My annual Thanksgiving post......
Thankful for the Thorns
Sandra felt as low as the heels of her Birkenstocks as she pushed against a November gust and the florist shop door. Her life had been easy, like a spring breeze. Then, in the fourth month of her second pregnancy, a minor automobile accident stole her ease. During this Thanksgiving week she would have delivered a son. She grieved over her loss. As if that weren't enough, her husband's company threatened a transfer. Then her sister, whose holiday visit she coveted, called saying she could not come.
What's worse, Sandra's friend infuriated her by suggesting her grief was a God-given path to maturity that would allow her to empathize with others who suffer? "Had she lost a child? No - she has no idea what I'm feeling," Sandra shuddered. Thanksgiving? "Thankful for what?" she wondered. For a careless driver whose truck was hardly scratched when he rear-ended her? For an airbag that saved her life but took that of her child?
"Good afternoon, can I help you?"
The flower shop clerk's approach startled her. "Sorry," said Jenny, "I just didn't want you to think I was ignoring you."
"I . . . . I need an arrangement."
"For Thanksgiving?" Sandra nodded. "Do you want beautiful but ordinary, or would you like to challenge the day with a customer favorite I call the "Thanksgiving Special."
Jenny saw Sandra's curiosity and continued, "I'm convinced that flowers tell stories, that each arrangement insinuates a particular feeling. Are you looking for something that conveys gratitude this Thanksgiving?"
"Not exactly!" Sandra blurted. "Sorry, but in the last five months, everything that could go wrong has."
Sandra regretted her outburst but was surprised when Jenny said, "I have the perfect arrangement for you."
The door's small bell suddenly rang. "Barbara! Hi, "Jenny said. She politely excused herself form Sandra and walked toward a small workroom. She quickly reappeared carrying a massive arrangement of green bows, and long-stemmed thorny roses. Only, the ends of the rose stems were neatly snipped, no flowers.
"Want this in a box?" Jenny asked.
Sandra watched for Barbara's response. Was this a joke? Who would want rose stems and no flowers! She waited for laughter, for someone to notice the absence of flowers atop the thorny stems, but neither woman did.
"Yes, please. It's exquisite," said Barbara. "You'd think after three years of getting the special, I'd not be so moved by its significance, but it's happening again. My family will love this one. Thanks."
Sandra stared. "Why so normal a conversation about so strange an arrangement?" she wondered.
"Ah, said Sandra, pointing. "That lady just left with, ah . . . ."
"Yes?"
"Well, she had no flowers!"
"Off?"
"Off. Yep. That's the Special. I call it the "Thanksgiving Thorns Bouquet."
"But, why do people pay for that?" In spite of herself she chuckled.
"Do you really want to know?"
"I couldn't leave this shop without knowing. I'd think about nothing else!"
"That might be good," said Jenny.
"Well," she continued, "Barbara came into the shop three years ago feeling very much like you feel today. She thought she had very little to be thankful for. She had lost her father to cancer, the family business was failing, her son was into drugs, and she faced major surgery."
"Ouch!" said Sandra.
"That same year, I lost my husband. I assumed complete responsibility for the shop and for the first time, spent the holidays alone. I had no children, no husband, no family nearby, and too great a debt to allow any travel."
"What did you do?"
"I learned to be thankful for thorns.
"Sandra's eyebrows lifted. "Thorns?"
"I'm a Christian, Sandra. I've always thanked God for good things in life and I never thought to ask Him why good things happened to me. But, when bad stuff hit. Did I ever ask! It took time to learn that dark times are important. I always enjoyed the flowers' of life but it took thorns to show me the beauty of God's comfort. You know, the Bible says that God comforts us when we're afflicted and from His consolation we learn to comfort others."
Sandra gasped. "A friend read that passage to me and I was furious! I guess the truth is, I don't want comfort. I've lost a baby and I'm angry with God." She started to ask Jenny to "go on" when the door's bell diverted their attention.
"Hey, Phil!" shouted Jenny as a balding, rotund man entered the shop. She softly touched Sandra's arm and moved to welcome him. He tucked her under his side for a warm hug. "I'm here for twelve thorny long-stemmed stems!" Phil laughed, heartily.
"I figured as much," said Jenny. "I've got them ready." She lifted a tissue-wrapped arrangement form the refrigerated cabinet.
"Beautiful," said Phil. "My wife will love them."
Sandra could not resist asking, "These are for your wife?"
Phil saw that Sandra's curiosity matched his when he first heard of a Thorn Bouquet. "Do you mind me asking, 'Why thorns?"
"In fact, I'm glad you asked, "He said. "Four years ago my wife and I nearly divorced. After forty years, we were in a real mess, but we slogged through, problem by rotten problem. We rescued our marriage - our love, really. Last year, at Thanksgiving, I stopped in here for flowers. I must have mentioned surviving a tough process because Jenny told me that for a long time she kept a vase of rose stems --- stems! --- As a reminder of what she learned from 'thorny' times. That was good enough for me. I took home stems, My wife and I decided to label each one for a specific thorny situation and give thanks for what the problem taught us. I'm pretty sure this stem review is becoming a tradition."
Phil paid Jenny, thanked her again and as he left, said to Sandra, "I highly recommend the Special!"
"I don't know if I can be thankful for the thorns in my life, "Sandra said to Jenny.
"Well, my experience says that thorns make roses more precious. We treasure God's providential care more during trouble than at any other time. Remember, Sandra, Jesus wore a crown of thorns so that we might know His love. Do not resent thorns."
Tears rolled down Sandra's cheeks. For the first time since the accident she loosened her grip on resentment. "I'll take twelve long-stemmed thorns, please."
"I hoped you would, " Jenny said. "I'll have them ready in a minute. Then, every time you see them, remember to appreciate both good and hard times. We grow through both."
