Well, at least I'm trying to get my groove back. The mood is improving, although it's still not where it needs to be. I still have some stuff to work out within my own mind about various things, but the darkness is starting to lift. Just in time for another round of PMS in about a week or so! Yay me! LOL
So I went to Interval class yesterday - lifting the weights and doing the stretchy band really fatigued my muscles, and this was after trying N.O.Xplode (a drink that's supposed to help you last longer and have more stamina during your workouts). I'm thinking maybe I need to start the glucosamine supplements to help my muscles and joints repair themselves easier, but who knows.
I did a double dose of the N.O.Xplode today (canister says to do that, to assess your tolerance for it), and still didn't really feel much from it. I walked a mile in 19 minutes (I know, not real fast but I didn't want to wear myself out before the Power class), then I did the Power class. My muscles didn't seem to fatigue as quickly tonight as they did last night, although they were getting tired more quickly than they were oh say, a month ago. Not sure what's up with that but am gonna keep pushing through it. I definitely feel the workout tonight - the shower will be most welcome to relax my muscles and I'm sure it won't take long to be out like a light when I hit the bed (as if that's ever a problem!)
I also got me some niacin, 500mg tablets. It's supposed to help with lowering cholesterol. I'm already taking the fish oil pills which is supposed to help, so maybe between the 2, and watching what I eat, it will come down to an acceptable level. I was worried the niacin will give me those damn inferno hot flashes (I had previously taken Niaspan, which is the presciption form of the niacin 500mg and OMFG I thought I was gonna die one night from the heat that my body experienced), but the ones I got are supposed to be "non-flush" tablets, which won't cause hot flashes.
I bought myself some kickass boots for Christmas. Not sure if I wanna post the pictures of them or not, but they are HOT!!! I can't wait to wear them!!!
And I bought myself a new vacuum with some of the Christmas money that my family sent me. It's one of those that's supposed to work really well to get up pet hair and dander, so if it works as well as it says on the box, it will come in handy with the pups. I tested it out in the computer room - there's plenty of dog hair in there, and it seems to have worked pretty well. It's a bagless vacuum, and after vacuuming just half the room, I've had to empty the canister twice! And the carpet looks GREAT!
I thought of an ingenious way to clean the snake tank out, without having to try to move it, lift it, etc. - SHOP VAC!!! I can scoop out the stuff the vac won't get, then suck out the bedding material with the shop vac. Technically, I could do this with the snake still in the tank, but I think I will try my hand at actually taking her out and putting her in the tub for a swim.
The drama is continuing with my grandmother. Not sharing more details, but please, if you're the praying kind - please pray for her, and for the family. Today was a rough day for the family, with a situation she created, and I'm not sure how we are going to resolve this. I had a mini-meltdown at work today because of what was going on, and I just can't be doing that.
Never have I had as many meltdowns at work, as I have had in the past 6 months! Between drama with Michael, Meme, the deployment, and other situations, I just don't know how much more I can take! I had a warm, feel-good meltdown last week when I got the flowers that Brian had delivered to the office. They were so beautiful - 2 dozen red roses, with Lindt truffles and a teddy bear. I wish they would last forever.....
Other than missing my husband and my mother something terrible at Christmas, it was a pretty good weekend. I wish they both could have been there with us, I know Brian would have really enjoyed the dinner my grandmother cooked.
Steven and I are supposed to go to the lake this weekend for new year's, but after today's events with Meme, I just don't know if I'm up for going and dealing with more possible drama if she goes as well. I guess I'll have to wait and see if she still goes, and make a decision from there.
Well, folks, it's 11pm, or very close to it, and I hear the shower calling my name! I hope you all had a fantastically merry Christmas, and are having a stellar week so far.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Saturday, December 24, 2011
I can't believe tomorrow's Christmas!
It just doesn't seem like it, doesn't feel like it. I've been in a real funk the last few weeks for several different reasons. One being that my family is not complete at what is supposed to be a joyous time of year - my mother and her husband are in England, and my husband is deployed in a far away land overseas. Another being the drama with my grandmother. A third being that my best friend and I are still not back to where we used to be. And lastly, something that I found out about a few weeks ago that really didn't set well with me, for which I will not go into details about.
Of course there's nothing I can do about my mom, her husband, or Brian being here. They are where they are, and that's it.
