Sunday, August 10, 2014

Self Esteem....or the lack thereof

Self esteem is a funny thing.  Those that you would think have a lot of it, sometimes have very little to none.  And those very people sometimes put on the biggest fronts that they have self-esteem out the ass, yet on the inside, they have none.

Ok, I've borrowed a writing from someone from another site, and this really does hit home for me:
What it's like inside the brain of someone who's not body confident

There are days when I'm good, and days when I'm not so good. These below are the not so good (sometimes irrational) days.

A compliment must be turned into a self deprecating joke, because anything else makes you uncomfortable.

Reading something written with you in mind, you will automatically pick and obsess on the one thing that in your mind they've highlighted as a flaw, even when their intention was the exact opposite.
The hands of loved ones on you in the wrong place can make you want to flinch away. Not because they're touching you, but because they're touching a part of you that you view as flawed and if they're touching it it'll bring attention to it, and then they'll notice (since the only way they're still there is because they haven't noticed yet, and bless their blindness).

You are legitimately worried that by sitting in someone's lap you're going to cut off circulation to their legs or squash them. You say this in jest, but it eats at the back of your mind.

Similarly, if someone picks you up, you worry about their back and generally request to be put down immediately. You don't want to hurt them because they've underestimated your size/weight.

You've learnt not to say most of the things you think about yourself, unless they can be phrased in such a way that people think you're joking.

You don't want pity, and compliments always feel like the token "make the awkward one feel pretty" gesture, even when you know the person is sincere.

You learnt very early on that resting bitch face and false bravado will get you through most uncomfortable situations. You're probably a little too good at them now, since it's hard to do anything else.

Your level of comfort isn't always a direct relationship to your state of dress. You can be just as uncomfortable covered neck to ankle as you can be completely naked (though completely naked is generally worse).

Sometimes it's good to know what's going inside the brains of people, and body image is one of those things I think everyone struggles with at some point. I thought it'd be good to see it from the inside.

Okay - who else has these same feelings some times?  How do you deal with it?

No comments:

Post a Comment