It just doesn't seem like it, doesn't feel like it. I've been in a real funk the last few weeks for several different reasons. One being that my family is not complete at what is supposed to be a joyous time of year - my mother and her husband are in England, and my husband is deployed in a far away land overseas. Another being the drama with my grandmother. A third being that my best friend and I are still not back to where we used to be. And lastly, something that I found out about a few weeks ago that really didn't set well with me, for which I will not go into details about.
Of course there's nothing I can do about my mom, her husband, or Brian being here. They are where they are, and that's it.
As for my grandmother - this is going to be a family affair, which I imagine we will have to start dealing with sooner rather than later. Again, I don't want to go into a lot of details about it, but it's really, really hard. Today made me realize just how hard this is going to be. I had no idea what to expect, but fortunately I know a few people that have experienced what we will be going through, so at least I will have some folks I can go to for advice.
My best friend - still don't know what I'm going to do about that one. We have talked some on and off since November, but the more I think about what all caused our falling out back in June, and the fact that he STILL hasn't apologized, makes me very angry. I imagine I should forgive and move on, but that's just it - I've forgiven, but I'm having a hard time moving on without some sort of resolution. Even when I've mentioned similar situations to him and how important I feel apologies are necessary, he doesn't take the hint. And no, I haven't come right out and told him that I feel he still owes me an apology - I feel like I have to tell him, that any apology he gives would just be out of obligation to make me happy, not because he truly means it.
The last situation - while I won't be giving details, I can say that it's been resolved. It took some talking through, which has made me feel 100% better about the whole deal. I've been in a true, deep funk over this situation, but after finishing the conversation about it yesterday, it was like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders.
Oh, and there's one more thing that's had me down - I always get the blues during the holidays. I don't know what it is, I've heard it's fairly common though. It's never mattered what was going on at the holidays, whether life was good, boring, exciting, happy, or whatever - Christmas-time has just always been hard for me. I know in years past, I couldn't wait to get home after celebrating with family, or be alone when I lived with family, to mope, sulk and sometimes even cry. It's never had anything to do with gifts, spats, or anything that I can even put my finger on. I just get incredibly sad at times after celebrating with family.
And now that I don't have my husband here to keep me happy in person, I have to rely on him to do it via Skype or messenger.
One last reason that it doesn't seem like Christmas - the WEATHER!!!! No, I don't ever expect a white Christmas (although we did get one last year!), I do expect it to be at least somewhat cold. And it's not cold this year. Today was probably in the high 50's somewhere, I don't know exactly I just know that I was quite comfortable in a long sleeve tshirt and jeans.
Anyway, folks, I hope you all are enjoying your Christmas Eve, and that each and every one of you has a wonderful, joyous, and Merry Christmas!!!
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