As for my grandmother - this is going to be a family affair, which I imagine we will have to start dealing with sooner rather than later. Again, I don't want to go into a lot of details about it, but it's really, really hard. Today made me realize just how hard this is going to be. I had no idea what to expect, but fortunately I know a few people that have experienced what we will be going through, so at least I will have some folks I can go to for advice.
My best friend - still don't know what I'm going to do about that one. We have talked some on and off since November, but the more I think about what all caused our falling out back in June, and the fact that he STILL hasn't apologized, makes me very angry. I imagine I should forgive and move on, but that's just it - I've forgiven, but I'm having a hard time moving on without some sort of resolution. Even when I've mentioned similar situations to him and how important I feel apologies are necessary, he doesn't take the hint. And no, I haven't come right out and told him that I feel he still owes me an apology - I feel like I have to tell him, that any apology he gives would just be out of obligation to make me happy, not because he truly means it.
The last situation - while I won't be giving details, I can say that it's been resolved. It took some talking through, which has made me feel 100% better about the whole deal. I've been in a true, deep funk over this situation, but after finishing the conversation about it yesterday, it was like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders.
Oh, and there's one more thing that's had me down - I always get the blues during the holidays. I don't know what it is, I've heard it's fairly common though. It's never mattered what was going on at the holidays, whether life was good, boring, exciting, happy, or whatever - Christmas-time has just always been hard for me. I know in years past, I couldn't wait to get home after celebrating with family, or be alone when I lived with family, to mope, sulk and sometimes even cry. It's never had anything to do with gifts, spats, or anything that I can even put my finger on. I just get incredibly sad at times after celebrating with family.
And now that I don't have my husband here to keep me happy in person, I have to rely on him to do it via Skype or messenger.
One last reason that it doesn't seem like Christmas - the WEATHER!!!! No, I don't ever expect a white Christmas (although we did get one last year!), I do expect it to be at least somewhat cold. And it's not cold this year. Today was probably in the high 50's somewhere, I don't know exactly I just know that I was quite comfortable in a long sleeve tshirt and jeans.
Anyway, folks, I hope you all are enjoying your Christmas Eve, and that each and every one of you has a wonderful, joyous, and Merry Christmas!!!
Of course there's nothing I can do about my mom, her husband, or Brian being here. They are where they are, and that's it.
As for my grandmother - this is going to be a family affair, which I imagine we will have to start dealing with sooner rather than later. Again, I don't want to go into a lot of details about it, but it's really, really hard. Today made me realize just how hard this is going to be. I had no idea what to expect, but fortunately I know a few people that have experienced what we will be going through, so at least I will have some folks I can go to for advice.
My best friend - still don't know what I'm going to do about that one. We have talked some on and off since November, but the more I think about what all caused our falling out back in June, and the fact that he STILL hasn't apologized, makes me very angry. I imagine I should forgive and move on, but that's just it - I've forgiven, but I'm having a hard time moving on without some sort of resolution. Even when I've mentioned similar situations to him and how important I feel apologies are necessary, he doesn't take the hint. And no, I haven't come right out and told him that I feel he still owes me an apology - I feel like I have to tell him, that any apology he gives would just be out of obligation to make me happy, not because he truly means it.
The last situation - while I won't be giving details, I can say that it's been resolved. It took some talking through, which has made me feel 100% better about the whole deal. I've been in a true, deep funk over this situation, but after finishing the conversation about it yesterday, it was like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders.
Oh, and there's one more thing that's had me down - I always get the blues during the holidays. I don't know what it is, I've heard it's fairly common though. It's never mattered what was going on at the holidays, whether life was good, boring, exciting, happy, or whatever - Christmas-time has just always been hard for me. I know in years past, I couldn't wait to get home after celebrating with family, or be alone when I lived with family, to mope, sulk and sometimes even cry. It's never had anything to do with gifts, spats, or anything that I can even put my finger on. I just get incredibly sad at times after celebrating with family.
And now that I don't have my husband here to keep me happy in person, I have to rely on him to do it via Skype or messenger.
One last reason that it doesn't seem like Christmas - the WEATHER!!!! No, I don't ever expect a white Christmas (although we did get one last year!), I do expect it to be at least somewhat cold. And it's not cold this year. Today was probably in the high 50's somewhere, I don't know exactly I just know that I was quite comfortable in a long sleeve tshirt and jeans.
