Resentment.....

Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
~ Malachy McCourt

I saw that quote on someone's Facebook profile tonight.  Makes total sense to me.  Carrying resentments around is the same thing as holding a grudge and not forgiving someone.  It's not healthy, but I think we all do it to some extent or another.  I know I do.

I know I do, because I'm carrying resentments around in my heart and mind regarding several situations.  I'm the only one that can resolve these situations, well for the most part I'm the only one.  There's one situation that I can't resolve on my own - I have forgiven the person, without getting an apology, and I realize that I will likely never get one.  That resentment towards that situation may never resolve because of other people not directly involved in the it, appearing to have taken sides and trying their best to make me feel like it's all my fault and that I have to make the move to fix it.  Been there, tried it, and he didn't have a clue, even though I told him exactly what I expected from him.  So be it. 

Anyway, resentments cause conflict and give me an unsettled feeling that I cannot stand.  I don't like conflict, and just want life to be peaceful and happy.  I know there will sometimes be conflict, but I have a hard time dealing with it at times.  The conflicts that I have experienced recently are nothing at all like things that happened in the past - I think they are normal, run of the mill conflicts, but I know I overreact to them.  I feel damaged, unrepairable, at times.  I'm not going to rehash old feelings, but they're hard to get over sometimes.   A lot damn harder than I imagined they would be. 

Anyways, this wasn't mean to be a "Debbie Downer" type blog, just expanding on the quote I saw on Facebook.  I'm being entertained tonight by the dogs having their own form of conflict - Dominion and Gabriel are barking and talking to each other, jumping on each other, and just making a LOT of noise.  I uploaded a video of them playing - it's hard to watch, as they are moving back and forth rather quickly, but you get the idea.

Got a great workout in tonight in Interval class - talk about resentment!  I resent the hell outta this extra weight that I'm carrying around!  But I can only be mad at myself, and no one else.  I sometimes wish I could wake up thinner and in shape tomorrow, but I know that would never happen, except in fantasy land.  Oh well.....a girl can dream......