Okay, I have decided that I'm going to share a little more detail on the falling out I had with someone that I thought was my best friend, and I would like opinions from you all on how this should be handled.
Michael is house-sitting my mother's home while she and Marion live and work in England. On very rare occasions, Brian and/or I have stopped by unannounced, and have let ourselves in. Brian was only going over there to either a) work in the yard, or b) borrow the Harley. I stopped by on occasion, usually after Michael asked me to, or having something to do with Brian working over there.
Apparently, this was an issue for Michael, yet he never once mentioned to me or Brian that this bothered him or was an issue for him. I honestly didn't think anything of it, as it is my mother's home, and because nothing was ever said to me by Michael, I didn't think it was a problem. Michael went to either my mother or Marion, or maybe both of them together, and said something to them about it and apparently asked them to speak to me and Brian about it. I personally think that was ridiculous, that if Michael was my friend, he should have said something to me that he had a problem with it, and if that didn't solve the problem, then he should have gone to my mother and/or Marion about it.
Anyways, Brian went over to borrow the motorcycle Friday before last, and I got a text message from Michael that "this shit has to stop" and "he cannot just come and go as he pleases over here". He said he would contact Marion about it, and I told him Marion had given Brian permission to borrow the motorocycle. So Michael says "fine - you all move in over here - I am gone!" I waited a few minutes and texted back something to the effect of "I'm sorry, we will make sure that we let you know ahead of time when one of us is coming over there in the future".
A few minutes later, I get a text of "Deanna, I'm serious - I am sick of this - I am over here packing" to which I responded "do what you have to". (I didn't feel the need to repeat the apology and the statement that we would let him know in advance in the future, nor did I feel the need to beg him to stay). Then Michael says "will do - but mind you, the next time he walks in here, the police will be called". That just infuriated me! My ex-husband used to threaten to have me or my family members arrested when we didn't kiss his ass, and that set as well with me with Michael saying it to me as my ex-husband saying it. So I got pissed and told him he was a "fucking drama queen", as I honestly didn't feel it necessary to threaten to call the police on my husband.
The conversation went downhill from there, he said our friendship was through, I said I was glad, and I made the empty threat for him to get out of my mother's house. Of course I can't do anything about him living there, but I was pissed and on a roll. Then of course he threatened to have ME arrested if I showed up over there. I called Marion about the situation, and he talked to Michael, then back to me, and explained the problem with me and Brian popping in over there unannounced, and said that my mother was supposed to talk to me about it while they were home for the wedding, which she didn't do.
Apparently my mother and the rest of my family have been told Michael's side of the story, and for some reason they think that I am the one that's supposed to come apologizing. I ALREADY APOLOGIZED FOR THE THING THAT STARTED THE ARGUMENT!!!!! After I made my apology, Michael then proceeded to get upset and threaten to have my husband arrested because in my opinion, he thinks I didn't seem to care that he made the threat that he was packing his bags to leave. I haven't gotten an apology from him - a text saying "I love ya, but just can't deal with this" is NOT an apology.
Maybe I'm blowing things out of proportion, maybe not, but a lot of the conversation that we had the Wednesday before we had this blow up, and the day this happened, just reminds me so much of my ex-husband. Michael talked in ways very similar to my exhusband those 2 days, and I think he got pissed when I didn't respond to him in the way he wanted me to.
Since this has happened, I have only contacted Michael to let him know that Brian was bringing the motorcycle back over that afternoon. I haven't spoken to him since. I noticed that he made some smart-assed comments on his Facebook page on Monday I believe it was, and posted LOL and LMAO on some status updates that I made (the LMAO was posted on a status update where I talked about having a very emotional, upsetting day - in reference to the situation with him - which I felt was totally inappropriate of him to say that - it showed to me that he didn't care that I was hurt by what he had said to me).
I don't feel that I'm the one that should go make the apology, as I made one before Michael went off the deep end and made his threat to have Brian arrested. And this whole mess could have been avoided if Michael had just talked to me about his feelings on this, before it became this huge issue.
But, let me know your opinion on what you think. Either leave a comment, or email me privately. Thanks....
BTW - if you choose to comment here or email me....please be kind, regardless of your opinion of the situation. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteI do think Micheal should have been the one to talk to you and not your Mother or Marion FIRST. I know its their house and he is doing the "favor" for them BUT if it had not been for you I doubt he would be the one helping out there. Since your friendship goes back so far it was the polite thing to do. You owe him nothing else....my hopes is that he will calm down and realize that he was in the wrong and will apologize to you. I also think that either your Mother or Marion should have told him to talk to you first and if not fixed then he could call them. Until then I wouldn't contact him unless y'all are going over for some reason and then do that by text.....also if Brain was not going inside the house to see what he was doing but just getting the motorcycle then he didn't see what he was trying to hide so whats the problem.....I hope for both of you that you work this out since I know how much of a friend he was to you.....losing a great friend for something stupid is a great lose to both....good luck
ReplyDeleteJust an observation from someone who has stayed at a friend's house and had that friend just walk into my bedroom unannounced, no knocking, fairly frequently: He probably was feeling like he had no privacy, not knowing when you or Brian would show up and walk in unannounced. However, I do believe he could have handled it much better and addressed it with you directly.
ReplyDeleteOn another note, it's not fair of you to hold your ex-husband's behavior against him. Realize that what is a sensitive issue with you because of years of repetition may be just an offhand comment by someone else. Yes, I have experience there, too. My ex girlfriend would get really upset by just random words or phrases that her ex-husband used to use, or random small things that he used to do. Another however: he really shouldn't have threatened to call the cops. That's stupid and immature, and tends to be the last resort of people who can't think of a better way to handle things. Also, people often threaten to call cops about things that aren't even legal matters. He was grasping at straws.
Thanks for the feedback, folks, I do appreciate it!
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