"Thank you. What do I owe you?"
"Nothing. Nothing but a pledge to work toward healing your heart. The first year's arrangement is always on me." Jenny handed a card to Sandra. "I'll attach a card like this to your arrangement but maybe you'd like to read it first. Go ahead, read it."
My God, I have never thanked Thee for my thorns! I have thanked Thee a thousand times for my roses, but never once for my thorns. Teach me the glory of the cross I bear, teach me the value of my thorns. Show me that I have climbed to Thee by the path of pain. Show me that my tears have made my rainbow. George Matheson
I have reposted this every year since I received it a few years back. It's not something I ever thought of before - why in the world would I want to thank God for all the "thorns" in my life that have caused me so much grief, pain, aggravation and disappointments? I have learned a lot over the last decade or two, and it has taken great pain, suffering, aggravation and disappointment for me to reach the point in my life where I am now. We don't truly learn about life and about ourselves until we have suffered in some fashion - God gives us the opportunity to learn and grow through the trials and tribulations that we experience. Many times, we can't make sense of it or find a purpose in it as we are experiencing the difficult times, but eventually, through God's grace, we figure it out and find meaning in it. Maybe not today, maybe not next week or even next year - but He always guides us through and shows us the way.
I'm not a particularly religious person, I find myself questioning some things at times and I just kinda work things out with what makes the most sense to me. But - I do believe we are given the "thorns" in our lives for a reason. So - remember to be thankful for not only the good things in life, but also for those "thorns" that you are pricked with on occasion, for they do serve a purpose in our lives.
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Saturday, October 5, 2013
Epic Randomness!
My rainbow Ninja Unicorn said to tell your Purple Orangutan that the evil villain sock monkeys are coming for you tonight.. oh yeah, don't use your shampoo!
Okay, so not really - I borrowed that from Status Shuffle on Facebook. I was just looking for something to either base my blog on tonight, or to get it started with a bang. So, we're going for some super random stuff tonight.
Gabriel chased his first squirrel yesterday - across the street to the neighbor's house. Brian said it was like he was deaf once he perked up and saw the squirrel - Brian yelling at him, Gabriel just hauling ass, standing at the bottom of the tree. He was so cute - he would look up at the squirrel, then he'd look at us like "I did good, didn't I?!" But he was in soooo much trouble with his daddy!
The house is coming along, slowly but surely. Today was supposed to be a work in the yard most of the day kind of day, but being that the section of the landfill that accepts yard refuse such as tree limbs, cut bushes, etc., closes at 11:30am on Saturday, we got one load of stuff dumped and left the dump at 11:28am. Stopped by Home Depot (Dem Heppo as Steven used to call it), and make a run to Wally World for a few things.
Made my hubby some sammiches today. So many memes about women making sammiches for their men, I think it's kinda funny. He would make me a sammich if I asked him to, but I prefer to make my own. :-)
Steven is really enjoying his new school. I was so glad that the kids he remembered from elementary school out here remembered him as well. Made for a few instant friends, and he's already made several new friends. And I can tell you this - he seems to be MUCH happier than he ever was in Hampton, going to Lovejoy.
I don't know what I'm going to do about my knee - since about 2 weeks before we moved, it's been feeling pretty stiff and "tight" inside, and with the stiffness comes some pain and discomfort. Nothing bad enough to want to take anything stronger than an ibuprofen or acetaminophen occasionally, but still enough to be bothered and concerned about. I think the fact that I used to sit on the couch with that leg curled up under me, coupled with the fact that I have gained a few pounds over the last couple of months, have both contributed to this. That, and the fact that I have been bothered with arthritis at various times in my life, it's really no surprise.
I know I need to drop the extra pounds I've gained, plus some. Since I no longer belong to a gym, my exercise options are limited to walking and/or running, and of course I don't think running would be prudent with my knee already bothering me. Not to mention that I just haven't felt like doing much extra with all the stress and business of the whole moving process.
The dogs are so funny in the house - we have Pergo flooring, and even though I shaved their feet and trimmed their nails the other night, they still slip and slide and click their nails on the floors when they walk and run through the house. And they are so funny when they try to get on the bed - sometimes they slip as they jump, and end up with their heads and front legs on the bed, and are hanging there like they're stuck and need help to get up the rest of the way. I need to video them before we end up putting rugs around the bed to make their lives easier.
Have I mentioned previously how much fun it was to move 3 aquariums over here? A 55 gallon, and 2-29 gallon tanks. The big tank has an assortment of tetras, an Australian rainbowfish, and 2 giant angelfish - Blondie and Willie. Blondie was given to me by Brian 3-4 years ago (Blondie is not really a blond color, but is solid silvery white with dark fins), and Willie was gotten from my stepdad, Marion (Willie is black, and has HUGE lips). While Marion had Willie, Willie would occasionally get some kind of illness and Marion was constantly having to treat the tank to get him well and keep the other fish from getting sick. I've experienced the same issue with him, but on rarer occasions. However, I think I am fighting a losing battle this time with Willie. I have treated the tank with something called Quick Cure, which contains malachite green, and now I've purchased a different product to use that is supposed to cure both fungal and bacterial infections. I picked it because I wanted something that took care of a multitude of conditions, and I can't really diagnose what is wrong with Willie. No other fish in the tank is affected, it's just Willie. Willie is over 5 years old, I don't know exactly how old (Mom, if you're reading this - put a comment on the blog with how old Willie is please), so maybe his body is just too weak to fight his illness, even with the meds. His age along with the stress of moving I fear will be the end of dear Willie.
Anyways, the 2-29 tanks contain angelfish - one tank has the very prolific mom and pop angelfish, the other one has their offspring that survived the hatching that took place around July 1st. The babies, even though they are from the same batch, are of varying sizes. The smallest ones are about the size of a small English pea, the larger ones have bodies that are almost the size of a dime. Best we can tell, they all look just like mom and pop - the silver and black stripes. I was hoping their genetics were more diverse, so that we would end up with some differing colors and patterns, but apparently not.
