It's almost time.....

25 hours until the graduation ceremonies begin, as of the writing of this. Well, as of when I began writing this.  See, I know how I am, and I procrastinate, plus I'm grilling dinner in between writing, and fighting off those damn mosquitoes that adore me.  There are pictures to be scanned and shared, and that will have to wait until after dinner.

Baccalaureate services were last night.  I got all teary eyed at one point, mostly due to the music, but partly because of all the things that I've been thinking about, having to do with Steven and how he was raised, and how he has changed, and how he has turned into a wonderful young man. 

And who isn't at the service and won't be there tomorrow night.  There are several that will be missed, and I'm just not at a point I want to discuss it right now.  Deaths of relatives from the past, folks that are too far away to come, or those whose health is just not good.  Perhaps I will elaborate in the future, but I just can't do it tonight.

We have a big party planned for tomorrow night before the ceremony - light dinner, cake & ice cream, and just a fun time with family and friends.  If you didn't get an invite, please don't take it personally.  My mind hasn't been in the right place the last few weeks due to some extenuating circumstances, and it wasn't on purpose or to snub anyone.  We would love for our friends to come to the ceremony, and drop by the house for a sandwich and cake beforehand.  Just message me privately and let me know and I'll be happy to send you the address.

Pictures will be shared later, I'm gonna post this now so I can finish up with the grill.  Hope to see you all there tomorrow to celebrate my boy's big day!

Funny Shit My Family Says

We have some really funny moments in our family - sometimes I laugh so hard I start seeing stars and feel like I'm going to faint!  So here are some of the funny comments, with the explanation about what the comments were really about.

"if you'd wash that thing every now and again Mom, you wouldn't need this itch cream" (Brian to his mother - the itch cream was for a spider bite)

"Steven you better hide those honor cords from your parents, they might want to borrow them" (my mother to Steven, regarding Brian and I possibly wanting to use Steven's honor cords for "playtime")

"Don't worry Miss Donna, we have our own - you wanna borrow them?" (Brian's response to my mother's comments about Steven's honor cords)

"What's wrong, Clydie, your taco floppy?" (at Casa Sol and Clydie's tostada collapsed)

"Can't handle your meat Ma?" (Brian to Clydie after her tostada collapsed)

"That's what she said" (Steven's response to just about anything, and it usually is quite funny)

"Did you see where I washed the boys' balls?" (Clydie, referring to the toy balls we had purchased for the pups)

These are just a few of the funny moments that have happened the last week or so.  I will be posting more of these as they happen, or as I remember older occurrences.  Enjoy!

Just Can't Talk About It

Got something going on that I can't share publicly yet.  Something quite upsetting to me, but I'm having to deal with it in the only way I know how - cramming the feelings inside, to just let them spill out later.  I will share the details on it later, when I can. 

Just to ease everyone's minds that may be wondering WTF is going on - no, I'm not getting divorced.  My marriage is absolutely wonderful!  My husband is there for me as I'm going through this trying time in my life, and will always be there for me.  (nor am I having any medical issues, or job troubles, or anything like that)

Steven is graduating from high school on the 23rd!  He is an HONOR GRAD!!!!!  I am so so so proud of him!  We went to honors night the other night, and I was good until they announced a scholarship in memory of a student that died in the fall.  I made it through his family member's speech, but when I saw the tears and the crying of the girl who was awarded the scholarship, and all the other students crying, I lost it.  But, I managed to pull myself together shortly and was fine throughout the rest of the evening.

Today was the senior/parent cookout at school.  We had a good time, and I made it through the event.  Let's just wait and see how I manage for the baccalaureate next Wednesday and graduation on Friday.  Ugh!

But - I will share this - because of what's going on lately, and some other things, I just am functioning at a minimum level.  I've been sleeping a lot, even missed my FAVORITE show Monday night - The Blacklist.  The finale of the season, even.  Luckily I have it on DVR, but I just haven't found the motivation to watch it yet.  Maybe this weekend some time I will sit and watch it.  Who knows.

Well folks, that's all I'm for writing about tonight.  Prayers and positive vibes for me and the family are appreciated, as well as for my unspoken "issue" that I'm dealing with.

Personality Test

First Choose An Eye To See What It Reveals About You

 

 

 An eye is very complex, beautiful and intriguing. The eye symbolizes clarity, focus and purpose. The eye you are drawn to below reveals quite a bit about your personality. Choose the eye you like best to learn more about yourself.  This is a fun eye personality test! What eye are you drawn to? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, or 9? You can choose more than 1 if you feel drawn.

Eye 1: Deep Down You Are Open. You’re the type of person who will welcome almost anyone into your life and heart. You believe that it’s better to take a risk and get hurt than to close yourself off to the world. You don’t show the world your fears or insecurities. You believe that your problems should be dealt with privately. You try to be totally there for everyone, even if you’re hurting inside. Helping others is how you heal.

Eye 2: Deep down you are Conscientious. You’re the type of person who’s always looking to make a good impression and do the right thing. You believe your actions make a difference in other people’s lives, no matter how large or small they are. You don’t show the world how worried and upset you are. You see a lot of misery and injustice that you keep to yourself. You are devoted to being the best person possible. It’s the least you can do with your time on this planet.

