Forgiveness......

Forgiveness is so hard for some people to give, and even harder for some to ask for - as in offering an apology when they have wronged someone. There are so many people out there that owe an apology to others, for things that were said, things that were done.

I always try to apologize whenever I've made mistakes, or when I've wronged someone. There are times I don't want to, where I feel like I was right in offending someone else, just because they offended or wronged me first, but because I have also committed an offense, an apology is necessary.

I have a situation that I've discussed before, that started back in June. I'm still waiting for an apology. I made my apology already, made my feelings known about how the whole situation made me feel, how I perceived it, and all I got back were excuses for the bad behavior, as if that makes it okay. Not even a hint at an apology. And all I've gotten from family is "have you apologized yet?" or "have y'all made up yet?" to which I respond - "I already apologized" and "I've made the first move, it's up to him to respond and do what he needs to do to try to fix things".

Fuckin' A. I'm sick of repeating myself. I'm sick of explaining the same things over and over and over again about it. And apparently, or maybe I'm just assuming this, NO ONE IS ASKING HIM THE SAME QUESTIONS. It feels like everyone is putting this on me, from starting the problem, to trying to make me be the one to fix it. I'm not rehashing the details of the situation again, but dammit, this is getting old.

What's really sad though? When someone needs to apologize for their behavior, and everyone is telling them that they need to apologize, yet they are too stubborn, hard headed, blinded by a sense of self-righteousness or whatever, and they seem to think the other party actually owes them an apology. There's a different situation that occurred recently, that I was indirectly involved with, that this applies to.

To the person that owes a bunch of us an apology I want to say this - thank you for calling the law to the house for something you started. Thank you for bringing embarrassment to me, as everyone in the neighborhood saw the sheriff's department arrive, watched them hang around for over half an hour, and waited around until they left, continuing to wait for some kind of firewords to happen. Regardless of the reason for your disagreement with your sister, they were just words and she chose the high road, to leave and go across the street, to end the conflict as to not ruin the weekend for everyone. You chose to escalate the situation even further by involving law enforcement.

Whatever your disagreement was, it didn't make it okay for you to want to leave the premises with your 6yr old child and hitch hike up the interstate home, especially after another sister offered you the use of her truck to drive home, which you refused, after you called 911 from the house to ask if it was legal to hitch hike with the kid and the dispatcher told you it wasn't. So you walk to the store and call 911 and claim we have kidnapped your child or whatever BS story you told them. The officer that came to the back of the house specifically said "if she leaves the house again and wants to take the child, let her, then call 911 and report it, and we will arrest her for child endangerment when we catch her hitch hiking on the interstate."

I don't expect an apology out of you, as you seem to be convinced you are the one that has been wronged. So don't even bother. But you seriously owe the rest of your family an apology. A sincere apology that you actually mean - not a half-assed, because other people are telling me to do it one. But no one's gonna hold their breath waiting for it.

Anyways, I digressed into a situation there that I had said I wasn't going to talk about anymore, but it angers me to know that this person showed out and now expects everyone else to bow down to her. All because of past hurts and wrongs, of which I know little of, but are not relevant to the event that occurred last weekend.

I hope that all of you out there are mature enough and humble enough to apologize when necessary, and to offer forgiveness when someone apologizes to you for wronging you.