And so far, mom and pop have not laid any more eggs since we moved. I usually can't tell which is mom and which is pop (It's hard to do with angelfish) unless the mom is getting ready to lay eggs, as her belly gets kinda fat, and it seems that one of them has a tiny bit of a belly bulge, so perhaps we will have more eggs soon. I was kinda hoping the stress of the move would change them somehow so they'd stop breeding, but who knows. I have no idea why they suddenly started laying eggs earlier this year - I had not done anything different that may have made conditions more favorable for breeding, but whatever. The pair is about 3 years old, so maybe they hit their prime breeding age and decided they really liked each other? Who knows. LOL
We got our new range delivered last week (it's an LG smooth top, with a beautiful bright blue interior), and I cooked my first meal on it today - Hamburger Helper (Steven's request - I usually fulfill a meal request around here if at all possible, and it's been a long time since we've had HH). Why was today the first time I've cooked on it? Because my dear mother-in-law does the cooking during the week, so that dinner will be ready when I get home from work - it's a wonderful thing to not have to worry about cooking dinner after working all day, and having the commute that I now have! I get to cook on the weekend (sometimes Brian will cook on the weekends but it's usually me).
It took a lot for me to finally sit down and write something tonight. I know you've all missed me but hey, I've just lost my desire to write like I used to - I used to blog all the time on MySpace and when I first started this blog, but I have such a lack of motivation to do a lot of things. I'd rather sit here or lay here and piddle around online, playing games, reading the news, and just not put forth the effort to think and come up with some sense of intelligence (yeah I know, sometimes I don't seem so intelligent, but it is what it is :-] )
Speaking of MySpace - I recently discovered that MySpace decided to get rid of blogs. I never saved mine elsewhere, and I was kinda pissed. Apparently a lot of MySpace users are quite upset, so MySpace is supposedly doing something where we will be able to download our blogs at some point in the next several months. They claim they have not been deleted, just put into "safekeeping". I would love to have mine to go back and look at, and if they are able to provide them to me for downloading, I will certainly take advantage of that. I may even share some of the old blogs with you here. Some I won't share, as I'm just not going to dredge up some of the events of the past - I vented a LOT about certain situations and people and today so many things are so different in my life and the lives of some of those I wrote about, it just wouldn't make sense to most of you if I shared some of those blogs without telling the whole story, which I'm just not gonna do. The past is the past, and it's best to leave those particular stories there.
Okay folks, I've bored you all enough for tonight - sorry this one is so long (although not my longest blog I'm sure), but there was a lot of random stuff to talk about. (my brain just jumps from one random thing to another). Have a great rest of the weekend!
Okay, so not really - I borrowed that from Status Shuffle on Facebook. I was just looking for something to either base my blog on tonight, or to get it started with a bang. So, we're going for some super random stuff tonight.
Gabriel chased his first squirrel yesterday - across the street to the neighbor's house. Brian said it was like he was deaf once he perked up and saw the squirrel - Brian yelling at him, Gabriel just hauling ass, standing at the bottom of the tree. He was so cute - he would look up at the squirrel, then he'd look at us like "I did good, didn't I?!" But he was in soooo much trouble with his daddy!
The house is coming along, slowly but surely. Today was supposed to be a work in the yard most of the day kind of day, but being that the section of the landfill that accepts yard refuse such as tree limbs, cut bushes, etc., closes at 11:30am on Saturday, we got one load of stuff dumped and left the dump at 11:28am. Stopped by Home Depot (Dem Heppo as Steven used to call it), and make a run to Wally World for a few things.
Made my hubby some sammiches today. So many memes about women making sammiches for their men, I think it's kinda funny. He would make me a sammich if I asked him to, but I prefer to make my own. :-)
Steven is really enjoying his new school. I was so glad that the kids he remembered from elementary school out here remembered him as well. Made for a few instant friends, and he's already made several new friends. And I can tell you this - he seems to be MUCH happier than he ever was in Hampton, going to Lovejoy.
I don't know what I'm going to do about my knee - since about 2 weeks before we moved, it's been feeling pretty stiff and "tight" inside, and with the stiffness comes some pain and discomfort. Nothing bad enough to want to take anything stronger than an ibuprofen or acetaminophen occasionally, but still enough to be bothered and concerned about. I think the fact that I used to sit on the couch with that leg curled up under me, coupled with the fact that I have gained a few pounds over the last couple of months, have both contributed to this. That, and the fact that I have been bothered with arthritis at various times in my life, it's really no surprise.
I know I need to drop the extra pounds I've gained, plus some. Since I no longer belong to a gym, my exercise options are limited to walking and/or running, and of course I don't think running would be prudent with my knee already bothering me. Not to mention that I just haven't felt like doing much extra with all the stress and business of the whole moving process.
The dogs are so funny in the house - we have Pergo flooring, and even though I shaved their feet and trimmed their nails the other night, they still slip and slide and click their nails on the floors when they walk and run through the house. And they are so funny when they try to get on the bed - sometimes they slip as they jump, and end up with their heads and front legs on the bed, and are hanging there like they're stuck and need help to get up the rest of the way. I need to video them before we end up putting rugs around the bed to make their lives easier.
