Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Stepping it up a notch.....

I've decided it's time to do just that - step things up a notch. I started with Power class tonight - I decided to put extra weight on each of my bars. I've been using the same weight bars for quite a while, so it's time. Plus, I chose heavier hand weights as well. I could definitely tell a difference during the workout, that I was using heavier weights - my muscles fatigued a lot faster, but I pushed through it (well, most of it). I'm gonna feel this tomorrow, but this will be sooooo worth it!

I'm also going to try to step things up around the house and at the office, with various "housekeeping" things - filing, tidying up, etc., - no more procrastination! I know certain people need things from me at work on a monthly basis, and if I don't have the stuff filed they have to ask, and I get irritated because I generally have to stop what I'm doing to go file it. It's no one's fault but mine, so I am going to make an effort to file things weekly, as I get finished with them, rather than waiting to do a whole month's worth at a time.

Something else stepped up a notch today, well it has been stepping it up lately, and that's my patience, or lack thereof. I got really irritated a couple of times today - I mean REALLY IRRITATED. Tired of the stupidity, tired of the lack of common sense, tired of the shitty equipment that's outdated by decades, tired of my insecurities, tired of the anger and doubts that are in my mind.

Not much I can do about other people's stupidity and lack of common sense, but either educate them if possible, or just change my reaction to them and not let it or them get to me. (and just so everyone knows - these thoughts don't necessarily apply to coworkers) As for the equipment, not much I can do there, either, just have to deal with it and make service calls as needed.

Now, my insecurities, anger and doubts - no one can fix those but me. I have my reasons for all of these, but ultimately only I can fix them and make them go away. It's amazing how much damage can be done to one's self-image and self-worth over the years. Damage inflicted by many sources, for many reasons. Fortunately, I am able to distance myself from the primary sources that have caused damage, and am in a very good point in my life, with a lot of support and encouragement. Unfortunately, the damage was not inflicted overnight, and will not be healed overnight.

As for the anger and doubts....I have my reasons for that, too, regarding a couple of different things. One of these situations has been lingering for about 6 months, I've discussed it here before, so no need in going there again, other than I've just got to get over the fact that it will never be resolved properly, or at least in the way that I feel is proper.

I'm not going to go into details on the other situation, other than to say that I am still extremely angry over something that came to light recently. I thought I was dealing with it okay, but little things pop up now and again that remind me, and it angers me all over again. There have been moments where I've really had to bite my tongue and not pop off a smartass remark here and there. I thought it was all out of my system, but alas it is not. But, I'm not at a point that I wish to discuss this issue again, so if you're one of the people that knows what I'm referring to, just don't even bring it up.

On to happier things - I took my stepson from my first marriage to meet his mom Saturday. The last time they were together, he was an infant or very young toddler. It was a joyous reunion, and we all had a great time getting to know each other. I think CJ and Kimberly will end up getting to know each other, and will hopefully have a very strong bond and relationship in the future. It felt really good to get them together and to be a part of their reunion, and it seems that Kimberly, CJ and Kimberly's family are all very glad to have been reunited.

Okay here's a weird thing that's been going on lately - yesterday I left work early to take Steven to the dentist, and I had this weird, sudden, extremely painful sensation in my right butt cheek start up on the ride to get him from school. It felt almost like someone had taken a hot poker and jabbed it in my cheek and pressed it into the depths of the muscle. Nothing I did stopped the pain, which was intermittent (going anywhere from 5 minutes between pains, to an hour or more) and lasted for between 5-15 seconds each time it hit. The pain actually took my breath and brought tears to my eyes a couple of times, and other times I almost cried out from the pain.

I just can't imagine what is causing this pain, but thankfully it has gotten better. It didn't hurt to do the Interval class Monday night, but the pain started up again after class was done (I felt great in class). Luckily, the pain eased up as the night wore on, and it was extremely mild today. Lunges and squats didn't bother it, either, so I really have no clue what could be causing it. Hopefully I won't experience any pain from it tomorrow.

Okay folks, I intended to go to bed about an hour ago, but felt the need to write. I know I'm kind of all over the place tonight, but that's the way the cookies crumble. I hope you all have a great night, and a very Happy Hump Day!

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