Thursday, December 22, 2011

About at my wits' end......

No, I'm not going into much details, other than to say my grandmother is at it again. I don't know how much more of this I can take before I snap at her about this silliness. I know she can't help it, it's part of the aging process and she's obviously going down the road with dementia, but OMG this is just insane.

I have been trying to move myself away from drama queens over the past year, and unfortunately drama still seems to find me. I honestly have made an effort to mind my own business for the most part, as much as I possibly can, but some people just want to keep trying to draw me into their own drama-filled lives and situations. From people reading things I write online and taking them out of context and/or interpreting them totally whack compared to how what I've written is meant, to people trying to draw me into situations that I don't want, need, or belong in, to people just over-reacting to things in their own lives because they can't see that they need to makes changes within themselves.

These situations sometimes just make me want to close everyone out of my life, except for my husband and my son. I'm just so tired of dealing with everyone else that I deal with on a regular basis - it really is a drag having to listen to the latest "guess what's missing from my place" story, or hearing the same historical recollection over and over ad nauseum.

I value my friends and family, and love them all, but dammit I think I need a break sometimes. I emailed my mom this morning, telling her I'm feeling pretty down lately, because she and Brian aren't here for Christmas, and because I just always seem to get the "Christmas blues". It's not something I can explain - regardless of how great my life may be going around the holidays, I always start sinking into a funk. Of course when there's a lot of bullshit drama around the holidays, the funk goes even deeper. Her solution? "just pull yourself out of it" As if it was that easy.

I know I've posted before that happiness is a choice, and to a great extent it is. It's just so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when people are constantly doind stupid shit to dim the bulb! But seriously, it's hard to choose to be happy when so many things are in limbo, without a satisfactory resolution, or still in the process of being resolved.

Going to the gym is the one thing I have to look forward to right now, even though I really kind of hate it. Oh, who am I kidding - I despise exercise with a deep passion. But, I know it makes me feel better once I get started with it. I usually have to concentrate when I'm in class, especially the interval and step classes, so it doesn't give me the opportunity to dwell on the things that are bothering me. I hate that I missed the gym tonight - I'd been planning on the double classes that I did last Thursday, but the weather was really bad and I didn't want Steven home alone in case we got tornados - I wanted to be there in case we needed to get out and go to Mom's house to weather the storm. Luckily that wasn't necessary, but I missed class. :(

I've got to get myself back on a normal sleep schedule, too. I'm sure cheating myself out of a full night's sleep doesn't do my mental and emotional state any good either. I'm already tired all the time under normal circumstances, I don't need to make it worse by cheating myself out of sleep.

Okay folks, I need to shower and make myself go to bed. Just needed to vent tonight, and thanks for reading. And thanks for going back and reading the old shit, back to the beginning, as some of you have done recently.

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