Have I mentioned previously how much fun it was to move 3 aquariums over here? A 55 gallon, and 2-29 gallon tanks. The big tank has an assortment of tetras, an Australian rainbowfish, and 2 giant angelfish - Blondie and Willie. Blondie was given to me by Brian 3-4 years ago (Blondie is not really a blond color, but is solid silvery white with dark fins), and Willie was gotten from my stepdad, Marion (Willie is black, and has HUGE lips). While Marion had Willie, Willie would occasionally get some kind of illness and Marion was constantly having to treat the tank to get him well and keep the other fish from getting sick. I've experienced the same issue with him, but on rarer occasions. However, I think I am fighting a losing battle this time with Willie. I have treated the tank with something called Quick Cure, which contains malachite green, and now I've purchased a different product to use that is supposed to cure both fungal and bacterial infections. I picked it because I wanted something that took care of a multitude of conditions, and I can't really diagnose what is wrong with Willie. No other fish in the tank is affected, it's just Willie. Willie is over 5 years old, I don't know exactly how old (Mom, if you're reading this - put a comment on the blog with how old Willie is please), so maybe his body is just too weak to fight his illness, even with the meds. His age along with the stress of moving I fear will be the end of dear Willie.
Anyways, the 2-29 tanks contain angelfish - one tank has the very prolific mom and pop angelfish, the other one has their offspring that survived the hatching that took place around July 1st. The babies, even though they are from the same batch, are of varying sizes. The smallest ones are about the size of a small English pea, the larger ones have bodies that are almost the size of a dime. Best we can tell, they all look just like mom and pop - the silver and black stripes. I was hoping their genetics were more diverse, so that we would end up with some differing colors and patterns, but apparently not.
And so far, mom and pop have not laid any more eggs since we moved. I usually can't tell which is mom and which is pop (It's hard to do with angelfish) unless the mom is getting ready to lay eggs, as her belly gets kinda fat, and it seems that one of them has a tiny bit of a belly bulge, so perhaps we will have more eggs soon. I was kinda hoping the stress of the move would change them somehow so they'd stop breeding, but who knows. I have no idea why they suddenly started laying eggs earlier this year - I had not done anything different that may have made conditions more favorable for breeding, but whatever. The pair is about 3 years old, so maybe they hit their prime breeding age and decided they really liked each other? Who knows. LOL
We got our new range delivered last week (it's an LG smooth top, with a beautiful bright blue interior), and I cooked my first meal on it today - Hamburger Helper (Steven's request - I usually fulfill a meal request around here if at all possible, and it's been a long time since we've had HH). Why was today the first time I've cooked on it? Because my dear mother-in-law does the cooking during the week, so that dinner will be ready when I get home from work - it's a wonderful thing to not have to worry about cooking dinner after working all day, and having the commute that I now have! I get to cook on the weekend (sometimes Brian will cook on the weekends but it's usually me).
It took a lot for me to finally sit down and write something tonight. I know you've all missed me but hey, I've just lost my desire to write like I used to - I used to blog all the time on MySpace and when I first started this blog, but I have such a lack of motivation to do a lot of things. I'd rather sit here or lay here and piddle around online, playing games, reading the news, and just not put forth the effort to think and come up with some sense of intelligence (yeah I know, sometimes I don't seem so intelligent, but it is what it is :-] )
Speaking of MySpace - I recently discovered that MySpace decided to get rid of blogs. I never saved mine elsewhere, and I was kinda pissed. Apparently a lot of MySpace users are quite upset, so MySpace is supposedly doing something where we will be able to download our blogs at some point in the next several months. They claim they have not been deleted, just put into "safekeeping". I would love to have mine to go back and look at, and if they are able to provide them to me for downloading, I will certainly take advantage of that. I may even share some of the old blogs with you here. Some I won't share, as I'm just not going to dredge up some of the events of the past - I vented a LOT about certain situations and people and today so many things are so different in my life and the lives of some of those I wrote about, it just wouldn't make sense to most of you if I shared some of those blogs without telling the whole story, which I'm just not gonna do. The past is the past, and it's best to leave those particular stories there.
Okay folks, I've bored you all enough for tonight - sorry this one is so long (although not my longest blog I'm sure), but there was a lot of random stuff to talk about. (my brain just jumps from one random thing to another). Have a great rest of the weekend!
Monday, September 2, 2013
Someone pinch me!
Wow, I cannot believe that I'm a homeowner now! It's official! Papers were signed on Friday afternoon. It still does not feel real to me. We went by the house after signing the papers and Brian changed out the locks and deadbolts, and we looked around at the paint and some other things, to be thinking about any changes we may want to make before we move in. Right now the move-in date is the 14th, and we are going to out there this weekend to work on painting and a few other things that need to be done.
Saturday was spent emptying out our U-Haul storage unit and moving all that stuff to the new house to store in the garage. We had originally planned to come back to Hampton and empty out the shed and take that stuff out to the house, but alas, the one trip from U-Haul was enough to do us all in and we put that off until Sunday.
I cooked breakfast for us Sunday morning - scrambled eggs, grits, bacon, and Bisquick biscuits. I think we ended up with 15 biscuits, so there was about half a dozen left over when we finished. They were on a platter on the counter, and we all went out to work on emptying the shed out. After a little while, Clydie comes outside, and she was fussing about Dominion. Turns out that little sucker stole every last biscuit off the platter! Ate every last one of them! Sneaky little bastard!
I've had a rough week or two physically - seem to be having trouble after I eat. It's like I'm on carb overload, regardless of what I eat, and I feel totally exhausted and have a strong need to sleep. I don't know what it is, have had my sugar checked regularly by the doctor and they are not concerned about my sugar, so they won't order a glucose tolerance test. It's almost like I'm having low blood sugar issues, but I just don't know. Today after eating lunch, I had the shakes really bad and had to fight the desire to sleep. There was just too much I wanted to get done and sleeping could not be part of the plan.
Brian has been in rare form yesterday and today - crazy, aggravating, annoying, and fun as hell. Except for the tickling. I could live my life without ever having my feet tickled again. And because he's still not 100% from his arm/elbow ordeal, I don't fight back as hard as I normally would. Thank goodness I had that little surgery I had last year in August, or we would have had a major issue this afternoon because of the tickling.