Anyway, folks, I hope you all are enjoying your Christmas Eve, and that each and every one of you has a wonderful, joyous, and Merry Christmas!!!
Thursday, December 22, 2011
About at my wits' end......
No, I'm not going into much details, other than to say my grandmother is at it again. I don't know how much more of this I can take before I snap at her about this silliness. I know she can't help it, it's part of the aging process and she's obviously going down the road with dementia, but OMG this is just insane.
I have been trying to move myself away from drama queens over the past year, and unfortunately drama still seems to find me. I honestly have made an effort to mind my own business for the most part, as much as I possibly can, but some people just want to keep trying to draw me into their own drama-filled lives and situations. From people reading things I write online and taking them out of context and/or interpreting them totally whack compared to how what I've written is meant, to people trying to draw me into situations that I don't want, need, or belong in, to people just over-reacting to things in their own lives because they can't see that they need to makes changes within themselves.
These situations sometimes just make me want to close everyone out of my life, except for my husband and my son. I'm just so tired of dealing with everyone else that I deal with on a regular basis - it really is a drag having to listen to the latest "guess what's missing from my place" story, or hearing the same historical recollection over and over ad nauseum.
I value my friends and family, and love them all, but dammit I think I need a break sometimes. I emailed my mom this morning, telling her I'm feeling pretty down lately, because she and Brian aren't here for Christmas, and because I just always seem to get the "Christmas blues". It's not something I can explain - regardless of how great my life may be going around the holidays, I always start sinking into a funk. Of course when there's a lot of bullshit drama around the holidays, the funk goes even deeper. Her solution? "just pull yourself out of it" As if it was that easy.
I know I've posted before that happiness is a choice, and to a great extent it is. It's just so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when people are constantly doind stupid shit to dim the bulb! But seriously, it's hard to choose to be happy when so many things are in limbo, without a satisfactory resolution, or still in the process of being resolved.
Going to the gym is the one thing I have to look forward to right now, even though I really kind of hate it. Oh, who am I kidding - I despise exercise with a deep passion. But, I know it makes me feel better once I get started with it. I usually have to concentrate when I'm in class, especially the interval and step classes, so it doesn't give me the opportunity to dwell on the things that are bothering me. I hate that I missed the gym tonight - I'd been planning on the double classes that I did last Thursday, but the weather was really bad and I didn't want Steven home alone in case we got tornados - I wanted to be there in case we needed to get out and go to Mom's house to weather the storm. Luckily that wasn't necessary, but I missed class. :(
I've got to get myself back on a normal sleep schedule, too. I'm sure cheating myself out of a full night's sleep doesn't do my mental and emotional state any good either. I'm already tired all the time under normal circumstances, I don't need to make it worse by cheating myself out of sleep.
Okay folks, I need to shower and make myself go to bed. Just needed to vent tonight, and thanks for reading. And thanks for going back and reading the old shit, back to the beginning, as some of you have done recently.
I have been trying to move myself away from drama queens over the past year, and unfortunately drama still seems to find me. I honestly have made an effort to mind my own business for the most part, as much as I possibly can, but some people just want to keep trying to draw me into their own drama-filled lives and situations. From people reading things I write online and taking them out of context and/or interpreting them totally whack compared to how what I've written is meant, to people trying to draw me into situations that I don't want, need, or belong in, to people just over-reacting to things in their own lives because they can't see that they need to makes changes within themselves.
These situations sometimes just make me want to close everyone out of my life, except for my husband and my son. I'm just so tired of dealing with everyone else that I deal with on a regular basis - it really is a drag having to listen to the latest "guess what's missing from my place" story, or hearing the same historical recollection over and over ad nauseum.
I value my friends and family, and love them all, but dammit I think I need a break sometimes. I emailed my mom this morning, telling her I'm feeling pretty down lately, because she and Brian aren't here for Christmas, and because I just always seem to get the "Christmas blues". It's not something I can explain - regardless of how great my life may be going around the holidays, I always start sinking into a funk. Of course when there's a lot of bullshit drama around the holidays, the funk goes even deeper. Her solution? "just pull yourself out of it" As if it was that easy.
I know I've posted before that happiness is a choice, and to a great extent it is. It's just so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when people are constantly doind stupid shit to dim the bulb! But seriously, it's hard to choose to be happy when so many things are in limbo, without a satisfactory resolution, or still in the process of being resolved.
