Friday, February 3, 2012


....are words from the heart that can't be spoken.

Thankfully, the tears have gotten further and further between. Yes, I shed a lot of tears, over a lot of different things, but mostly from missing my husband. I knew deployment was going to be tough, but I never imagined the depth of loneliness and sadness I would feel at times. It's compounded by the distance that my mother is from me, and another thing or two that are lingering on.

I'm so thankful for technology, and the ability to talk to Brian as frequently as we do manage to talk, whether it's chat on FB, Skype, or actual phone calls. I can't even begin to imagine what it was like in the days before email and internet and Magic Jack, having to rely on handwritten letters.

I think about my grandmother and grandfather, going through WWII, then Korea, and all the times they were separated for months and months at a time, only able to keep in touch with letters. My grandfather died when I was 7, but Meme still has the letters he wrote her during those times apart. I would love to read those one day, to see what kind of things they shared.

But I digress. I have shed a lot fewer tears this week than I have in recent weeks. Not that I haven't wanted to cry, but I've been too busy with so many different things this week to have time to cry. I'm honestly surprised, as I've been really sick this week, and my period showed up last night - it's amazing as I haven't been PMSing like I normally do.

In case you were wondering - no, I don't purposely make myself cry, and I honestly do my best to stay in a good mood and not dwell on the loneliness or sadness or negative things in my life. I don't like to cry - it makes my eyes and nose swell, and my nose gets all stuffy and it makes it harder to breathe, and it tires my eyes out and makes my vision all fuzzy. But let's face it - there are times when a good cry is such an awesome release of emotions and pent up feelings, that you just feel better in the head afterwards.

Tears serve a purpose sometimes - as the first line says - they are words from the heart that can't be spoken. Perhaps because you can't think of the right words to use, or it hurts too much to speak, or you are alone and words would go unheard. And sometimes they are a powerful reminder that we are human, and we do have feelings.....

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