I got a few boxes packed today, and still have a ways to go. I have less than 2 weeks to get it all ready to go now, and a lot of stuff to do in between. It'll get done, one way or another. :-)
Saturday was spent emptying out our U-Haul storage unit and moving all that stuff to the new house to store in the garage. We had originally planned to come back to Hampton and empty out the shed and take that stuff out to the house, but alas, the one trip from U-Haul was enough to do us all in and we put that off until Sunday.
I cooked breakfast for us Sunday morning - scrambled eggs, grits, bacon, and Bisquick biscuits. I think we ended up with 15 biscuits, so there was about half a dozen left over when we finished. They were on a platter on the counter, and we all went out to work on emptying the shed out. After a little while, Clydie comes outside, and she was fussing about Dominion. Turns out that little sucker stole every last biscuit off the platter! Ate every last one of them! Sneaky little bastard!
I've had a rough week or two physically - seem to be having trouble after I eat. It's like I'm on carb overload, regardless of what I eat, and I feel totally exhausted and have a strong need to sleep. I don't know what it is, have had my sugar checked regularly by the doctor and they are not concerned about my sugar, so they won't order a glucose tolerance test. It's almost like I'm having low blood sugar issues, but I just don't know. Today after eating lunch, I had the shakes really bad and had to fight the desire to sleep. There was just too much I wanted to get done and sleeping could not be part of the plan.
Brian has been in rare form yesterday and today - crazy, aggravating, annoying, and fun as hell. Except for the tickling. I could live my life without ever having my feet tickled again. And because he's still not 100% from his arm/elbow ordeal, I don't fight back as hard as I normally would. Thank goodness I had that little surgery I had last year in August, or we would have had a major issue this afternoon because of the tickling.
I got a few boxes packed today, and still have a ways to go. I have less than 2 weeks to get it all ready to go now, and a lot of stuff to do in between. It'll get done, one way or another. :-)
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Where is the time going??!?!?!?!
Time is flying by so fast, and so much is happening! So, here goes!
We found a house the last week in July, and we are scheduled to close this coming Friday, August 30th. Steven will be changing schools, but I think he will be in a better school district. Plus - he will likely know some of the kids at the new school, as he went to the feeder elementary school for pre-k through 4th grade. Hopefully he will remember some of them, and they will remember him, and he will be able to make some friends quickly.
We have a few cosmetic and technical things to do to the new house before we move in, so we don't have a firm move-in date yet, but I'm thinking the middle of September. I dread the move, but will be happy to be in our own home, with our own yard, and no landlord or property manager to make happy or deal with.
My birthday back on the 1st was a good one. Other than some bullshit that happened at work, it was great. (if you wanna know about the BS at work, private message me) In the grand scheme of things, what happened was pretty stupid and petty, but it really pissed me off at the time. We went to dinner at Ranchero, our favorite Mexican restaurant, and I had my fill of margarita and tequila shots. I received some nice gifts for my bday - stuff for our new home, a charm and spacer for my Brighton bracelet, some gift cards, and money. :-)
As you can imagine, due to Brian's arm injury, we haven't been to the lake all summer. We did go a few weeks ago, and had a good time. We took Steven's brother, CJ, with us, and he made the mistake of biting off half of a ghost pepper before we could warn him that it gets hotter as more time passes after you eat it. He also learned that while Oakheart rum is tasty, that too much of it, especially after drinking beer, is a very bad thing. It was pretty damn funny afterwards, and thankfully Steven cleaned up pretty well after him, and that's all I will say about it. (don't worry, Mom - the lake house is very clean and nothing was stained or ruined!)
Hopefully, after we get moved and settled, we will be able to go down to the lake some. It will be cooler, which hopefully will mean less bugs. I enjoy fishing, it is relaxing, but only if you catch one every once in a while. This last time we went it was just so freaking hot and the gnats were totally out of control - the worst I think I have ever seen it! Even in the pool, they were horrible.
Steven and I watched "Ghost Shark" the other day - it was hysterically horrific. Bad - as in awful. We laughed through the entire movie.
Ok folks, time for me to go. I have a lot to do before bed tonight. I hope you all have a great week.
We found a house the last week in July, and we are scheduled to close this coming Friday, August 30th. Steven will be changing schools, but I think he will be in a better school district. Plus - he will likely know some of the kids at the new school, as he went to the feeder elementary school for pre-k through 4th grade. Hopefully he will remember some of them, and they will remember him, and he will be able to make some friends quickly.
We have a few cosmetic and technical things to do to the new house before we move in, so we don't have a firm move-in date yet, but I'm thinking the middle of September. I dread the move, but will be happy to be in our own home, with our own yard, and no landlord or property manager to make happy or deal with.
My birthday back on the 1st was a good one. Other than some bullshit that happened at work, it was great. (if you wanna know about the BS at work, private message me) In the grand scheme of things, what happened was pretty stupid and petty, but it really pissed me off at the time. We went to dinner at Ranchero, our favorite Mexican restaurant, and I had my fill of margarita and tequila shots. I received some nice gifts for my bday - stuff for our new home, a charm and spacer for my Brighton bracelet, some gift cards, and money. :-)
As you can imagine, due to Brian's arm injury, we haven't been to the lake all summer. We did go a few weeks ago, and had a good time. We took Steven's brother, CJ, with us, and he made the mistake of biting off half of a ghost pepper before we could warn him that it gets hotter as more time passes after you eat it. He also learned that while Oakheart rum is tasty, that too much of it, especially after drinking beer, is a very bad thing. It was pretty damn funny afterwards, and thankfully Steven cleaned up pretty well after him, and that's all I will say about it. (don't worry, Mom - the lake house is very clean and nothing was stained or ruined!)