Going to the gym is the one thing I have to look forward to right now, even though I really kind of hate it. Oh, who am I kidding - I despise exercise with a deep passion. But, I know it makes me feel better once I get started with it. I usually have to concentrate when I'm in class, especially the interval and step classes, so it doesn't give me the opportunity to dwell on the things that are bothering me. I hate that I missed the gym tonight - I'd been planning on the double classes that I did last Thursday, but the weather was really bad and I didn't want Steven home alone in case we got tornados - I wanted to be there in case we needed to get out and go to Mom's house to weather the storm. Luckily that wasn't necessary, but I missed class. :(
I've got to get myself back on a normal sleep schedule, too. I'm sure cheating myself out of a full night's sleep doesn't do my mental and emotional state any good either. I'm already tired all the time under normal circumstances, I don't need to make it worse by cheating myself out of sleep.
Okay folks, I need to shower and make myself go to bed. Just needed to vent tonight, and thanks for reading. And thanks for going back and reading the old shit, back to the beginning, as some of you have done recently.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Not getting anywhere....
Thought I was digging my way out of this darkness, but alas I am not. Just when I think I'm starting to climb out of it, I get sucked back down into it. Some of my issues were partially resolved today, but there's still a ways to go with it, and honestly it's just not an easy journey but I will get there.
I really wanted to get my house cleaned today and all my laundry done, but here it is, 11:39pm, and I've still got at least 4 loads of laundry to finish and I didn't even get the floors vacuumed. I know, I know, I have a 16 year old that is perfectly capable of assisting me, and I think I will pawn the vacuuming off on him tomorrow. (I don't trust him with laundry just yet, at least not on anything that can shrink or color-fade). But I'm determined to run the steam cleaner tonight before I go to bed. Guess I should get on it.
I really wanted to get my house cleaned today and all my laundry done, but here it is, 11:39pm, and I've still got at least 4 loads of laundry to finish and I didn't even get the floors vacuumed. I know, I know, I have a 16 year old that is perfectly capable of assisting me, and I think I will pawn the vacuuming off on him tomorrow. (I don't trust him with laundry just yet, at least not on anything that can shrink or color-fade). But I'm determined to run the steam cleaner tonight before I go to bed. Guess I should get on it.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
So tired of this.....
Yep, the sinus/cold/bronchitis/wtf ever it is, is back. With a vengeance. I got up with a touch of sore throat Wednesday, horrible sneezing fits, stuffy sinuses, and it just seems to be getting worse. Been self-medicating with the sudafed day and the maximum strength sudafed at night, plus mucinex, neti pot, zyrtec and ibuprofen. All that in conjunction with the 2 blood pressure pills, 3 fish oil pills, 1 acidophillis/lactobacillus, and a multi-vitamin.
I managed to have a good day earlier today - took my dear sweet mother-in-law to lunch at Longhorn in Carrollton. Great food, and even better company! I had a great visit with her - she is a sweet woman.
I'm finished Christmas shopping! Yay!!!
I managed to have a good day earlier today - took my dear sweet mother-in-law to lunch at Longhorn in Carrollton. Great food, and even better company! I had a great visit with her - she is a sweet woman.
I'm finished Christmas shopping! Yay!!!
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Digging my way out.....
Very slowly, digging my way out of this funk I've been in the past week. The hormones are slowly easing up, making it a little easier for this mood to lift. So many things have transpired recently, so many hurt feelings, such tension and anxiety.
I've been trying to wokr off some of the anxiety and stress at the gym. I think that I'm going to start going every day, even if it's just to walk on the treadmill for a bit. Getting out, moving around, makes me feel a little better, plus it helps me to keep my mind off the things that are weighing it down so much.
Tonight I worked legs after the treadmill - I'm afraid of how they will feel when I get up tomorrow, as I worked them pretty hard, with heavier weight than I remember using before. When I was finished, my legs felt like they were filled with cement. I sat down at the smoothie bar with Steven, and as I was stretching my legs out, Les, the instructor for Power class, approached and asked if we were staying. I told him no, I'd done enough to my legs, that I'd never get through the lunge and squat tracks tonight, and he laughed and said well there's 9 tracks in the class and only 2 are for legs. I'm like - yeah, but they're the longest 2 tracks and I don't even trust my legs to get me to my car tonight, neverthelss to actually do an hour of power class! LOL
The legs have loosened up some, and I'm gonna hit the ibuprofen tonight after my shower, so that I have a little preventive measure going into the night and hopefully will wake up with minimal soreness. I'm glad that interval class isn't tomorrow, as I feel pretty sure that my legs wouldn't be able to handle the step. I'm hoping I'll be good to go on Thursday for the interval class - I love that class, as it combines the cardio with some strength training.
