Saturday, June 11, 2011

So much to say......

but I'm just not at a place where I can say it.  So much happened today, so much ugliness, so many hurtful things were said, and I just don't know that I can forgive it.  I know that I'll never forget it.  This is related to the events of Wednesday - same person involved.  Things were said to me today that I never imagined would ever be said to me by him.  I honestly don't know that I can move past today and salvage this friendship, nor do I know if I want to even bother trying.  You just don't say the kinds of things to me that were said today and expect me to be nice to you or want me to associate with you anymore.

The hurt is just too fresh and raw right now to make a permanent decision on anything.  I was really hurt and angry today and had this intense desire to just air all the dirty laundry about the situation right here.  And of course Brian is super pissed that this person got me as upset as he did - he never likes to see me upset, and I don't know that he's ever seen me as upset as I was today.

So for now, I'm just going to leave things alone, not going to go into detail here, at least for now.  I may share some, may not.  But I will say this - it is not fair to take out your anger at yourself on your friends.  This person got himself into a situation of his own doing, with no help from anyone else, and now that this situation is causing trouble for him, he is taking it out on everyone else.  I honestly believe he got mad at me today because I didn't engage him in the way he wanted me to - to feel sorry for him and beg him to take certain actions. 

Well guess what - I'm done doing that to people.  My ex-husband used to bait me into begging him not to do things, or to engage in intense arguments.  I'm done doing that with people!  I walk away, or I respond in a non-confrontational, don't take sides kind of way.  Like "you do what you need to for you".  Regardless of what they are threatening, I'm just not going to get sucked into that again.  And when I responded in that manner, things got ugly.  There was just no excuse for the things to be said that he said to me. 

Of course, when he got ugly with me, I wasn't so nice to him, either.  I know that wasn't the right thing to do, but I'm sick and tired of him trying to suck me into his drama and months of this have been building up in me.  So I said "you are such a fucking drama queen".  Yeah, not so nice of me to say, but I honestly think it needed to be said.  And of course, things just went downhill from there.

Okay, that's it for now.  Not going to say anymore about it.  I will ask a favor of you readers, though - if you know who I am speaking of, please don't mention names if you choose to comment, and please don't contact him.  I know I am putting my business out here, and his too, but at least I am trying to show a little tiny bit of respect by not mentioning his name.  Thanks.....

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