Hopefully, after we get moved and settled, we will be able to go down to the lake some. It will be cooler, which hopefully will mean less bugs. I enjoy fishing, it is relaxing, but only if you catch one every once in a while. This last time we went it was just so freaking hot and the gnats were totally out of control - the worst I think I have ever seen it! Even in the pool, they were horrible.
Steven and I watched "Ghost Shark" the other day - it was hysterically horrific. Bad - as in awful. We laughed through the entire movie.
Ok folks, time for me to go. I have a lot to do before bed tonight. I hope you all have a great week.
Monday, August 19, 2013
Been on my mind lately......
I have a vent about churches. This is something that has been on my mind for several years now.
But before you read any further, please understand - I KNOW that not all churches are like this. I'm sure there are wonderful churches out there, with wonderful people in the congregation. But also please know this - I am NOT interested in going to church, so PLEASE do not send me info with your church name and location.
When I was younger, I was not taken to church, most likely for a number of reasons, and that's besides the point. I had a negative view of churches, mostly because the few I had been to in college seemed to be all about who wore what, and what clique you belonged to, and things that I knew didn't matter in the grand scheme of what should have been important in a church.
When my first husband, James, and I moved back to Georgia, we checked out a few churches in the area we had moved to. We tried out a church near where we lived, and the pastor seemed to have an issue with racism and politics - he made it quite clear that he wouldn't support any organization that supported the NAACP, and he used to regularly call our president at the time (Clinton) "that lesbian loving president of ours". I'm all for folks having the right to have their own opinions about race, homosexuality, politics, etc., but I didn't feel that the pulpit was a place for any of that. (Yes I know that in many Christian churches, homosexuality is an issue, but the way this preacher talked of it was shameful in my opinion, and quite judgemental).
Anyways, we tried a couple of other churches, spent quite a bit of time at one that is now called something other than what it was named when we attended, and while I didn't realize it at the time, James always found something "wrong" with the churches we went to (they didn't preach the message enough, they were too money hungry - always something), so we were always searching for another one. I hated changing churches - the kids needed stability in their lives, and I absolutely hated change and having to adjust to new people.
So we finally found a church where I felt welcome, wanted, and where I thought we fit in pretty well. As I stated in the beginning of this blog - I will NOT be naming this church, the pastor, or any of the members. We attended this church on and off for a few years, and got to know a lot of the members there. I noticed that if we were attending regularly, and missed a couple of Sundays, we sometimes got a phone call from someone in Sunday school to check on us. Folks at this church knew things weren't perfect in our household, and that we - mainly me - needed all the love and support we could get - I was working full time in Atlanta near Smyrna, we lived all the way out in Mount Zion (the one in Carroll county, not Clayton county), having to deal with both kids pretty much by myself when I got home, and that James was a prescription drug addict that was in and out of the hospital due to chronic bronchitis and pneumonia from his nasty smoking habit.
I didn't dare share the abuse that the kids and I suffered at his hands, but I'm sure it was written all over my face, and some of them knew from things that were said (or not said) that things were pretty crappy in our relationship. But I digress.....
The church was gracious enough to offer their assistance in getting James some rehab help, in a Christian program, but he ended up refusing help. I was about to share his excuses for not accepting the help, but I caught myself - they weren't really excuses - he was determined to stay on the drugs and cigarettes, and had no interest in getting help. Dang, I keep with the digression.....
So, throughout all the time we were members at this church, they would occasionally call on us to see how we were doing, asking if there was anything they could do for us or help us with, and telling us that they missed seeing us in church. As time went on, I opened up more and more with certain members, letting them get a glimpse of some of the things I had to deal with, but obviously not telling them everything for fear of how I might be judged for staying in what was a loveless marriage that was filled with abuse and sadness.
When I finally decided to divorce James, I didn't dare call anyone or tell anyone, other than family, what I was planning to do. I was terrified someone would slip up and say something to James, and it would have made my life hell until I got out. James had even mentioned in the month before I had him served, that some of the deacons and perhaps even the preacher had come by the house to check on us and ask us to come to church (it's been a while, so I'm not sure who all may or may not have stopped by). I remember looking forward to having some emotional support from some of the church folks once the day came that the news got out we were getting divorced.
On the day of our first hearing at court, there was a lady from church in the courtroom, I assume she worked there. She walked down the aisle and I swear she looked me right in the eyes and just kept on walking. I don't know if she knew what I was there for or not. I don't blame her for not speaking to me that day, she was likely working, and probably didn't want to get involved in whatever was going on in the courtroom.
The reason for my vent? Not a single person from that church has EVER called me to check on me or the kids. Not one single phone call, in 7 years. I chose to divorce a drug-addicted man that was beating me and the kids, not just physically, but emotionally and psychologically, and not a single person at that church reached out to me to check on me or the kids. Perhaps I can thank my ex-husband for making the folks at that church distance themselves from me and the kids? I really can't say I blame them for not wanting to get involved - I almost lost a very good friend over my marriage to James, due to my self-absorption of all my woes when I was with him, and it has taken time to get my family relationships back in line with where they need to be, all due to that man.
If you know which church I am speaking of, whether from anything I've said to you previously, or you know you are part of the church I am talking about - please DO NOT call the church out, or any of the members or staff. I don't want to call attention to them, I just want to unload my thoughts about my experience. If you are a member of the church I'm talking about - just an FYI - I will be moving back into the area in the near future at some point - if you see me around - feel free to say hello, just please don't invite me back to church. I'm not angry at anyone, just a little disappointed and perhaps disillusioned. And by the way - my last name is no longer Wilkins, it's Buxton. I'm happily married, and Steven is quite well adjusted for all that he went through.
