Monday, August 11, 2014

Don't Get Me Wrong.....

I've posted a few things recently regarding what it's like to have low self-esteem, and the things that go through one's head who suffers from low self-esteem.  See these posts:  Self Esteem, or the lack thereof...... and For When You Think Nobody Will Love You.  Yes, I suffer from this.  I have as long as I remember, or at least as long as I remember the fact that I was larger than other girls my age was talked about openly among my classmates. 

I remember having to wear "plus sized" girls clothes.  A size 16.  And how difficult it was to find clothes in my size that were cute and that I liked.  At some point, probably in 5th or 6th grade, I transitioned to adult sized clothes.  I wore a freaking size 10 women's shoe by 6th grade!  Of course, I was probably one of the tallest girls in school by that point as well, or at least in the top 5 tallest, if I recall correctly.  But I was also a larger body frame, too.

Words that kids say to other kids that aren't like everyone else can be really damaging.  I remember some of the things that were said to me, many in fact, but the words that stung me the most came from my own grandmother.  I'm not even going to repeat them here, and if you ask me privately, it's likely that I won't repeat it privately, either, so please just don't ask (that goes for you too, Mom....and Clydie.....and Brian....Don.....Contanya....yep, just no one ask me!).  In fact, I shared the words she spoke to me when I was in junior high school to one of my good friends just the other day.  I don't know that I have EVER shared the words with anyone else before that, and I don't want to give the words any more power in my life than they already have taken from me. 

But don't get me wrong - no one criticizes me today, at least not publicly or where I see it or hear it.  My husband is the most supportive person - he has NEVER said a negative word about me that would further damage my delicate self-esteem.  In fact, he does everything he can to build me up, to help me overcome my self-esteem issues, to encourage me to change what I want to about myself, but only if I am truly the one that wants to make the change.  He loves me just like I am.  I know my family and true friends are the same as well.

Anyways, my point in this post is just to say that I am okay, I am not having a self-esteem crisis or pity party, and please don't feel the need to post comments or send messages - seriously.  I am not fishing for comments (good, bad or indifferent) or compliments.  Those recent posts were because I ran across writings that just spoke to me and thought I'd share in case others have the same feelings at times. 

There's one more writing I found recently I want to share, and I will post it here shortly.  It's about how women should support each other, finding the positives in each other, rather than tearing each other down or being jealous about something that another woman has as far as her appearance goes.  And here's one more link to a blog that I like, that frequently talks about body love and self-esteem:  Expose....Shedding Light on Collective Beauty.  The Militant Baker is AWESOME!!!  If only I could have her mindset about body love and acceptance.

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