Eye 3: Deep Down you are tortured. You’re the type of person who has a very tumultuous past that still affects you today. You can’t help but think that life is some sort of sick cosmic joke. You try to find your peace wherever you can. You don’t show the world your darkest thoughts. You have a lot to endure, and your keeping it to yourself. Your outlook can be surprisingly sunny at times. You’re an expert at picking yourself up when you fall.

Eye 4: Deep Down you are philosophical. You’re the type of person who’s likely to over think everything and anything. You like to get to the deeper meaning of things. You get so lost in your thoughts that it’s sometimes hard to tell up from down. You don’t show the world how unsure you are about everything. You may be figuring things out, but you’re still confident. You see life as a puzzle, and you like playing with the pieces until they fit together. You may not ever figure out the meaning of it all, and you’re okay with that.

Eye 5: Deep down you are mysterious. You’re the type of person who hasn’t figured yourself out, so good luck to anyone else who plans to try! You are a mash up of many contradictions, and your mood changes daily. Once find yourself, you’ve changed into someone else. You don’t show the world much about yourself. You are a person of few words and confusing actions. You prefer to observe and learn about people before you chime in. You only say things that you are sure of.

Eye 6: Deep down you are sensitive. You’re the type of person who notices everything and forgets nothing. You are very in tune with the world. You feel deeply, and sometimes the silliest things can affect you. You are easily brought to laughter or tears. You don’t show the world how fragile you are. You instead show people how insightful you can be. You are good at anticipating what’s going to happen in your life. You are often the first one to see what’s coming.

Eye 7: Deep down you are fiery.  You’re the type of person who’s always energetic or passionate. There’s nothing subtle about you… ever. You tend to love or hate everything. You have a ton of opinions, and you make up your mind quickly. You don’t show the world how anxious you are. You have a lot of energy, and too much of it means you can be quite nervous. Everything is very high stakes for you. You can’t help but build up the drama in your head.

Eye 8: Deep down you are eccentric.  You’re the type of person who has unusual interests, beliefs, and practices. You’ve always been a bit of a weirdo. You don’t care much for rules or tradition. You do things your way and let the chips fall where they may. You show the world everything about you. You have nothing to hide, and you just laugh off those who judge you. You wish everyone was more like you. There’s a lot of joy in being a non-conformist.

Eye 9: Deep Down you are Intuitive. You’re the type of person who understands other people and the world very well. You don’t let on to how much you know. You can tell so much from someone’s facial expressions or tone of voice. And you always know when you’re being lied to. You show the world exactly what you want to show. Besides being good at reading people, you also know how you’re being read. You know when you’re being manipulated, and you know how to manipulate someone if you have to. You usually don’t resort to it though!


I chose # 9.  For the most part, the personality associated with choosing #9 fits me.  I do pick up a lot on people from watching them, but there are times I just don't take the time to read someone.  If I don't want to engage in conversation, or deal with the situation, I just tune it all out.  I know when people are reading me, but unfortunately I'm an open book and easy to read, and I just find it difficult to hide things.  I can usually figure out when I'm being manipulated, and believe it or not, I try not to manipulate others unless it's necessary.

Just an interesting thing I came across today that I thought I'd share.

 

Another weekend, gone by too fast!

Yes, weekends go by way too fast!  And this was a three day weekend for me!  We were pretty busy most of the weekend - went looking at hunting property on Friday, and the place looks promising.

Saturday, we were supposed to get our fence put in at long last, but the fence company didn't show up.  After several phone calls, we found out that they had loaded the truck on Friday afternoon and the technician took it home, and now was not answering his phone.  No one could get in touch with him, and they don't know what the deal was.  This is a reputable company, from my understanding, and they are thinking that perhaps he had a family emergency and did not think to call in.  They are supposed to call us tomorrow to let us know what is up and when they can reschedule. I was a little disappointed, as I was looking forward to just turning the boys loose in the backyard tomorrow morning instead of having to walk them.  Oh well, just a few more days!

While Brian was home, waiting to see what was up with the fence people, Clydie and I went running around town.  I ordered Steven's graduation cake, picked up my prescriptions, and we bought a few plants and stuff.  We have a couple of garden areas we need to work on, and more plants to buy. 

Today, Brian and Steven worked in the yard, and I cooked Easter dinner - baked ham, deviled eggs, potato salad, crescent rolls and steamed cabbage.  It was really good! 

Brian, Steven and I took the pups to Hobbs Farm to walk today - they pulled so hard on their leashes, and were so excited to be out somewhere and have different things to smell and mark.  Gabriel practically laid in my arms in the back of the truck on the way home afterwards, he was so tired.

It's been an all day laundry day, too.  I hate doing laundry!

Overall I had a fairly relaxing, enjoyable weekend, and I hope you all did too!

Oh what a beautiful day!