But before you read any further, please understand - I KNOW that not all churches are like this. I'm sure there are wonderful churches out there, with wonderful people in the congregation. But also please know this - I am NOT interested in going to church, so PLEASE do not send me info with your church name and location.
When I was younger, I was not taken to church, most likely for a number of reasons, and that's besides the point. I had a negative view of churches, mostly because the few I had been to in college seemed to be all about who wore what, and what clique you belonged to, and things that I knew didn't matter in the grand scheme of what should have been important in a church.
When my first husband, James, and I moved back to Georgia, we checked out a few churches in the area we had moved to. We tried out a church near where we lived, and the pastor seemed to have an issue with racism and politics - he made it quite clear that he wouldn't support any organization that supported the NAACP, and he used to regularly call our president at the time (Clinton) "that lesbian loving president of ours". I'm all for folks having the right to have their own opinions about race, homosexuality, politics, etc., but I didn't feel that the pulpit was a place for any of that. (Yes I know that in many Christian churches, homosexuality is an issue, but the way this preacher talked of it was shameful in my opinion, and quite judgemental).
Anyways, we tried a couple of other churches, spent quite a bit of time at one that is now called something other than what it was named when we attended, and while I didn't realize it at the time, James always found something "wrong" with the churches we went to (they didn't preach the message enough, they were too money hungry - always something), so we were always searching for another one. I hated changing churches - the kids needed stability in their lives, and I absolutely hated change and having to adjust to new people.
So we finally found a church where I felt welcome, wanted, and where I thought we fit in pretty well. As I stated in the beginning of this blog - I will NOT be naming this church, the pastor, or any of the members. We attended this church on and off for a few years, and got to know a lot of the members there. I noticed that if we were attending regularly, and missed a couple of Sundays, we sometimes got a phone call from someone in Sunday school to check on us. Folks at this church knew things weren't perfect in our household, and that we - mainly me - needed all the love and support we could get - I was working full time in Atlanta near Smyrna, we lived all the way out in Mount Zion (the one in Carroll county, not Clayton county), having to deal with both kids pretty much by myself when I got home, and that James was a prescription drug addict that was in and out of the hospital due to chronic bronchitis and pneumonia from his nasty smoking habit.
I didn't dare share the abuse that the kids and I suffered at his hands, but I'm sure it was written all over my face, and some of them knew from things that were said (or not said) that things were pretty crappy in our relationship. But I digress.....
The church was gracious enough to offer their assistance in getting James some rehab help, in a Christian program, but he ended up refusing help. I was about to share his excuses for not accepting the help, but I caught myself - they weren't really excuses - he was determined to stay on the drugs and cigarettes, and had no interest in getting help. Dang, I keep with the digression.....
So, throughout all the time we were members at this church, they would occasionally call on us to see how we were doing, asking if there was anything they could do for us or help us with, and telling us that they missed seeing us in church. As time went on, I opened up more and more with certain members, letting them get a glimpse of some of the things I had to deal with, but obviously not telling them everything for fear of how I might be judged for staying in what was a loveless marriage that was filled with abuse and sadness.
When I finally decided to divorce James, I didn't dare call anyone or tell anyone, other than family, what I was planning to do. I was terrified someone would slip up and say something to James, and it would have made my life hell until I got out. James had even mentioned in the month before I had him served, that some of the deacons and perhaps even the preacher had come by the house to check on us and ask us to come to church (it's been a while, so I'm not sure who all may or may not have stopped by). I remember looking forward to having some emotional support from some of the church folks once the day came that the news got out we were getting divorced.
On the day of our first hearing at court, there was a lady from church in the courtroom, I assume she worked there. She walked down the aisle and I swear she looked me right in the eyes and just kept on walking. I don't know if she knew what I was there for or not. I don't blame her for not speaking to me that day, she was likely working, and probably didn't want to get involved in whatever was going on in the courtroom.
The reason for my vent? Not a single person from that church has EVER called me to check on me or the kids. Not one single phone call, in 7 years. I chose to divorce a drug-addicted man that was beating me and the kids, not just physically, but emotionally and psychologically, and not a single person at that church reached out to me to check on me or the kids. Perhaps I can thank my ex-husband for making the folks at that church distance themselves from me and the kids? I really can't say I blame them for not wanting to get involved - I almost lost a very good friend over my marriage to James, due to my self-absorption of all my woes when I was with him, and it has taken time to get my family relationships back in line with where they need to be, all due to that man.
If you know which church I am speaking of, whether from anything I've said to you previously, or you know you are part of the church I am talking about - please DO NOT call the church out, or any of the members or staff. I don't want to call attention to them, I just want to unload my thoughts about my experience. If you are a member of the church I'm talking about - just an FYI - I will be moving back into the area in the near future at some point - if you see me around - feel free to say hello, just please don't invite me back to church. I'm not angry at anyone, just a little disappointed and perhaps disillusioned. And by the way - my last name is no longer Wilkins, it's Buxton. I'm happily married, and Steven is quite well adjusted for all that he went through.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Experience.....
From personal experience, I can tell you - this is so true. When you've been abused for so long, you just don't know how to take it when someone actually treats you the way that you deserve to be treated. You're always looking for the other shoe to drop, the demeanor to change, the lies to be discovered, for everything to fall apart.
You get to where you are so afraid of being hurt, you just close yourself off and don't let anyone get too close, and you certainly don't let anyone "in". It really takes a special, very patient, true love to get through - to help you tear down the walls, one brick at a time, until they are able to get close to you and for you to let them "in".
I usually wear my feelings on my sleeve, so to speak, so it's pretty easy to see when I'm not really okay. Although, I do try to hide my feelings at times, and I don't like to open up to just anyone. Hiding bad feelings is exhausting. Maybe that's part of why I'm so tired every night and tend to go to sleep after dinner. I have a lot of bad feelings, about a lot of different things. No, I don't want to talk about them. Please, don't ask me about them - not even to let me know that you are there for me. I just don't want it mentioned and don't want to talk about it. When I want to talk about it, I will. Until then - I'm okay. Really.
