issues last night.  I don't think that it was related to the Chinese food, as the pains started before we ate.  But I woke up today and my face and neck is broken out pretty badly, and when I got out of the shower I had a very itchy rash all over my forearms.  I took a Benadryl to ease the itching, and it helped (and made me pretty sleepy by the time we were done with our errands today).  The only thing I can think that caused this sudden breakout and rash is something I ate yesterday.

The dermatologist I went to in December doesn't seem to think that what I eat will effect breakouts, but I beg to differ after this episode.  I have put nothing new on my skin in the last few days, so there's nothing that could be contact dermatitis.  Oh well, I won't eat Chinese food, or the types of fruit that I ate yesterday (cantaloupe and strawberries) for a while, and perhaps introduce them again in the future after this is cleared up to see if I can narrow this down.

I've been in a strange mood all weekend - plagued by bad and/or weird dreams, and just full of pent up emotions.  I've had a lot of vivid dreams over the last several weeks.  Some I can remember, some I cannot.  And since I'm too stubborn and hard headed to keep a pen and paper by the bed (and even if I did, I most likely would be too stubborn to take the time to wake up enough to write them down), that makes it harder to remember them.  Oh well.....wonder what's causing these dreams???

Well folks, it's getting to be bedtime.  I hope you all had a great weekend, and try to have a good Monday.

February 14

Happy Valentines Day everyone.  I was hoping I'd have a good day today, but the first 2/3 of the day was rough.  Made me wanna go home and go to bed.  I had to deal with an individual via email that just couldn't seem to understand plain English, and we exchanged several emails.  Unfortunately, the situation is still not resolved, and I dread going to work tomorrow to find out what kind of jackassery this person responds with now.  You'd think I was PMSing or something, as enraged as the lunacy made me feel today!

There were some other situations that occurred during work that I won't share, just day-to-day, run of the mill annoyances.    All together it really contributed to a fairly shitty day.

But, my hubby saved the day with a nice dinner out with his mom and Steven.  It was a nice time, and after I vented about work, we all managed to enjoy ourselves.

Now, Steven and I are watching "The Last Exorcism" (boring as HELL so far! although it seems to be picking up speed a little now), and Brian is snoozing on the couch.  Poor thing is in pain and took his meds.  I hope he gets some relief soon.

Well folks, I don't want to be a downer and so damn negative tonight, so I suppose I'll cut this short.  I've vented enough to the family, and just need to relax and chill out for the evening.  Maybe I'll have some Bailey's or an amaretto sour in a bit.

Thank God tomorrow is Friday!!!!!

February 3.......

I can't believe it's already February!  A whole month already gone in 2013!  Where does the time go when you're just having so damn much fun????

Brian had his shoulder surgery 1/25.  He is doing pretty well, got the stitches out Friday, and will be starting PT in about 5 weeks.  Hopefully this got everything fixed that needed to be fixed and he will heal up to 100%.

I am dealing with my first illness of 2013 - that dreaded, f*n cough I get from allergies that turn into sinusitis that turns into bronchitis.  I've been to the doctor twice already - once this past Monday, when I was told it was sinusitis, and again today.  I spent Tuesday and Wednesday mostly in bed, a wee bit of time on the couch - this "sinusitis" kicked my ASS!!!  I was told again today that my lungs were clear (they didn't sound like it Thursday night), to continue doing the albuterol nebulizer treatments, finish out the meds I was given Monday, and I was also given a shot of steroids and rocephin today, and had blood work drawn because she wanted to check my white cell count.

Let's just say I am SICK AND TIRED OF THIS DAMN INFERNAL COUGH!!!!!  Although I will say, the congestion is breaking up and getting a little easier to clear.  Breathing treatments do that.  They make me dizzy sometimes, too, but whatever works.

Gabriel is so jealous! I know I've probably said it before, but damn!  Any time anyone gets attention other than him, he has to come get in between.  At night, while I'm getting ready for bed, he will lay on my side of the bed, on top of the covers.  I have to slide down underneath them (no peeling them back to just get in bed), and he will flop around stiffly, until he is wedged in between me and Brian.  It is the funniest thing!  He will then flip his head back to look up at us, and lay there until we pet him for a while.  Then he moves down by my feet and goes to sleep.

And now it's 1am - I have so many errands to run tomorrow it's not even funny!  Better get my ass in bed now!  Have a great Sunday folks!

Just another Thursday night

Sitting here, warm and snug as a bug in a rug, kinda glad that there was no real winter storm that hit our area.  Sure, it woulda been nice to have an excuse not to go to work tomorrow, but that would just cause more chaos.  I suppose the wet roads could freeze tonight and cause me to delay my arrival at the office, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.  Black ice on Atlanta roads is just not a good thing.

Brian and I went hunting last weekend - didn't see a damn thing, except deer standing on the side of the road on the way to the hotel.  Yep, we decided not to rough it this past weekend - it was quite warm outside, and there was the possibility of rain, and we just weren't doing that. 

I have really been slacking at writing in the blog, I know.  I just don't have the motivation to write like I used to.  I used to vent a lot of negative feelings I had, share some situations, and I just don't have a lot of those negative feelings anymore.  Most of the "old" negative feelings are gone, and any lingering or newer negative feelings, I just don't want to share them.  So, that's why I'm not nearly as prolific with my writing as I used to be.  Good thing I'm not a paid blogger, huh?  lol

Damn I would love to have a Shoney's hot fudge cake about now.  I love those things, and haven't had one in years.  I'd settle for some plain old vanilla ice cream tonight, but we're slap out of that at home! 

On Facebook - if you're not currently a fan of the page "Overly Sensitive Military Wives", you should be.  That page is hysterical, and one of the admins, Six, is off the chain with some of her stuff.

Well it's almost the weekend - I hope you all have a great one!

Just for Today......

Taken from the Dear Abby column.....as we start a new year, and some of us make resolutions to change habits and activities, hopefully for the good, these guidelines, adapted from Al-Anon by Pauline Phillips (Abby), may help us get through the hard times.


JUST FOR TODAY, I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems at once.

I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things that I can correct and accept those I cannot.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I'll not speak ill of others. I will improve my appearance, speak softly, and not interrupt when someone else is talking. Just for today, I will refrain from improving anybody but myself.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll quit. If I'm overweight, I will eat healthfully -- if only for today. And not only that, I will get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it's only around the block.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will gather the courage to do what is right and take the responsibility for my own actions.