We're having our first yard sale today.  I've participated in one yard sale way back right after college, but haven't had one since, and have never been to one before.  It's going okay, you'd think with as beautiful as today is, we would have more folks stopping by.  At this rate, if we don't sell anything else, it will take 2-3 trips in the truck to take it to Goodwill.  (the reason we didn't just donate it to start with is that we were hoping to make enough $ to go towards buying a covered swing to put in a garden area that Clydie and I will be working on)


But today started off kinda bad - I was showing Clydie how to open up the collapsible sawhorses, and dammit if I didn't let one of the legs go and it SLAMMED SHUT on the last section of my birdie finger on my right hand.  I think I said a few colorful words, in between having to make myself breathe, and then I just sat on the stairs and cried.  Putting an ice pack on it didn't help, as the cold made the pain worse.  Here we are, about 5 hours later, and my finger is pretty swollen and the last section is turning purplish black.  I was surprised that it didn't split my nail in half but I took the polish off to check on it and the nail appears to be intact.


After I got over the pain of smashing my finger, we had the pups out while we were setting up, and Dominion disappeared.  We couldn't find him anywhere.  I jumped in my car and rode down the street, expecting to find him on the street behind us - nope, he was at the corner of that street and our street, tinkling on the yucca plants.  He looked overjoyed to see me and to know that he would get to ride in the car back to the house.  Muddy footprints all in my front seat and I imagine in the backseat, as he had to get back there, too, on the very brief ride back home.


Then, we had let the boys out to potty and I was playing with the boys, and Dominion jumped up and hit my sore finger.  It felt almost as bad doing that as it had felt to initially injure it.  Serious pain I tell you!  I'm a little amazed that it doesn't hurt worse when I type, but I don't typically smack the keys hard so maybe that's why. 


Steven's been laying in the sun this morning/afternoon, getting his tan on.  He actually fell asleep laying out there.  Now he's laying on top of a plastic storage container, curled up in the fetal position, and I would bet that he has dozed off.  Clydie is reading her on her Kindle, and here I am, on the laptop.  Waiting for more yard sale browsers.


Can't wait for dinner tonight - Steven's treating us to Chinese take-out!  yummy!


Have a great weekend folks!

This is hard, but here we go....

http://www.scissortailsilk.com/2014/03/28/the-joke-is-over-why-i-hope-not-to-see-pretend-pregnancy-announcements-on-april-1st/


I saw this posted on Facebook the other day, and shared it (click on the link to read the article if you haven't already seen it elsewhere - the link is safe).  I think I've pulled this very prank on Facebook or MySpace in the past, not necessarily for April Fools day, but just in general.  I never thought about it being offensive to anyone until I saw this post.  And now I know personally how it strikes home.

See, I've been trying to get pregnant since Brian returned from his deployment at the end of September 2012.  This isn't something I've shared with many people, as I didn't really want to get the "oh you're too old to be having babies" and the "I can't believe you want to start over again, you've almost got Steven out of the house", etc.  It's something we've wanted and have tried to do, but apparently it's just not meant to be for us.  The doctor said that while it appears that I have plenty of eggs, am still ovulating and my cycles are still like clock work, the quality of my eggs due to age is most likely the contributing factor to no pregnancy yet, and I am also probably starting up with the "peri-menopause".  I imagine the adenomyosis is playing a part in things, too.  She offered to refer me to a specialist, but after telling me that they would likely give me drugs to make me hyper-ovulate, harvest the eggs, pick the best ones (if any were viable), and go the IVF route,  I told her that's not a route I wanted to take, that if it was meant to be, it would happen the good old-fashioned (& fun!) natural way.

Talk about making a girl feel OLD. 

I don't know what bothers me more - the fact that I will not have another child, or the fact that I'm realizing that my body is getting OLD. 

So, I go to work after seeing the doctor Thursday, not realizing how much her words would weigh on my heart and my mind.  Fought tears all day long.  I messaged Brian to tell him what she said, and thankfully he didn't call me to discuss it further, I don't think I could have held myself together.  I had to carefully calculate what to say to a couple of coworkers that I share things with, so that I could manage telling them and still maintain composure, and I managed okay.  But I got home, had dinner, and went straight to sleep on the couch.  I didn't want to deal with it.

When I woke up around 11pm and decided to peruse Facebook before crashing for the night, there were a ton of photos of beautiful pregnant women, babies, posts about folks waiting to go into labor - it was like Facebook was rubbing it in my face and torturing me with something I can't have that I've so desperately wanted for the last year and a half.  I had myself a good cry, talked to Brian about it, and then we went to sleep.

I'm sharing here because I would love for people to stop pranking others about fake pregnancies.  It really can be hurtful and offensive to some people.  You won't lose my friendship if you choose to do it anyway, but just think about how your words and/or actions may affect others.

I'm not sharing here to get sympathy, or be inundated with comments, emails, private messages, phone calls or texts.  I don't mind the comments here, but please - don't email me or send me messages or call me about this.  I'm still processing it, and it's still very raw and I'm pretty emotional at times over it.  And for the love of all things sacred - DON'T message me to tell me anything negative about why it's good that I'm not pregnant, or that I shouldn't want to be.  That might be your opinion, but I don't want to hear it.