Saturday, July 6, 2013
Things I'm tired of.....
Okay, here's a negative post if there ever was one. I'm in one of those moods where I'm frustrated about a lot of things, and let me preface this by saying that I know I am blessed, lucky, fortunate, privileged, or whatever other adjective that you want to use to describe me and my life. I know that there are people that have life much, much more difficult than I do, and I am appreciative of my life and all the positives that are there. I just wanna vent! So here goes:
*I'm tired of the rain. We usually end up with a rain deficit by the end of the year, but with as much rain as we've gotten the past week, I don't think we're in danger of that this year.
*I'm sick of seeing the same old commercials, over and over and over. For example - the repeat commercial for "Pawn Stars" where the chick that got the guitar from the Playboy Mansion, and the NASA toilet seat. Those commercials, and the ones where the kids talk about "back in my day". Dammit man, I am sick of that!
*I'm sick again - that damn cough. It looks like I will have to go to the doctor tomorrow (yes, they have Sunday hours thank goodness) so I can get a handle on it before it gets too bad.
*I'm done with the hormonal roller coaster that I'm on! It sucks! And no, it's not menopause, just normal monthly fluctuations.
*I am so ready to buy a house and move, but we just can't seem to find one suitable. Ugh!
*I am beyond frustrated for my husband and the recovery on his arm. We don't expect him to get well overnight by any means, but he has had a very rough time since the 2nd surgery on June 14. He's at the point where he has to sleep when he can, regardless of what time of day it is, so right now, he pretty much has his days and nights a little on the mixed up side. For example - he was up til 4am this morning, went to bed and slept til around 1pm. I tried from 10am until 1pm to get him up - he was that tired! Besides the fatigue from not being able to sleep due to the pain meds just not working, it appears that he may have an infection in the elbow, as it has been red, swollen and warm to the touch on and off for the past week or so. We did call the surgeon so he could call in an antibiotic, and it does seem to be improving, ever so slowly. He has a routine appointment for it on Monday, so we'll see what the doctor says about it then.
*I am really disgusted with people that think they can just dump an animal off somewhere to fend for itself. That has apparently happened on Freeman Rd this past week - this beautiful dog, I have no idea what he is but I would guesstimate him to weigh around 60lbs or so, reddish brown/brindle color, built kind of like a german shepherd, has been running around on Freeman Rd, looking totally bewildered, and he will trot after cars like he's hoping they will stop and pick him up. I can't pick him up because I don't know how my boys will react to him, being that they aren't neutered and I don't know if this dog is, and other than possible territorial-aggression issues, it would be a total piss-fest at the house to try to mark territory everywhere. I just can't have that. If I was in a home with a fenced in yard, I would get him in a heartbeat. He is really beautiful, and he looks so sweet and lovable. If I continue to see him, I will try to get him to a shelter or rescue.
Well folks, that's all I can write tonight, there's just so much more but I just can't put forth the effort at this time. I'm gonna lay down and rest and hope and pray this cough will ease up - might have to break out the big guns with the Tussion Ex.
*I'm tired of the rain. We usually end up with a rain deficit by the end of the year, but with as much rain as we've gotten the past week, I don't think we're in danger of that this year.
*I'm sick of seeing the same old commercials, over and over and over. For example - the repeat commercial for "Pawn Stars" where the chick that got the guitar from the Playboy Mansion, and the NASA toilet seat. Those commercials, and the ones where the kids talk about "back in my day". Dammit man, I am sick of that!
*I'm sick again - that damn cough. It looks like I will have to go to the doctor tomorrow (yes, they have Sunday hours thank goodness) so I can get a handle on it before it gets too bad.
*I'm done with the hormonal roller coaster that I'm on! It sucks! And no, it's not menopause, just normal monthly fluctuations.
*I am so ready to buy a house and move, but we just can't seem to find one suitable. Ugh!
*I am beyond frustrated for my husband and the recovery on his arm. We don't expect him to get well overnight by any means, but he has had a very rough time since the 2nd surgery on June 14. He's at the point where he has to sleep when he can, regardless of what time of day it is, so right now, he pretty much has his days and nights a little on the mixed up side. For example - he was up til 4am this morning, went to bed and slept til around 1pm. I tried from 10am until 1pm to get him up - he was that tired! Besides the fatigue from not being able to sleep due to the pain meds just not working, it appears that he may have an infection in the elbow, as it has been red, swollen and warm to the touch on and off for the past week or so. We did call the surgeon so he could call in an antibiotic, and it does seem to be improving, ever so slowly. He has a routine appointment for it on Monday, so we'll see what the doctor says about it then.
*I am really disgusted with people that think they can just dump an animal off somewhere to fend for itself. That has apparently happened on Freeman Rd this past week - this beautiful dog, I have no idea what he is but I would guesstimate him to weigh around 60lbs or so, reddish brown/brindle color, built kind of like a german shepherd, has been running around on Freeman Rd, looking totally bewildered, and he will trot after cars like he's hoping they will stop and pick him up. I can't pick him up because I don't know how my boys will react to him, being that they aren't neutered and I don't know if this dog is, and other than possible territorial-aggression issues, it would be a total piss-fest at the house to try to mark territory everywhere. I just can't have that. If I was in a home with a fenced in yard, I would get him in a heartbeat. He is really beautiful, and he looks so sweet and lovable. If I continue to see him, I will try to get him to a shelter or rescue.
Well folks, that's all I can write tonight, there's just so much more but I just can't put forth the effort at this time. I'm gonna lay down and rest and hope and pray this cough will ease up - might have to break out the big guns with the Tussion Ex.
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