Well folks, it's shower time, then bedtime. I'm already up too late as it is. I managed to nap a little bit earlier, but that's not good for my sleep habits. I've been so very tired lately - that's what happens when I'm stressed and upset about things. I sleep - a LOT - when I'm going through emotional turmoil. I basically just shut down, and only function at the absolute bare minimum I have to just to get by.
It's a mircale I'm finding it in me to go to the gym, but I suppose I'm sticking with it because I have certain goals to reach by the spring, and sitting on my ass at home, pouting and sleeping all the time, is not going to get me there.
Happy hump day people - I hope you all have a good one.
I've been trying to wokr off some of the anxiety and stress at the gym. I think that I'm going to start going every day, even if it's just to walk on the treadmill for a bit. Getting out, moving around, makes me feel a little better, plus it helps me to keep my mind off the things that are weighing it down so much.
Tonight I worked legs after the treadmill - I'm afraid of how they will feel when I get up tomorrow, as I worked them pretty hard, with heavier weight than I remember using before. When I was finished, my legs felt like they were filled with cement. I sat down at the smoothie bar with Steven, and as I was stretching my legs out, Les, the instructor for Power class, approached and asked if we were staying. I told him no, I'd done enough to my legs, that I'd never get through the lunge and squat tracks tonight, and he laughed and said well there's 9 tracks in the class and only 2 are for legs. I'm like - yeah, but they're the longest 2 tracks and I don't even trust my legs to get me to my car tonight, neverthelss to actually do an hour of power class! LOL
The legs have loosened up some, and I'm gonna hit the ibuprofen tonight after my shower, so that I have a little preventive measure going into the night and hopefully will wake up with minimal soreness. I'm glad that interval class isn't tomorrow, as I feel pretty sure that my legs wouldn't be able to handle the step. I'm hoping I'll be good to go on Thursday for the interval class - I love that class, as it combines the cardio with some strength training.
Well folks, it's shower time, then bedtime. I'm already up too late as it is. I managed to nap a little bit earlier, but that's not good for my sleep habits. I've been so very tired lately - that's what happens when I'm stressed and upset about things. I sleep - a LOT - when I'm going through emotional turmoil. I basically just shut down, and only function at the absolute bare minimum I have to just to get by.
It's a mircale I'm finding it in me to go to the gym, but I suppose I'm sticking with it because I have certain goals to reach by the spring, and sitting on my ass at home, pouting and sleeping all the time, is not going to get me there.
Happy hump day people - I hope you all have a good one.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Lazy weekend.......
Didn't get much done this weekend. Got a little tiny bit of Christmas shopping finished, but hopefully will get it finished this week.
I've just not been feeling like doing much of anything for the past week or so. My hormones are wreaking havoc on me, and there's been some stuff going on in my personal life that is just making life hell lately.
I managed to enjoy Friday night's game, other than Steven's school lost the game. That, and someone I'm no longer friends with decided to cop an attitude with me via text. Whatever - I have my own shit to deal with, without trying to help him fix his problems or even bother listening to them.
Today has been a lay around the house and do absolutely nothing day. Well, that's not entirely true - I did managed to do a couple of loads of laundry, and do my nails.
Here's to another week of life. I hope everyone has a great one.
I've just not been feeling like doing much of anything for the past week or so. My hormones are wreaking havoc on me, and there's been some stuff going on in my personal life that is just making life hell lately.
I managed to enjoy Friday night's game, other than Steven's school lost the game. That, and someone I'm no longer friends with decided to cop an attitude with me via text. Whatever - I have my own shit to deal with, without trying to help him fix his problems or even bother listening to them.
Today has been a lay around the house and do absolutely nothing day. Well, that's not entirely true - I did managed to do a couple of loads of laundry, and do my nails.
Here's to another week of life. I hope everyone has a great one.
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